gowalking

Sorry if I came on too strong...I just see bad things happening with this lady and wanted to make sure I got your attention.

Get out. Now. Right now. Moving forward, DO NOT and I repeat, DOOOO NOTTTT have any exclusive relationships right now. I'm with my 'better half' nearly a year and we've only mentioned the 'L' word to make sure neither of us are using it. Believe me..it works for us, and likely many others as well. Point is, you seem like a very intelligent man based on the posts I've read. This is not the time for your little head to be making decisions. Use the head between your shoulders and not between your legs. You can't be in love with anyone after 6 weeks of dating. You are in lust. And now the lust is gone because you are seeing the red flags. Tell her whatever you need to in order to end it. She'll hate you no matter what you say and you know it. Just man up and do it.

I didn't watch last night's episode but I get the drift from your description. These super morbidly obese people are just an extreme version of what many of us are like. I don't want to presume we are all the same..because we are not. But for me and my experience, I wasn't eating to excess just because I was hungry. The eating was a symptom of other problems/issues. I see it rearing it's ugly head again because my stress level at work is so high. I'm looking to food again to settle myself down when I have a very stressful day...and there are lots of them lately. The surgery is only one component of a multiple approach to weight loss.

Yup. Nothing against admins...the two who support my group are wonderful...but you have a masters degree..you are selling yourself short if you do not challenge yourself and find employment that better matches your skill set. Good luck!

When my first husband passed away, I was afraid of being alone and I had no idea how to live alone so I married a nice man four years later. I found out that it's soooo much better to be alone than to feel alone when your husband is lying next to you in bed. We divorced at my insistence because I knew I had to put myself in a better place physically and emotionally. It was the beginning of quite an adventure of self-discovery. Point is....see this as a positive and not a negative. You will now be responsible for only yourself and once the fear subsides, you may very likely find that being beholding to no one is quite an empowering emotion. Oh...and therapy helps alot. Do what you have to in order to see someone. That shouldn't be thought of as an option...it should be a necessity.

Make sure he knows you had this epiphany and realized he isn't worth one more minute of your time.

sorry to hear Deb. I didn't know they could test for Fibromyalgia. I've titrated off Cymbalta (for pain, not depression) and am starting Lyrica soon..which is for fibromyalgic pain..but I've never actually been diagnosed... It's always 'inflammatory pain'..

Welcome Wendy! I'm in maintenance and working on correct restriction as well. I've gained 15 lbs. since the summer so I know I'm not there yet. But I also feel that every day is a new start and I keep on trying.

when they know your vulnerable areas, they go for 'em. if it wasn't the weight, it would have been something else. they do what they need to in order to make sure it's over...even if it's very hurtful. it happened to me a long time ago...when I wasn't even that heavy. he just knew I was self conscious about the fact that I wasn't thin and he used it to end the relationship. I was probably 25 lbs. heavier than I am now...so I wasn't more than a bit 'fluffy'. try to shrug it off...and don't let the next guy know so much about this part of your life. ...at least not till you're more than a couple of months into the relationship.

what a pretty smile you have...

I was doing OK with reading her article till I read the following below. I call BS on that. We're all in this predicament because we eat/ate more than we burned. The reason we are losing the weight is because we've cut our calories drastically..and are eating less unhealthy choices..though she does mention that in her article and I have no disagreement there. But don't tell me we don't eat more than thin people...or that we are more sedentary...because we are, and we know it. no one has proven that fat people generally eat more or exercise less than thin people. Period.

Nope. Not gonna take that test. Can't give the kids any ammunition or I'll find myself a resident of 'Happy Acres' before I know what's happening...

Just read the article. Not sure that I agree with some of it. I think we see what we think we look like..whether it's weight, or something else. I had no idea I was a heavy as I was. Only when I saw pictures did I realize what I really looked like. Fast forward to me now and it's the same thing only reversed. I need to see pictures to really 'see' what I look like after losing 145 or so pounds. Oh, and I am always looking at my reflection, not because I'm obsessed..but because it helps me to see what I actually look like, and not what I think I look like. I've been in maintenance for about a year and a half and I still hold up the jeans or the dress and think that there's no way I'll fit in that small size. And this is after two years of therapy as well. I'm better but I'm not 'cured' of this...not by a longshot.

thanks for letting me know about some potential options for music in the Water. i'll check it out. the pool saved me...literally. I was on a cane and nearly immobile. the pool was the only place where I got any relief. I have permanent damage even though I'm able to walk and move almost normally these days. without the pool, I'd be very limited on what exercising I can do.

Amen!! For three years I worked full-time and got my master's degree part time. I was promoted twice during that time and increased my salary by 30%. I've lived abroad before. I've never NOT had a job since I was 16, and even babysat before when I was 13-15. I am a very hard worker, but no one acknowledges that. I drop a few pounds and all of a sudden people are now proud of me? WHAT IS THAT? It's like people don't see what I've done with my life because I have fat on my body. They don't/can't see the work it took to get the degree or the dedication it took to get those promotions. They can, however, see your body shrinking. That's why the results of this particular addiction is impossible to hide. If an alcoholic is standing beside you, do you know they are an addict? Likely not unless they are truly at the end of their rope. Same for a drug addict. But a food addict...well, everyone knows of our struggles because it's out there for all to see. For me...I'm still a food addict but because I'm normal sized now, no one is aware. Still means I'm an addict though. Always will be too.

Yes. Some of it is subtle and some not so subtle. Some of it is also my perception as I am more comfortable in my own skin these days. People judge...that's just the way it is. And people judge you negatively when you are obese. I was obese...and now that I'm not, I'm treated differently.

I spend time in the Water as well due to the musculoskeletal issues. I want to find out if I can buy a waterproof I-pod if there is such a thing.

I love the social aspect of dining out and that hasn't changed. Yes...I'm done before everyone else but it's not about the food as much as it's about spending time with friends and family.

You said it sister! I never used any other 'excuses' for the reason I was fat. Totally self indulgent even to the point of immobility.

Three years out and my posts have started to shift to living and observing life as a thin person and not focused on what to eat/not eat, what I weight..etc. Yesterday I had an encounter that would have meant nothing to someone always thin, but reminds me constantly that I am not the same person I was. I don't mean that my moral compass has shifted, or that my personality is vastly different...or possibly it is. I was at the market yesterday and bumped into another shopper. Happens all the time in NYC markets...they are very tight as is everything in NYC. I apologized and the woman laughed and said, 'hey, this in Manhattan...nothing we can do about it.'. I agreed with her and moved on and then realized this would not have happened when I was obese. I would have still apologized but my eyes would have been down and I'd have scurried away as soon as possible.....because it would have been my fault that we collided. How does an obese woman not get in other people's space when she takes up more than her share? Now times that by a thousand because of how we live here in the city. The old Liz would have been so embarrassed but this new, normal sized Liz wasn't even thinking that way...I was only apologizing as anyone would have done. And then I allowed a bit of small talk after that encounter that would have never happened before either. We really need to admit that when we lose so much weight, we do become different people. Both internally and externally. I was on a girls weekend recently with long time friends and likely due to the amount of alcohol flowing, we got silly and sentimental. I heard many times, how inspirational my story is. How I changed my life around. How I was always a great person before, but I simply glow these days. I found it embarrassing but I understood it was complementary and I just had to suck it up while they went on and on. Don't tell me that doesn't change a person because it does.

Abby....take it from someone like me, who's been 'normal' sized for a few years now...you will hear things like that more than once. No...she did not mean to be cruel or unfeeling. She was just reiterating how you've changed (on the outside). Most of us did not realize how large we were just as many of us don't see how smaller we get over time. Some of my friends and family....who never said anything derogatory about my size while I was heavy, have since told me several times that there is such an enormous difference from when I was 'heavy', 'obese', 'large', etc. Take your pick...it all means the same thing. When one is morbidly obese, it's all most people see...not the person behind the weight, but the weight itself. It's not fair, but it is what it is. Forget about what she said and let it go. I believe it was her way of giving you a compliment and it sounds like she is supportive so give her the benefit of the doubt.

Oh sweetie...your band is not working the way it should. Nothing to feel guilty about. Can you get a new doctor who will be better suited to your needs? I bet once your band is working, you will not have these kind of issues.

JWM...sending you {{hugs}}

I've been on this site since just before my surgery a little over three years ago. The people here have helped me to lose the weight and are helping me to maintain as well. I've seen some great posters leave here over the years and it makes me sad but I also love the new people who come here and share their stories. I hope to be here for years to come.

Hi there other vets. Those in maintenance especially. This is so different than the weight loss stage, isn't it? So..I went away over the weekend with some of my girlfriends and somewhere around dinner on Saturday, I couldn't kid myself anymore that I was being mindful of what I was consuming. Actually, I was being very mindful...and very aware that I was eating way too much, and drinking too much, and eating the wrong things. Oh, I tried. I had fruit instead of chocolate, I didn't eat everything on my plate, I drank wine instead of cocktails. But still...I gained 2 1/2 lbs. and honestly expected it might be more than that. So today is Monday, the start of a new week, and I'm committed to going back to eating as I usually do, and hoping the gain is minimized or even gone by next week. Part of me knows that this is just what life is like when we are maintaining, but part of me panics fearing this is the beginning of that slippery slope back to obesity. Thank goodness for this site where I can come to express my feelings and feel like I'm reconnecting with those who truly understand this lifelong journey. And that's what it is....all my life, this will be an issue. I know some vets get past it and go about their business but that's not me. I'm always aware that my addiction is close by and can overtake me at any time. If that means feeling a little sorry for myself for 'drinking the Kool-Aid' once in a while, so be it. Today is a new day and I'm eating clean so far and planning on heading to the Y tonight to get in a Water exercise class. I bet I'm doing and feeling better tomorrow...