Visionary444

Well I'll have you all know, I was in bed, found a comfy spot to lay in (hard to do these days with 5 incisions) and all but asleep when I keep feeling this nagging sensation for not writing my blog tonight. One of the main reasons I started this blog was to give me something to be accountable for. If I had to blog once a week (at least) and update whomever reads this on my progress then I would be less likely to cheat or fall of the band wagon...ha ha, you get my joke? So I drug my butt out of bed, fired up the computer and now here I am.
 
It is hard to believe that it was only a week ago today that I was having my very first surgery and that at this time last week I was in a drug induced stupor off in dream land. I've read many postings on the LBT website I am a member of for fellow lap banders, that many people had a "what have I done," moment. I can honestly say as hungry as I have been over the past week, I have never had that moment. I am very excited that I can honestly say I've had the surgery and I am on the path of weight loss. Yes I know it will be a lot of hard work with controlling my diet and exercising but I am really looking forward to it. And I think having the lap band will be the perfect tool to help me reach my goals.
 
I am just ready to be off restriction for diet and exercise so I can come up with my "real" world plan. I have been looking at the class schedules at 24 Hour Fitness coming up with a plan for which classes I am going to take when. I would ideally like to do at least 2 classes a week of weight training and cardio at least 5 times a week. Once I can start going to these classes and working out I know that it will become second nature and of course seeing the results will be extra motivation to keep going too.
 
Right now I am on the second week of my post op diet which consists of my protein shakes and thicker soups such as tomato soup. Last week was just pure broth which was harder than I thought it would be. I had read that a lot of people were not hungry the days following surgery. Well this fat girl wasn't one of those lucky ones. Staying awake long enough last week to sip my water and protein shakes was tough since the pain meds knocked me out pretty good, however when I was awake I was definitely hungry. And since I was only drinking liquids which go right through my band I had a very limited window of that "full" feeling. I do enjoy that only about a cup of liquid makes me "full."
 
I am also working out my plan for when I can return to normal food in about 2 more weeks. There is a place here in Houston and also Dallas called My Fit Foods, (www.myfitfoods.com) I have had their meals on several occasions. They are low fat, high protein meals that are aimed at people who are as I call "label aware," and looking for fast but yummy healthy food options. Only down side is that they are on the other side of town, but I can trek over there on Sunday's and prepare for the week. They have several options, low carb, gluten free, etc. I plan on getting their small portion, which is 3 oz of protein for my lunches. I am one of those people that if I have to prepare a lot in advance I will eventually stop doing it. Or I will wait until I am ravenously hungry and be miserable. They are pretty affordable ranging from $6-$8 a meal which is cheaper than eating out somewhere and I believe the portions are small enough that I wont be wasting a lot of food. They have a lot of chicken, fish, and turkey options which will be nice. I still plan on having a protein shake for breakfast and just protein and veggies for dinner.
 
I would update you on my scale progress, but I have refused to get on the damn thing since Saturday. I was very frustrated that after having weight loss surgery (WLS) that from the time I went in the operating room until I came out I managed to find 6 lbs. I know that this is from the fluids and bloating my body has gone through from surgery. But it was a little frustrating. My nurse practitioner told me this was normal and that I would see results soon. She also pointed out that I was losing visceral fat and that my clothes probably fit better. At this point I wasn't wearing much but yoga pants and t-shirts so I wouldn't know. Saturday I got dressed and my tightest pair of jean shorts fit considerably better, even were a little loose. And I was able to comfortably wear a shirt I hadn't worn in 2 years. It wasn't too tight anywhere and managed to cover what I wanted it to. So small victories. I had said I would weigh on Tuesdays but I think I am going to push that to Wednesday or Thursdays. I'll let you all know. My surgeon's office also has a support group once a month, I am not really sure what to expect from it, but I believe I will go. Any tips and advice from people going through this with me might be helpful. That will be this Wednesday. I would be lying to say that I am not scared **** less that I will not lose any weight. Although I have bitched and complained a fair amount, I have managed to stick to my diet so I know that I will lose the weight. I also think I have an outline for success with my food and exercise plans. I just have to be patient (gasp!) and let my body work its magic. I cannot fail! My mini goal is to see -20 lbs by my post-op appointment on 10/9.
 
I managed to get to work today and I will say it was odd to be back there, I kinda enjoyed being off for a week. I was so worried that the world would end without me for a week but they all survived. I had my shake for breakfast and managed to drink some water. About 10:00 a.m. I started feeling really tired and out of it and my incisions were starting to really bother me. I didn't take my pain meds because I didn't want to fall asleep at my desk, so I was only taking Advil. I made it until about 12:30 before I threw in the towel and packed it in and went home. When I got home I did notice I was really pale and my cheeks were flushed. So tomorrow I will be taking a half dose of pain meds about 9:00 to see if that doesn't help me make it the entire day.
 
So anyways, this is a long ramble and I do need to get to sleep. Big party at work tomorrow with lots of vendors and customers so I have to be on my game. Maybe the pain meds will help drown my anxiety about not being successful with a weight loss.
 
 
Until tomorrow,
 
Amanda

Friday I had one of the most stressful days in a long time and a mini melt down. I had a lot of loose ends to tie up at work and it just seemed like every time I got one thing handled another thing popped up. I thought there was no way I was going to be able to take a week off from work without the world ending. But a good work friend talked me off the ledge and told me it would be fine. I made a list of things to do and instructions to leave, the last of which I plan on implementing in the morning. Payroll is due tomorrow I have a lot of it done but I will be going in tomorrow morning to complete the last of it. I plan on being out of the office no later than 0900. We will see if that happens.
 
I managed to stick to my diet all weekend to a T! I even had only fish or chicken. I was in Dallas where Taco Bueno is, my favorite place, I nearly had myself talked into having a bean burrito but I stuck to my guns and had a shake!! I am officially down 16 lbs for surgery. And if that isn't enough of the dietician then I don't know what else to tell her. I can honestly say I have done everything I can possibly do to make sure my liver is tiny for surgery tomorrow. So if he opens me up and its huge I don't know what else I could have done. No regrets. Zero.
 
So tomorrow is the big day... I don't have a lot to say, because I am really kinda nervous and I am really kinda worried I wont finish everything at work. And I'll be late and then I will miss surgery. LOL. No, can't happen. I will be there on time and have the surgery and wake up with the lap band and start my new journey. I have followed the yellow brick road, survived the wicked witch and her flying monkey's (taco bueno), and have finally reached OZ. I am ready to see the man behind the curtain!
 
Wish me luck,
 
Until tomorrow,
 
Amanda

Here I am one month and 7 days since my surgery. I can say that there are days that I weigh myself and get aggravated because I havent lost or lost more and then realize that I am just a month into my surgery and to give myself a break. I went and got my hair cut into a new short cut and love it and like how I feel about myself with it. I decided that I needed to give myself something for doing so well the first month. I have a friend that is having the lapband surgery the end of this month and she has given me some great "positive" feed back and ideas. I wish she and I lived closer to each other so that we could work on exercise together. She is in Texas and I am in Colorado. She gave her band a name (its Sophie) and said that they are gonna be life long friends and she was going to appreciate it as a friend. I hadnt thought of it like that but she has a point. My band is my life long friend that is going to help me fight my weight battle and I should appreciate my friend and not take it for granted. So as silly as this sounds, I have named my band as well and her name is Gracie.
 
So I go to the doctor on Monday (the 10th) and I believe I will get my first fill. I feel like I need it because I have found that I get hungry more often now. I am working on drinking my water like I am suppose to and I have download the fitness pal ap and love it!!! HUGE help in keeping up with what I am eating and calories/protein. Great help. I worry about messing up but I dont make it my main focus. I do know that eating slower is harder than I thought it would be but I just have to take my time.
 
Hope everyone has a great week and I will get back after my docs appointment.

So today I had my pre-op appointment at the hospital. All and all it went well, had a really nice nurse who I know will take really good care of me after surgery. Had the usual blood taken and signed paperwork. Also had to have a chest x-ray done. Got the low-down from the nurse about where to go, what to expect, and what my well wishers are to do while I am in surgery. I have to admit I was really pretty nervous sitting in the hospital, I guess just ready for this to happen.
 
After that I went to the surgeon's office to turn in my food logs and meet with the dietitian (who is very skinny). I started my pre-op diet per their orders on 8/27, but I didn't get weighed by them until 8/28. I had already lost 2 lbs by the time I got there on 8/28, but since my "official" weight was at their office I didn't get those 2 lbs credited to me. Anyways today according to them I was just down 10 lbs (my count is 12 lbs). The dietitian told me that neither the surgeon or the nurse practitioner would be very happy with only losing 10 lbs. True results told me that I had to lose at least 10. Yes I know, I am going to lose a few more before surgery and in the weight loss game, more lost the better, but I just felt defeated. I felt like if they expected more than they should have told me from the get go. But then again, I have been doing really pretty well on the diet. Then she threatened me with my current biggest fear...my liver might not be small enough!! I nearly cried. I am just about convinced this is a scare tactic, I am just going to have faith that my diligent diet will pay off and my liver will be tinny tiny come surgery. Kinda a non scale victory, normally after a meeting like I had today at the surgeon's office, I would have ran to the nearest McDonalds and although I wanted to really bad, I didn't. Woo hoo!!
 
I have mentioned these super yummy shakes, Pure Protein with 35g of protein, they taste amazing!! Well I asked her about them, they have milk protein concentrate instead of whey protein. She said that I was to have ZERO dairy until after surgery and that might have been why I saw such a sluggish response this weekend. But previously I had consulted one of my trainer friends who said that there wasn't much difference with the proteins. However, I had a feeling on Monday those shakes might have been hurting me, so I had switched back to whey. I bought their Barriatric Advantage shakes today, which were not cheap, but they have like 27g of protein in them. I got the banana flavor, (DYING for a banana) and it was really good.
 
This morning I did not eat (eat = have shake) as I was in a hurry and didn't want the extra "weight," for the scale. I didn't have my first shake until I got to work at about 1:30 p.m. I know, I know, bad for my metabolism. I never have the 2nd shake, just had grilled chicken and salad for dinner. Now its all I can think about it wanting to eat anything and everything. I am currently drinking a big glass of water and chewing gum. Have to get my mind off of this.
 
Anyways, I am extra motivated this week to be extra good on my diet. I will drop those 6 lbs and prove to that dietitian that I can do it and that I have a skinny liver. Makes me wonder what HER liver looks like. LOL. Tomorrow I fly to Dallas after work. I am going to dinner with my BFF, must eat chicken or fish. Then Sunday I am driving my mom and her 3 dogs down to Houston. They will be staying with me until Thursday. I can't believe that my surgery is that close, seems like just yesterday I was on my 3rd appointment for my weight loss monitoring.
 
I am a work-a- holic and haven't taken a whole week off of work in a long time. So I must get to bed, because I will be up at work early tomorrow to cram in everything I have to get done before I leave. I will be in the office Monday until 0900 but that is only to do payroll. So must cram cram cram!! I fully plan on finishing the edits on my first novel while I am "laid" up and working on my second and keeping my work phone turned off!!
 
Anyways, sorry tonight was about 90% rambles. Just a jittery mess.
 
Until tomorrow,
 
Amanda

So I haven't posted in a couple of days. Here is the summary of my wacky adventures this weekend:
 
Thursday- went out with a couple of coworkers to steak night. I managed to get by without completely blowing the diet.
 
Friday- came down with a sinus/ear infection and went to the clinic in Walgreens to get some antibiotics. Had to get that cleared up before surgery which at that time was 10 days out (feeling much better now). Also I was exhausted from the aforementioned steak night and also having to make a middle of the night run to the ship yard for work. So I was in bed relatively early. Small victory- I did manage to find these protein shakes that taste yummy called Pure Protein at the Vitamin Shoppe. I had wanted to try the other flavors before making a financial investment by ordering a case of them. By the way, the banana and vanilla rocks!! Oh and stay away from the cookies and cream, it should be called yuck in a can.
 
Saturday- AKA Day 1 of Hell- Up until this point I had managed to stick to my diet and was holding steady at 10 lbs lost. The day started out crappy with a wake up call from my boss at 730 a.m. to which resulted in having to call several members of my crew, waking them up and finally another trip to the fleet and then the ship yard. Luckily I was home by 930 and back in bed for a nap. My day gets worse. I saunter across the street to see how all the out of town family guests are doing and what they are doing. Of course, being the good time having people they are, they were all drinking and eating really yummy things!! I was able to stave off temptation for a while. But eventually gave in and tried a cracker with jalapeno jelly on it which led to a couple of chips with salsa. At this point, I decided that I was going to go outside and swim 50 laps in the pool so at least if I was going to have a few things I would at least have worked out. I swam the 50 laps and also treaded water for 5 minutes straight. This afforded me (in my mind) a spoonful of Spanish rice with dinner. I stayed away from the alcohol though, the whole not shrinking my liver enough for surgery thing really worries me. If I make it all the way to the operating table and the surgeon opens me up but doesn't do surgery, I will be intolerable. Saturday night was our fantasy football draft and I have to say probably the most annoying thing ever. Everyone was drunk, except of course me and very obnoxious. I guess when you are on the outside looking in, it is not as fun. On the upside, my new found hobby of not drinking has revealed another talent, designated driver!
 
Sunday (today) AKA Day 2 of Hell- I woke up and weighed, and thanks to some miracle I was still at the -10 lbs I had been at all weekend. Part of me was really excited that I hadn't gained any weight but I was also really sad that the scale hadn't moved down either. I decided that the little cheats I had given into the day before were really stupid and that I needed to pull it together, turn the cheek to temptation and be motivated to see the numbers on the scale drop. We all went to Galveston to enjoy the "beach." I can say that I stuck to my diet very strictly. No cheats. I had my shakes and even on the way back from the beach, stopped to pick up my 2nd shake at a gas station, I had to settle for Muscle Milk, which I am not normally a fan of, but it did the trick of tiding me over. I also swam some in the pool and treaded more water. At one point I did have a melt down and attacked Nick over sampling some of the cucumber I was very deliciously enjoying while reading a book (book = distraction from copious amounts of drinking). It just sent me over the edge, that I had my small bowl of cucumber and that he, who could eat anything he wanted was "stealing," my allotment of cucumber. In my head it was no different than me walking up to his plate and stealing his potatoes. It was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. I had been surrounded by temptation all weekend and was doing my best to ignore my growling stomach, the fun being had by all, and all of the bad food items around. It was like an alcoholic working in a bar or a crack head living at a crack house. I snapped and went off on Nick, telling him to pretty much F-off and go eat his own much more tasty food and to leave the starving girl's cucumbers alone. This resulted in me having to go home, have a melt down and refocus. I eventually rejoined the party, apologized to Nick and stuck it out on the diet.
 
Tomorrow will put me exactly 7 days out from surgery. I am really really excited but nervous, the light is getting brighter at the end of the tunnel. I feel like I am carrying around a very fragile expensive vase that I am trying to transport across country ensuring that it arrives in 1 piece. I don't want anything crazy to happen before the surgery to make it not happen, I just want to make it across that finish line. I am resigned to sticking to the diet, working out more this week, being very strict with my portion sizes and hopefully watching the scale move downwards. My goals is to be a total of 17 lbs down by surgery. So we shall see if I end up at my goal. My advice to any of you going through a similar situation, when surrounded by temptation, no matter how bad you want to give in and have something bad just remember, you are doing this for a reason and that reason and it's direct result is greater than a momentary lapse in judgement. Also the guilt the next morning is not worth it. Keep your eye on the prize.
 
Until tomorrow,
 
Amanda

I remember as a kid lying in my back on a towel by the pool in a bikini. Reeking of coconut, my skin slathered with hawaiian tropic no SPF orange tinted oil, I noticed that if I looked down my body (past my flat chest and past my flat belly) that my hip bones held my swimsuit away from my body affording a view all the way down. At age 9, this seemed like a problem. I remember sticking out my belly and pulling a towel across me. That's a problem I wouldn't mind having right now.
 
There are nights when I stay up til all hours reading posts on Lap Band Talk and feeling so afraid that I will be the one who has a slip, who needs another surgery, who cheats my band and fails to lose weight. I know that many people who get this surgery dont get to goal. I have been to support groups where people talk about hating eating because they cant keep anything down no matter what their fill. I have seen people who are years and years out who just can't lose and I can't imagine why I should be so lucky as to not wind up in their shoes. I guess the idea of being slim is inconceivable to me after all these years. I haven't been lean since I was about 10 and I took it so for granted I forgot to take note of what it felt like to walk around in your underpants without a shred of cellulite or a shred of self consciousness.
 
But I have made a decision to move forward with this surgery despite my considerable fears and I need to keep my eye on the prize. Most of those people at the support group meetings, even the ones who can't keep anything down, still say they don't regret having had the surgery for a minute. So I have made a list of 10 things I'm hoping for once I get the band, and I'm happy to say none of them include anything about protruding hip bones, though I wouldn't mind seeing mine again:
 
1)I have had surgery to remove a herniated disc but still have a lot of back pain. I want my back pain to improve.
2)I want to be able to bend and pick up my 2 year old, carry her, change her, dress her, clean up after her with ease. ( who's kidding who, its never easy to pick up after a year old, but I'd settle for easier)
3)I want to have more endurance when walking and carrying things without back pain so I can go places, set up a tent, carry my bags, walk for miles etc ( I am 45 after all and although I have a herniated disc I hear that losing weight will really help). I want to plan a trip and not be afraid I'll spend most of it resting my aching back.
4)OK, time to bring on the vanity points, I want to shop at Desigual, and Lucky and wear clothes that reflect my personal style. I know, its totally petty, but hey...
5)I want to be able to strip off the clothes I am wearing from Desigual and Lucky and feel good about myself naked
6)I want to know that, although I may and likely will embarrass my daughters for hundreds of reasons, being overweight wont be one of them.
7)I want to lay in bed at night and breathe easily not just because my weight is no longer pressing on my throat but also because I dont feel like a time bomb ticking as I gain more and more weight
8)When someone puts their arm around me or asks me to dance, I want to not have to worry if their hand is on chub or not.
9)I want to know that I took charge of my life so that I wouldn't face the inevitable fate of my overweight family. I feel like I've been swept on a raft on the rapids and I want to grab an oar and navigate back to a place where I am in control.
10)I want to wear a skirt and not have to worry about the "chub rub" that us bigger girls get. Man, it has been years since I could wear a dress without bike shorts underneath!
 
OK, that's a great start. I'm proud of the steps I took today. If I keep putting one foot in front of the other I will get there. Thanks for walking along with me.

Lost 2 more lbs this morning for a total of 5 lbs since Monday. Woo hoo!! Got in 1.25 miles on the treadmill while on lunch at work. Managed to stay on my diet even though I really wanted to eat a cheeseburger. I can say that it is getting easier. Slowly but surely.
 
Emailed the surgeon's office today and got my questions answered and the nurse practitioner told me that they might move up my surgery. I am sure she means a few hours, but my hungry, food deprived brain took that as a few days. I know I seem to be in a rush, but I am just tired of feeling hungry. If I could deal with this normally I wouldn't need the band. But surgery day will get here eventually.
 
I did saute some really yummy squash and zucinni tonight along with a 3 oz portion of top sirloin. I cut it into really small bites and ate very slowly but it still didn't mush up a lot. So I am wondering if I might be at the end of the line for steak. We shall see. I have also backed off drinking while I eat and I can say that it does help me to stay fuller longer.
 
Anyways, I am watching one of my fav shows, Necessary Roughness so my rambling will be reduced for tonight. I'll post if my exercise increased my weight loss tomorrow. Oh and my headache did not show up tonight, after 8 bottles of water!!!
 
Until tomorrow,
 
Amanda
 
P.S. Someone ate the banana....