So I've had a new realization and "benefit" from this surgery that I never anticipated. I should first explain that I've always been pretty much of a nobody to people, throughout high school, college, work, public, etc (except for friends and family of course). What I mean by that is that people would pay no mind to me anywhere I went, that or I was made fun of for my obesity. I haven't really had a lot of time by myself in public until recently. Because the weight loss seems to be doing wonders for the management of my Multiple Sclerosis, I decided to go back to work again. So I'm doing flu vaccine clinics at the Walmarts in the area and my first day was yesterday. Basically I sit at my table and people watch and smile until someone comes up asking for a shot. In the past this would of terrified me, being in public where so many people would have the opportunity to stare and poke fun, etc. But my new found self esteem squashed out all those thoughts.
So here I was, about to get set up, meeting with the store manager and pharmacist when I hear, "Hey how are you!" I ignored it, not thinking it was to me, but my eyes wandered to the source of the voice, and a vaguely familiar guy is standing there with some packages (Fedex uniform). I looked behind me thinking he was saying hi to someone else. And he said "Hey how are you" again and followed "Do you remember me." I frantically searched my mind for a name to match his face and said "Mmmike?" lol idiot sounding me. And it was, this kid that I went to high school with and although my high school class was only 14 people, he was definitely one of the kids I never spoke to and always assumed made fun of me (he was known for his meanness). So I said hi and we had a short convo and he left. And I thought it was SO weird. I've run into other people from my high school class throughout the past few years and they've always politely ignored me and pretending they didn't know who I was. Which was fine for both of us. So this little conversation which was a genuinely nice conversation surprised the hell out of me.
As the day went on, I started noticing how many people were nice to me. People my own age, who never used to pay me any attention were stopping to say hi or were friendly to me. I had all ages of people stopping and having conversations, something that never used to happen. It's sad really, that humanity is like this. I never realized that there would of been a difference to how people interacted with eachother all based on looks or weight. Since my surgery, I have now lost close to 150lbs, still am overweight, but not like I used to be, have thrown out the glasses and gotten contacts, and due to my new size I can wear more fashionable clothing. It's awful that this would make a difference to people.
But I can't say that I'm not pleased. After spending most of my life as the fat girl, I am going to soak up some of this attention. I am happily married and would never want anything to change that, but my "Inner Goddess" was smiling and jumping up and down everytime a cute guy would slow down while passing my table to say hi, how's it going. (Had to reference 50 Shades ) My husband enjoys my new self confidence and the fact that I don't mind going into public anymore. But this definitely was yet another change that I was not anticipating and one that I'll gladly take!
Anyone else notice these changes in themselves??
I have always worked in a nursing home or a rehab in my short career as a nurse and you know how the elderly can be so blatant and forward?? Well, I used to get comments from my patients ALL the time about my weight, so come January when this job is done with for the year and I look for a new job, I wonder how my patients will speak to me then and what changes will be made there?
With yesterday being the 4th of July naturally my husband and kids were overly excited about going to watch the firework show, I on the other hand was far less enthusiastic. When getting ready (as usual) this overwhelming sense of disgust and depression takes over me. Nothing fits, nothing looks or feels right. I feel so out of place in large crowds. I'm not a shy person at all and I remember the time I use to enjoy crowds. I cheered in high school and college for a min. I loved crowds! The thing is when my attitude sucks I don't think I'm pleasant to be around. Who else has felt this way? And it seems as though the closer I get to picking a surgery day, the more I realize (or rather the more I begin to admit to myself) that my weight is way out of control!