Mystie

It has been awhile since I last posted. It has been 2 months since I have had my surgery and I have lost a total of 44 pounds. I feel great except for the bronchitis I have now. I have enjoyed some halloween candy and had a piece of wedding cake at my sister's wedding I enjoyed both. I no longer like bread all that much or my former favorite pizza. My new favorite treat is greek peach yogurt with walnuts or pecans. I swim often and will be leaving shortly to swim some laps. I am really grateful that my weight loss has been steady and constant. I always lose at least a pound a week if not more. I eat when I am hungry and it is very easy to stop when I am full. I am grateful that being obsessed with food seems to be over. I have more time to obsess over facebook, reading, swimming and music. Life is really good except for the bronchitis and finances but other than that everything is wonderful.

"You're only nineteen."
"You don't need to have surgery."
"Losing weight isn't impossible. If I can do it, anyone can."
"How is it even possible to not lose weight."  
Sometimes not everyone understands another's decisions. Which is totally rational. Not one person has gone through the same thing as another. In my eyes that gives no one person grounds to judge another person on their decisions.
 
I am nineteen. This is true. But what makes my surgery so much more taboo than another person's surgery? What makes my surgery different that a girl my age getting a boob job, or a nose job? I can't do something to benefit my health, and my over all apperance? To create something better for myself; No matter what the cost.
 
I understand why people believe I shouldn't get this surgery. I get it. I'm young. But the great thing is that I am having a procedure done, early on in my life, that will teach me about the lifestyle change I have to make. In order for me to live a healthy, happy life I believe that I need to have this done. Not only because I know I will be more confident, but I will be able to step away from being a prediabetic as well as my sleep apnea.
 
I used to dream, as a little girl, of what it would be like to feel pretty. To be comfortable. To walk around in my own skin and not feel like I was disgusting. Somedays I didn't want to leave the house. I felt repulsive. I felt like it would be better for the world, and myself if I just didn't go to class that day. No one would have to look at me, and I wouldn't have to look at everyone else...looking at me. For whatever reason. I know that this deicision is the best thing I could do for myself. I know that because I am young, I can change my whole life because of this. And I'm excited for it. I am excited for the new me. I deserve it.
 
My surgery date is October 10, 2012.
I am so unbelieveably excited to start my life.

This is officially my first blog. I don't really know what to say, so I'll just recap my journey so far.
 
I had my surgery May 4,2011. Since then, I have lost 100 pounds, dropped from size 28/ 30 to a size 16/18 in most things, I can wear L and XL t-shirts instead of XXXL and XXXXL t-shirts. I still have a long way to go in my journey, but everyday is new and exciting.
 
Now that I've lost a substantial amount of weight, I'm ready to step up my exercise game. I recently started working with a running coach. I have had 2 runs (well, honestly more of a walk/jog/crawl than an actual run) and I have my 3rd tomorrow. The first time I ran this past Tuesday, I almost cried because for a split second I thought I could almost fly. It felt soooo amazing. Of course, the soreness took over for the next two days and I kinda wanted to die , but all in all, I'm feeling so much more energetic and ready to take on more and more.
 
I'm so happy with my decision up to this point, and even with a minor set back a few weeks ago of having to have a revision done due to a flipped port, I am back on track. I hope to lose another 100 pounds when this is all said and done, but I'm in no rush to get there. I am so happy where I am, and where I am is a place I thought a year ago that I could never be again (if that makes sense), so it's all good. I'm just going to keep on taking this one day at a time, enjoying life to the fullest, and enjoying each non scale victory as it comes my way.

Ok I have been reading posts and blogs lately and it seems like right after getting banded a lot of people go through an emotional upheaval and wonder if they can do this or if they have done the right thing.
 
I'm not banded yet so I can't begin to understand that...or wait...maybe I can't understand the banded part but I really can understand overwhelming decisions. Not the same but maybe this will help.
 
I was a 2 pack a day smoker for 19 years or so. I smoked through both pregnancies (which still makes me cringe) and I didn't care until I realized that my oldest son was sick all the time. I was at the end of my pregnancy with the youngest, it was November and cold as crap, and I knew I was having a scheduled c-section. So I asked my parents what did they think about coming to my apt and getting all the ash trays and lighters out while I was in the hospital. My thought was if I was going to be in there not smoking for 5 days then what would be the point of keeping it up after I got out? I knew I wasn't going to haul my butt downstairs and out the door to stand in the cold and smoke after just having a c-section. So that's what I did.
 
And then I came home to the reality of taking care of a 19 month old and newborn after just having surgery and all by myself. No help. It was nightmarish honestly. I had bad postpartum on top of the quitting smoking. There were times when I could have cheerfully strangled someone for a smoke. I cried a lot and asked what did I do to myself? My best friend said she couldn't do it because she just couldn't fathom not ever being able to smoke again for the rest of her life...and then the light came on...
 
My Dad offered me a lot of really good advice that he has gotten from being in AA. He's been sober 14 years now. And he told me not to look at the big picture but only look at what I could handle today...can I say that I am not going to smoke for the next 5 minutes. I could do that and the picture looked a lot less overwhelming. Now I can say almost 4 years later that I am still a non smoker and I'm pretty sure that I won't have a smoke for at least the next few days. Can't garuntee longer than that because I can't predict the future.
 
Where I am going with this long story is this is the same approach I am using now in my pre/pre op diet that my doctors want me to work on. I can say that in the next 5 minutes that I will not eat half a pan of brownies. But I'm not going to say that I will never eat them again because that is just too much for most of us to handle. So if you can say that you won't eat the bad, and keep eating the good in whatever increments of time that you are comfortable with, it just might make ever thing seem doable.
 
The approach works obviously a lot of people have quit drinking with those tools. I am thinking that with the band it would be a bit easier because I won't be able to eat half a pan of brownies. Or a whole Big Mac. And later on down the road when me and food have come to a better understanding instead of a co-dependent relationship, then and only then, will I contemplate maybe having that brownie, but only a small one.
 
Just like my philosophy with stopping smoking, I am not going through all of this for nothing. I want results and I am determined to get them.

Hello everyone. My name is audrey. im 20 years old and overweight. obviously. i graduated high school in 2010 and from then on i felt like i needed to start my own life and find who i really am inside. Its a scary thought that i am on my own now and i actually have to start providing for myself. By doing this it means buying my own groceries on a telemarketers wage. Now, this is a good paying job, however, im very independant so i have my own house, a brand new car and a good paying job (i know, its rare for kids my age to have all of the above ). Now, since i have all those things it doesn't really leave much room for good healthy foods. My foods now consist of canned pastas, ramen noodles and take out. quick easy and simple. and of course i am a 20 year old so you have to figure in the partying and things like that. So now that i have described a little bit about me and my day to day life i will start talking about the journey to the lap band surgery. I grew up in a house hold that was full of abuse and depression. my mom was about 400 pounds. my dad was a sober abusive guy that had nothing else better to do with his time then to beat on us kids and beat the crap outta my mom. Us kids had rules that we had to follow and one of those rules was we COULD NOT leave the table until our plate was spotless. literally. Full or not. it HAD to be clean. some parents would eventually give in but not my dad. So, now that im grown, i still have those rules instilled in my brain and thinking process. I just cannot bring myself to leave the plate unfinished. as much as i try to waste the food i just cant do it. so i will fill myself till i am miserable till "i have a clean plate". When my mom finally got the courage to leave my dad, she met the love of her life (which is pretty much my real dad....he is the one that raised me when my dad wasn't around. and for that i thank him and love him very much.) My mom had the gastrice bypass surgery and lost over 200 pounds. Got down to 180 and still struggles with her weight but will never be that size ever again. So now that that my mom realizes how much i struggle with my weight she suggested this surgery. Ever since that day ive been hooked on having this surgery. I feel like i deserve this surgery because i never got that chance to be the skinny girl or have the nice clothes or anything like that. I want that so bad. Not to be the "thin girl" but to be the happy girl thats why i chose to title this Imma rock this...cause baby i am. Im going to do whatever necessary to make myself successful and to be happy and not let anything stand in my way of happiness anymore.
 
sorry its kinda long but i guess that's what you get for a first blog