BlessedBeyondMeasure2012

So nauseated means you feel like you're going to throw up. Nauseous means something that makes YOU want to throw up. LIke "watching the maggots crawl was nauseous".
When you say I'm nauseous you are saying I'm so disgusting I make other people want to throw up when they look at me

Nauseous means "sickening" or "disgusting" as in "that huge pile of vomit on the sidewalk is nauseous," Nauseating means "making you feel like vomiting" as in "that vomit is nauseating to me."
http://www.grammarerrors.com/word-choice/nauseousnauseated/

Sorry to add even more to my long post but here was my other mal-adaptive behavior. My doctor did tell me to cut carbs when I became insulin resistant. But I didn't want to. So what did I do?
I searched the internet to selectively find research to support what *I* wanted to do. Who else has read the China diet end to end but me?? I looked for research because I am trained as a scientist. But I only looked for and tried the diets that *I* wanted to. I wasn't unbiased. I kept saying I could do it my way. And my way was all carbs, no meat.
The most important thing I've done post sleeve is make a deal with myself that I will not try to second guess the experts. Yes it's my body but no, I am not the expert.
There's a plan here. Keep calories under 800 at the first, eat at least 60 gms of Protein, limit carbs to under 50 gms, and drink at least 64 oz of Water. It's not complicated. But most importantly, it is NOT negotiable. I say this for me, not for everyone. This is my plan and it's not negotiable. I will not be hunting on the internet for research that tells me that people lose weight with a post-sleeve diet with lots of carbs. I will not be looking for a way to eat carbs.
THAT is much harder for me than fighting head hunger or not eating cake. That's the battle I need to win if I am to win this war.
I still lie to myself from time to time. I tell myself life is different after the sleeve. I say that perhaps when I'm in maintenance, I may be able to eat sugar once in a while.
But I won't be eating it today, and I guess that's what counts.

It's actually a very interesting question and one that caused me a lot of introspection to understand WHY I put on weight.
Consider my situation. 5'6, female, 47 years old, not in menopause, underactive thyroid, and acute inflammation from an autoimmune disease the latter two of which will slow down weight loss. Eats 1200-1300 calories a day most days--yes, seriously. Tracks calories religiously for years and years. You show me a food, I can tell you how many calories in it.
Ate "badly" at times in one or two ways. Either starved myself on 800 calories a day for months on end, or ate 2-3 pieces of cake one week or maybe those damn little Debbie Peanut Butter things (can we say trigger foods??!). I have never eaten a whole cake, a whole pizza, a whole pint of ice cream in one sitting. I never hid my eating, binged, or purged. Never even finished my portions at restaurants. I don't drink so no junk calories there either.
Could not lose weight. Could NOT lose weight.
I'm not like those people that lost 100s of lbs only to put it on. I simply couldn't lose the weight (except when I was dying, two years ago). Worked out hard with a trainer for 6 months, ate 6 small meals of clean food--lost ONE pound in 6 months. I think even the trainer was ready to cry.
Did Paleo, put on 10 lbs in one month. Did vegetarian diet with 2 lbs of veggies, 3 fruits, 1 c of Beans, 1 handful of nuts for 2 months, lost nothing.
So WHY? WHY the hell did I weigh so much? I am not sure I know the whole answer still. But I do know one very important part of the answer.
I am a sugar and carb addict. And I do not have the metabolism for it.
Even today, I cannot eat a piece of fruit without being super hungry for the rest of the day. Pre-sleeve, I didn't control my carbs. Yes I ate 1200 calories, but often that was almost NO meat. Pasta, rice, lentils, veggies, fruit, no meat. I hated meat. So I think I gained weight because I ate the foods that were the WORST for me, and I didn't realize that.
I do wonder what would have happened if I had eaten meat and veggies before I got sleeved. Would I still have needed the sleeve? I don't know.
And notice I said I can leave them alone unless they are my trigger foods? Here's a list of my trigger foods. Cake, cake, and more cake. Donuts. Reese's pb cups. Those Peanut Butter bar things. Those horrid swiss cake rolls that will survive nuclear holocaust.
Those things? I can't leave alone. Those, I do eat until they are gone. And notice, they are ALL sugar + fat + Flour. Deadly combination, deadly addiction.
I thought I was well educated about food. I tried every diet there was--except the low carb diet because a) I wasn't sure it was good for me and I didn't want to give up my carbs--addict talk right there.
There may be more to the story, it's still being written. But I don't have the "typical" signs of a food addict and therefore it's taken me a while to figure out what went wrong.
I ate carbs and they caused me to crave more carbs. So I became insulin resistant, overweight, carb addicted, fat, and unhealthy. And always hungry.
It was when I could no longer control the constant hunger that I gave up control and admitted I needed help, and got sleeved.
Sorry for the long post but it's been an important journey for me.

I wish I knew. I wish I knew why I couldn't lose weight and keep it off. I wish I knew why I have friends who, when they have to lose weight say "I'll just finish about 2/3 of every plate, and it will just drop off." But that never worked well for me.

I TOTALLY identify with this one. I would walk into my kitchen at midnight - particular if there had been drink taken, I was bored or we had guests. I would open every cupboard in some sort of rhythmic haze and in a show of culinary inspiration, could knock up a three course meal. Loaves and fishes? Hell, I've turned the most ordinary ingredients into a gourmet meal for 6 - and eaten enough for 3.
I resented the sleeve sometimes, because I missed the sensation of gorging on something I like the taste of - like lasagne and goats cheese. However, as quickly as the feeling comes - it now goes away promptly with a camomile tea.
I also don't hate myself in the morning when I don't have the huge carb-hangover or my clothes are uncomfortably tight.
Swings and roundabouts. This time round, my swings and roundabouts look more like a beautifully painted carousel.

Well, I will say I've embraced the "throwing away of food"......but definitely because of the negative effects of eating it. I'm like Doc Hershey's husband.....why leave it on the shelf for later? Hey....these Cookies aren't going to eat themselves, I better do it. My wife can make a package of M&Ms last a month. I can't make them last 2 minutes.
If I want to eat less than ideal foods with any semblance of moderation, I either have to buy very tiny quantities (which is getting harder and harder) or eat 3 bites and dump the rest into the kitty litter box before it falls into my mouth.
I don't think I'd last too long at your house Cheri. 6 dozen cookies would not make it too "cool" on your counter. Maybe 4 dozen. I still have those reflexes....that drive to eat all things loaded with sugar. But at least I have found the will not to bring them into my house......often.

I didn't understand the inability to walk away from food either, until I met my husband. I am that rare fat person that used to have a box of my fav chocolates open--and eat one piece a day and the box would last a month because some days I would forget I had a box of chocolates. I routinely had to throw out chips and cookies because we forgot about them and the chips were soggy and the cookies had mold growing on them.
I couldn't understand the "see food" diet my husband had to follow. We can have anything open in the house and it usually doesn't call to me--unless it's one of my trigger foods.
For my husband, it's not like that. They call him in pervasive, seductive, irresistible voices and then he eats a small piece, and another one and another one until it's all gone.
This is not a man with no self-control or self-discipline. He decided to quit a 40-year, 2 pack a day habit--and quit cold turkey. Decided to quit drinking--and just quit. He is stubborn as a mule, very decisive, and terribly opinionated (yes, we're both like that and yet we get along!) This is not a "weak" person. He is one of the strongest people I know, emotionally speaking.
But he can't resist the junk food. He just cannot. It is bigger than him and I had to accept that. It meant severely restricting what I brought into the house. At first I resented it because some of those were things the kids enjoyed--but now I know that is the support he needs from me. If I want to love and support him, I have to give up eating my one-a-day chocolates, because for him, it's "all in one day" chocolates.
He supports me in a thousand different ways. I can do this for him.

So maybe the reason you can walk away is because you've experienced negative feedback in the form of dumping? I've never had an episode...and frankly I regret it, because I can eat sweets day and night still with no adverse effects......except of course the scale skyrockets.

I just got home from out of town and all I can say is the mobile app is working like total dogs hit now. I've tried deleting it and reinstalling it....nothing helps. It freezes everytime I try to post. I've posted several nekkid dancing videos and none of them are here. WTF! I can't even report the problem because the "report a technical issue" thingy hasn't worked from day 1. I've posted about it to Susan and Alex and never received a comment or reply. They must both have me blocked. Good thing that is working properly.
As too Fluff's dilemma, I have no answer. Our approach was an "every man for him/her self". My wife really hated this at first. She comes from a family that sits down at EVERY meal. I decided I didn't need to sit there and watch her eat a large meal every night when I wasn't hungry and couldn't eat what she was eating. Furthermore, I needed to eat on my schedule....my "every 3 hour protein" schedule....which didn't always coincide with her schedule. When you eat 2 or 3 big meals a day, waiting an hour or 2 for dinner is no big deal. When you eat 6 mini meals a day, you can't wait an additional 2 hours.
Now she does intermittent fasting. She eats from 8am to 4pm and then she's done for the day. I don't get home from work till 630. So dinner together is a rare thing now. But we make up for it in other ways. We still spend that time together, just not eating. We both have decided that our health is too important and our dietary needs are too different....so we each eat when/what we need....and we plan our together time around other things.
We don't have kids but we do have many animals. We take turns feeding them and they eat what we give them. My mom always said she should have puppies instead of babies. Now I see why.

Oh yeah, right...
As I said somewhere I ALWAYS gave the family two choices... Take it or leave it.
If they left it then they had two more choices, encapsulated in the old contry saying "Root hog, or die".

As you may know but maybe not, I'm either riding down the big barge on a river in Egypt here, or I am not food addicted. I partially say I'm not because I live with someone who is and there is a HUGE difference in our approaches to food. And to be clear, I think my husband needs to continuing working with both his therapists (the drug pusher and the talker) and continue to dig into why he does what he does.
My good friend who was sleeved in June called me about a month later to say, "Oh my God I did not expect that I would have to feel my feelings!" She (like my husband) has a history of bingeing, purging, and all sorts of disordered behavior. And she's a Type A, must achieve all the way. As is my husband in his own way. And my sister too (although she is compulsively thinner.) I remember being somewhere with my sister and my husband where I had two bites of a soft pretzel and threw it away, and they looked at me like I was crazy. I said, "What? I'm done." And she said, "I could never do that. So I don't buy them at all." And my husband said, "I'd just buy it and eat it, even if I was stuffed." Point being, there are 5 million types of crazy in the naked city.
So it's good, as I was forewarned about that emotional side. But at the same time that part of this hasn't been as hard for me. I have my moments, but I have other coping mechanisms, such as my ridiculous novel reading compulsion.
This forum is helpful to me because I get to see into this a little better. And it helps me because I have people gently saying, "Some of this is not about you…think about his feelings this way." And I appreciate that.

RIght? I was perfectly cheerful and pleasant while I was saying that.

Scared me there for a minute, LSL.
My darling youngest and I had a discussion about what he could have for Breakfast. I believe that what I said was, "You can make yogurt, cereal, or eggs for yourself while I sit here and have my coffee. Or if you hang on a minute, I'll get you a big bowl of poop."
He told me that was sick and hostile (he's 11) but I didn't see any problem. I gave him CHOICES.

Y'all are MEAN. I give my kids options when I cook or heat up leftovers. I want my snuggly-wugglies to feel as if they are being nurtured and cared for as only a mother could. I want their every need to be met to the best of my ability because after all, they are the fruit of my loins and I love them like no other.
When I make something they don't care for, they can eat it with the love and joy I felt as I was preparing it or they can eat a PB&J or bowl of Cereal. Let's hope the bread isn't stale and the milk isn't spoiled. If it is, their last choice is to suck it.

Glad to hear you guys are being proactive and fighting the decision of some paper pusher.
From what you wrote about your husband in the past he NEEDS this surgery. I hate to see him denied the opportunity for health..
Aw yes picky eaters.
My kids like to ask every night what's for dinner just so they can complain
To that I say screw em! I like to remind the 17 year old that not every night is about eating your favorite thing and soon (I hope) you will be on your own...have at it then! and please do call at some point to tell me how much you miss that homemade "crap" while you're living off of top ramen
Cook.. tell them to eat or starve.
Last night was leftover night. Of all the dishes I made the last couple of days. I put all the dishes on the counter and said you can have anything from this counter. But I forbid any of you to go into the fridge or cupboard to make anything else
(Yes I'm mean) they bitched but they ate

I cook normally for myself and my family. If I can't/won't eat it, normally I don't cook it BUT I do not expect them to adhere to my diet. If they want something that I don't eat, I just make sure to have plenty of veggies; either way, I can always pick the meat out of the dish for my Protein. I can't eat enough of any one thing that I feel they need to eat according to me...if I make spaghetti and meat sauce, I just eat the meat sauce with whatever veggie I cook instead of the Pasta. The hubby loves rice and gravy, so I cook it, but I just eat the meat and veggies for that. I refuse to cook two seperate meals - one for me, one for them. I do still buy chips for the family - they eat sandwiches a lot, but EVERYTHING is measured...I usually will get ziplocs and measure out 1 oz into each bag...then it's not just a free for all in the huge bag of chips. The biggest change is that I don't bake as much as I used to...baking/cooking is my "outlet". When I bake now, I only keep a small amount and the rest I give away. I don't keep soft drinks in the house, we drink lots of tea, fruit juice, milk, and Water - I've kinda always been like that - too much sugar in the soft drinks and the diet ones...don't want the aspartame. There are definitely ways to cook without making it seem like you are forcing the family to eat your diet, but it still be something you can eat.

Wow Cheri, that's still something I do! Cook too much and then find myself peddling leftovers for days...
But on that note fluff,
I understand cooking is hard. Especially when you work! And now that we are sleeved it makes it even more of a chore because really I could just open up a yogurt for dinner and be fine.
Oh and one more thing...I HATE cooking too
I'm not like GG (I wish I were) and want try new things.
So what do I do? Start with a big piece of meat!
I boil (yes boil) a chicken every week. I then shred all the meat off and use that for myself but also my family. For instance this last week they got burritos one day and Soup the next day.. Sometimes it's fettuccine, sometimes a salad with chicken on top. Obviously I don't eat some of these things but when I make the burritos for instance I will eat the seasoned chicken..
Also if I cook a big slab of red meat one day the next I will slice it up and "fry" rice and veggies and add it to the mix.
I am the only one in my family with weight issues.
So these things are not great for me. But in balance they are fine for the family.
Meat and veg and a starch for them.
It's about reinventing...
Your husband, I'm so sorry and I'm sure he has a lot of emotions swirling around with his denial.
Perhaps they can dig around in his health issues and find another comorbidity and resubmit again?

Oh wow. So much of my identity is tied up in being the nurturer - and yes, that means the feeder. I'm the glue. I'm the one that makes the family happy and as much as I try NOT to make life about food, that definitely involves feeding.
I see both sides of this. I don't expect my family to follow along completely because I made a life-altering decision. But then again, I'm not going to feed them in a way that puts them in the same obesity boat in ten years, you know? I have a responsibility - it's one I was shirking prior to my surgery, but it was still there. If I make it my duty or my role to feed the family, I should be doing what's best for them.
Compromise worked for us. I shaved down the entire family's consumption of potatoes, Pasta, rice, etc. They eat far less of it than before BUT I make these things for them a few times a month. If I'm going to make something fried but can't/won't eat it myself, I make a small separate portion of that item for myself or I skip the fried food entirely. And my family has gotten used to eating meals where the focus is on Protein but there are a large variety of sides. I tend to make three or four different types of veggies or salads to go with the meal. Several nights a week there is no dedicated "carb" side.
They adjusted. I found healthier ways to cook some of the foods they like. I found ways to make foods they like but I can't eat by adjusting how I do the meal - for instance, spaghetti with meat sauce is now with meatballs. Hubs hated meatballs before but knows I won't make Pasta without them. They eat reasonable portions of the entire meal and I'll eat some salad and a few meatballs for my dinner. We don't all have to eat the same things. I also got more adventurous in the kitchen and some new family favorites are foods that they might have never tried before.
And while there may have been plenty of grumbling in the early days, it's just the norm now. The kids will still skip a side dish if they don't like it, but that's fine. I make healthier meals for us. My husband has lost ten pounds. My kids have a real understanding of balanced eating and they're eating healthier, too. Positives all around, in my opinion.
The hardest thing was to get used to leftovers. dinner is no longer four b/s chicken breasts. It's two. And there's quite often leftovers. I pack lunches for the whole family, too, so leftovers get eaten up that way. But I had to really learn how to make less, and how to re-purpose my leftover food into new dishes so folks would eat them again.
It's nice that the roasted chicken on a Friday night makes three or four meals, though.
If your husband wanted surgery, too, it can only help him to reign in his eating with you and possibly lose weight alongside you. My kids might WANT Oreo Cookies and Twinkies. It doesn't matter what they want. My job is to make sure they don't wind up with diabetes in their twenties the way I did, and to do it in a way that doesn't shame them or give them issues about food.
~Cheri

The ONE advantage of having the kids grown and out of the house. I cook a LOT, but am lucky that my darlin wife supports a lower sodium, fat (etc) approach.
When raising kids I ALWAYS gave the family two choices: Take it or leave it.

Well my husband is also sleeved (about 5 months after I had mine) so we generally do not argue about food unless we are at a restaurant and trying to pick something to "share" (we usually get what we want and eat the leftovers the next day but on rare occasions it doesn't make sense to have leftovers and then we split...our biggest disagreement is over the way steak is cooked...he likes pink middle and mine better be one level below charred. )
But OMG, my girls...let me say we have made great strides in the past 3 years. We do small bowls for everything...no more sitting and mindlessly eating OUT OF THE BOX or the BAG, etc. They are 11 and almost 13 so they are old enough to know all about the rules. They know all about both of our surgeries and they realize that we do a lot of Protein heavy stuff, but I don't deny carbs for them. Afterall I can't expect them to eat as if they have been sleeved as well. But if you *ask* them they will say we NEVER eat bread, Pasta, potoatoes, rice...the list goes on and on. It's said a bit tongue and cheek because we DO allow them that stuff but sometimes we just won't make the effort to add extra carbs to a meal of meat and veggies.
And the baking...omg if I ever *dare* preface something with the word *healthy* I get moans and groans from everyone in the household. I have tried baking with every type of healthy alternative around and it usually goes uneaten by everyone except me. So I've learned to bake and give to others. Or just cave sometimes and bake with regular flour, eggs, sugar and butter.
My youngest takes the cake (sorry about the word choice there... ) when one time I portioned out a some snack Cookies for her. After her little tiny bowl was empty she got up and promptly went for more. I started in with the whole "hey, don't have too many, dinner is right around the corner, etc." speech, she looked at me, rolled her eyes and said "Yeah, well not EVERYONE in this household has the stomach the size of a squirrel!" Wow. Point to the youngest.

I don't have a husband to fight with (praise the baby Jesus) but my son (5 when I got banded) had a small cow when I did a major cooking overhaul...then the little twerp lost 5 pounds in like 3 weeks (he was losing weight faster than the banded patient was, go figure :/). Now he's used to it so all is well. I'd start with small changes and eventually get them closer to what they really should be eating. Nothing dramatic for fear of man whining. You can do enchiladas, just de-fat the recipe a bit.
Good luck!!!!

Being 'short changed'? W.T.F? (yeah, I'm a die-hard feminist, so lets not do that debate!)
'Denied surgery'? This sounds like sour grapes from your husband, to me.
Your role is that of mother, home-maker and care-giver. That deserves respect (not whinging) and hasn't and won't change. So, you bought a couple of ready-meals? So what?!! Are they hungry? No. Are they neglected? No. I think your husband needs to re-evaluate his stand-point. This might sound a bit militant, but, I would go forward with your plans. He should be grateful you care enough to want to please them all!
When you're able, cook meals that satiate all your needs (saving the odd bad treat for the kids) and just continue to push things forward. If he starts grumbling, I would walk to the kitchen, open the door, and offer him the right to do the foraging, cooking and presentation himself.
That might stop his grumbling! x

I pre-burned those calories before eating them. Did a half marathon so .......yay moderation.