Sorry this is kind of a doozy! I just felt the words flowing from my hands and couldn't stop.
Sitting here, 8 days out from surgery, I'm understanding what it means to use food as a necessity and not a friend. For 26 (almost 27) years, I have buried my addiction so deep that it was all consuming and I was blind to it by choice. This past week, after being sleeved and without my friend, unearthing my addiction has been a harsh but MUCH NEEDED reality. I have cried over pizza, lamented over pasta, and been angry for bread. I have seen glimpses of myself that I never knew existed. But deep down I've known that facing my demons will bring resolution.
I hope this doesn't sound too dramatic, but I've been thinking of analogies to connect the unhealthy relationship between food and the addict. This may sound odd but it's almost similar to an abusive relationship. So many love that person to the depths of their soul while they damage them to the core. It's a cycle of intense love and hatred. The beauty is, it's not the end of the story. There will always be scars and wounds from the past; a reminder of the battle. The sleeve aids us in making peace with the inner addiction. It doesn't necessarily heal us to the core but it is a vehicle for making peace with our addictions on a daily basis. This is a lifelong relationship with food and each of us is worth the freedom and the fight to maintain a healthy peace with our addictions. I am a professing Christian. A believer in the saving grace and immeasurable love of Jesus Christ. I can tell you this...He has picked up this broken life on more than one occasion and put me back together. He is the only real remedy to my food addiction. The key is surrendering every broken piece (not even holding on to one) to the only One who brings the dead to life. This chance at life came from Him. His mercies are new each and every day, and without that, I wouldn't be sitting here sleeved and on the path to a healthy life. People may call me a lunatic or Jesus Freak...I don't really mind; it gives me the opportunity to explain my passion for living. Most people don't believe in a God that offers second, third, and infinite chances. They believe they are too far gone...I am living proof that new life & freedom exist when you accept His everlasting love. Thank you Lord, for giving me hope for a future.
"Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness." (Lamentations 3:22-23)
