cookie2012

Its been 5 months and 63 pounds ago that I was sleeved. After my first couple of weeks of being sleeved I couldn't see THIS happening, I thought I would never get here. Here for me is just about at goal. I'm currently 189 pounds, and I guess I will settle at 185 just because I think 185 sounds better than 189. When I started this journey I had no idea of what my goal weight was. The experts suggest that someone of my height and age should weigh somewhere around 150; if I went down to 150 i would definitely look like a q-tip. I'm very happy and comfortable where I am now. I am able to fit into a size 10, which blows my mind because I started this journey wearing a size 22. I'm finally accepting my new size. Early on I was having a hard time visualizing myself in this thinner body. I was struggling when I went clothes shopping because all I've known for the past 25 years is plus sized clothing. when I finally realized that I had to shop in the "regular" sized stores, I was so intimidated and unsure of myself (weird right?). I would wear clothing and everyone would rant and rave about how thin I looked and even though I would see myself in the mirror, the change wasn't as significant to me as it was to everyone else. A couple of weeks ago I went to a beauty pageant with a friend of mine and she asked me to wear something short because she wanted to wear a cute short dress that she recently purchased. I agreed. I had to run to a store and purchase a short dress because frankly I've always felt like I was too big for short dresses and didnt have one. I ended up buying a cute black dress with a nude lace overlay that was slightly form fitting and stopped right above my knee. I tried it on and could not believe how great I looked. no girdle, no spanx, just me. I had a tiny belly bulge, but hey, i've got four kids, I'm entitled to it! I wore that dress that evening with my 5 inch pumps and looked like a freakin supermodel (well I felt like one anyway!) My husband, kids, and girlfriend couldn't stop telling me how great I looked, and I was finally able to agree with them. My AHA moment!
 
 
This surgery has done so much for me. I'm no longer gorging, and even when I have the desire too, I just can't because I'm sleeved. I sometimes get cravings for super sweet junk food that's no good for me, and when I try to indulge, my craving is usually curbed after the first or second bite, because I'm sleeved. My health concerns regarding diabetes and high blood pressure have eased because I'm so much healthier and even going to the gym. All because I'm sleeved!
 
My issues with self esteem and confidence have been taken care of...yes, because of my sleeve.
 
I know that every now and then I will doubt myself, but I promise you it won't be as much as it was before my sleeve. I'm eager to live and try new things - the things I wouldn't do before because I thought I was too fat and didnt want to bring attention to myself. My relationship with my hubby has rekindled as well. We were ok before I was sleeved as he has been nothing but supportive and caring through our 10 years together, but now that I'm more confident, I'm willing to do more and try new things with him (get your minds out of the gutter). I'm more anxious to go out of the house and just see what life has out there to offer. It's a great feeling. I'm over the moon and under 200 lbs!

Just yapping about the changes I've noticed since being sleeved. Some NSVs, some new revelations.
 
 
My relationship with food is more enhanced. Since my portions have decreased so much, I really have to savor and enjoy the food that I’m eating. I used to scarf my food down like I was afraid someone was gonna take it away from me. Now I actually TASTE and appreciate the food I’m eating. I used to taste it before too, but dining is now an experience for me where as before it was a task. Does that make sense to you? For example, I’ve been making Spinach Lasagna for my family for years, and they all rant and rave about how good it is. Before I didn’t really eat it, but this past New Years, I had a spoonful, and actually tasted all the herbs and different flavors of the cheeses. That was a great EXPERIENCE for me and my tastebuds.
 
 
I LOVE going to the gym. A year ago you couldn’t even pay me to step foot in a gym! I guess with the weight loss and the boost of confidence, I’m no longer worried about looking like a fat person trying to lose weight. I get to Planet Fitness, plug my headphones in and I become one with that treadmill, or bike, or ellipticall machine. I have never been this amped and motivated to get in shape. I think getting in shape is the key to this – I’m not focusing on losing weight because that is happening any way. I’m focusing on toning my body and getting my endurance up and seeing that progress makes going to the gym a very enjoyable experience.
 
 
I don’t know how to shop for clothing anymore! It’s like I’m a stylist trying to give someone a makeover! I’m not complaining because it’s fun! I’m trying on clothes that I would never have considered in my pre-sleeved life. I got so accustomed to going right into Lane Bryant and the other big girl stores and settling for all the oversized blouses and tent like dresses they offer us. I’m not necessarily ready to shop in a skinny girl store for all my clothing yet, but it’s nice to be able to walk into a “regular” store and have the option to wear some of their clothing and not just the jewelry. I loved to shop before, but now that my options for stores to shop in have doubled, I’m in heaven!!!
 
 
On another note, my ass and boobs have left the building. I wasn’t a Dolly Parton Kardashian candidate before, but now my profile looks like that of a door. You gotta see how I’m going after that glute machine in that gym. SMH. Been looking for “booty pop panties” on EBay and Amazon.
 
 
New adventures in grocery shopping too! I was never a label reader up until about 2 years ago. Even then I was really only focusing on finding foods that had aspartame in them because I’m trying to stay away from it as much as I can. I would also glance at fiber content, as I like to know that my fam is eating foods rich in fiber. Now I find myself comparing everything to see what has the most protein in it.
 
 
I am losing my hair. It’s coming out at the root. It’s my fault though because I’ve been neglecting my vitamin regimen as usual. I know, I know. Gotta get my vitamins in, it's essential to my well being.
 
 
I can see my pubes. My stomach hung so low before that it covered my lady parts.
 
 
I have gotten comfortable with telling people that I’ve changed my eating habits when they say “What are you doing to lose the weight?”. I tell them that my portions have gotten way smaller, and I’m more aware of what I’m putting in my mouth. I tell them that I’m also going to the gym, trying to get to a healthier place. Who says I have to mention the part about being sleeved?
 
 
I sat in the movie theatre with my sons to watch the Chipmunks movie the other day. The seat was comfortable. Its usually to snug and I end up having to scooch my self forward to get out of the seat without bruising my hips. Now, no problem. Will definitely be going to the movies a lot more from now on.
 
 
I have to brush my teeth several times a day. I guess since we have to chew our food so much that we’re more susceptible to plaque. I just know that I hate that feeling – the cheesy film that you feel when you run your tongue across your teeth. Instead of twice a day, I’m up to 4 to 5 times for toothbrushing. Flossing is becoming more frequent too.
 
 
I have to get my wedding rings sized. They look like hula hoops when I put them on my finger now.
 
 
Everytime I see someone who is obese I want to run and tell them about the sleeve.
 
 
I’m realizing that since I’ve gotten more accustomed to my sleeve, the less I get on to VST and the less I have to vlog about on Youtube. I now understand why so many people are all in for months at a time, and then they just disappear and return a year later to announce their “surgiversary.” Once life with your sleeve becomes normal, there isn’t much to report.

October 18th, 2011 was a monumental day in my life. The three months leading up to that date were anxiety filled, and I spent every waking moment on VST and YouTube gathering all the information I could about being sleeved. No matter how much research you do, you're still never fully able to comprehend how much your life will change - in my case for the better.
 
While in the hospital after being sleeved, things weren't so bad, in fact I was expecting to be in a lot more pain than I actually was. I anticipated that it would be excruciatingly bad, but in comparison to my 3 sections and one natural birth, the pain was minimal. I was able to walk by the second day (very slowly of course) and didn't experience any of the gas issues that people talk about during their experience. Even my nurses and surgeon mentioned how I was doing so well. Physically, I was the ideal post op patient. Mentally however, I was a frickin MESS!
 
My first couple of days home were a little rocky as I was having issues with my acid reflux meds. The omeperazole they prescribed for me didn't agree with my system, so I had to go on Nexium. No big deal, I had a rough day and a half till we worked that out. But the real issue I had with getting sleeved was the restriction. I knew that I signed up for this surgery because restriction would be the ONLY way that someone like me could ever lose weight and keep it off. I don't have enough will power to stop myself from eating for no reason. Even as a sleeved woman, if there is a piece of food near me I have the urge to eat it - not because I'm hungry, but because its there. With the sleeve though, I have to make a conscious decision before I eat anything or suffer the consequences. Am I willing to eat that food and suffer from "dumping" or feeling overly full for several hours, or even vomiting because it doesn't agree with my new tummy? These are the things that go through my head now before I stuff my face for no reason. My sleeve has made me a conscious eater.
 
Although the restriction is just what I needed, as you'll see in my previous blogs, I resented this sleeve for not allowing me to be greedy and eat any and everything I wanted. I resented this sleeve because I couldn't just take it back to the store and get my old tummy back. I resented this sleeve because I wasn't in control. I had to do what my sleeve liked. I had to submit to my sleeve and finally after a little over 2 months I can say my sleeve and I are a team. We're in sync. I'm not holding up my end of the bargain as I should with my protein counts, but Im working on it. As long as I keep my sleeve hydrated and give her some stuff to eat every few hours, she's good. No belching, no vomiting, no gurgling, no problems.
 
I said all this to say that loving my sleeve wasn't necessarily an easy road to get to. Sometimes when you read the posts of those people who have been successful with their sleeve after many months, the "bad" stuff tends to get left out and you're left with these expectations of happy sleevedom and when you do get sleeved you wish you'd never done it. It happened to me. No one told me about the resentment stage and no one told me that I might have buyers remorse in my first few weeks of being sleeved. No one told me that I would feel trapped, and angry, and want to stay in my bed for weeks until it all got better.
 
I hope this note helps that person out there who is nearing their surgery date - know that the road to recovery may not be easy at first, but when you do get accustomed to your sleeve and new lifestyle it will all be worth it in the end, and you'll be able to pass the info on to the next new sleevester..