Lisa's Hope

I recently had an esophageal manometry, and it was by far the worst test that I've endured! I had to have 10 consecutive uninterrupted swallows. The numbing spray wore off half way through the test, which was painful. My test lasted for about 1 hr 15 mins because I couldn't get 10 consecutive sips and swallows without the intermittent swallows by nature. Smh I felt like I was choking the entire time! My RN was extremely nice and considerate, which helped, a little. Yet and still, I will NOT have that test again! I'm currently awaiting results to determine whether or not the sleeve or bypass would be most appropriate.

Dawnie_doo

Wow... so sorry you endured that!! I never had it done. I decided to take meds for it and still am till this day. I also decided NOT to do bypass. I'm so glad I didn't do it. I still have some issues. Some spasms but not as nearly as I was. I will be 4 years out in May. I'm losing again and am so proud I kept off the weight I have. I still suffer but realize that some of the acidic foods I was eating like tomatoes bring the spasms on. The spasms were and are the worse pain I've ever felt. I take Levsin and Dexilant and it really helps. I decided I didn't want to cause more issues for myself having the bypass. I see so many complications with that surgery 10 years out. I'm not saying everyone will have issues... but I couldn't take the chance since my husband died of cancer and I'm alone here with no family to help.

Blessings and prayers for you! I hope you don't have to have the bypass.

Thank you so much. I needed to read this. I've not been on this site in a long time. I lost my husband and a brother to cancer in the last 16 months. I lost a total of 130 pounds and have put back on 35. I had sleeve surgery May of 2012. I remember those honeymoon glasses. Oh how I loved them. Then things started to fall down around me. My husband diagnosed with cancer and died 6 months later. Then my brother 13 months after that. Life is hard but I don't want to go back to 300 pounds.

I never thought about things the way you are describing. You have given me hope and a new outlook. So thank you so much. I just have to figure out how to start eating again. I gained this weight by drinking "frappes". I don't eat much even to keep me nourished but the caffeine and sugar in the frappes keep me "up"... I use them for comfort and they are loaded with calories. I want to get back on track. I hope by reading this it can turn me around.

Blessings,

Girl it breaks my heart to hear of your tragic losses...I can't even imagine. I can't really even find words to comfort you right now...all the sayings and words that come to mind seem so trivial and cliche that I choke on them as I even start to type them.

Yes you can find me on Facebook. I'm under Niki Thompson from Greenville, TX, I would love to keep up that way. Maybe by then I could find some words of encouragement for you....for now maybe time?????

I am so glad you did not ever have the bypass surgery done and that you're not faced with the same complications that I am faced with now. I fear with all you have been through, you'd be much worse of than I am now.

I miss hearing from you, I'm not on this site often either but found my way back since these last procedures/surgery. Please find me on Facebook. Talk to you soon!

Its ok. I know its hard for people to know what to say. <3 I found you on facebook! Ttys.

@@Lisa's Hope

Hi Lisa...I'm so sorry I have been gone for so long...please just send me something so I know how you're doing...I think of you often.❤️

Hi Niki. Very nice to hear from you! I don't come on this site to often. I need to friend you on Facebook so we can keep up with each other.

I'm doing ok. I still have spasms but not as often as before. I still have acid reflux and bile reflux but the meds seem to be working. I take Dexilant, Zantac, and Levsin for the spasms. If not for all of the GERD problems, I would be ok. I am still maintaining my weight but can't seem to lose the 30 I gained back. Keeping off 90 is good though.

I hope all is well with you. I'm so glad I didn't go through with the gastric bypass. I've just seen too many complications from that surgery. Since I have no one right now and am alone it would be catastrophic if I got sick. I miss my husband so much. It has been 16 months and it seems like yesterday. I also lost one of my brothers to cancer 4 months ago. Life is hard!! I'm surprised I've not gained back everything. It sure is harder when we are this far out.

Take care of yourself and it was so good hearing from you!.

I'm two years post surgery and experience heartburn and stomach spasams 5 days ago. Worst pain, put me in bed, couldn't eat for three days. Still very tender. Has anyone ever had this

I'm 3 1/2 years post op. I have sever GERD, bile reflux, and esophageal spasms still! I am on Levsin for the spasms and it helps. I am on the strongest PPI they make which they have no generic for. It is called Dexilant. Great medication. I also drink carafate three times a day. This will never go away. The spasms are horrific. Most pain I've ever felt and feels much like a heart attack. Prayers for you to feel better. The GERD causes the spasms. Try sleeping elevated and don't eat anything 3 hours before bed. Prayers for you. Mine started 10 months after surgery. I also had my gall bladder removed as they thought that was the problem. It was bad but the spasms continue.

Blessings.

Frumpy don't participate in the blame and shame - yeah you made some food choices that didn't help matters, but the amount of effort we have to put into keeping the weight off is absolutely shocking and not something people are willing to really admit/talk about. At my lowest weight I had lost 135 lbs since surgery (it took almost 4 years). I still wasn't at goal but I was close. That was one year ago. In eleven months I gained back 43 lbs. Also, that grand total of 135 pounds lost since surgery represents a loss of about 34 pounds a year, or about 3 pounds a month. That is actually worse than had I just gone on a VLC diet. And as it turns out, I will be on a severe diet the rest of my life - we all will, if we want to be starkly honest with ourselves. This last regain was my second regain since surgery. My surgery was July of 2010 I was 294 lbs,17 months later I was at my lowest post-op weight of 172 lbs. My first regain was Summer 2012 and within 6 months I had gained 30 lbs. I plateaued around 200 for the next 6 months and then got on a serious recommittment kick and dropped 40 lbs in 4 months. I held onto my new lowest weight since surgery (159 lbs) for 5 months, until May of 2014, before I started to gain again. From May 2014 to May 2015 I gained the aforementioned 43 lbs. May 28th 2015 I weighed in at 223 lbs and on the 29th I recommitted again to faithful post-op style eating, all the strict guidance we are initially given and that we follow to. the.letter. In the past 20 days I have lost only 5 1/4 lbs. To say this is frustrating cannot even begin to express it. And before anyone starts suggesting reasons for this slowness, yes I have had all my thyroids checked, yes I have done everything to the letter of the law, yes I have done all one is meant to do.

The truth is that our bodies get f***ed up, metabolically, which they already had problems with to begin with which is what was part of what made us obese in the first place. For the rest of our lives we do not get the luxury of eating a reasonable sensible diet and exercising reasonably to keep a healthy body and weight. It requires an unreasonable amount of diligence and a level of concern over calories/exercise/and the components of food that is usually reserved for those with severe eating disorders.

If you want to keep that honeymoon weight (if you were actually lucky enough to achieve goal during honeymoon phase, which I was not) then resign yourself to eating between 600 and 800 calories with less than 40g carbs, for the rest of your effing life. *

*take this rant with a grain of salt as I am obviously terribly upset and frustrated and sad right now.

I agree with everything you said. I was 296 when I started and my lowest was 169. I had surgery May 21, 2012. It has been three years. My husband passed away in June of 2014 with cancer at the age of 48 which most of you know. I started gaining back after diagnosis from drinking frappes and lattes which gave me a high from the sugar and caffeine. He was very ill and I was his sole caregiver. I hardly ate but drank ready made Protein shakes and coffee. I started gaining back and by the time he passed away, I had gained up to 189 from 169. Now since, I gained to 224 and was able to get back to 207 then gained back to 215 where I am now. It is so hard and we aren't like normal people. You are so right. It gets really hard after the first year and it takes more work than people realize. SO, newbies be very careful because you will be able to gain easily and you will be able to eat more as time goes by. The full feeling is there but not as in the honeymoon stage. liquid calories is the devil. So be careful.

I'm so scared that I will continue to gain if I don't stop with the stupid sugar in coffee. I will say that I think if I hadn't had this surgery, I would have gained a lot more by now. SO it is worth it with all the complications I have with severe GERD, esophageal spasms, bile reflux, and almost drowning in my own bile while sleeping because I had yogurt too late at night.

I'm doing my best to get back on track but it isn't easy.

I love you all so much! Thank you for being here for me!!! I miss you all. Nice to come back and be welcomed with open arms. My life for the past year and a half has been terribly hard. I pray every day and my faith is strong. I love my husband more than I could EVER express and his death was the hardest thing I've ever faced. I've lost my parents and siblings and I have another sibling that is dying right now with cancer. He is a year older than I am. Sometimes, I just don't know if I can take anymore but having God by my side, I know I will make it. I do need to think of me now. I need to love myself. My husband would want that for me as we discussed this before his death. So hard without him. The only way to describe it is like ocean waves. Some knock me under and I wonder if I will get back up. But I always do. Other times the waves aren't so big and I have hope. When I chose this name for myself on this site "Lisa's Hope", I had no idea the significance it would have in my life. I really do have hope. Thanks again my sleeve sisters. I appreciate you all so very much. I can't say that enough! God bless. I will continue to come in and update. I think I'm back for good!! <3

Hello Lisa’s Hope!

I was one of your caring supporters during your darkest days when you first lost your husband. It is so good to see your post today! Most importantly—although it might not feel like it to you, you HAVE made tremendous progress in clawing your way back from your devastating loss. I know sometimes I get so tired of people telling me how “resilient” I am. Do you ever feel that way too? But, I personally believe that our lost loved ones want us to honor them in the best way there is, and that is to live out our lives joyfully in peace, and in the present day, not stuck in the past or in what could have been.

OK--about your weight regain. YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE! Thousands upon thousands of people who go through far less traumatic experiences than you have REGAIN much more than 38 lbs. Some people LOSE a lot of weight during major emotional trauma. That’s who we are. Emotional humans. It doesn’t make us failures.

I just want to share some of my thoughts with you because you've been through so much and I just wish you future happiness and contentment in your WLS life. Your post was really just venting and you didn't really ask for this advice, so I hope you don't find my post offensive.

Have you thought about paying more attention to the negative talk you are telling yourself? It can really keep us weighed down (no pun intended) emotionally. Just a couple thoughts as you try to get yourself "Back to Basics:"

The FIRST step to reclaim control of your eating habits is to BE KIND TO YOURSELF.

The SECOND step is to focus on TODAY’s eating only. Not what happened yesterday.

The THIRD step might be to actually sit down and make a written list of the exact foods that you KNOW are the biggest culprits that are most contributing to your weight gain. (This is a tough get-real moment for a lot of us). It might be that you need to go “cold turkey” and totally eliminate these foods until you reach your desired weight. Get them out of the house. Meanwhile, you find some acceptable substitutes for these foods so you don’t feel deprived. (Write the healthy substitute next to the culprit food.) For instance, you mentioned Fudgesicles—maybe find a recipe for frozen Greek yogurt drops. If you are near a Sams Club or Sprouts market, Fresh N Easy, check out Enlightened frozen bars—a satisfying 3.5 oz bar for Cal=80, Fat=2.5g,Carb=15g, Fib=5g, Sug=3g, Pro=9g.

The FOURTH step is to be ready to commit to doing what it takes to consume your healthy 3 meals/2 Snacks per day, within your calorie/protein allotment. Do you have good bari recipes? Maybe visit www.theworldaccordingtoeggface.com for starters. Yep, preparing 3 meals and 2 Snacks is a lot of work, but we learn to be smart about it by planning ahead, cooking ahead, freezing portions, etc. Makes it almost painless!

It is never too late to get rid of your old unhealthy eating habits and create the new, healthy habits and lifestyle that the long-term WLS patients use to maintain their weight. You most likely did not have the time and dedication to establish those good, solid habits back then because you were in the throes of dealing with your husband’s illness. So, now is YOUR time.

(Fad) DIETS don’t work! (No disrespect to those who post on here who use the 5:2. I know many of you find it very useful—I’m not calling it “fad”).

We had WLS so we don’t have to be on DIETS for the rest of our lives.

I've found that the formula for WLS eating is really pretty simple:

Use food as fuel and medicine for the body.

Our bodys' cells and systems know how to process real, whole foods to keep our health and weight in balance. It does not know what to do with all the processed junk food that we feed it, and the results are very predictable (weight gain; potential for disease).

You mentioned that you thought the sleeve would help you for the rest of your life. It does and it will always, and it is sitting there ready to help you. But you have to hold up your end of the bargain for the rest of your life. I’m four years out, and like you, I can definitely eat as much as I could before surgery. Yes, I am surprised about that. Yes, I get hungrier than I thought I would. No, I didn’t think that’s how it would be. But I also know that if I eat junky carbs (sugar), my appetite goes way out of control immediately for days after. So, it’s just plain not worth it to me. It IS a CHOICE that we all ultimately must make for ourselves. Do we want to consciously control our food choices for the rest of our lives—or—don’t we?

You can replace your fear, Lisa, with your POWER, and you can begin to practice removing “I can’t” and “if only” from your vocabulary! YOU CAN. Period. I know there are so many people here for you...

Thank you. I appreciate all the wonderful information you've given me and you taking the time to help me Everything you've wrote about is very true!

So nice to see some familiar faces! Thanks again for the encouragement! I knew I could count on the vets here to be here with kind words and understanding. I will keep y'all posted on how I'm doing. Starting today Back to Basics!

So nice to hear from you!

I want to ask you a serious question. .. can you see how awesome it is to weigh in the 200# weight class vs 300 range????

Yes, I can. I'm thankful everyday that I've been able to stop the regain. I did cut out the nightly fudgesicles as I stated in earlier posts. FINALLY! That was very hard for me to do. I know that I am the one that HAS to take care of myself. I appreciate the encouragement from you all very very much! Good to see you here too! I know if I can just get under 200 and maintain, I will be more than satisfied. This has been a lifetime struggle with me as I'm sure for most of us!

Why not just go back to basics? Just focus on Protein first, and anything else after. Are you still having a Protein Drink supplement? Start the day with that as Breakfast, and focus on Protein filling lunch and dinner. Cut out refined carbs, sugar, and all the stuff you eliminated while you were losing! It still works!

Thank you so much. I do drink Protein drinks. I actually love them. It is so much easier to just get one out of the fridge than to cook. I don't eat refined carbs at all really but the sugar that is again something else. I'm going to try this and get back to basics. I think I still have a bariatric diet someone in my computer files.

Hello all vets,

I've not posted here in a long while. I'm still struggling with maintaining my weight. Next month on the 8th of June will be 1 year that I lost my husband to cancer. I posted several times about gaining weight after my husband's diagnosis from 178 my lowest to 216. I've still maintained at 216 give or take a few pounds. My starting weight was near 300. I'm happy that I've been able to keep off at least some of the weight. I feel like so many I've talk with about the sleeve that are further out... like I can eat almost as much as I did before. I know the sleeve is a tool and I know that ultimately it is up to me but the reason I had this surgery and was self pay is I thought it would help me for the rest of my life. I've had issues with GERD and esophageal spasms which have subsided a bit since I'm further out but I'm so mad at myself for gaining back 38 pounds. I've tried everything to get back on track and have been unsuccessful. I know it is my fault but dealing with all the trauma of my husband's cancer and watching him die I'm still an emotional wreck. I have okay days and really bad days but I have support and I'm trying to work through. I will never get over it but I will get through it. I pray for strength everyday to get back on track but I always fail as I did before the surgery. If I could just get back under 200 !!! I know I have to do it myself but I feel like such a failure. Just thought I'd check in since it is coming up on my three year and hopefully one day, it will click in my head and I will be strong again and get back to losing. I'm really glad I've not gained anymore but I'm so scared!!! Dear Lord I don't want to go back to 300 and I can't get control. I have a friend that is doing the "Shape Reclaim" diet. She has lost almost 50 pounds in 9 weeks and she hasn't had the sleeve. It is so strict, I couldn't stay on it. You buy drops to take which use to have HCG in them but no longer do at least that is what they say. I would love to lose my regain that fast but I don't have the willpower. Anyone heard of this diet here? I know you've given me suggestions but I've forgot most of them. My mind isn't as it use to be. I need to reset!! The "pouch test" is also hard for me to stick to. Maybe I will try the 5:2 again.

Sorry I took over the thread.

Thanks everyone. I don't drink soda. I drink coffee, sugar, Water. Sometimes tea if I go out to eat which is very rare. The thought of food is appalling to me. I don't eat fast food at all. I drink Protein shakes. I need to fix my relationship with food but haven't tried hard enough I guess. I need to eat. Dr said I'm malnourished. Its been 7 months. I try not to post here much because I know that its frustrating for all of you who are trying to help. Yes.. I will make it or I won't Right now I don't have that fight. I fought for my husband so hard for 6 months... we lost. So now, I think what is the use? Well, thanks for the comments and advice. Much love to all my sleeve friends. <3

Well, I went to the Dr. last Wednesday and had a lot of blood work. My sugar is elevated, my cholesterol is elevated and as of right now I've gained back 44 pounds. Doesn't seem to be an end to my sugar addiction. I guess I either have to reside myself to the fact that I'm going to let myself get back to 300 again or I'm going to fight. Honestly, I don't have the fight in me. I really don't. So, I deserve what I am going to get in the coming months. I don't eat. I drink sugar. I'm addicted to sugar. That said... it isn't cakes, Cookies, etc.. I seem to not be able to get through the day without it, my fix, my frappes, lattes....

My doctor gave me this look like ... well.. you are doing this to yourself and he is right. I wonder if I really want to be here without my husband. Now don't take that the wrong way and start thinking I'm talking about suicide. I'm not! I just don't seem to have it in me to want to fight this any longer. All I care about is having something to make me feel better when I'm in so much pain from losing my husband, my life, my forever. I won't complain about gaining anymore. It is what it is. Caffeine and sugar helps me get through the day. Am I strong enough to give it up? No, I think not. I have size 8 to 16 jeans in my closet. I was a 26.

Lisa, wondering how you are doing. Holidays can be very hard.

Hi Jane,

Thank you so much for checking on me. The holidays were very hard. Lots of tears. Tomorrow will be 1 year my husband was diagnosed. Then 7 months on the 8th of Jan. I just got back from visiting his grave. Ugh.. so hard. I'm making progress.... just baby steps though. I still haven't lost any weight. I go back to the Dr. on the 7th so I'm having my blood work. I'm on meds for hypothyroidism because I was hyper and had my thyroid ablated (killed) with radiation in 2007. That is when I gained the last 50 pounds was 3 months after that. So that put me at my highest weight of 300 give or take a pound. I'm holding steady now between 211 and 214 but can't lose. I'm very scared I will gain it all back. I remember how I felt at 170. I felt so thin. Now I'm fat again. :/

I hope all had wonderful Christmas and New Year! I pray so hard that this year will be better. I can't bring myself to even take off my wedding rings. I hope to be moving back to my home state of Georgia only to North Georgia this time. My daughter won't come with me ... so the only child I have is not going to be in my life. Things can't be worse with our relationship.. Dear Lord.. I pray He leads me and I get some clarity of why things happen this way.

God Bless!!

Im going through the same exact thing I have gain 47 pld since March of this year dont no how to get back on track I feel like a complete failure I lost my job in February and havent been the same every since my son got diagnosed with seizure scared the hell out of me im a emotional eater and just want to get back on track what can I do please help me you guys im so ready to turn this thing back around. I HAVE gerd and a alcohol problems. sorry for ya lost.

Sorry you are going through this too. I have very bad gerd and esophageal spasms. I don't drink alcohol but the sugary coffee is just as bad. It has been very easy to gain this back. I've kept off 85 pounds but still i'm so scared. I know I'm the only one that can turn it around. Just I've never had weight come back this fast before and I don't eat which people don't believe even the drs... but liquid calories are just as bad. Maybe both of us can get back on track in the new year. I never thought I would be back here.

It took 2-3 months to lose 14 pounds ! It was pretty quick honestly

I've read about this. I started actually today. I hope it works for me as well!! How was your eating plan during the 8 hours? Did you just eat what you wanted or follow a certain plan?

No I can't work full time. I have a son in kindergarten and a 2.5 year old. I have to be home for the baby, and be home to put my son on/off the bus. I try to get out during the day, but I'm also in college full time online so I try and squeeze that in during the day between housework and kids. I'd love to do therapy but we don't have insurance, and we can't afford it until after the holidays. The food that tempts me is food for my husband/kids. I'm not sure What's stopping me. Trying to figure it out.

We all here had surgery to lose weight so all of us have the same problem. I surely understand what you are going through. If we could have figured it all out, we could have all lost weight and kept it off and never, in my case, paid cash for this surgery. Emotions and all sorts of other things get in our way. I'm in the same boat as you are and I do understand. Only thing is my reasons are different. Praying that both of us and all who are struggling, which it gets harder the farther out you are, are able to get back on track. I've lost 100's of pounds in my life on my own before this surgery and the thing that brought it back was "life" and trying to find comfort for what life was slapping in the face with at the time. Life happens. Some find comfort with drugs, alcohol, sex etc. We all here eat and use food or sugar or whatever makes us feel better at the time. In my case, we all know what it is so I won't say it again since I've said it so many times before as I've been told. We all have this in common on this site. Again, I understand and hopefully we can find the strength to get it together and get back on track.

Hi Lisa,

I think you are an awesome woman with a bright spirit and kind heart, based on the way you cared for your husband. The six month mark after a death is a tough one, and with holidays approaching, it's even tougher. You are doing the best you can. That's all any of us can do.

First, I agree with @@CowgirlJane, the calorie math is crap. There is way more to it than that. However, having said that, it's one of the guides we do have to use to gauge our intake. You probably know what yours should be, otherwise you wouldn't have been so successful to start with. Use that knowledge to guide yourself now. I use myfitnesspal, and the best advice I can give you around that is weigh, measure, and be brutally honest with yourself. That's one of my key actions to keep on track.

Second, sometimes during stress you actually can gain weight without an increase in calories, or you can gain in a disproportionate amount to intake. Do some research on stress and weight gain. Lack of sleep (which often accompanies stress and depression) can also lead to weight gain. You could try a counselor for that as you mentioned. However, I was a hospice nurse, so I do suggest you contact your local hospice and join the support group if you have not already done so. They have bereavement coordinators who can talk with you and visit, as well as spiritual care people. The support groups are wonderful. Another idea is to volunteer with them. We had the most wonderful volunteers who had been through losses with hospice, and they said it gave them purpose and the opportunity for social interaction, often with people who had similar experiences. Or maybe you have a church or other group that you'd like to help. It's a way to get out of the house, not strain your back, and have a purpose.

As for how to manage your diet, I am with you on the coffee creamer!! When I was 300 pounds, I always had black coffee. Lately, I've been drawn to pumpkin spice coffee in the keurig, and pumpkin coffee creamer. That 35 calories does add up. I'm also going to have to give that up - and I really don't want to! But I know that it is contributing to me hanging on to the last few pounds. It is really hard to make that change, isn't it? I do have the chike coffee, and I love it!

And keep coming here for support. We got your back

You are so sweet. Thank you so much for your understanding. I'm so emotional, it made me cry. Now my brother in Georgia is suffering with liver cancer and also my cousin. Seems to never stop. It is so evil.

You seem to understand exactly what I'm facing. I can't thank you enough for your kind heart and words. God bless.

Thank you all for the great advice. I appreciate it so much.

I am a believer and if I didn't' have Jesus in my life, I would have already left this world. Things are just too hard but I do have Him and I wouldn't ever do anything like that to myself.

I do use sugar to self medicate. I don't however eat carbs like bread, Pasta, cake, Cookies... etc. I drink frappes from McDonald's almost everyday. They have 540 calories for a medium. My coffee at home has between 200 and 250. I say that because I use my espresso Keurig and use skim milk and Creamers. The creamer is 35 calories per tablespoon. That is a lot and it adds up. I was eating fudgesickles that are 80 calories each but when I start eating them.. I can't stop.... but haven't bought anymore. Other than that I eat 1 meal a day. That meal is Protein, cheese, and veggies. That's it. The weight that I've gained has come on in a years time. Well, my husband was diagnosed in Jan. I was 178 pounds. I gained to 190 when he died in June. Then the rest 22 pounds since June.

All of your words and encouragement has helped me so much and all of you are right. The world goes on whether I do this to myself or not and my husband wouldn't want that. He told me before he died to please take care of myself and how sorry he was to leave me because he knows I'm mostly alone in this world. I have a 23 year old daughter who's life isn't going well and life is just so hard right now.

As far as joining a gym, I'm disabled with my back. I worked for 33 years but as of the last year and half I've been receiving my benefits from disability. I like to say this because this is MY money I paid in all those years. I do walk and that is pretty much all I can do. I have had three car accidents... not my fault.. lol but still need surgery in my neck. My back I have introverted budging disc that are pressing on my spinal cord.

For the last two days I've done better. No fudge sickles at all and sf creamers in my coffee. Ordered Click Protein and I think this will suffice.

I took out my jeans in my closet and I have from size 10 to 16. I was so sad looking at my size 10's. I would be happy in a 12. I don't want to go up anymore. I don't want to go back. I know I'm am ultimately in charge of my own happiness.

Much love to all of you. Thanks again. I'm sure most of you have seen my husband but I wanted to add a picture just for y'all who haven't seen him. I love him so much and he was such a good man. I prayed for him for along time but only had him for 11 years. Better than none at all. He was 48. This is what happened to my husband in six months. Cancer is relentless and evil.

Lisa -- what about thinking of some replacements for these triggers? Maybe replace the separate cups of coffee and Protein drinks with Protein coffee? I drink Click, and there's another called Chike. They're tasty on their own, but you can blend in sugar-free Creamers or flavors to make it taste more like an indulgent drink. If you combine the coffee drink and Protein Drinks, reducing your overall quantity in a day, you reduce your calorie intake. As for the fudgecicles, perhaps switch to diet hot chocolate? One packet is 20-25 calories, and you still get that chocolate flavor. If it's the Popsicle you want, maybe switch to 10 calorie sugar-free Popsicles.

I agree with others that you need to take a hard look at this before it gets too out of hand, and while you should have grace for yourself, you should not allow your husband's passing to cause you to make excuses when it comes to your health and eating. Counseling is a great idea, but I've also been very helped by a local GriefShare class. New semesters will start in January. Take one day at a time, and perhaps begin tracking again so you can keep those liquid and snack calories in check.

I'm ordering the Click today. I'm excited about this.. Thank you so much!!!

You probably know this already... but one of the ways people regain is that whole "I am not hungry enough to eat a real meal".... so then they are not satiated so that is when liquid calories and little snacky unhealthy foods start sneaking in. Those snacky foods are insideous. It seems like you really aren't eating... but the carbs and calorie count can be astounding.

So, while I understand not having hunger for breakfast and lunch, I think it is important to get at least a small amount of nutrient dense food (ie Protein and veggies in) and it may prevent over eating in the evening.

I say don't buy into the "my metabolism is nil" story. I KNOW I need to eat less compared to other women my relative age/size. Oh well, that is life. Sort of dwelling on that crap is just negativity. We each have to find our own path, and what we need may adapt over time even. I compare this to my orthopedic doctor who told me that he never likes to tell people they have "bone on bone" arthritis. What matters is can they function with a managable amount of pain or discomfort? If they can, who cares what the XRays show.

Relating back to food, I genuinely believe that eating the right kinds of food will help you manage your weight over strict calorie control. If it were just calories, I would have been trim while following weight watchers etc and I never was.

I am one of the rare people that don't track (although i believe in the value of it) because I KNOW that eating healthy foods, in sort of the program I typed up is how I maintain.

You're an inspiration!

The metabolic profile was a blood analysis done by my PCP. My metabolism is low only because I'm not eating or exercising enough. Hopefully, I can turn it around. The encouragement helps! Y'all have given me a push and so for today things are better.

Thanks <3

Lisa,

I have also gotten way off track, it's a recurring issue with me, and I know what I need to do, it's just a matter of not letting myself "forget" it once my weight gets back in my comfort zone. For me, personally, I cannot handle sugar in moderation. I know lots of folks can, and being able to have the occasional treat is key to staying on track. For ME, those treats have to be sugar-free, or I get sucked back in and get totally out of control, and it takes ages to drag myself back on track. I've got coming up on 4 weeks sugar-free under my belt, and it's SO much easier to stay on track once I get myself there.

I'll second the suggestion for Click, I love the mocha flavor. You can order it from Amazon, I'm not sure I've ever seen it in a store.

Jane's response is awesome on so many accounts. It truly is about being brutally honest with yourself about what will work for you, vs what's an excuse not to give up something you've become attached to.

I think if you can get 2-3 solid weeks of good eating habits behind you, you'll begin to really feel a difference, and it won't be such a struggle, but the key is to arm yourself with every possible tool you can think of for those 2-3 weeks. MyFitnessPal helps me, journaling helps sometimes, checking in on WLS sites like this one, or blogs that inspire me help keep me focused. Another strategy that's worked for me before is to join a challenge of some sort. MyTinyTank runs 6-week challenges every few weeks on a private Facebook page. Unfortunately you just missed the start of one (Nov. 29), but check out her website for more info (just search for MyTinyTank).

If you're on MyFitnessPal, send me a PM if you'd like to connect there for daily checking-in and support. I'm walking the same path, I'd be glad of some company in getting my weight back under control.

Thank you so much for your advice. I'm like that too with sugar. I'm an addict. I need not have it. I know you are right about getting a few weeks under my belt. It will be a lot easier.

Lisa -- what about thinking of some replacements for these triggers? Maybe replace the separate cups of coffee and Protein drinks with Protein coffee? I drink Click, and there's another called Chike. They're tasty on their own, but you can blend in sugar-free Creamers or flavors to make it taste more like an indulgent drink. If you combine the coffee drink and Protein Drinks, reducing your overall quantity in a day, you reduce your calorie intake. As for the fudgecicles, perhaps switch to diet hot chocolate? One packet is 20-25 calories, and you still get that chocolate flavor. If it's the Popsicle you want, maybe switch to 10 calorie sugar-free Popsicles.

I agree with others that you need to take a hard look at this before it gets too out of hand, and while you should have grace for yourself, you should not allow your husband's passing to cause you to make excuses when it comes to your health and eating. Counseling is a great idea, but I've also been very helped by a local GriefShare class. New semesters will start in January. Take one day at a time, and perhaps begin tracking again so you can keep those liquid and snack calories in check.

I will try those. Where do you purchase the Click or Chike? Thanks for your encouragement.

I've started today with getting rid of the sugar Creamers and am trying stevia and sugar free creamers (even though I know they aren't good for me health wise) and I finally ate Breakfast for the first time in months. I didn't have a shake but an organic egg, spinach, and 35 calorie sliced cheese. I'm going to try and detox from the sugar. I also made "fruit water" with apples, grapefruit, and tangerines. I would love some strawberries but didn't have any at the store so I will try that next time. The grapefruit is supposed to be good to help detox the liver. I do not have any more fudgesicles at all. That will be the test for me tonight. During the day is easy. I had to MAKE myself eat breakfast. I didn't like it and couldn't finish it but almost all of it. Now for lunch? I just really hate eating during the day. I did have blood work awhile back and my PCP said my metabolism was nill. I am walking now like I said in my first post. Not sure everyone read it all. I am disabled with back issues... won't go into all of that because most people don't believe it anyway but after working 33 years, the Dr's suggested disability and I have been receiving my benefits I paid in over that time for a year now. So walking is great. Although today we have sleet so I will do a walking tape.

Jane, I can't thank you enough! You are so nice to help me out. All of your suggestions are great. I will keep you posted on how I'm doing. I did download an app from my surgery center called "My Newself" which is like my fitness pal. Started logging today.

God bless you and thanks again for all the encouragement.... Oh.. I don't drink at all. So none of my calories are from alcohol.