CowgirlJane

To the best of my knowledge I do not have a history of "calling out" people in an unkind way. It is also clear to me that people new to the process TEND to be a bit more vulnerable (frightened, unsure etc) and I try to keep that in mind when interpting posts. I actually don't even know why these posts keep getting started, telling all us vets to behave so I guess my points are not relevant.

To the best of my knowledge I do not have a history of "calling out" people in an unkind way. It is also clear to me that people new to the process TEND to be a bit more vulnerable (frightened, unsure etc) and I try to keep that in mind when interpting posts. I actually don't even know why these posts keep getting started, telling all us vets to behave so I guess my points are not relevant.

To the best of my knowledge I do not have a history of "calling out" people in an unkind way. It is also clear to me that people new to the process TEND to be a bit more vulnerable (frightened, unsure etc) and I try to keep that in mind when interpting posts. I actually don't even know why these posts keep getting started, telling all us vets to behave so I guess my points are not relevant.

@@Crochet Queen I am so sorry ! Just reading your story gave me a feeling of trauma! I hope you are able to move on and enjoy the success of weight loss. What a nightmare scenario, thinking you are getting a safer procedure only to realize that may not be true.
I have never even heard of this - I am curious why this is even called sleeve?
I don't know thelesson to be learned, since we trust the experts, but I feel strongly about finding surgeons with proven track records of both safety and results and then following their program.

So painful. I did not have an affair so I can't exactly relate, but I think I relate to that feeling of an empty spot in your heart that you try to fill. In my past I have tried to fill it with food, even alcohol but those were short term fixes. I wonder if the tendency toward "flirting" is something similiar - trying to fill a painful, empty spot in your own heart. I am not a huge counseling advocate, but it seems to me that examining yourself right now, perhaps with a counselor can be super beneficial. I lost 150# and I call 2013 as my crazy year because I was so disoriented. If I was prone to using flirting/temptations/men to fill that emotional void - it would have been bad. It might be helpful to tackle this stuff BEFORE you lose weight because WLS, rapid weight loss, becoming thin is a head trip for some of us ... and you may go through some tough, and emotional times.
So, I had a past relationship that I had just a hard time letting go of. It wasn't even the relationship, it was the IDEA of the relationship that was painful. So, there was a phrase that I found hurtful "move on let go" and I made it my password on something I logged onto daily. It stabbed me in the heart everytime I typed it, but in about 1-2 months it stopped doing that. I changed the password, and I no longer felt that wanting.
If I were you, I would remove yourself (or him or whatever) from any contact, any social media, delete his number. There is no reason you should even know who he is dating...
Good luck in working this out. I am single after being in 2 long term relationships basically my whole adult life... and although there are things about singledom I love; having a loving supportive husband is a lot better.

To the best of my knowledge I do not have a history of "calling out" people in an unkind way. It is also clear to me that people new to the process TEND to be a bit more vulnerable (frightened, unsure etc) and I try to keep that in mind when interpting posts. I actually don't even know why these posts keep getting started, telling all us vets to behave so I guess my points are not relevant.

So painful. I did not have an affair so I can't exactly relate, but I think I relate to that feeling of an empty spot in your heart that you try to fill. In my past I have tried to fill it with food, even alcohol but those were short term fixes. I wonder if the tendency toward "flirting" is something similiar - trying to fill a painful, empty spot in your own heart. I am not a huge counseling advocate, but it seems to me that examining yourself right now, perhaps with a counselor can be super beneficial. I lost 150# and I call 2013 as my crazy year because I was so disoriented. If I was prone to using flirting/temptations/men to fill that emotional void - it would have been bad. It might be helpful to tackle this stuff BEFORE you lose weight because WLS, rapid weight loss, becoming thin is a head trip for some of us ... and you may go through some tough, and emotional times.
So, I had a past relationship that I had just a hard time letting go of. It wasn't even the relationship, it was the IDEA of the relationship that was painful. So, there was a phrase that I found hurtful "move on let go" and I made it my password on something I logged onto daily. It stabbed me in the heart everytime I typed it, but in about 1-2 months it stopped doing that. I changed the password, and I no longer felt that wanting.
If I were you, I would remove yourself (or him or whatever) from any contact, any social media, delete his number. There is no reason you should even know who he is dating...
Good luck in working this out. I am single after being in 2 long term relationships basically my whole adult life... and although there are things about singledom I love; having a loving supportive husband is a lot better.

And it's possible that some of us "Old experienced people" need support too. My personal experience is that maintenance became more difficult at 3 plus years post op. It's hard to imagine (well it was for me anyway!) that I would be so hungry and need to eat so little years down the road.
Anecdotally, I have seen many come back after regain, and there are some who use this support as a way to stay focused even as time goes on.... That is what I try to do.
Of course, not everyone was high BMI and spent many years overweight or obese like I did so I wouldn't presume that everyone seeks support long term.

I agree there is never a reason to be hurtful, but this post goes way beyond that.
So now it is clarified that veterans are allowed to request input from other vets on the veterans forum, that is good. Does it mean that non veterans can or cannot "discriminate" and request input from people of a specific category such as the classic " I want to hear from people who are 5 or more years post op"?
The underlying premise to this post, and the one that was made a couple of months ago is that the veteran community are the meanies and therefore need specific additional rules. I just don't see this in practice. I do realize that people new to the process are often emotionally more vulnerable (frightened, insecure etc) and I try to always remember that, but I completely reject the concept that the successful experienced WLS are the problem on this forum.
When I first joined, I looked around for a handful of people who were similar age, similar amount of starting overweight , also female who had met their goals and were maintaining....and I listened to them! I wanted success not to be patted on the head. It worked, I am still half my former size years later and those ladies I "followed" helped me believe in myself. I realize veterans don't tend to buy stuff at the store, but, perhaps there is some value to our participation here. Many of the experienced and successful longer term WLS peeps have left, and this sort of general statement implying we are anti-support is one of the many reasons for that. It gets old.

And it's possible that some of us "Old experienced people" need support too. My personal experience is that maintenance became more difficult at 3 plus years post op. It's hard to imagine (well it was for me anyway!) that I would be so hungry and need to eat so little years down the road.
Anecdotally, I have seen many come back after regain, and there are some who use this support as a way to stay focused even as time goes on.... That is what I try to do.
Of course, not everyone was high BMI and spent many years overweight or obese like I did so I wouldn't presume that everyone seeks support long term.

Thanks for the heads up. Warning, the vanilla and strawberry flavors do not keep well. They curdle very quickly - but I stock up on the chocolate!

And it's possible that some of us "Old experienced people" need support too. My personal experience is that maintenance became more difficult at 3 plus years post op. It's hard to imagine (well it was for me anyway!) that I would be so hungry and need to eat so little years down the road.
Anecdotally, I have seen many come back after regain, and there are some who use this support as a way to stay focused even as time goes on.... That is what I try to do.
Of course, not everyone was high BMI and spent many years overweight or obese like I did so I wouldn't presume that everyone seeks support long term.

I agree there is never a reason to be hurtful, but this post goes way beyond that.
So now it is clarified that veterans are allowed to request input from other vets on the veterans forum, that is good. Does it mean that non veterans can or cannot "discriminate" and request input from people of a specific category such as the classic " I want to hear from people who are 5 or more years post op"?
The underlying premise to this post, and the one that was made a couple of months ago is that the veteran community are the meanies and therefore need specific additional rules. I just don't see this in practice. I do realize that people new to the process are often emotionally more vulnerable (frightened, insecure etc) and I try to always remember that, but I completely reject the concept that the successful experienced WLS are the problem on this forum.
When I first joined, I looked around for a handful of people who were similar age, similar amount of starting overweight , also female who had met their goals and were maintaining....and I listened to them! I wanted success not to be patted on the head. It worked, I am still half my former size years later and those ladies I "followed" helped me believe in myself. I realize veterans don't tend to buy stuff at the store, but, perhaps there is some value to our participation here. Many of the experienced and successful longer term WLS peeps have left, and this sort of general statement implying we are anti-support is one of the many reasons for that. It gets old.

And it's possible that some of us "Old experienced people" need support too. My personal experience is that maintenance became more difficult at 3 plus years post op. It's hard to imagine (well it was for me anyway!) that I would be so hungry and need to eat so little years down the road.
Anecdotally, I have seen many come back after regain, and there are some who use this support as a way to stay focused even as time goes on.... That is what I try to do.
Of course, not everyone was high BMI and spent many years overweight or obese like I did so I wouldn't presume that everyone seeks support long term.

What a great resource this group is! I am looking forward to trying it!

I agree there is never a reason to be hurtful, but this post goes way beyond that.
So now it is clarified that veterans are allowed to request input from other vets on the veterans forum, that is good. Does it mean that non veterans can or cannot "discriminate" and request input from people of a specific category such as the classic " I want to hear from people who are 5 or more years post op"?
The underlying premise to this post, and the one that was made a couple of months ago is that the veteran community are the meanies and therefore need specific additional rules. I just don't see this in practice. I do realize that people new to the process are often emotionally more vulnerable (frightened, insecure etc) and I try to always remember that, but I completely reject the concept that the successful experienced WLS are the problem on this forum.
When I first joined, I looked around for a handful of people who were similar age, similar amount of starting overweight , also female who had met their goals and were maintaining....and I listened to them! I wanted success not to be patted on the head. It worked, I am still half my former size years later and those ladies I "followed" helped me believe in myself. I realize veterans don't tend to buy stuff at the store, but, perhaps there is some value to our participation here. Many of the experienced and successful longer term WLS peeps have left, and this sort of general statement implying we are anti-support is one of the many reasons for that. It gets old.