CowgirlJane

I weighed 308 in November 2011: 300 on the day of my revision to sleeve 12/11/11 I hit my personal goal of 158 in Feb 2013 Today April of 2014 I weighed 145. I feel very successful with the sleeve after 10years of poor results with the band....never got under 200# when banded.

I thought banksky was another "cuteyfied" English word....like brekkie for breakfast etc. I ate 3 meals today...feeling normal. Like, it's cool to lose 5# in a week but I know it is the wrong way and can lead to bad things so it felt good to be hungry and eat without feeling ill. Counselor today told me she thinks I am not depressed but hit with overwhelming grief. Maybe. I just want to come out of this soon...but today was ok sorta anyway.

Say what?

Not sure listening to us will help any with her stress... and I agree with your decision.

I am not sure I now know which post we are talking about

Now I don't know what post you mean. Who is zelly?

I too love your positive spin on a painful incident! I had to have my hip joint injected... not fun... but here is my NSV out of it. They made me put on a huge pair none stretching hospital like shorts. I had to tie them and hold them up.... but I bet that when I was obese I wouldn't have even been able to get them on... and it would have been very humiliating. So, my friend asked how painful the shot was. Yeah, it hurt, but I was very focused on being so exposed during the process of the injection...LOL... totally took my mind off the pain.

145 this morning. Ok, since I feel off the emotional cliff a week ago I have lost 5#. Hey, we would all love to loss 5# but, i don't want to do it in a "disordered eating" way. i am forcing myself to eat and often feel kinda sick when I do. I am even having troubles with protein drinks... everything is just gross and unappealing. I would worry something was physically wrong with my tummy, but it is maps exactly to a week ago when I started feeling clinically depressed so i am quite sure it caused by that. I have never in my life been the kind that "can't eat" when upset so it is weird. I will observe that being perpetually under fueled does not feel good and I suspect it is one reason some people have a hard time breaking out of depression. I wanted to go for a hike yesterday and I had barely the energy for an easy walk with my dog. I know this and it is why I make myself eat even though I don't want to. So even though I feel clinically depressed my counselor and many of my friends think it is just plain ole grief. Whatever it is, I can't take it anymore and so yesterday I started on the half dose of the drug Escitalopram (Lexapro) yesterday. It is supposed to be less likely to trigger side effects compared to some drugs in the same class.

You may certainly quote th a new thread.. Kim, you are an artist and him saying otherwise seems like a lashing out. I am sorry though, it must have hurt. I had a horrible day that ended ok. And Sat was pretty good. I am severely mood disordered right now...don't get me wrong...but coping.

Are you talking about the reason the vets need a forum? I have overwhelmed with PMs lately all saying more or less "tell me exactly what to do so I can transform like you did" I openly share my photos with the intention of inspiring and I do look different...but I am also a bit taken aback because we all know that it is both very simple and very hard.

Chimera I read what you wrote and wantee to reflect. Not all of it applies to me but I was neglected, verbally and sexually abused. What related to me was that feeling that someday the hurt would be gone, I would grow out of it or that my amazingly good life would at least overshadow it. I have forgiven and I don't consciously carry around or dwell on all that history but it is undeniably part of me. It is like that knowing that everybody dies, it's inevitable, but you still can't believe it when it happens to someone who you love. I know and accept my history and most of my life I have been able to harness it or ignore it or coexist with it but right now I feel that it must somehow be what is making me feel so lonely. Worse than feeling lonely is the feeling like it's not ever going to change. I told someone I know pretty well about my rough patch. I made plans with her Sat to do an all day thing...a strategy to force myself to pretend to be living. Anyway she told me I am one of the happiest lively most optimistic people she knows, how is it possible that I feel so isolated. I don't think I am faking any of that as it is my basic personality and when I am engaging with people or activities I like I feel quite good.....but you can't spend 24/7 that way. What I think some of us face...whether it's midlife or a childhood trauma history or some other reason is how bad it sometimes feels inside. I guess I buried alot of hurt. My counselor said that it was unusual I didn't do much grieving for loss of food during weight loss phase...and that I lived for so long in a relationship that made me feel so unloved.... and now I am sorta stripped naked in many ways. Nowhere left to hide.

147 this morning. I didn't go out last night but I did go to lunch with my son and his girlfriend. I did that partially to get out of the house and partly because I realized I hadn't been eating. Last night I scrubbed my pick up and horse trailer. Exhausting to get rid of the winter build up. I bought cleaning supplies at an auto parts store. .and I realized I have become a character. The 4 people working there were all talking to me about horses, trucks and removing that green crap that grows over the winter.lol my dad was a character, I think I an becoming one heaven forbid Florinda glad you are safe in Germany. Why is it important to re run those tests? Isn't the next step to get out of Dodge?

I am so sorry about the drama Denise. It is hard for me to wish for a miscarriage because of my own personal feelings about life, but this seems like a pretty unpleasant situation - with no real good ending. I can't help but put myself in this lady's shoes though... men do share some responsibility for preventing pregnancy too. I have noticed a "willingness" on their part to not even bring it up... not even to think it should be discussed. I KNOW I am past fertility based on two blood tests taken a few years apart but why the heck should he (Steven) believe me... but he did.. from day one and has never given it a second thought - although he at least did ask me if it was something we needed to be worried about. I am under 50 still and frankly most women my age can possibly get preganant - though I agree with all of you, why the heck would they want to? Given risk of Downs Syndrome and other issues... anyway, so sad. And I just hate drama - you are a tougher chick than I am Denise cuz I am quite sure I would be just done with it all. That goes to show that you are ready for a real relationship and I am not! Hang in there, things have a way of working themselves out and getting all wound up and worried doesn't fix a damn thing. I am forcing myself to do a horse even tomorrow that I don't even want to. My new horse Mia has been wild and energetic so it will be a challenge. I haven't ridden her in over a week because I just don't have it in me ... I have been riding my old horse a few times. I am hoping I can muster the emotional energy to do stuff. I got asked on a date for tonight. I think it would be fun even though i am pretty much done with dating... but... I am not sure I can fake it through being happy to be there in my current state of mind. I am better feeling than I was a few days ago and haven't started meds yet so I don't know. I do know I need to get out and DO things even if it means forcing myself. My best friend's mother died last night. It was an intensive 2 week period from diagnosis to death. If you are gonna die of cancer - that is the way to do it. She was 87, lived a good life - a good woman. Even though it isn't my grief, it has brought up some unresolved trauma. Because I have been closely involved in 3 deaths of family members I wind up supporting people going through this but apparently at a high cost to myself. I am starting to suspect that this event may have been the trigger for this week's slide to depression although that makes little sense to me. Counselor thinks I am just now starting to face my food addiction (or lack thereof of my drug of choice). That is hard to imagine given that my WLS was 28 months ago, bt what the heck do I know.

I am Over 2 years out and it sometimes comes up especially when i was dating. I often order an appetizer instead of a meal and I have gotten a few "remarks" about it. I generally say the truth which is "I eat low carb and small portions to maintain a fit weight". That always leads the other person to compliment me on how good I look and/or for him to mention that he wants to lose 10# kinda thing. Totally shifts the topic away from food onto fitness. I did date a foodie type person for a short while and he was really bothered that I didn't eat full meals. That was easy to solve. ..I stopped going out with him.

Hmmm...follow advice of a great nutritionalist. Mine told me 3 things that have proven to be true.. Small portions, eat to not hungry, don't aim for "full" Don't graze Know that you set your own limits.....while the honeymoon period is real....if you keep working that sleeve you can still lose after that first year. I was still overweight at 12 months....took me longer to lose 160#

I am with sweet pea.. go easy. Really easy

Sorry to hear this Florinda - take good care of yourself and get better! Keep us posted on how things go.

This photos is me after losing about 155 since VSG and more like 180+ from my all time high. No spanx, and this was pre-plastics. I have a bit of a melted snowman look, but, look WAY better than I did at 300+!! Do not fear excess skin - get the weight lost!

I could work in the office everyday but I don't work WITH anybody there and being on the phone all day bothers my cubefarm neighbors. I lead virtual teams who sit mostly in either Boston or Atlanta. I would consider moving to Atlanta, but not Boston. I don't know if I will sell my house, but I am overwhelmed by living in a 2000 sq foot house on 2 acres all by myself. i can't keep up... my son is home in June and I am going to hire him to help me get things caught up. My goal is to have it ready to sell by spring of 2015 but I am not sure I will actually do that. I love the country, but I am lonely and overwhelmed so I need to seriously reconsider. I mentioned my ideas of early retirement... well... I can retire comfortably by 55 if I do some smart things. One of them would be to start living somewhere cheaper and due to the nature of my job, I have that freedom and could start out renting... doing a cheaper lifestyle even while working. No big decisions are allowed in 2014 - I have had more change than I can handle... but i am thinking.... I can visualize renting a little apartment somewhere cool and boarding my horse at a barn and living an easier life than the one I have now. If I found a cool place away from the expensive urban area I am in now, I could really meet those financial goals too. Considering crazy ideas right now... Vegas or Phoenix and then come back to Seattle for the summers. I don't know, all just ideas right now.

I think you got some great replies so I am bringing up a couple of other thoughts.... I am lets see now....28 months out. When I had my one year post op, my surgeon told me that year 2-3 were just as important as year one ... because 2-3 is when regain can begin. It was a good thought he planted because basically I just kept doing what I had been doing. I lost another 20 or so pounds but mot importantly, didn't start a regain trend. I think that it is very hard to accept the truth - we will always have the "obesity disease" and need to manage diet and exercise just like we did that first year - assertively. another thought - could you be suffering from anxiety/depression generally and it has manifested itself by being anxious about the scale and weight? Finally, I feel like I could eat alot at once, and that I could eat all day. I am guessing a sizeable number of us would same the same - I could eat alot, I just don't. The main techniques that support me in that are: 1. drinking enough fluids to stay hydrated 2. base my entire diet around dense Protein and veggies and have some sort of vague plan (for some a rigid plan works, but I do good with a vague plan) 3. minimize sliders (some healthy foods are sliders for me - meaning I can and will overeat on them) 4. find an accountability path that works (for me it is weighing regularly but for others it is daily tracking of food - that gives me anxiety whereas the scale does not - funny huh?). Another accountability factor for me is non-stretch pants. They get tight - too bad I don't get to buy new ones, I get to lose those couple of pounds again. 5. Keep coming back for support. Don't let little baubles turn into big "derailments". I remember one time thinking that gaining 10 pounds was the same as gaining 100 - the most ridiculous remark ever, but I actually felt that way. Be aware of your own destructive thoughts and tendencies and use support teams to help you get through it and change that wrong thinking. 6. Stay active - it feels good! 7. Try to be thankful and appreciative of how far you have come. It is painful for me to look at, but every day I look at some before and after photos of myself.... it reminds me that I am a wild success story and you are too!

151 this morning - holding steady! I have not been fasting and I have been "depressed" so I am pretty pleased to be hanging on to a good weight. I have decided to go on antidepressants since starting about Monday I have been hit with what really feels like depression. I mean, this is more than feeling little bouts of anxiety or blues. I am also going to increase my counseling even thought i am not a big believer in it... I need to do SOMETHING different. I had a long phone call with the counselor I see (she is psychologist + ARNP so can manage meds too) yesterday and her words were helpful. She thinks that whatever it is that made it possible for me to live for 15 years with someone who showed me so little affection and ... well... it's a long story... but that same determined will is perhaps why i didn't experience the loss of food during the weight loss phase but am going through it now. I have no desire to binge, food gives me no special pleasure. I think I have found substitutes - staying active, friends, exercise, horses etc but there is clearly a degree of emotional upset that I am going through beyond anything I experienced during the weight loss phase or even most of maintenance. I am sure it is weight loss related, but i am kinda with swizz that it is more of a mid life crisis thing. Anyway, haven't even started meds, but i feel better already. Work is going pretty good but my world is just too isolated. I live in the country... alone. I work from home 99% of the time... on the phone, but basically alone. I used to go out alot - whether it was dating or going to meetup events or even just meeting friends or going shopping solo. I have either stopped or do the bare minimum of all that so I am too isolated. As the extroverted Gemini that i am, it is making me feel lonely! How is everyone doing? Spring is in the air, in theory this should be a good time of year to be getting fitter, eating fresh foods and all that good stuff!

Spanx hides everything... well, almost! do not let fear of excess skin slow you down on improving your health!!!

Found out i have pretty significant arthritic changes in my hip. Injection today and next is physical therapy. I am pretty blue about it. It's funny, I accepted excess skin as part of the price I had to pay for the decades of obesity. I was prepared to live with it even if I couldn't have plastics. Somehow, all this joint damage (on top of two knees with no cartledge left) is just a reminder of how much I have hurt myself being so fat for so long. I will get over my pity party soon, but for right now I am grieving for the things I have lost to obesity. It is funny that I never went through these emotions while losing weight. ... I think it is just that i look so freaking normal now that sometimes I believe that I am... but it is an illusion. Doesn't matter how good you look, underneath the hood is still someone at least somewhat disabled... and my future life continues to be impacted by obesity.

I am not a big fan of obesity help and don't post there - but for the DS, that is where the action seems to be! Hope you find good advice and success!

A slider by definition is any food that you can eat too much of.. that does not give you a feeling of satiety. Many protein bars fall into that catagory. If you can eat 2-3 a day that is too many unless you are some kinda mega athlete climbing Mt Everest or something. But, that isn't what the vets forum is for - it is for veterans one or more year out to discuss topics unique to this phase in the journey. Many of us do post in other areas, but this is the ONE place on this website dedicated to people who want support in the later phases of the journey - please respect the rules that are posted at the top of this forum. I am not trying to be mean or unkind or unsupportive - it is just that vets just plain leave and don't hang around to give input to others if they don't have a place where they too can find support. Cut and pasted from the top of this forum: This forum is dedicated to veteran Sleevers who are one year or more post-op to discuss issues specific to those who are further along in their journey. Please note: You must be one year out to post or create topics here.