CowgirlJane

I also want to mention that the closer you are to a normal BMI, the harder it is to lose. Once I was under about 190, I had to REALLY work to lose more.

Heck, we weren't even able to organize a single get together of this group in the Seattle last year ...

Denise, I am taking half a dose of lexapro every other day as I notice it either puts me to sleep or jazzes me up like crazy. I am not sure this is going to work out, but I know it takes time. I am just happy that I no longer feel down in the dumps, anti social, want to stay in bed kind of thing. I don't know if I can attribute it to the lexapro or not, like I said, counselor doesn't think I am depressed at all, just grief stricken. So glad to hear about everybody - challenges, but progress in life too, right? The pounds bounce around a little, but in the end, this is a very very successful little group of sleevers! I am continually amazed and impressed and overjoyed at being able to maintain weight loss. I know I still have a very very long road, but it just finally seems possible, you know? Okay, I need fashion advice too. I am going to "try again" with dating but have found a new on-road that I think will work better.... meeting people via social events like meetups, hiking groups etc. I am very outgoing and it is easy for me to join groups like that as long as they are at least a little bit welcoming. Okay, when I go to a movie night (last Friday), or a wine tasting night (this friday!) I tend to wear jeans and a nice top. Skinny, skin tight, jeans as they are the fashion and frankly look better on me than the boot cut type i wear for horse riding. Seems like most of my tops are black and so I am trying to get a little more colorful stuff without spending a fortune so i went to Ross Dress for Less. I struggle at times since I hate looking dowdy, but i don't want to look like I am trying to be overly sexy either. I was trying on this red top, with black sheer over the shoulders. The red bodice part flares out below the waist - I think they call it a peplum style? Anyway, the red, the black, the really close fit around the boobs and waist... I was going..eh... I don't know. A lady in the dressing room said "I can tell by the look on your face you aren't sure about that top, but it looks amazing on you - buy it!". For 7.99 I took the chance, but I just want to be sure it is not in horrible taste. I will try to get a photo later. One of the problems is that in Seattle everybody wears tshirts and fleece - so few women my age actually "dress" that I feel like a weirdo already. Even so, I like looking good, so it is a balancing act. I should consider living in a city with a bit more fashion flair! ha! Oh, and I am trying to muster the fortitude to end things with Steven now, I know it is time but i have a way of hanging on to things and people way too long.... and it is hard for me. I feel like I have lost so much, I tend to hold on tight to things even if they aren't really suitable for me anymore. I care for him, but I don't really get what I used to get out of it and I am getting ready for more than he can possibly offer. I think he is ready for it to end too for his own reasons, and it would be easy for me to do it - if I could just get the words out of my mouth...lol. If I don't, I suspect he will do it soon anyway as he has become very interested in pursuing a spirtual path and at 66 is finding a physical relationship less and less alluring.... Hope everybody has a great day.

So, I am stating the obvious, but for some people massive weight loss is an emotional roller coaster and can be very vulnerable feeling. I would not want to be swimming with the sharks in that headspace.... but again, maybe I just suck at online dating but it was unbelievably disappointing for me. I started to actually think that i have a terrible personality which is weird after a lifetime of obesity when my vibrant personality and smile were the things people DID find attractive through all the fat. After sorting through the obvious liars, out of shape, no attraction type... a few times i found men I thought I would like to get to know. We would have a few dates and I would hear "there is no chemistry". I thought how strange - you want to see me often, have been telling me how beautiful, sexy, funny, charming, fun to talk to I am - and all of a sudden. no chemistry? Then it finally hit me - things weren't moving fast enough for them. what they meant to say, it has been 3-4 dates and no sex...ah ha, now I get it. Once I realized that I stopped doubting myself so much. I would not have wanted to be so vulnerable to all that while in the middle of a major transformation. It was hard enough even after I feel so confident in my looks and weight etc now.

Interesting feedback from my counselor. It is so funny, I tend to see myself as so messed up and she really doesn't. What she said is that anxiety spells like I get are a learned response, neuropathways are established for my brain to react to triggers. I may not even recognize the triggers all the time, as it is seldom an "event". It comes from my traumatic childhood and I used obesity and food for decades to quiet the internal noise and that is why I wasn't really aware of the problem until post weight loss. So, the way to fix it besides the distraction techniques I use (exercise, go out with friends, do farm work etc) is to simply learn to tolerate them. In other words, the amp up happens, then use deep breathing or other exercises to manage through it. Over time, new neurophathways start forming and the brain/body finds a new response to whatever the triggers are. I am not very good at that because it is like I can't stand feeling emotionally bad. I have been successful a few times at changing the pattern like she said, but it isn't easy. Years ago, i went to an eating disorders clinic. They assessed that i didn't have an eating disorder, but rather the disordered eating where I used food as an emotional ballast. Like, things start getting dicey and I would numb myself with food. I think that is really true and i am paying the price for a lifetime of that behavior now. Not only do I not eat like that anymore, food doesn't actually numb me so it wouldn't work even if I wanted it to. It does give me a lot of hope though that this is learned behavior that i can unlearn.

I did not, but tried online dating after losing weight. It did not work for me, I hated online dating. I would get a million guys interested in me, but somehow seemed to meet mostly liars and players. The occasional nice seeming guy showed up too, but I generally did not find them attractive (frankly, too out of shape). I have shifted to meeting people through social groups, clubs etc (meetups and the like) and while I haven't found a guy yet, this is so much more satisfying - and so much less disappointing. I have met a couple of cool ladies too that who knows might become new friends. I am not cut out for online dating it seems. I would worry about entering that frustrating "Scene" while trying to be successful with weight loss. For me, the weight loss phase was very much inner focused to be the most successful I could be.

There are 3keys to that feeling of restriction. I am 28 months out, did not have one of those tiny sleeves and I weighed 143 this morning (started at 308) so I do have some expereince. 1 follow basic sleever rules of dense Proteins and veggies making up most of your intake. Trust me, chicken wrapped in lettuce is much more filling than sliders like crackers. Stay hydrated,don't drink with meals etc. 2. Eat small portions....sounds obvious but eating less at a time and getting used to eating till no longer hungry (rather than eating to be full) keeps a tighter feeling 3 eat seriously low carb. I am one of the 5:2 vets and we all do low carb as well. Carbs make me hungry. You can do this!!!!

I lost the first 100-110 or so on a "moderate carb" approach. It gets harder the closer to goal so I lost that last 50-60 pretty low carb and that is where I am maintaining too. Now that I am in maintenance, I definately have exceptions to my low carbs days, but overall it is my "lifestyle" now. For me, it works.

I luckily no longer seem to crave candy but it is a normal thing to have a little bauble... and then get back on track the next day - right on!

I was really active this weekend. It was good and I mostly kept the blues at bay. I am pretty lonely and I think it comes from so many years of being part of a really busy hive or rather several hives (work, kids at home, busy barn where my horse lived, seeing some extended family alot) and now it's quiet. I have same or more friends and fun activities I think..it is just much more isolated much of the time and I am not used to it. I am liking my weight in the low 140s but if I keep losing this fast I might call my surgeons office. It hit me that even though tremendous effort, I haven't been able to lose 8-10 in 2 weeks and maybe something physical is going on that should be checked. After our hike on Sunday I took my sons to a diner for lunch. I had a 1/4 of a sandwich and a few fries and I felt sick from overeating. I then went on a short bike ride and did hard work around my place and had no appetite for dinner but forced down a protein drink. That is not normal for me.

I challenge your basic premise. I have been hanging around awhile and perfection is not a trait I see often among the long term maintainers. Consistently living a healthy lifestyle is the key.

142..3 this qualities as the lightest I have been in my whole life - even as a teen I was never under 145. I am eating again but last night I couldn't cook for myself. I know that sounds crazy as I have cooked for myself for years but I just couldn't bear it. This is why counselor calls this rough patch grief and not depressed. Saturday I rode with a friend then went wine tasting and had a manipedi with two girlie girl friends. Spending today with both sons today....hike! Yes I am better but I recognize that I still have that lurking grief or whatever that seems at bay but not gone. I wear skinny jeans with boots in the winter and usually flats now. I think they are fun with shooties or pumps too. I have wild hair most days so I have to be a little careful to not overdo it....So depends on the setting. Sizes are so inconsistent, I wear a size 8 pants mostly but my skinnies from white house black market are baggy at size 6. You just have to try them on. They should hug your shape without causing rolls or muffin top anywhere.

144.3 and my appetite is returning to normal. This is a good place to stop. I had an incredible day Friday. It was a work holiday. I sold a saddle and a trailer in one day. Spent a bunch of time with Steven and he fixed something for me that really helped. After bandaging his wounds I treated him to lunch. We also talked alot -good day. He headed back east to do Easter with his family. Then I went to a movie with a meetup group. I tried doing stuff with meetup groups last year and felt awkward with strangers but this was a friendly nice group. I hit it off with a couple of ladies and a cute guy shared popcorn with me. We all went out after. I am going to do more of this. I have sworn off online dating but I might meet some friends via the meetup. I exchanged numbers with a fellow horse woman. It's hard to explain how much more normal I feel the last few days. Like I am functioning again. Selling that trailer was a huge event for me and I did it!

I have adopted the term that one of the plastic surgeons labeled me with - I have an athletic build. I never thought of it that way, but I do. Yes, broad shoulders and a substantial ribcage (a reason I got smallish implants) but also well defined and toned muscles come with that. Reframe this crap to something positive - who wants to think of themselves as a piece of ugly fruit! I am like zena the warrior princess baby! When I was obese I looked like an apple... or actually I think more like that fat kid in Charlie and the chocolate factory. didn't he turn into a blueberry that they had to squeeze? That is how I felt, I carried fat everywhere - my stomach especially but also my back etc.

Dr Sauceda has a rough pricing guideline on his website, but really, it is based on individual quotes he does from your photos. His quotes are good for 6 months. The reason is that everyone is different in terms of how extensive the procedures are and also they tend to give "bundle" discounts for having multiple procedures done at once. The sleeve is different -- it is a single procedure.

Florinda - I am probably the last person that should be giving advice, but in my experience focusing alot on weight and scale during times of extreme stress can be a real trigger. I know how important it is to you - I really do - but it seems like right now is the time to focus on health. Sort of reframing the situation. What I mean is that you can't really control what the scale reads and who knows when you will be on your scale again any way. what you CAN control is taking care of yourself by eating healthy, doing the things that encourage your body to heal and following the things that you know support your body fighting the symptoms of MS. I think that when the focus shifts to a more positive place, we may be less prone to that "Stress eating" that eating that is almost self punishment. I know absolutely nothing about MS, but I have a number of health issues myself (mostly muscular/skelatal in nature). Extreme things like super intense exercise aren't really always my best friend. I like intensity - I am an intense person - but I also know that I need to balance that against protecting my body. Anyway, I am thinking of you and continuing to hope you get to feeling better soon and get out of this superstressful situation ASAP.

I went to a horse related obstacle course clinic. The horses had to do some things they initially did not like. I loved the trainer's response "too bad, if you don't like it you shouldn't have been born a horse - get over it" The point being is that real life we all have sh*t we don't want to do, it isn't always fun and we need to just deal with it - our lot in life you might say. I have been wondering, especially after reading the direction this thread is taking about something. As a kid, i wasn't really allowed to have an opinion, thrown tantrums or talk back. I stuffed alot of pain (neglect, abuse etc) with food. I wonder if on some level, what i am going through is that inner need expressing itself. I have been a responsible mature adult since about age 8 and I wonder if on some level, i have some growing up to do. I wonder... I really do... if I have that childlike view at an unconscious level, that life should be wonderful. Well, life is wonderful, but just not 100% of the time... Anyway, it is a mystery to me still but I do hope that I work through it all soon as it is not alot of fun. What is strange to me is that I did not go through the emotional rollercoaster due to food deprivation during the weight loss phase - or if I did it was minor. It is quite a delayed reaction for it to show up 28 months post op, but it fits with my personality. What I mean is I learned to really "push through" hard times through my life and most likely deny some deep emotions in the process... showing up now??? Who knows.

Several of you have more experience with anti depressants etc so I am asking for ... reassurance I guess. I am on something called Escitalopram aka Lexapro. I started it Sunday, taking half a dose as part of the "ramp up". Tuesday wasn't a great day in that I had no emotional energy after my "workshop" but yesterday and today, I don't have that collapsed kind of feeling. Yesterday, I felt some restlessness building up and I was hungry so I went out to my favorite restaurant for their shrimp skewer appetizer as it was something palatable to me. I feel strongly that I needed food - and that going out helped me feel calmer and more comfortable. Anyway, I ran a few errands and I felt pretty okay. I didn't sleep great last night due to the damn dogs and cat! but I slept enough and I am alright today. in fact, I feel a little... euphoric. I am worried. Now, the reason I am so paranoid about these drugs is that after my mom died I got pretty blue and my PCP prescribed preosak. I nearly lost my mind. My family remembers it clearly - i went from the level headed business woman & mom to a stark raving lunatic that could not stop crying or moving in about 2 weeks. I am not sure if the doc prescribed the wrong dose, or whatever, but it was truly one of the scariest things that ever happened to me so I am paranoid. Anyway, my counselor told me that if I start feeling like it is too much, to skip a dose. I am not sure I have reached that. I LIKE feeling more positive. This morning I was actually smiling to myself thinking about doing some fun stuff - this is more normal for me so that was good. Flip side, I do feel a little... antsy... a little "up". If I hadn't had that horrible experience with prosak I probably wouldn't even worry about it. I hope you are all well. I am sorry for being so self centered right now, but I feel so strange, I am very preoccupied with getting my head back on straight...haha

My port area was very bothersome for a couple of weeks after the band removal. There was a hole where it used to be that filled with Fluid and that took awhile to all rearrange. It did go away though!

I think it is much healthier to focus on getting healthy - pay attention to your consumption of food, is it the right mix of Protein /carbs etc, staying hydrated, becoming more active. Those are the things you can control and amazingly enough, over time, they lead to the scale showing results. You cannot, simply cannot focus on what the scale says one morning - or day to day. She is a harsh mistress and in over the short term lies and cheats. I have had times when I overindulge and the next day shows a loss or a day like yesterday that I hardly ate (due to other reasons) and yet I am up a pound. Does that mean that the sleeve suddenly stopped working for me? No. It is one of the many mysteries and you just cannot let it become so emotional, so important. The scale is really only relevant on a weekly or even monthly basis. Now, I do weigh more frequently as part of my accountability to myself plan, but, I don't worry about a pound or two since that is quite literally how the scale bounces.

Had a long phone chat with someone considering the sleeve. I hope I helped..but doesn't it feel like a bit of pressure? I mean we in this group are pretty darn successful but no guarantees. .. I still am amazed at times myself at how well it worked for me. I went out to eat alone... at my favorite restaurant tonight because I just could not eat today but realized I was craving their shrimp skewer. Wonder how many calories 5 med shrimp are? Honest I am not doing this on purpose. ..just no appetite. I hate it... feels like disordered eating.

A more recent find is the salmon burgers from the freezer section. 170 cal/2 carbs/20g Protein - I usually serve them on a bed of lettuce/salad The sausages I couldn't remember are the 5th street grill turkey Italian sausages. A big link sausage has 100 calories/1carb/15g of protein I use a rule of thumb for protein - I want it to have at least 10g of protein per 100 calories. I want the carbs to be low also... no hard and fast rule, but ideally under 5-10 total carbs. That is my idea of a "protein bargain"

If you don't feel ready, I would trust your gut on that. If you fear failure again - well - I suspect 100% of us had those same feelings. If you feel fearful of the surgery itself - well, lots of us had that too. I do think a person has to be in a state of mind where getting control over their weight is a very high priority. This surgery demands alot from us... I am not talking about the first few weeks - I mean the forever. I was banded in 2001 - well besides the fact that it was not a good "tool" for me, I also really did not understand what it would take. By the time I was sleeved, I got it and I was just so OVER food as anything other than food. This whole regaining your health thing has to be somewhere in your top priorities and you have to really keep your eye on the prize to get you through tough times.

I think you look great. My surgeon told me that once you hit about 28 BMI - you really have addressed the "health issues" of being overweight. It is so tempting to constantly compare ourselves, but I feel strongly that we need to come to peace with our looks... for heaven's sakes before having plastics for skin removal. When I did my research, the people who were most unhappy with their results were ones that actually never had peace/comfortable in their own skin after weight loss. The thing is, everyone has flaws... we just see them more in ourselves than in others.

Cathy, now I can see the photo of the banksy... that is what I hate about this site and using mobile devices, you miss like half the info. That is very cool! 144 today - first time in my life I have lost weight from being "down" or troubled. I am making myself eat - I am not trying to lose weight this way, it is just that when you have to force yourself to eat, not surprisingly, you apparently eat less. Georgia - I don't know if I am getting better or worse. I thought i was getting better but yesterday I went to a half day seminar - very small group, very interactive. I was fine during it... participated, was engaged, wasn't super social but hanging with things. Got home, and was paralyzed and basically went to bed at 3:30. I had to get up to feed horses and made myself eat a protein bar but it was all I could do yesterday. It scares me. I have never gone through anything like this - when my little dog died I felt like this for 2 days but then the fog started lifting and I was okay. Even after Linda died, I was able to make myself stay living and doing. I think that part of it was the kids needed me to "fake it" and keep going. Living alone, it is like, what does it matter? It matters to me, I hate being like this, but apparently that isn't enough motivation to make me get moving. What I have noticed is that as my counselor is trying to make me name how i feel, I think grief and anger are two things I recognize. Problem is, they aren't very useful emotions as they seem like they are about things in the past that just "are" I felt alot better after seeing Steven on Sunday but #1 That is not a solution; regardless of him or anyone else. This issue is from within and needs to be solved by me and I cannot, will not fall into the trap again at looking to someone outside to somehow make me feel alive. and #2 He is not great at this "being there for you when things are rough" kinda guy. That is why he doesn't want a regular girlfriend, he just sucks at that and doesn't want to do it. I don't mean to say he is unkind but he just tends to pull back when things get "sticky". I am intentionally avoiding him right now because I have a way of saying things I later regret when i am in this mindset - which I think he finds as a relief frankly until i am myself again. He is actually the least of my issues right now. my core feeling is that of being alone, even when I with others. It is a sadness that i feel like I have to somehow resolve before having another really substantial relationship because I need to be myself before I can make a choice to connect with an emotionally healthy man. Steven is not that emotionally healthy (in a well rounded kind of way) but what he has going for him is he KNOWS it and has created boundaries around his life that recognize it. It sucks for him, in my book, as he will always be alone except for a million superficial relationships (I don't mean with women, in general), but that is what he thinks he wants so not really my problem, but I want better for myself. Florinda - how are you doing in Germany? Did you get the tests you wanted? Brown - how are things? Haven't heard from you in ages. Everyone else? Exciting/good news from anyone? I am forcing myself to do fun things. I am signing up for a dog training class with a friend and we are going to a workshop at the end of May to learn to do cowboy mounting shooting - you got that right - killing ballons from horseback using old style guns loaded with something other than bullets.