CowgirlJane

I have written lots about this - but go back to basics is really it in a nutshell. The veterans forum in particular has alot of posts on this subject. I am 2.5 years out - surgery was Dec 2011 - and maintaining at goal. right now, life has thrown me some awful curveballs so I am definately looking to this forum for ongoing support to keep me on track.

So, I have been doing better in better in spite of some difficult things in life, but recently I have had some very sad events. It is not causing me to reach for food, but it makes me hyper aware that for DECADES food would have giving me solace during these times.I am running like hell to find healthy substitutes - my friends, my family, my dogs, my horses, keeping moving. Okay, my little sister passed after a horrible horrible ending of breast cancer that spread to her bones 7 years ago - she was 39. It was traumatic and horrific for so many of us - but she and I had a special bond as we were raised "like twins". anyway, she left behind a devoted partner who returned to her old nemisis - booze - as she could never get over losing her. The partner she left behind alienated many family and friends with her drinking and irresponsible behavior and frankly also just didn't return calls etc too so many of us lost touch. I hadn't seen her in nearly a year when I got the call she has an inoperable brain tumor and was found lost in her own house. It is sad and tragic and intense and she just turned 50 - we are practically the same age. There are alot of dimensions to this - an extended base of family (hers and mine) and friends who feel guilt and just awful for her. She hasn't long to live so many things have to be figured out. Her family is out of state so of course I am in the middle of this sh*tstorm. then, today, I got the message that my niece who would be early 40s passed last night in her sleep from "natural causes". She has been super morbidly obese her whole life. I don't know her weight, but I would guess at least 350-400# and she is maybe 5'4" or so. anyway, I don't know what is so "natural" about dying so young but I of course suspect obesity related heart failure or perhaps even undiagnosed sleep apnea. I feel just awful. I am working hard to not let it bring me down, but so much tragedy so close to home. I know others have lost loved ones too - it is not unique to me - but I feel like I hardly know where to turn since so many turn to me. On top of that, my state of mind basically caused me to not be as sensitive to someone close to me (he is high maintenance and I just could not deal with it) and so right when I need a friend I have chased one away. I am dedicated to remaining clean eating through all this because I think we all know that over eating doesn't solve a damn thing and just makes you more miserable.

Surgeons are biased too! I wound up very successful with sleeve but first surgeon I saw said no way... I needed bypass since I'd already failed with the lapband. Do your research but my opinion you are too high BMI to consider lapband. If you go to research forum there are links to good articles comparing and reviewing studies. Sleeve is a good choice as long as you do not have reflux or GERD. Bypass remains the gold standard for a reason. News for all of you, sleeve still has elements of mal absorption and ongoing Vitamins are still required. My nutrient profile remains excellent but I found that many sleevers become B Vitamin deficient a few years post op. Sleeve has worked great for me. I went from a BMI of over 50 to 23 but I am so far beating the averages. The problem with individual success stories is it can give unbalanced view. That is why reviewing actual research and asking surgeons questions about results in their own practice is important.

Once you are close to goal the extra skin doesn't weigh that much. I had extensive plastics and it was only 5.5# of skin. I didn't need lipo as I didn't have extra fat.

Florinda interesting theory which we should discuss once you are back!!!

Made myself eat a small lunch. I learned my lesson. ..you have to force yourself to eat or risk feeling even worse. Was at hospital this morning. She is better today but it's all hard. My boys are both down too. They are trying to help me and it feels good to know they really care. I want to protect them but they are adults and need to learn what decent people do which is "man up" when life goes to hell. Yesterday a childhood friend of my deceased sis came crying to me hysterically. " I can't do this again". I told her we have to. But it's exactly how I feel. I hugged her alot. Side note, it's been different immersed in lesbians..haha The issue with Steven is he does care but he's so damn f*d up that it's always about him. He doesn't even realize it but sometimes there are bigger issues then his ongoing drama. I got pissed over his self centered bull, but didn't want to argue so didn't say a thing and just sent him home. He took it hard. I felt bad this morning because he was actually trying. But...basically I don't really care in the larger scheme of things.

And I never did get dinner on Saturday. I had a protein drink this morning. Need to watch appetite because under eating triggers bad emotional and brain state.

I plan to go weekly on Friday but brain tumors and related nightmare has put a crimp in my fun. I was supposed to "party" all day Saturday with mary and her childhood friend. We were gonna ride horses, go to a street fair listen to music, go out to dinner. Due to my living nightmare I got there after they had finished dinner. Bartender bought me a fancy cocktail -he is a sweetie - and I went home. Steven came by and we talked. I don't know why but I didn't like his company. it was weird, I didn't want to be with him even though I would tell you I love him I was not feeling it. I am just focused on family and details you all don't want to hear about and tired of his latest self created crisis. Sigh. I may give up on men entirely. Never mind me...exhausted and drained so just venting. I love my life and sad Betty had a shitty one is now dying.

I am the rare "non tracker" but I use the scale and fitted clothing as my accountability. I view it pretty simply....do what you did to get to goal. Really goal is not the finish line, in some ways it is just an arbitrary milestone. Health and fitness isn't a thing you find and then say...whew, glad I can cross that off my list. It's ongoing, and to me maintaince takes diligence while finding a lifestyle that is richer than just obsession with eating and exercise. I too live with guarded optimism about my long term weight management.

It's easy for us to criticize a procedure we didn't have... but truth of the matter is all I really know about is what it was like to be banded in 2001 in Germany by a world known surgeon and sleeved in WA state in 2011 by a practice with a terrific local reputation. For me the band was just a nightmare of epic proportions but I realize that others find success and i genuinely wish all huge success. Some of have said that the techniques are better now, but I know that my sleeve surgeon who used to be a "band factory" really seldom does them now. His reasoning is that a higher percentage of people do better with the sleeve or RNY. I never discussed plication with him. When I first heard of plication, before i revised to the sleeve, I had that "deja vu" feeling - like a lot of promise but very little evidence - same as existed with the band in 2001. Again, perhaps in the last few years more info has come out about plication so I am certainly not the one to speak to that! I think it is really really important to do your homework. While it is interesting to read forums - the truth of the matter you will find both wild success and epic failures for pretty much any WLS for a variety of reasons. I think that looking at actual published studies of a wide population is a much better and more realistic way to look at this. I think also talking to the surgeon about the results seen in their practice! Then, once you pick a procedure, throw your heart and soul into it. I picked a surgeon who had a two year follow up since I had very poor follow up and education with the band i recognized that as one of the issues for me. I learned so much during this time working with their team of experts... I really attribute much of my success to that support and education system that i took full advantage of. I went from super morbidly obese (BMI over 50) to now weighing about 140, wearing a size 4 jeans and a small or medium top - I did have plastics which is part of why I fit in smaller sizes now. For me, the sleeve has been the tool that I needed to have this success, and i am sure I would have done well with the RNY too.

Photos... My new farm toy and me Dancing at one of these meetup events. Horrible picture of me, but it was just so fun!!! Yes, that was about the ratio of women to men. I felt pretty hot that 2 guys hit on me...LOL. I wasn't shopping though, just dancing and talking and having a great time. People said I was a good dancer but I look like a weirdo in this shot...LOL

Hannah you are not a dope, it's just getting educated! I failed with the band for many reasons but one was not understanding this concept. Dense protein is stuff like beef jerky, roast chicken, sandwich meat etc. Even Greek yogurts might fit this category. Food with minimal additives that fill your tummy and give a satisfying feeling. You can get a lot of protein via the bars but all that carby fillers that makes them taste good is also what makes them sliders that go down way to easy and make you want more.

I had 4 removed and am on a 3 year colonoscopy schedule. My bariatric surgeon told me I remain high risk for colon cancer due to obesity history. Losing weight is the best thing you can do for your long range health and history of polyps was not an issue for me. Of course discuss with the surgeon and perhaps even your primary care doc since you have a a more intense situation.

I am 2.5 years post op and have had hunger ups and downs and so I have some suggestions I hope you will try. #1 take a good PPI! You may not think you have reflux but acid feels like hunger and many surgeons prescribe PPIs for everyone those first 3 months since it takes time for the tummy to produce less...smaller stomach needs less. #2 Quest bars are like candy with Protein. I love em and can't keep them in the house. They are not filling and really are sliders for me. Don't eat slider type food...it is not satisfying and can trigger over eating. #3 eat dense Proteins first! In the early months I was advised to eat 5 mini meals a day, always starting with dense proteins. If room, veggies. So a snack mini meal might be a Greek yogurt or a bit of sandwich meat or beef Jerky or a bit of roast chicken. (I eat less often now, but it worked well at your stage...ask your NUT for a plan) #4 eat until no longer hungry. FULL is not the goal. It takes awhile to reset the brain on this one but over time this will payoff big time. #5 stay hydrated. Follow the rules about not drinking near mealtimes but load up when you can. Thirst feels like hunger.

Swim, not sure who that is directed at but I don't think you have a thing to apologize for. I think "evidence-based" medicine is a good idea. When I first connected with my surgical practice I wanted that. They sent me home with medical studies and abstracts to read.... over time I came to trust their advice and my own body and am less prone to insisting on the research. It would be different if I didn't believe in their competency and integrity the way I do now. It's like when I found a great mecanic 20 years ago.... I still go to him and trust his practical advice. My 15 year old minivan with 180k miles is still reliable and affordable transportation for my college age son....enough evidence for me.

Florinda I am sorry you are going through this....but don't be too hard on your boyfriend. I have noticed a chromosome related trait of unwillingness to communicate empathy. The next boyfriend will fail in a similar way... there are exceptions and it depends on the topic and circumstances but over the phone in a situation he knows about but hasn't really "lived" he doesn't stand a chance. That is what moms and sisters and girlfriends are for. Beautiful photos! My life has taken a turn toward the tragic with bettys brain cancer at center stage. I am proud of myself that I wake up every morning and ask myself if I feel the wolf....the horrible anxiety/mood stuff and I don't. I am calling old friends, extended family and enduring their guilt wracked voices and tears.....and while I feel it like a thousand cuts I am not depressed or spinning up...just even. (Betty is a raging alcoholic and most of us lost contact over the 7years since my sis died even though we all love Betty and promised my sis to watch out for her,that is the guilt part) A week ago I ordered this little farm toy, before all hell broke loose, and it arrived on a hot day when I happened to be dressed a little daisy duke like...Haha. makes me so thrilled at my weight loss, maintenance and plastics!

Great success story! I. Lost over 160# after my band to sleeve revision in 2011. Highly recommend rny over band!!

For me, the preop diet was one of the hardest things about this whole process. I was STARVING, even though I was allowed to eat high quantity of low carb food. I was emotionally STARVING since I wanted carby food to comfort me since i was scared to death of surgery. I was a bit of a wreck to be honest. I did however follow my eating plans, both pre and post op to a "T". I guess fear can be a good motivator at times. Here is my encouraging words, years later when you look back, this will be the first of many successes toward your journey of a healthier you. For me, complete compliance was part of the process of turning over my feelings to "believing" in what was possible if I followed a proven, tried and true path. As a professional dieter, I could count calories and weight watchers points with the best of em but I never found sustained success. I had a certain arrogance I think even. It was important to let go of many false beliefs - l had bought into the starvation mode myth etc.

I had mine at a surgical center. Band removal, I went home same day. 2.5 months later when I was sleeved they changed their policy - since I had sleep apnea i had to stay one night. the people who had single day sleeve surgery would come back the next morning for IV fluids. I had hernia repair, but i don't remember which surgery did that. This was perfect, I would rather recover at home and the clinic had very good follow up instructions, what to watch for, what to do in case of "x" happening, phone support. It was fine.

That was exactly my experience "now what" - I am a very goal oriented and driven person so I can completely relate. I love the movie "The Princess Bride" - when the swordman finally killed the six fingered man who murdered his father he was suddenly lost. He had spent his whole life obsessed with that pursuit of revenge... and once the evil doer was dead his life lacked purpose. Luckily, the position of being the pirate had recently opened up... but no such obvious opportunity fell in my lap! Crap, i have been battling obesity since grade school. It has been the single most defining nemisis and arch enemy of my life. i have a successful career, great kids, a house, good friends... lots of things... The WLS journey was intense and I really really focused on it. As I got toward goal I started having that same feeling of being truly lost. I did not anticipate how deeply that impacted me. It was like I finally won a major battle but didn't have anywhere to hang up the sword and just live life. I often felt like people were looking at me, i felt at times like I dressed to frumpy, other times like I dressed too young... I felt as awkward as a pimply faced teenager sometimes. Well, I have been working hard on that for more than a year. I am starting to feel much more grounded in life outside of fighting obesity. I don't mean to say I didn't have hobbies and interests before - I did - but I guess what i mean is finding sort of peace with my body, my looks, my clothes, my self confidence, my athletic abilities - all that. I like me, flaws and all. Now, for any of you that want to break a true stall. Here is what worked for me... go low carb, eliminate Protein bars and other processed foods (even if they seem like healthy food) change up workout routine. I went to high intensity interval training. Those two things - low carb and HIIT got me from about the 180-190 range to my initial goal of 158. I had a small regain, and doing 5:2 got me from the low 160s to 150. Don't ask how I got from 150 to 140, that wasn't intentional and doesn't count. I am good now and maintaining in the 140-143 range. Jane; Thanks regarding the success. I think one of the things that has helped me to be successful is setting and reaching goals. I have this mental checklist in my head and the thought of putting a goal down on the list and not achieving it is maddening. Maybe its the perfectionist in me. This question was really about is it time to reevaluate some of those goals. I'm not unhappy with where I'm at and don't want to imply that I am. I've been striving for something so long that its almost scary to think that I'm there. Now what do I do?

I keep a head shot of my obese self in my office. I look at my full body before pic at least once a week. I don't know why, but making peace with that image has been important to me - I guess a reminder of how far I have come rather than focusing on how imperfect I still am.

Fluff, I agree people may have very good reasons for getting to a certain weight - but I promise you that no matter how thin you are... somebody else will be thinner. No matter how attractive you are, someone else is better looking. No matter what... comparing yourself to others is a losing game. I get alot of support here, but I think it can be toxic if you take to heart some of what is written. We all have our own "journey" and it isn't fair that I can't enjoy my favorite foods (all carby junk) even in moderate quantities whereas others say they can. I get the occasional "lecture" that if I just eat everything in moderate quantities I will be fine. Well, that is the heart of the matter, some foods I cannot seem to eat in moderate quantities and apparently many others can. blech. oh well, this is my life and I am making the most of it and trying to maximize my own situation. I promise you will still feel fat when you hit 25 or 23 or whatever BMI if you don't work on your "head trip" part of this journey. I felt like an enormous person still when my surgeon told me I was "done" - didn't need to lose more.... it was an eye opener and I have spent a year and a half adjusting my brain...

Fruit and veggies are for sure mostly in the carb group of energy source. (The three macronutrients are Protein, fats and carbohydrates - the sources of food energy or calories). I do not mean to imply that all carbs are bad for you or that you should eat no carbs! You need them for energy, good health and brain function. If I am eating too low carb, I get brain fog and feel depressed! Never infer that I am an advocate of long term crazy low levels of carbs. However, there is a big diffference between a diet with salad ingredients (lettuce, tomato, cukes, etc etc), fresh berries, greek yogurt - all carby food but lower glycemic index lots of good micronutrients as opposed to crackers and Peanut Butter and Pasta and pizza and cold Cereal with milk and the filler crap that is in processed food. Carby food like those examples make me hungry! Frankly, I put milk in that category too. A doctor once told me that cows milk is designed to turn a newborn calf into an enormous steer in a very short period of time and it has that same result on many humans! That really resonated with me because I was raised on dairy products and always thought of milk as so healthy - but it truly fattens me up. Drinking skim didn't help... it's the carbs not just the calories! I don't know that there is proof or published studies to support that WLS patients need 80g or some magical number. I think it is intuition based on watching hundreds (or thousands) of WLS patients and noting results even anecdotally. I also think it really really depends on the person. Other people I know seem to be able to eat bread, drink milk and enjoy PB&J sandwiches without weighing 300# but I cannot. I was never formally diagnosed as insulin resistant or with PCOS but I suspect both apply to me. I do not have formal education on any of this - really it is my own experiences. I used to believe in calorie math (calories in versus expenditure) but somewhere along the way I recognized it isn't quite that simple. At least for me, I have alot of baggage around dieting failure based on counting calories so it is an emotional thing too. I stopped tracking calories about 4 months post op because that protein versus healthy carb balance in my life is what matters and the calories land where they land and I am happily oblivious. What a relief. I never want to count calories or points again, but somehow tallying up protein in my head and not even counting carbs but simply eliminating those problem type carby foods works for me in maintenance.

i hit my goal of 158 after 14 months. i leave my ticker at that weight to remind me that even though my BMI was still 26, technically overweight - I was AWESOME at 158-160 range. I lost additional weight 6 months after hitting goal. then, I lost more this year. It has worked for me to let my body rest for awhile and then decide where I go from here. I may at some point feel that my current weight is too hard to maintain and consider that overall quality of life balance. For now, 140 is working, but, my life isn't better because I am 18-20# lighter....

I think you have already achieved amazing success. How much better will your life be if you get to some elusive number?