Chimera

Happy Belated Birthday Cathy - hope you had a great day!

I need to scoot off to work in a sec - but I wanted to ask you Denise - I have a state of the art CPAP machine that was about $4k that I no longer use - Bill would need to use his own mask, tubes, etc (obviously) I would be more than happy to send it to you if you are interested - it is pretty much silent - I am not sure where the noise is coming from with his - is it the machine itself or air escaping from an ill fitting mask perhaps?

Please let me know and I will send it - maybe his machine is old?

I have been reading all sorts of food addiction books - and ordered this little one that arrived a couple of days ago - I have to say that I am loving it so far - its is pretty much in line with the rules we have as bariatric folk which I like - another little tool to add to the arsenal of weapons against the dreaded regain.

The Little Book of Thin

http://www.amazon.com/dp/0399166009/?tag=googhydr-20&hvadid=36306974918&hvpos=1t1&hvexid=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=15491231640768002992&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=e&hvdev=c&ref=pd_sl_2n6n72qut3_e

I am always clueless when folks leave, or if there is drama - I think because I got deeply mired in some online nonsense on another type of forum a decade ago (and became the target of some crazy craziness out of the blue) I tend to stay far away from that kind of stuff. I really love the input of folks like Cheri, and Laura, and Butter - some of the pearls of wisdom that these folks have shared is some of the most valuable info I have come across on this journey.

Ah well - it is a good thing you guys are moderators to help keep all the crazy in line

I am so sorry you are going through these wacky swings with menopause - I am in it as well, though have yet to have the serious symptoms hit me - I know they will come.

You will get your goal - please don't feel like a failure. I know that I have to constantly work on my inner dialogue - it is utterly punishing a lot of the time. Something that helps me is to remember gratitude, even if it is the tiniest thing, thinking of 5 things I am grateful for can make the pain a tiny bit easier - like my kitties brushing up against my legs and looking up and purring

I think of everyone often as well - especially folks who get so upset or are struggling with issues that they feel they have to leave the board :/

I have taken Omeprazole every day - sometimes every other since surgery - almost 2 years out now. My acid is right there if I don't take it.

Like most everyone else mentions - it depends on what it is.

My go to benchmark foods for densest/most filling foods are home baked chicken breast - depending on the day 3-4oz is still max, and one hard boiled egg can still fill me up as if I have eaten a turkey drumstick lol. These two foods will still make me slime if I have even a tiny bit too much.

Three of those frozen turkey meatballs is pretty darned filling as well.

Now if I eat things I am not supposed to - it goes down a lot easier. One could eat a whole lot of ice cream - I am one who dumps with heavy duty sugar - get light headed and heart starts racing, nausea, etc - If I did not dump, I am sure I could take down a pretty serious volume a ice cream or milkshake.

For myself I have to really watch it with the processed carbs and sugar - since I am an addict I will still make myself sick with eating if I don't watch it and be mindful. I worked my way through an entire box of gingersnaps (a personal favorite) over the course of 3 days a couple of months ago - did I eat Protein? hmm maybe a little - it was mostly gingersnaps - with my food/carb addicted head those little Cookies were the only thing I could concentrate on - had to eat them all until they were gone and not share them.

It is better to not have things like that in my house haha and keep working on my issues.

Writing that dos name down! Still have a bit to my own goal and then maintain it for a bit - you look great! My top half appears similar - a bit more drastic than yours as I am older Im sure and I was heavier - so its super deflated. i.e.Dont ever look at your undercarriage while doing a plank without spandex on haha!

I meant to say having your shoes become to BIG to wear

Hi ladies!

Sheila, the phentermine is an appetite suppressant and it was part of the original phen-fen combo - its that part that does not make your heart valve go wonky. In a nutshell it completely removes the desire to eat for me - which is the help with de-carbing that I seem to have needed.

I always leave my ticker at my lowest weight (which feels deceitful) - but I had popped up by about 13 lbs and have been quite ashamed about it. I am feeling in control for the moment and I am 9 lbs down from last week. The lowest weight I have been at since November. I should reach my ticker number soon - oh you can be sure I will trumpet that to you guys lol.

My surgeons office highly recommends Phentermine to both pre-and post op patients - I know that many folks cycle the use of it to keep it effective (say 2 weeks on, 2 weeks off etc.) It is a class IV Drug so insurance often will not pay for it (this last time it did - Obamacare maybe?) and it cannot be called in for refills - a new scrip must be handed to you in person each time. Its pretty much like an amphetamine - and it works, but I dont take it all the time - and I dont think it is meant to be taken for long streches.

You should ask your doc about it - my GP doesn't feel comfortable prescribing it - so the WL providers do - and those guys don't like to do refills for my Klonopin (benzo). I have quite the custom mixture precisely tailored to amp my dopamine...because I am an addict and it helps with my food addiction.

Here's Wikipedia:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phentermine

Mechanism of Action

Phentermine has some similarity in its pharmacodynamics with its parent compound, amphetamine, as they both are TAAR1 agonists.^[8] Phentermine works on the hypothalamus portion of the brain to stimulate the adrenal glands to release norepinephrine, a neurotransmitter or chemical messenger that signals a fight-or-flight response, reducing hunger. Phentermine works outside the brain, as well, to release epinephrine or adrenaline, causing fat cells to break down stored fat, but the principal basis of efficacy is hunger-reduction. At clinically relevant doses, phentermine also releases serotonin anddopamine, but to a much lesser extent than that of norepinephrine.^[9]

I am getting a Shingles vaccine as soon as I possibly can! That does not sound like something to mess with.

Georgia - lovely pictures, wishing your family the best for their future happiness and security. Your outfit is stunning - so smart and stylish, I love it!

Globe and everyone - I can absolutely relate to the food addiction issues. I have been reading a lot of 12 step, OA stuff and it is like reading my own story, the drive for booze, drugs, food, sex, gambling, what have you all comes from poor brains starved of the proper chemicals due mainly to genetics (dopamine receptor).

I know the war with food and weight and loving ourselves and taking good care will always be with me - I guess remembering to take pleasure in the little things like ordering skinny jeans from a favorite catalog (when you could only dream about those clothes before surgery) and even having your shoes become too small to wear are pretty cool signposts of triumph on this bumpy old road.

I stopped in at my old job to say hi to a few folks I haven't seen in about 9 months and one women who knows me well literally did not recognize me at all - there was a completely blank look on her face when I walked past her and greeted her by name. I have colored my hair, but I wasn't aware that I look that different - I guess I do lol.

Sheryl - you may not feel hot right now but by jove you are smokin hot in your vacation pic

We are going on a cruise to Mexico sometime next year and I think I am already planning out outfits.

Measure your food and stop eating Follow you nutritionist's recommendations and don't push it is my advice.

So sad to hear about your friends sisters suicide and happy to hear that the little pup is better!

We still rent - I still dream about owning something of our own someday, and we did have a few attempts at buying a few years ago - didn't seem like we were fast enough, lots of homes that are reasonable (if you can say reasonable for Seattle - prices are high) are snapped up by corporations that fix them up then build another house on the large lot - very strange.

I do like the freedom of being able to move when I want to - there is something to be said for that freedom. Wishing you guys the best of luck in your home search Cathy.

I went to see one of the providers at my surgeon's office and got a Phentermine refill - it is something that I have taken here and there prior to surgery, and after as well - seems to be working well to get this crazy carb monster under control. Also picked up sugar free Fiber gummies which are a bona fide miracle lol.

Woo your first clients! Congrats I bet it will go great

Hope Sheryl is having a blast in Mexico - talk to you guys soon!

Indeed they do! My schedule is very hectic until the end of April and then I will have much more time

Loving this!

http://www.nbcnews.com/tech/internet/meet-lammily-crowd-funded-realistic-alternative-barbie-n45931

Good point with the snoring and the Cpap - both myself and my husband were terrible, terrible snorers prior to the prep for surgery. I always felt terrible because he would feel so sad, and also feel guilty when I would sneak out to sleep on the sofa because the windows were rattling lol. He always seemed to take it personally - that I was leaving him all alone when I was just trying to get some shut eye.

We both got new Cpap machines that were pretty much silent - and then snoring went away instantly - now that so much of the excess weight is gone, all of his and then some and most of mine - it isn't an issue any longer. He and I both have snorts here and there when sleeping on our backs but the change has been dramatic.

It is sad that he is reacting to the issue the way he is - hopefully his understanding will grow, and you will be able to get some sound sleep.

I can sooo relate to esteem/job issues - as one who teaches at both the undergrad and graduate level I am well aware of how my title and status make me feel (great most of the time - not so great lately with my main institution being gutted financially) of how wonderful it can make you feel to be shown that what you do has really helped to change peoples lives for the better. Now that this all seems to be coming to an end, and I do not wish to continue dealing with the political stresses of a life in academia - I will reinvent myself once again

Next week is spring break and I am very much looking forward to a respite from work.

Sheryl - I feel like we have so much in common - Irish. both 49, and I even drive a mini cooper clubman lol.

Hi ladies!

Just got back from the dermatologist and had a suspicious mole shaved off - find out next week if its something, or nothing.

Still hanging in there with the crazy insanity that is work right now - on top of the madness they have taken away our parking lot - although I pay for the privilege of a possibility of a parking spot - had to pay 20 extra bucks on Monday and that made me quite crabby! going to try and stop wasting my precious energy on stuff I have no control over

Interesting - the thought that wild mood swings could be linked with blood sugar - guess I have been so overfed most of my life I would not recognize this if it happened to me - but I think I am going through this too right now. Hormones, stress, auto-immune junk flaring (eyes, skin, arthritis bah!)

I have been really working on maintaining positivity and nipping the poor me stuff in the bad as fast as I can - so so hard to do. Please let the sun come out and shine for us!

Love you guys and am thinking of you all!

Hi guys,

Just got caught up reading - sorry I have been MIA, seems like the story of my life with the board - one more place I will try not to make myself feel guilty (I thought you guys might think I am a bad group member due to my long absences and lack of posting - that I would be asked to leave even.)

Weight has been decent, but I am ready for the scale to move down a bit. Glad that the sun has come out a bit -  it really makes a big difference for us up here in the NW - but many of you know that as you live here

Work is an utter sh**storm - so many politics and seismic changes occurring that I have started taking my heavy duty PTSD meds just to go in to work on teaching days (this semester I am overloaded on classes/contact hours so I am not often around to read here). Here is a recent article in a local paper that can give you guys a hint of the stress level.

http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/cornishandmdashseattles-preeminent-art-schoolandmdashrisks-it-all/Content?oid=18915113

The woman who wrote that is definitely a bit sour grapes and it shows - she picked up teaching Art History classes for a minute because a core faculty member lost her battle with cancer. She should not be so sour grapes as she does not have the credentials to teach the subject in the first place - which is generally a PhD. in the discipline.

Even though I am supposedly considered one of the 'golden' ones slotted to be part of this new era in teaching for the college - I am struggling with how long standing respected members of our faculty team have been being treated - it is utterly outrageous, and it is outside what I consider ethical. The atmosphere feels like poison when dealing with administration - when I shut that door and am with my students, thankfully the BS all fades away.

So this semester will be my last and I am grateful to have had the opportunity - honestly, leaving work at the end of the day feels like I am escaping a burning building. How two people can come in and dismantle a 100 year old beloved arts institution in such a short amount of time is unbelievable - even writing about it makes me feel sick to my stomach.

I realize that I need to do quite a bit of mental digesting before I speak or write - so please accept my apologies once again for being so absent, I do think of our group often and am always inspired by everyone's honesty, resilience, and kindness.

Basically just trying to keep my nose above the Water line right now and asking myself how I really want to spend my days - torn up with politics or creating beauty, love, peace....I think you guys might have an inkling which choice one I am leaning towards.

I used to get a bit down when my losses were not as rapid as I would have liked - I still can as I have not yet reached my goal weight.

The truth is that this will never end - and we will get there eventually if we keep at it - and that is okay I am light years beyond where I was at the start of this journey, and that is pretty amazing.

Wore 3,4,5X on top - 2-3X pants prior to vsg - Now I am firmly in the land of medium, some smalls - pants anywhere from a 2 to an 8, tops are medium - though small and small/petites also fit depending on the manufacturer.

I think it might have been Cathy who posted the BMI + Age chart a while back - that resonated so deeply with me that I printed it out and brought it to one of my appts with my surgical team when I was over a year out - I think it had an upper range of 158 for one of my age and height...I will go look for it again. 

I dunno - will I look like the Cryptkeeper at my goal weight haha? I had a really fat neck before - I looked like someone had squeezed my head out of a tube - like a blob of toothpaste lol. - there is a lot of turkey wobble going on with my neck

Its funny - I always feel like I am doing something wrong if I examine a possible new goal weight that is higher than an old one - I am so entrenched with what I "should" be, "should" do etc. that change is a challenge. I love the mindset of coming at all of this from health - not what that number is. Heck, when I was in high school, and 130-135 and incredibly active I always thought I was fat - that I should weight 100 lbs. well back in the those days (early 80's - that was a bit more - before everyone started to really get big).

I like what Florinda said - I think it was her - that she wants no one to identify her with being overweight - that seems like a good thing - I suppose even if one is slim as a reed there are folks that would consider the reed-thin, a plump reed.

/looking for the mama bear chair...

Kim, you are a gem - thank you so much for the re-posting of our names list - I was feeling rude not mentioning folks by name.

Wanda, I think taking things a little bit at a time is a grand idea - I have two little glass horseradish jars that have pennies in them - in one - how many lbs I have to go, and how many I have lost in the other - I should do a big jar with the total number of lbs with pretty stones or something - but when I look at how many lbs I have left to lose to get to my goal - it inst many when I see a physical manifestation of the number. 23...a whole lot less than 178.

For some reason this post really inspires me - it is the second post down by Kdiamond - yes she is a lot younger than I am, a lot smaller but for some reason it inspires me that it took her 18 months to get a small amount of weight off - that she shows her transformation over a number of years - not mere months - and her ongoing commitment to improving over time.

It helps me to look at pictures of people who are my short height - 5'3".

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/663436-5-3-5-5-females-can-you-show-me-your-transformation?page=6

"Still 5'4" 110 pounds - now I am 35 years old

Took 18 months to lose the weight from this point *actually was down to 100 pounds but it was too skinny*, another 2-3 years to gain muscle and lose body fat and feel good about myself. Still improving every month and challenging myself to new goals."

I would love to get to the low end of the BMI scale - which is loooow for me - between 100-115 I think - last time I weighed that I think I must have been about 6 years old haha! I know I was 125 when I was 12.

I just save all of my posts up into one epic, eye-bloodying post haha! sorry for the lack of brevity.

Hi guys! Just caught up and I am so glad I am up to date with this busy thread - I get busy during the day and tell myself I need to login or I am going to have a heck of a time catching up - I am sure is it the same for us all.

Okay first off - does anyone have our list of names - I spent 45 minutes one day trying to dig through our massive thread and find it to no avail - I would be hugely grateful if anyone could share Or even give me an idea of what number of pages it might be located.

Coops thanks so much for the Amazon link to the menopause book - I am going through it though I still am having somewhat regular periods - gonna be 50 this year in October woo It really feels like an emotional rollercoaster somedays - just like I have lost my mind haha.

Beautiful corsets ladies - Feed and Jane you look lovely! I am still getting used to having anything touch my middle with clothing - I spent so long in tent-sized clothing, right at the edge of 5x and needing specialty clothes that I think that only now am I realizing what clothing that actually fits looks and feels like - even things that fit perfectly sometimes make me feel very exposed and afraid people will stare and make fun on me (when my squishy is very well hidden in clothes.)

As hubby says "no more hobo clothes" (you must image the little designer from The Incredibles saying this lol.)

Sarah - I am so sad to hear that your dear friend is struggling with drugs. My ex before my husband, whom I was with for many years was a recovering heroin addict - we lived in NYC and I experienced him falling off the sobriety/clean wagon which was agony for all of us around him (an episode of Intervention is about the level of madness I am talking about). I also grew up in a home with alcoholic family members - I seriously believe I am an addict with food - its just my drug of choice. Know that she is the one who has to want it - no matter what, she will be the one that does it for herself.

I know that if I can quit smoking after 28 years of 2 packs a day then anyone on the face of this earth can stop their addictions too. One day at a time.

That same partner also came out of the closet during that time - (I call this time my floral dress era - desperately trying to feel pretty again) and within a year he had contracted AIDS - he is still living with aids but doing much better - living in L.A. and seems happy. I feel like I dodged a serous bullet with that one.

Speaking of one day at a time - I went to my very first Overeaters Anonymous meeting last weekend. I enjoyed it very much and plan to keep going - I was inspired by the honesty and sharing of the group - when I spoke I bawled like a little baby haha (maybe its those pesky menopause demons) and the group was very accepting of the fact that I had surgery - they were very interested in hearing about my experience. There were big folks and little ones - many had lost 100's of lbs and gained them back - some had maintained - just like all of us. I will check out other meetings around my area and see what those are like - it felt like a good reboot and have been seriously detoxing from the sugar since that meeting last Saturday.

Here's a question, what are your guys bounces ranges and how to do determine them?

Florinda - I am sorry you felt that you had to conceal your losses, but I am thrilled that you have lost your regain and then some! Learning to be kind to ourselves is just as big a part of all of this as anything. Lets all work on seeing how far we have come - I know I look to all of you as wonderful, inspiring successes, each and everyone one I can confide in and reveal the best and worst - the hardest of my struggles.

I had great success off the bat with 5:2 then have struggled a lot with the holidays - it is my own fault really - it has been an orgy of baked carbs...I never used to like this stuff, but now it is the easiest thin to crunch up and goes down easy -I then I get lightheaded and woozy, oftentimes sick...just like a needle in the arm lol.

I never got a goal weight from my docs or nutritionists, but one of them did mentioned that he thought I would end up at around 175. So that has been my upper limit with this recent gaining frenzy - or I should say that is my freak out weight lol.

My husband just wants me to be happy at any weight around where I am - he seems to love my body - squishy and all - trying to come around to his viewpoint.

I have noticed that cutting out even a bit of the sugar has helped tremendously this week with cravings - I have a milk issue with lattes, and when you get right down to it milk is a carb/sugar even if it is loaded with good stuff - I swear I would go drink milk from a cow on the side of the road if it was an emergency haha. I feel very successful at not having latte's on the way to work, at work, or on the way home from work every day this week - remember this is Seattle, that is a HUGE deal haha

Love you guys

Have you guys ever read Wheatbelly? Pretty scary - that dementia could be part of it all is even scarier!

On another note - sorry for more football stuff - M2G this is the audio of the 2 local announcers on our Seattle affiliate who called the NFC Championship game - the girly shriek around 12 seconds in is from Warren Moon - a massive, hall of fame football legend - I think I listen to it once an hour it is so funny to me

http://mynorthwest.com/category/podcast_player/?a=9966644

Here's hoping for a sweet romantic smooch

Thanks for the support guys I really appreciate it. And it is Kelly with a y M2 I think a friend is hosting a superbowl party - I am sure it will be a festival of bad for us food so I will do my best to prep for hubby and myself. It is very exciting for our teams to be competing! Best of luck to your Bronco's and I hope that my team will do well - I think it will be quite a show with our strong defense going against your powerful offense.

We both know we display seriously addictive behaviors with food - this dysfunction runs in both of our families with obesity, drug and alcohol and co-dependency issues. I have felt better since my venty post - The house is cleaned out of crap and I have had a bit of a mental reboot - I tend to go right to the place where I feel that I am a failure even when I have had incredible success, even though I have yet to hit that elusive goal weight, I need to work on telling myself that I am till a success! Hard work.

My husband works out lke a demon an hour a day - 6 days a week. He runs on the treadmill like a contestant on the biggest loser at 16 weeks in, he can run at a full on sprint which he can maintain for quite a while - it is freakishly impressive. I have an old friend from NYC that I met when I lived in the city - she had/has a serious issue with sugar - we would go to the magnolia bakery in the west village and she would order 5 massive pieces of cake - eat them all and then workout like a madman every day so she could eat that way - she looks very fit.

I have seen this woman buy two carrot cakes and skin them of their cream cheese frosting like a wild animal. Brent, my husband has said that he is on the "Kendall" plan lol. He tends to follow my lead and I can get militant with keeping our home safe with good foods so I know things will get back to normal.

The good thing is experiencing the crazy food thing over the holidays and coming out the other side - I will prepare accordingly. It starts to get rough in September with the kickoff of all of the family females birthdays, each one of us has a birthday mid-month September, October, November, and then we are well into holiday season. So the fall/winter third of the year, when comforty foods and food focused socializing gets going and the weather gets cold and rainy and blah is when it gets harder for me.

I think OA is something I will like - I think that one reason that the lapse of our normal program of nutrition and exercise has been so scary is feeling out of control again. It isn't just about the lbs..the weight is the symptom. I spent so long with my head buried in the sand and not taking responsibility for my health that feeling a loss of control is frightening.

My resolution for the year has been to work on my resilience....Clarity is another one that seems to be presenting itself again and again. It feels as if I am learning to be a better advocate for myself - with my health, my job (which more and more I realize is a corrupt system - academic/adjuncts, which I wont be able to change.)

Healing and mindfulness for all of us Thank you guys for your kind words and thoughts.

Testing my little video link - bad videos from NFC win

and chanting crowd on the way out of c-link field

Had a very serious talk with hubby last night to stop bringing bad food home - got really angry about feeling like I am going to fail and regain all of my weight. Just when I would be doing great and getting carbs under control - donuts and candy and chips get brought home - wanting to go out and eat hamburgers every night...told him it has to stop (this man has also had vsg surgery).

I swear that I have crossed some threshold that now I am in the grips of full on food-focused addiction again - if there is something I should not eat around the house, I cant stop thinking about it until I have eaten all of it...to the point I can make myself sick.

Sorry to pop in and vent - just getting things back in line before they spiral way out of control...go hawks!