Suziecat

Well, last night I started a new journey. I am now taking Tai Chi lessons. Yup, me taking Tai Chi. And I love it. I left there really sore, feeling it in my shoulders and arms. I went home and did a few things and than went to bed. Slept all night. Didn't even wake up to go to the bathroom. I woke up before my alarm went off. Weird. I do remember dreaming but I don't remember what it was all about. I woke up so refreshed. Went into work and worked out like a dog. It just felt so good. Don't know what this feeling is but I do hope that it doesn't go away. So far this is keeping me motivated. And moving. I love it.

Went to the movies yesterday. Saw "Mama Mia". I really liked it. I wish I could sing. So, the lady I went with is a lady I met at Weight Watchers. She has no clue as to me having a band. That is one thing that I have told only to my instructor and one other girl. I told my leader because I needed to be up front with her. The other person I told because she is in my exercise class. She was tellig me one day that she had had surgery also. She had the RNY done years ago and had lost over a hundred pounds. She found in the last year or two that she was slowly regaining her weight back. So she chose to go back to weight watchers. She is doing wonderful. She has been very supportive of my decision to not tell people. First I don't think it is anybody's business. Second I have been in the class when they have brought up the subject of surgery, WOW, are they mean or what. They just don't get the fact that I had reached the point where I needed more than just a support group to help me reach my goal. I have dieted many times and did good but than fell back to my old ways. Having the band was not an easy decision for me. I gave it months of thought and research like crazy. I even went to several seminars before I made the final decision. My husband even went to a seminar with me. He say what the whole thing was about and he even jumped on my side. He is my biggest supporter.

My family is also a big help. Although my younger sister forgets sometimes and buys me things I should not be having. Dairy Queen. But you know it is still my decision to eat it or not. Now if I can just get my mind in the game. Course if I had, I would be at 170 pounds by now. So at this rate it looks like probably another year and I will be there. Would I like to be smaller and a real tiny waist, you bet. But unfortunatly I am a big bone person. I never will be a super model or TV star. But you know what? that's just fine with me. I actually only want to get where I'm comfortable. I want to know that I can sit on the floor and know that I can get back up with out hurting myself or having to ask people to help me up. I would love to go sit in out in the yard with my kitties.Right now I sit in a chair and they rub up against my legs. Think how happy they would be if I was sitting on the grass and they could rawl all over me.

I signed up for the "Walk from Obesity" walk/. I'm really excited about this. I love to walk anyway. I may even see if the Hubby wants to come with me. He hates the Plaza so we'll see. I know another person that will be there. I'm looking forward to meeting some of the other people that I see on-line. Most of them I would be meeting if I went to the monthly support meetings. Unfortunely I seem to always have to work on those Saturday's. I'm hoping soon that when my boss hires a new person that they will take my Saturdays for me. Than I can start to go to the meetings. I have been to about 3 of them and they are wonderful. Now I just need to start going to more.

Ok, I'm done now. I'll check in again and update my Tai Chi adventure.

Ok, here goes. I'm new at this blog thing but am willing to give it a try.

My story is no different than anyone elses. I am Fat, Obese, Overweight, Huge, Out of control.............

How did I get this way? I have Hand to Mouth disease. I'm the one that made myself this way. I'm the one that has control over my hands and my mouth. I'm the one not telling myself that I shouldn't be doing what I'm doing.

So what is my excuse? I don't have anything in my past that I can say was a factor. I was not abused. I was not overlooked. I had great loving parents. 2 sisters and a brother. They were not overweight. I was the one. I have been heavy all my life. I just don't recollect anything in my past that triggered the out of control eating.

I do remember times in my past where the food was for front in what I was doing. That I was more concerned about where the food was coming from and how much was ther going to be. Was anyone taking more than me and was there going to be enough left. At a sleep over i had one time I was so worried about the bowls of candy that were back at the house that I could not enjoy the scavenger hunt that we were on. I just had to get back tot hehouse to make sure no one had gotten into it.

There were times that I would drive out of my way to go thru drive-thrus to get food. I would eat it on the way home and than when I got home I would still fix another meal. It just seemed like I needed to make sure that I always had food in my stomach. I went so long like that that when I joined a weight loss group and started a diet I was shocked when I felt my stomach growl. I hadn't felt that in about 10 years. What a wierd feeling.

So one day I was watching tv and a commercial came on for Lap-Band. It looked so interesting. I got on line and started reading as much information as I could get. I signed up for a seminar and went with a friend. I was sold on this. I had to go to another seminar and my husband said he wanted to go. He was so amazed at the procedure and was determined that I was going to get it. I had a long wait to get it. I had to go thru all the Insurance hoops. Luckly I had a Doctor that was on my side and we were able to shorten that time. I only had to wait 4 months. On October 19th, 2006 I was wheeled into the operating room. My life had been forever changed.

But even with all of that. I still have my disease. I still think that I need to have my food and make sure I eat as much as I can. I push the limit on my band. I seem to think that even though I don't feel like it that I have to ahve at least one more bite. That it's ok to snack all day long. Hand to Mouth disease. I have tried so many things. I have taken up sewing and that helps. I even went and got a part time job so that I'm not staring at the refridgerator all day. I have tried writing down everything that I eat, yeah, that last for 2 days.

Some day I will figure this all out. But in the mean time my fight goes on. I will continue to do the exercising. I will continue to loose weight. I will keep pushing myself to loose that weight. I have come so far and I know I still have a long road ahead of me but I will make it. Things have kind of slowed down right now. I'll get my act together. I'm determined.