Is it???????

Ok, here goes. I'm new at this blog thing but am willing to give it a try.

My story is no different than anyone elses. I am Fat, Obese, Overweight, Huge, Out of control.............

How did I get this way? I have Hand to Mouth disease. I'm the one that made myself this way. I'm the one that has control over my hands and my mouth. I'm the one not telling myself that I shouldn't be doing what I'm doing.

So what is my excuse? I don't have anything in my past that I can say was a factor. I was not abused. I was not overlooked. I had great loving parents. 2 sisters and a brother. They were not overweight. I was the one. I have been heavy all my life. I just don't recollect anything in my past that triggered the out of control eating.

I do remember times in my past where the food was for front in what I was doing. That I was more concerned about where the food was coming from and how much was ther going to be. Was anyone taking more than me and was there going to be enough left. At a sleep over i had one time I was so worried about the bowls of candy that were back at the house that I could not enjoy the scavenger hunt that we were on. I just had to get back tot hehouse to make sure no one had gotten into it.

There were times that I would drive out of my way to go thru drive-thrus to get food. I would eat it on the way home and than when I got home I would still fix another meal. It just seemed like I needed to make sure that I always had food in my stomach. I went so long like that that when I joined a weight loss group and started a diet I was shocked when I felt my stomach growl. I hadn't felt that in about 10 years. What a wierd feeling.

So one day I was watching tv and a commercial came on for Lap-Band. It looked so interesting. I got on line and started reading as much information as I could get. I signed up for a seminar and went with a friend. I was sold on this. I had to go to another seminar and my husband said he wanted to go. He was so amazed at the procedure and was determined that I was going to get it. I had a long wait to get it. I had to go thru all the Insurance hoops. Luckly I had a Doctor that was on my side and we were able to shorten that time. I only had to wait 4 months. On October 19th, 2006 I was wheeled into the operating room. My life had been forever changed.

But even with all of that. I still have my disease. I still think that I need to have my food and make sure I eat as much as I can. I push the limit on my band. I seem to think that even though I don't feel like it that I have to ahve at least one more bite. That it's ok to snack all day long. Hand to Mouth disease. I have tried so many things. I have taken up sewing and that helps. I even went and got a part time job so that I'm not staring at the refridgerator all day. I have tried writing down everything that I eat, yeah, that last for 2 days.

Some day I will figure this all out. But in the mean time my fight goes on. I will continue to do the exercising. I will continue to loose weight. I will keep pushing myself to loose that weight. I have come so far and I know I still have a long road ahead of me but I will make it. Things have kind of slowed down right now. I'll get my act together. I'm determined.