FromPrisoner2Pioneer

I'm a Nov Bandster 4 days pre-op looking for Oct Bandsters that are still giving status updates. My wall needs a few more friends that are active on the board. Don't "do" Facebook? /P2P

Today I'm feeling... I dunno... overwhelmed, anxious & tired... So, this is the part where I talk to myself. Privately. The good, bad and the ugly. My FEELINGS. A place for my incipient thoughts. A place to record both "the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat." How am I feeling? Well, I have many emotions --all awash with one another. Hey, I just discovered spell-check. Thank God! But I digress... What was I saying? Oh yeah... I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed by my emotions this evening b/c there are so many. 1) The other patients (i.e. friends) found their way to this forum much earlier in their journey than I did. It leaves me starting out feeling behind. <-- That sentence is a grammatical car wreck, but, who cares? 2) The other patients are universally younger than I am -- much younger, by, like 10 years. The average age must be well below 40. I'm thinking "can this old dog really learn any new tricks"? 3) The other patients are far more positive and "fired up" than I am. Perhaps that's the age thing? Although, I must recognize that I'm very negative, in general. I'm very sarcastic and somewhat fatalistic. Some of that's age, I suppose. Reversible? Can I pioneer my way to a new attitude? 4) I'm disappointed that I'm not disappointed about breaking the clear liquid diet today (5 days before surgery). It's just that, I'm thinking, I don't want to have the all or nothing attitude: "If I'm not perfect then why try at anything?" But then again, when do we get this party started? Like, when will I really get serious? 4) And I've noticed that none of the folks on the forum talk about falling short of perfection. That bothers me. I'm mean, it's not REAL, is it? Do I believe I'm the only one who has cheated on their pre-op diet? No. Is my need to talk about it therapeutic for me? Yes. For others? Maybe not. Maybe this is where they come to hear the cheerleaders & the naysayers just get in the way? I think it will take time to figure out which side of the fence I fall on. In the meantime, I need to do more lurking than talking. 5) I'm wondering if Josh talked about cheating in his seminars? Or was he a dyed-in-the-wool koolaid cheerleader? Or maybe he was perfect with his diet? Doubtful. One thing's for sure... he doesn't really want to talk about his "journey" to me. I guess there's no point in trying to figure out why -- the effect on me is the same. 5) I'm feeling tired & lack energy. This is a progressive thing since I started the two-week pre-op diet... leading to the shrimp-fest tonight. Who am I kidding? It was shrimp, a can of chicken noodle soup & two boiled eggs. Hey, at least it wasn't spaghetti topped with mashed potatoes? 6) I'm a little nervous about the surgery. Well, more the recovery than the surgery. I really want to get back home as soon as possible. Folks say your recovery can take between two days and a week. I am certainly hoping to be recovered in two days. I don't want to wear out my welcome at Mom's. Robert & I have a tendency to get over-exposed while Mom's off at work. I still require a great deal of private time. 7) I'm a little buggered by the board itself. Having successfully dodged Facebook for 7 years, many of the features of this board are new to me. That wouldn't be a problem if I had a MEMORY. I don't remember how to navigate around. I've spent several hours on it & I just have to re-learn & re-learn. I wish I'd have given myself a longer ramp before surgery. 8) I'm somewhat concerned about other people's estimate of their out of pocket expense. I'm wondering if there's something I've missed? 9) I'm concerned that I don't have a mentor at this juncture. 10) I'm wondering if I don't need to join Overeater's Anonymous? To help with the "head hunger"? 11) I'm stymied by my inability to make myself drink water. What's up with that? It may simply be logistics. I left the top of my blue cup at Mom's & w/o a top I'm paranoid that bugs will get inside my water glass. 12) I'm worried that I won't be able to swallow my pills post-op. Crunching them, as suggested by Linda Lundin, seems to be doing harm to my teeth? I've drug my feet on discussing this with my pharmacist(s). It's like it's hard for me to believe that I really won't be able to swallow a pill? I'm in complete denial about this. 13) I'm disappointed that I can't afford a couple of books I'd like to have (Bandwagon & a recipe book). 14) I'm concerned about the Atkins-esque nature of my meeting with the dietician. I hate Atkins. If that's what's required, then I'll flunk. I can do it for the 2-week pre-op diet, but afterward? I just can't do Atkins the rest of my life. 15) I'm worried about having a panic attack at the hospital. Not being able to escape. Like, physically being tethered by an IV so that I can't run for the door. I'm concerned about running into someone that I know. 16) I'm concerned about having surgery at Baptist. I had such a bad experience there last time with the nursing staff. I should ask Dr. McDowell for an abdominal binder? And I'd like to wear my bra to surgery? 17) I'm overwhelmed by the number of tasks required to clean this house before I leave for Nashville. And Tuesday, I'll be babysitting all day. Dad would say make an exhaustive, itemized list.. start on the first item... and throw the list away. The thought of Dad still makes me smile & he's been gone for 16 years. Now, let's see. Mom would have me list the things I'm grateful for: 1) My new smoothie maker. 2) My approval after 6 long months of food diaries & PCP visits. the psych eval/letter was a snap? Some folks on the board aren't so lucky? 3) The lake. Man, do I miss the lake. Can't wait until summer. 4) My bicycle. 5) My small hamlet, my own home & my next door neighbors. Surely, my recovery is tied to these things? 6) lapbandtalk.com 7) My (relative) mental disposition. As poor as it is, I am able to do this. There was some question at one time? No panic attacks thus far? 8) My relatively low co-pay & the fact that Russell says he'll pay it. (Wow!) 9) Russell -- he deserves a category of his own. He helps me quite a bit financially. And emotionally. 10) The Internet -- my window to the world. 11) Clean socks. <-- my homage to Richard Hoover. 12) Clean car. <-- I can honestly say this, Richard Hoover notwithstanding. Yes, Mom's right... that list did cheer me up. And writing definitely helped to get some stuff off my shoulders. I've been having trouble sleeping and suddenly I feel like I've unburdened myself. This blog thing (albeit, private) might work out for me afterall?

Also, I've spent some time in Lafayette, Louisiana. I dunno how anyone diets there. You guys have the best food in the world!

Did you also see your PCP once per month or just the dietician? My bariatric center gave me a form that my PCP had to fill out every month. Plus, I had my PCP scan my food log into my medical record every month. I was approved after six months, but I had 3 comorbidities (HBP, cholesterol & sleep apnea) & a so maybe it had nothing to do with the medical record? And I didn't have BCBS but I dunno...I thought I'd throw it out there... just trying to help? So sorry! /P2P

Ouch! I hope you're doing better in the morning! /P2P

Thanks, inday. I look forward to that as well! /P2P

Just wanted to introduce myself. Surgery scheduled for 2011.Nov.03. I'm terrified about not having a mentor. Would love to bond with fellow November Bandsters as well as some more-experienced folks. Here's what I wrote about myself in "My Story"... // I’d like to say I’m a yo-yo dieter or a roller-coaster, but, for me, this has pretty much been a one-way trip! It was a long journey from 150 to 200 pounds, but 200 to 250 pounds was a quick ride and all uphill. Boom -- what happened? Suddenly I’m on all this medication... I feel terrible... I’d rather stick a pin in my eye than shop for clothes... I’m so embarrassed by my weight that my social life is non-existent. I dread informal gatherings, holiday family affairs, travel and anything that takes place outdoors. I’ve become one of the great indoors-man of my generation; my exercise regimen consists of a morning jog from my bed to the bathroom. I don’t want anyone to look at me. I don’t "do" Facebook; I don’t even want to put my picture or list my doc on my Lapbandtalk.com profile... it’s like I live in a self-imposed witness protection program. I’m the girl in the plastic bubble (albeit a very large bubble). I’m not ready for Deepak Chopra (and he’s not ready for me), but I liked this quote from someone else’s profile: “Every time you are tempted to react in the same old way, ask yourself if you want to be a prisoner of the past or a pioneer of the future.” -Deepak Chopra I like that quote (that’s why I stole it). I no longer wish to be a prisoner of my past. I’d much prefer to be a pioneer of my future. That’s why my UserID is “FromPrisoner2Pioneer”. (Wish me luck!) I seem to be one of the senior members of this forum. As usual, I’m a day late and a dollar short. But, now that I’m here, I’d love to hear from anyone willing to give me a shout-out. /P2P Updated 10.26.2011 (7 days before surgery)

juliebug, I, too, am uncomfortable with the way Facebook arbitrarily revamps their privacy settings. True, you can tweak the settings, but what's been exposed before you get it tweaked? I was thrilled to find this forum with a little more privacy? If I have to rely upon Facebook, I'm afraid I'll have to pass. /P2P

WannaBe: Right, exactly. I see the value of bonding with those who have had their surgery in November, but I'd also like to have a more experienced person(s) to use as a sounding board. You know... someone who knows the ropes... someone who can point out the pot holes so we're not all recreating the wheel... someone who has a little success under their belt? After I posted the mentor thing, I found a thread dedicated to the whole mentor topic (duh) and I'm about to read that stuff right now. There's a lot to digest on this forum (no pun intended). /P2P

I'm November 3rd. I feel totally unprepared. I still have no mentor, which really bothers me. On a positive note, I finally figured out how to add the ticker at the bottom of my messages. The peer pressure was really getting to me!

Hi Ducks. I'm not a young guy, but I wanted to wish you the best of luck tomorrow. I'm scheduled for surgery in 7 days and it kind-of scares me that I don't really have a personal mentor yet. Anyway, best of luck & keep us posted! /P2P