hadouni

I got stuck at 10-11 months out, but it was my fault because I stopped exercising and logging my food. I'm back on myfitnesspal and started a jogging training program and the lbs are slowly starting to come off again.

Since being sleeved I've told three men (in a dating situation) about having WLS or that I've lost a significant amount of weight.
The first took it in stride with barely a comment and said I looked great. I miss him. Too bad he was such a mess over other aspects of his life.
The second I didn't actually tell I'd had WLS, only that I'd lost a lot of weight. He said something to the tune of it would be an issue for him if I ever got fat again. He was easily 50lbs over weight. Yep, he's gone... long gone!
The third I just recently told. I told him I'd had WLS and that I'd had my stomach fixed through plastics. He didn't say much at the time but later during conversation he commented that one of the things he likes about me is that I'm really smart, then qualified it saying except for in a couple areas in my life. When I asked him what areas those were he said that I let myself get really overweight (and something else I don't immediately recall). Interesting. This is a man for whom fitness has always been a part of his life - he weight trains and other such things and has spent his adult life tinkering with his size - bulking up and that sort of thing. He's currently trying to work on his mid-section. I find this an insulting response and I'm sure he has no idea how kind-of clueless it is. We'll see how this one goes...

Most of the ignorant and/or insensitive things I've said in my life have happened when I was mouthing off about something I had no direct experience with or knowledge of, or when I spoke defensively without thinking about what I was saying or how it might be interpreted. So, I try not to respond defensively to things until I've had time to think about what was said and my initial reaction to it.
Now that he understands why I eat the way I do I'm just going to see how it goes. I'm not one to put up with much. I've been on my own for a long time and am happy with my life so if the person I'm seeing/with isn't improving the quality of my life with their presence , I'll move on.

Since being sleeved I've told three men (in a dating situation) about having WLS or that I've lost a significant amount of weight.
The first took it in stride with barely a comment and said I looked great. I miss him. Too bad he was such a mess over other aspects of his life.
The second I didn't actually tell I'd had WLS, only that I'd lost a lot of weight. He said something to the tune of it would be an issue for him if I ever got fat again. He was easily 50lbs over weight. Yep, he's gone... long gone!
The third I just recently told. I told him I'd had WLS and that I'd had my stomach fixed through plastics. He didn't say much at the time but later during conversation he commented that one of the things he likes about me is that I'm really smart, then qualified it saying except for in a couple areas in my life. When I asked him what areas those were he said that I let myself get really overweight (and something else I don't immediately recall). Interesting. This is a man for whom fitness has always been a part of his life - he weight trains and other such things and has spent his adult life tinkering with his size - bulking up and that sort of thing. He's currently trying to work on his mid-section. I find this an insulting response and I'm sure he has no idea how kind-of clueless it is. We'll see how this one goes...

Since being sleeved I've told three men (in a dating situation) about having WLS or that I've lost a significant amount of weight.
The first took it in stride with barely a comment and said I looked great. I miss him. Too bad he was such a mess over other aspects of his life.
The second I didn't actually tell I'd had WLS, only that I'd lost a lot of weight. He said something to the tune of it would be an issue for him if I ever got fat again. He was easily 50lbs over weight. Yep, he's gone... long gone!
The third I just recently told. I told him I'd had WLS and that I'd had my stomach fixed through plastics. He didn't say much at the time but later during conversation he commented that one of the things he likes about me is that I'm really smart, then qualified it saying except for in a couple areas in my life. When I asked him what areas those were he said that I let myself get really overweight (and something else I don't immediately recall). Interesting. This is a man for whom fitness has always been a part of his life - he weight trains and other such things and has spent his adult life tinkering with his size - bulking up and that sort of thing. He's currently trying to work on his mid-section. I find this an insulting response and I'm sure he has no idea how kind-of clueless it is. We'll see how this one goes...

Since being sleeved I've told three men (in a dating situation) about having WLS or that I've lost a significant amount of weight.
The first took it in stride with barely a comment and said I looked great. I miss him. Too bad he was such a mess over other aspects of his life.
The second I didn't actually tell I'd had WLS, only that I'd lost a lot of weight. He said something to the tune of it would be an issue for him if I ever got fat again. He was easily 50lbs over weight. Yep, he's gone... long gone!
The third I just recently told. I told him I'd had WLS and that I'd had my stomach fixed through plastics. He didn't say much at the time but later during conversation he commented that one of the things he likes about me is that I'm really smart, then qualified it saying except for in a couple areas in my life. When I asked him what areas those were he said that I let myself get really overweight (and something else I don't immediately recall). Interesting. This is a man for whom fitness has always been a part of his life - he weight trains and other such things and has spent his adult life tinkering with his size - bulking up and that sort of thing. He's currently trying to work on his mid-section. I find this an insulting response and I'm sure he has no idea how kind-of clueless it is. We'll see how this one goes...

Since being sleeved I've told three men (in a dating situation) about having WLS or that I've lost a significant amount of weight.
The first took it in stride with barely a comment and said I looked great. I miss him. Too bad he was such a mess over other aspects of his life.
The second I didn't actually tell I'd had WLS, only that I'd lost a lot of weight. He said something to the tune of it would be an issue for him if I ever got fat again. He was easily 50lbs over weight. Yep, he's gone... long gone!
The third I just recently told. I told him I'd had WLS and that I'd had my stomach fixed through plastics. He didn't say much at the time but later during conversation he commented that one of the things he likes about me is that I'm really smart, then qualified it saying except for in a couple areas in my life. When I asked him what areas those were he said that I let myself get really overweight (and something else I don't immediately recall). Interesting. This is a man for whom fitness has always been a part of his life - he weight trains and other such things and has spent his adult life tinkering with his size - bulking up and that sort of thing. He's currently trying to work on his mid-section. I find this an insulting response and I'm sure he has no idea how kind-of clueless it is. We'll see how this one goes...

Since being sleeved I've told three men (in a dating situation) about having WLS or that I've lost a significant amount of weight.
The first took it in stride with barely a comment and said I looked great. I miss him. Too bad he was such a mess over other aspects of his life.
The second I didn't actually tell I'd had WLS, only that I'd lost a lot of weight. He said something to the tune of it would be an issue for him if I ever got fat again. He was easily 50lbs over weight. Yep, he's gone... long gone!
The third I just recently told. I told him I'd had WLS and that I'd had my stomach fixed through plastics. He didn't say much at the time but later during conversation he commented that one of the things he likes about me is that I'm really smart, then qualified it saying except for in a couple areas in my life. When I asked him what areas those were he said that I let myself get really overweight (and something else I don't immediately recall). Interesting. This is a man for whom fitness has always been a part of his life - he weight trains and other such things and has spent his adult life tinkering with his size - bulking up and that sort of thing. He's currently trying to work on his mid-section. I find this an insulting response and I'm sure he has no idea how kind-of clueless it is. We'll see how this one goes...

Since being sleeved I've told three men (in a dating situation) about having WLS or that I've lost a significant amount of weight.
The first took it in stride with barely a comment and said I looked great. I miss him. Too bad he was such a mess over other aspects of his life.
The second I didn't actually tell I'd had WLS, only that I'd lost a lot of weight. He said something to the tune of it would be an issue for him if I ever got fat again. He was easily 50lbs over weight. Yep, he's gone... long gone!
The third I just recently told. I told him I'd had WLS and that I'd had my stomach fixed through plastics. He didn't say much at the time but later during conversation he commented that one of the things he likes about me is that I'm really smart, then qualified it saying except for in a couple areas in my life. When I asked him what areas those were he said that I let myself get really overweight (and something else I don't immediately recall). Interesting. This is a man for whom fitness has always been a part of his life - he weight trains and other such things and has spent his adult life tinkering with his size - bulking up and that sort of thing. He's currently trying to work on his mid-section. I find this an insulting response and I'm sure he has no idea how kind-of clueless it is. We'll see how this one goes...

Since being sleeved I've told three men (in a dating situation) about having WLS or that I've lost a significant amount of weight.
The first took it in stride with barely a comment and said I looked great. I miss him. Too bad he was such a mess over other aspects of his life.
The second I didn't actually tell I'd had WLS, only that I'd lost a lot of weight. He said something to the tune of it would be an issue for him if I ever got fat again. He was easily 50lbs over weight. Yep, he's gone... long gone!
The third I just recently told. I told him I'd had WLS and that I'd had my stomach fixed through plastics. He didn't say much at the time but later during conversation he commented that one of the things he likes about me is that I'm really smart, then qualified it saying except for in a couple areas in my life. When I asked him what areas those were he said that I let myself get really overweight (and something else I don't immediately recall). Interesting. This is a man for whom fitness has always been a part of his life - he weight trains and other such things and has spent his adult life tinkering with his size - bulking up and that sort of thing. He's currently trying to work on his mid-section. I find this an insulting response and I'm sure he has no idea how kind-of clueless it is. We'll see how this one goes...

Since being sleeved I've told three men (in a dating situation) about having WLS or that I've lost a significant amount of weight.
The first took it in stride with barely a comment and said I looked great. I miss him. Too bad he was such a mess over other aspects of his life.
The second I didn't actually tell I'd had WLS, only that I'd lost a lot of weight. He said something to the tune of it would be an issue for him if I ever got fat again. He was easily 50lbs over weight. Yep, he's gone... long gone!
The third I just recently told. I told him I'd had WLS and that I'd had my stomach fixed through plastics. He didn't say much at the time but later during conversation he commented that one of the things he likes about me is that I'm really smart, then qualified it saying except for in a couple areas in my life. When I asked him what areas those were he said that I let myself get really overweight (and something else I don't immediately recall). Interesting. This is a man for whom fitness has always been a part of his life - he weight trains and other such things and has spent his adult life tinkering with his size - bulking up and that sort of thing. He's currently trying to work on his mid-section. I find this an insulting response and I'm sure he has no idea how kind-of clueless it is. We'll see how this one goes...

Since being sleeved I've told three men (in a dating situation) about having WLS or that I've lost a significant amount of weight.
The first took it in stride with barely a comment and said I looked great. I miss him. Too bad he was such a mess over other aspects of his life.
The second I didn't actually tell I'd had WLS, only that I'd lost a lot of weight. He said something to the tune of it would be an issue for him if I ever got fat again. He was easily 50lbs over weight. Yep, he's gone... long gone!
The third I just recently told. I told him I'd had WLS and that I'd had my stomach fixed through plastics. He didn't say much at the time but later during conversation he commented that one of the things he likes about me is that I'm really smart, then qualified it saying except for in a couple areas in my life. When I asked him what areas those were he said that I let myself get really overweight (and something else I don't immediately recall). Interesting. This is a man for whom fitness has always been a part of his life - he weight trains and other such things and has spent his adult life tinkering with his size - bulking up and that sort of thing. He's currently trying to work on his mid-section. I find this an insulting response and I'm sure he has no idea how kind-of clueless it is. We'll see how this one goes...

Since being sleeved I've told three men (in a dating situation) about having WLS or that I've lost a significant amount of weight.
The first took it in stride with barely a comment and said I looked great. I miss him. Too bad he was such a mess over other aspects of his life.
The second I didn't actually tell I'd had WLS, only that I'd lost a lot of weight. He said something to the tune of it would be an issue for him if I ever got fat again. He was easily 50lbs over weight. Yep, he's gone... long gone!
The third I just recently told. I told him I'd had WLS and that I'd had my stomach fixed through plastics. He didn't say much at the time but later during conversation he commented that one of the things he likes about me is that I'm really smart, then qualified it saying except for in a couple areas in my life. When I asked him what areas those were he said that I let myself get really overweight (and something else I don't immediately recall). Interesting. This is a man for whom fitness has always been a part of his life - he weight trains and other such things and has spent his adult life tinkering with his size - bulking up and that sort of thing. He's currently trying to work on his mid-section. I find this an insulting response and I'm sure he has no idea how kind-of clueless it is. We'll see how this one goes...

Since being sleeved I've told three men (in a dating situation) about having WLS or that I've lost a significant amount of weight.
The first took it in stride with barely a comment and said I looked great. I miss him. Too bad he was such a mess over other aspects of his life.
The second I didn't actually tell I'd had WLS, only that I'd lost a lot of weight. He said something to the tune of it would be an issue for him if I ever got fat again. He was easily 50lbs over weight. Yep, he's gone... long gone!
The third I just recently told. I told him I'd had WLS and that I'd had my stomach fixed through plastics. He didn't say much at the time but later during conversation he commented that one of the things he likes about me is that I'm really smart, then qualified it saying except for in a couple areas in my life. When I asked him what areas those were he said that I let myself get really overweight (and something else I don't immediately recall). Interesting. This is a man for whom fitness has always been a part of his life - he weight trains and other such things and has spent his adult life tinkering with his size - bulking up and that sort of thing. He's currently trying to work on his mid-section. I find this an insulting response and I'm sure he has no idea how kind-of clueless it is. We'll see how this one goes...

Wow...I can relate to so much of this! I dated a guy that was like #3 and that ended because he was upset/pissed that I didn't tell him about my surgery when we first started dating (seriously? that's not something you bring up on the first few dates) and also was judging me the same way (how did you let yourself get so fat, etc?). He was a hardcore gymmer and always working out. Glad that ended because he criticized me on so many other things as well....was a jerk, and found out how he was a bigger jerk :/
The guy I'm dating now doesn't care and is very supportive....seen my scars as well. Let's see how this goes *fingers crossed*

Most of the ignorant and/or insensitive things I've said in my life have happened when I was mouthing off about something I had no direct experience with or knowledge of, or when I spoke defensively without thinking about what I was saying or how it might be interpreted. So, I try not to respond defensively to things until I've had time to think about what was said and my initial reaction to it.
Now that he understands why I eat the way I do I'm just going to see how it goes. I'm not one to put up with much. I've been on my own for a long time and am happy with my life so if the person I'm seeing/with isn't improving the quality of my life with their presence , I'll move on.

Since being sleeved I've told three men (in a dating situation) about having WLS or that I've lost a significant amount of weight.
The first took it in stride with barely a comment and said I looked great. I miss him. Too bad he was such a mess over other aspects of his life.
The second I didn't actually tell I'd had WLS, only that I'd lost a lot of weight. He said something to the tune of it would be an issue for him if I ever got fat again. He was easily 50lbs over weight. Yep, he's gone... long gone!
The third I just recently told. I told him I'd had WLS and that I'd had my stomach fixed through plastics. He didn't say much at the time but later during conversation he commented that one of the things he likes about me is that I'm really smart, then qualified it saying except for in a couple areas in my life. When I asked him what areas those were he said that I let myself get really overweight (and something else I don't immediately recall). Interesting. This is a man for whom fitness has always been a part of his life - he weight trains and other such things and has spent his adult life tinkering with his size - bulking up and that sort of thing. He's currently trying to work on his mid-section. I find this an insulting response and I'm sure he has no idea how kind-of clueless it is. We'll see how this one goes...

Got to say @hadouni, you hit the nail on the head when you said, "Now that he knows why..." ! I've found a lot of otherwise decent or kindly-inclined guys (and women) will say something that sounds really bad simply for being new to the topic or uninformed. When my hubby (31 years) and I are talking about something that really matters to me I find I sometimes sort of pre-telegraph some info to him. Not to tell him how to react really, but to let him know I expect more support than idle conversational critique.
Recently I was debriefing a huge work day of mine with him (he had also been there) and just said how I was pleased it went well and that I was working to keep myself being overly self-critical about it or picking it apart in minutia as I sometimes did. His response was great, saying supportive things and keeping clear that this was MY thing to reflect on, not his to dump on. (He did that last time - weighing in before he could figure out how much it would hurt me!)
When I told him my decision to investigate WLS it was much the same - letting him know it was only a conversation we were having if IF he was informed and interested in learning, NOT if he was just going to do a knee-jerk fear response from whatever he'd heard on tv or what his own feelings about having it might be. The only time our conversation went off the rails the whole time - through all the pre-op stuff and now a year of post-op - was when he wasn't responding out of being informed, rather just ignoring all info and research and jumping to conclusions.
Anyway - long way around to say it might be good to couch the conversation in the tenor you'd like it to take-- like; "A couple years ago I had WLS and it was the best decision i ever made! I feel great and am pretty darned happy with how I look - in spite of a few scars!" A guy who argues that one isn't a likely keeper for me anyway. Good luck - and YES, there's some great fellows out there who ARE kind and sensitive and love the person, not just the body.

Most of the ignorant and/or insensitive things I've said in my life have happened when I was mouthing off about something I had no direct experience with or knowledge of, or when I spoke defensively without thinking about what I was saying or how it might be interpreted. So, I try not to respond defensively to things until I've had time to think about what was said and my initial reaction to it.
Now that he understands why I eat the way I do I'm just going to see how it goes. I'm not one to put up with much. I've been on my own for a long time and am happy with my life so if the person I'm seeing/with isn't improving the quality of my life with their presence , I'll move on.

Oh my gosh, what a can of worms I've opened! This is all great stuff!!
I'm not going to give up on #3 yet and it's NOT because of his looks. He's actually not what I'm typically attracted to. I think we all have some preconceived notions about things we don't have actual experience with and hopefully as we gain experience we have the ability to evolve and develop into more positive humans. =)
I actually enjoy talking with him. He's very entrepreneurial and has some interesting life experiences. He's a thoughtful, caring and involved parent. I think he's actually surprised he likes me. I'm the oldest woman he's seen more than once. After we went out the first time he told me I was much more attractive in person than I am in photos (we met online) to which I replied "Thanks, I think". I know he meant to be complimentary but it was funny delivery. He also has an issue with my height, no wait, he has an issue with HIS OWN height! I've pulled out some flats but that will get old fast. I told him recently he needed to get over it because I've got some great heels I love to wear. It's not like he should be embarrassed to be seen with me because I'm a little taller than he is when I have heels on, right?
So who knows, maybe there will be a #4 but I'm going to give #3 some time figure out if he can step up to the plate and be with an equal instead of someone who is dependent upon him. I have to give him credit for realizing that he likes me for my brain as much, if not more than my looks.

Since being sleeved I've told three men (in a dating situation) about having WLS or that I've lost a significant amount of weight.
The first took it in stride with barely a comment and said I looked great. I miss him. Too bad he was such a mess over other aspects of his life.
The second I didn't actually tell I'd had WLS, only that I'd lost a lot of weight. He said something to the tune of it would be an issue for him if I ever got fat again. He was easily 50lbs over weight. Yep, he's gone... long gone!
The third I just recently told. I told him I'd had WLS and that I'd had my stomach fixed through plastics. He didn't say much at the time but later during conversation he commented that one of the things he likes about me is that I'm really smart, then qualified it saying except for in a couple areas in my life. When I asked him what areas those were he said that I let myself get really overweight (and something else I don't immediately recall). Interesting. This is a man for whom fitness has always been a part of his life - he weight trains and other such things and has spent his adult life tinkering with his size - bulking up and that sort of thing. He's currently trying to work on his mid-section. I find this an insulting response and I'm sure he has no idea how kind-of clueless it is. We'll see how this one goes...

Since being sleeved I've told three men (in a dating situation) about having WLS or that I've lost a significant amount of weight.
The first took it in stride with barely a comment and said I looked great. I miss him. Too bad he was such a mess over other aspects of his life.
The second I didn't actually tell I'd had WLS, only that I'd lost a lot of weight. He said something to the tune of it would be an issue for him if I ever got fat again. He was easily 50lbs over weight. Yep, he's gone... long gone!
The third I just recently told. I told him I'd had WLS and that I'd had my stomach fixed through plastics. He didn't say much at the time but later during conversation he commented that one of the things he likes about me is that I'm really smart, then qualified it saying except for in a couple areas in my life. When I asked him what areas those were he said that I let myself get really overweight (and something else I don't immediately recall). Interesting. This is a man for whom fitness has always been a part of his life - he weight trains and other such things and has spent his adult life tinkering with his size - bulking up and that sort of thing. He's currently trying to work on his mid-section. I find this an insulting response and I'm sure he has no idea how kind-of clueless it is. We'll see how this one goes...

Oh my gosh, what a can of worms I've opened! This is all great stuff!!
I'm not going to give up on #3 yet and it's NOT because of his looks. He's actually not what I'm typically attracted to. I think we all have some preconceived notions about things we don't have actual experience with and hopefully as we gain experience we have the ability to evolve and develop into more positive humans. =)
I actually enjoy talking with him. He's very entrepreneurial and has some interesting life experiences. He's a thoughtful, caring and involved parent. I think he's actually surprised he likes me. I'm the oldest woman he's seen more than once. After we went out the first time he told me I was much more attractive in person than I am in photos (we met online) to which I replied "Thanks, I think". I know he meant to be complimentary but it was funny delivery. He also has an issue with my height, no wait, he has an issue with HIS OWN height! I've pulled out some flats but that will get old fast. I told him recently he needed to get over it because I've got some great heels I love to wear. It's not like he should be embarrassed to be seen with me because I'm a little taller than he is when I have heels on, right?
So who knows, maybe there will be a #4 but I'm going to give #3 some time figure out if he can step up to the plate and be with an equal instead of someone who is dependent upon him. I have to give him credit for realizing that he likes me for my brain as much, if not more than my looks.

Dating for me continues to be a huge challenge, although I really thought it would get easier once I lost weight. Boy was I wrong! When I was over 300lbs I always used my size as my internal reason why I couldn't meet a great guy. It is stupid I realize, because I am the same person at any size. I did become involved in several wrong, purely physical relationships while I was that heavy too. I tried to tell myself it was my choice, that I controlled what happened. These guys weren't using me, I chose not to look for more than FWB. Problem was, I did want more and just couldn't find it. When I had the surgery I thought dating and my love life would magically become easier. WRONG!!! I still have not found anyone genuine who wants to know me. I have certainly had more attention. I have had compliments galore and I even have been hit on a few times in a bar. ( Even by significantly younger guys!) But I still fail to make a connection with anyone who is looking for something real. At first it was completely ego zapping to think "I'm not good enough" still. But I have done a lot of soul searching about it and realize I do not put myself in environments that allow for me to find anything more substantial. I still use a lot of my "fat girl" fall backs. I still look for the wrong qualities in the wrong types. I know what I want, I really do. Problem is I settle all too often for much less. I need to be ok being alone if settling is all I will get.
That all being said I have no issue telling anyone about my weight loss. In my opinion it is pretty obvious anyway from my turkey neck and bat wings. I realize I am still "obese" even after losing 100lbs, but I now look "acceptable". I am not self conscience in every social situation feeling like the heaviest person in the room. And if I meet a guy I will tell him the truth. Maybe not as my lead in but it certainly will come up in conversation. It is part of me, part of my life. If I ever want to have a "REAL" relationship then the guys I date have to know who I am... Maybe it works out, maybe it doesn't. But I refuse to feel any shame from anyone for having weight loss surgery.

I've been on my own for a long time and am happy with my life so if the person I'm seeing/with isn't improving the quality of my life with their presence , I'll move on.
That's exactly how I feel @hadouni. Not sure how long you've been dating but I'm at it nearly a year and I've certainly had to kiss plenty of frogs. I've met some nice men but either there's no chemistry, or timing isn't right, or not a good fit. But everytime I think why am I bothering, I meet someone who I enjoy talking to or going out with and even if that relationship goes nowhere, it makes me realize that there is probably someone out there I would enjoy spending time with. I have a date on Sunday with someone I like talking to so we'll see...