2FIT2BFAT

Well, this much I know. I feel 100% better. The "Tiny" Gas pills are a blessing. They have really taken alot of the bloating out of my stomach and I am not taking the pain med anymore. which was making me nauseous. I have been drinking liquids, but have a hollow feeling in my gut. Hurts sometimes. I made some potato soup (NOTE TO SELF: PEEL POTATOES NEXT TIME...) and has helped take the Hollow out. I had that yesterday about 3 times at 1 TBL per sitting and I think it is miracle potatoe soup. I feel so much better today. Am still taking it easy. I slept so much better last nite as well. Wish I could sleep on my stomach, but alas, not yet. So FAR so GOOD. YEAH !

Having strange feelings that I should have been able to lose the weight without getting surgery. Still wondering if I should go thru with it. Forsaking alot of foods I like to eat. Gulping down sweet tea. Having feelings of Loss. Then wondering just what choices of food I will now be limited to. Wondering if my weight loss will go quickly with the 77 lbs I would like to lose. Thinking that if I dont do this, I will continue to gain and not stick to a diet even if I convince myself that I will. Thinking that if I do have surgery will I fail at my food choices and not lose weight either. Knowing in my heart that food shouldnt be so important, yet for some reason when it is taken away, or the threat of that, I want to run back to the comfort zone of knowing its always there for me. How scary is this ? Whats the worst that could happen.? I really shouldnt ask that question as there are numerous answers of which some are quite undesirable. Am wondering as well how my husband will take the change of food plan when his life seems to revolve around "whats for dinner" . He is already suffering with frozen food meals, while I am pre- surgery dieting and he is not happy. I saw a co-worker who is dieting and lost weight with pills..grab a piece of pizza yesterday and thought how much I would have liked to get one too. Felt alittle left out. Lonely. Not sure how else to say that. I assume when I get past the liquid and move on to what is a NEW future of food I will be more grateful, instead of jealous. Worried about any restrictions the band might pose to the lifestyle I lead. Living on a farm with lots of chores and toting and mowing., just keeping up with the outside of house and barely getting the inside cleaned up anymore. Maybe I am just tired. Tired of being fat. Just had to say what I was thinking in my jumbled head.