Cazzy

"You are beautiful. Your beauty, just like your capacity for life, happiness, and success, is immeasurable. Day after day, countless people across the globe get on a scale in search of validation of beauty and social acceptance.
 
Get off the scale! I have yet to see a scale that can tell you how enchanting your eyes are. I have yet to see a scale that can show you how wonderful your hair looks when the sun shines its glorious rays on it. I have yet to see a scale that can thank you for your compassion, sense of humor, and contagious smile. Get off the scale because I have yet to see one that can admire you for your perseverance when challenged in life.
 
It’s true, the scale can only give you a numerical reflection of your relationship with gravity. That’s it. It cannot measure beauty, talent, purpose, life force, possibility, strength, or love. Don’t give the scale more power than it has earned. Take note of the number, then get off the scale and live your life. You are beautiful!”
Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

When people fall in love they are head over heels with each other. They can't get enough of each other and decide we are in this for the long haul. As time goes on life changes and that in love feeling changes to a new love. People have to work at it because if it goes stale then the only thing that happens is either divorce or break up. People don't stay married for 50 or 60 years because it was always easy. Work, children, stress and everything in between come in to play and if you give up then you are giving in.
 
When you choose to have weight loss surgery you are entering in a new relationship. In the beginning you are all gung ho over the band, bypass, or sleeve because you are getting results. Then your weight loss starts to deminish, it goes slow and that feeling of giving up plagues many. That in love feeling with your band becomes stale and sometimes obsolete.
 
To keep your love alive with your band you must make an effort to have a healthy relationship with it, not give in because the going gets rough or you're not losing as fast as you want too. You have to change up your diet and not give in to eating the same old boring foods day in and day out. If you don't work with it or for it, it won't work for you. We had a good relationship with food before the surgery so you now have to have a good relationship with food now that you have the band.
 
The only way that you are going to let this make you or break you, is your determination that your relationship with the band is going to be ever lasting. We don't give up on our children because they don't behave well, we don't give up on our jobs because they stress us, we don't give up on our loved ones because they are ill and we can't give up on our bands just because at the moment the scale won't move or we are having a hard time in life, stressed, dealing with things that we don't want too that would make us eat before.
 
Our relationship now is different. It will in time give you life, health and happiness if you are willing to stay married to it for the long haul. If you want the band to work, then develop a loving healthy relationship with it. Don't let it get stale. Keep your momentum alive and think about why you did this.
 
It is only up to you and you alone to make this relationship work. If you don't then you will be right back where you started. It's not always easy to have a new relationship but it's not impossible to have a healthy relationship with food.
 
Love yourself enough to make this work because the benefits are priceless. If you ever doubt that you can't or won't succeed then its up to you to know that you are worth more then that.

Now, this is an obvious generalization, so please bear with me.
 
There are two types of people on this forum, Moms and Dads...And it has nothing to do with gender.
 
Moms are the empaths, sympathizing with the hurts and bruises of the people here, taking into account their feelings when they give their advice. Patting them on the back as they are bent over the toilet puking their guts out because they tried to test their band.
 
Dads are the authoritarians, telling people who ate a cheeseburger and fries on the way home from post-op "WTF did you do that for, are you stupid?" and "I was able to work my band, what the hell is wrong with you"?
 
The friction I see on the site comes many times from the Moms and Dads fighting over the best way to help the kids, when in reality, both types of advice and help are necessary for the people who come here. We need to stop beating each other up, and start realizing that we NEED both types of people. So, in the words of that great wise man Rodney King, "Why can't we all just get along"?
 
BTW, as I said at the start this is a generalization and the reality is not quite so clear, I personally relate more to the "Dads" on the board, but my heart also weeps for those who are struggling getting the band to work for them, especially when it has been so easy for me.

OK, in February of 2011 I said I would get my ass back in gear. I had lost over 100 Pounds since getting my band and was doing great. Sadly I got comfortable. That means I learned things like:

Sauces make things easier to eat
Ice cream is easy to eat
Alcohol is easy to drink
Saving your fat guy clothes as you lose weight makes gaining weight back easier as you don't have to go outside naked

So, after 18 months I bounced back up by about 30 pounds. Not horrific by my standards of weight loss but still pissed me off. I was still down net 70 but the direction had reversed. I had to do something.
 
I schedule a check up and possible fill. I needed to do that. I had become too comfortable with my ability to cheat the tool. I need the restriction.
 
I got a personal trainer and committed myself to it.
 
I am now 6 weeks in. I have lost about 24 net pounds but need to track inches (stop it!) as I know that the workouts are changing my body more than the scale is reflecting. I am, for the first time in my life, planning my life around my workouts.
 
I will drop a note when I have something really cool to report but for right now I am stoked about that exercise change. The diet side will lead to the weight loss most directly but the exercise will start to compound it. For those interested, I work out with a trainer on Monday and Wednesday for 1:15 minutes. We do a combination of cardio, weights and circuit training with a pretty significant focus on core. On Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays I do his Bootcamp which is:
 
Tuesday: Sparticus Circuit. 10 exercises. 45 sec to 1 min on then move. Three sets followed by an ad circuit.
Thursday: Sand day. Conditioning, sprinting and footwork all in a sand pit. Wrap with abdominal circuit and arms (Push Ups and Dips)
Saturday: Mixed bag. This day can be running, ladder drills, circuits. It really depends on the weather.
 
All the exercises can be modified for different levels of ability. It has been truly amazing to start to MISS workouts and try and plan work and vacation around them. If you can contact someone locally and work out a plan to start you really should. It took about 3 weeks for me to convert over to wanting to do it instead of having to but now that I have, I don't really want to stop.
 
Anyway, wanted to get back into the swing of writing. Hope you are all well.

Had my Dr pre-op appointment this afternoon. Dr. Wieland took plenty of time to answer all my questions and told me I should always feel free to call his office if I ever have any questions. He said his number should be on speed-dial so if I am at the grocery store and have a question about a product, I can call. He said they are there for me and to use them. After reading the forums here I had a page of questions for the Dr. One important question I asked him was about Biotin for hair loss. He said if I am eating the correct amout of Protein, that I should not suffer any hair loss. Hair loss can happen when Protein grams go below 30 per day. I also asked about band slippage. He assured me that if the band is placed in the right spot that slippage should never happen.
 
 
I also spent time with his nurse, John, who went through the do's and dont's before and after surgery. We discussed diet and John answered all my questions about different foods. John told me no lifting more than 10 pounds for 3-4 weeks post-op until the Dr clears me. So, it will be a bummer that I cannot pick up Anna. However, down the road I will have more energy and feel like playing with her. I had forgot to ask the Dr about the different sizes of the band but John told me that the Dr would make that decision at the time of the surgery. He will have sizes to choose from and pick the one that will work the best for me.
 
My surgery is at 7:00 am on June 13th and I have to be at the hospital by 5:00 am. Will be an early morning, but I will be the first surgery of the day so it will be all worth it. I will be staying overnight, but the insurance company will classify it as outpatient because I will only be there 23 hours which starts after recovery.
 
I will start my low carb, low calorie pre-op diet on June 5th.

So one of the things I'm still working on figuring out nearly 8 weeks after banding is what foods are worth it for me to eat. This is a new equation in my life. Before banding, I just ate. Half the time I didn't think about what I was putting in my mouth (if I did, I would have lived in a state of perpetual self-disgust) and the other half, I just didn't care. I was already fat and unhealthy, so why stress about the food that was making me that way? Clearly, I was eating too many calories, but now I'm realizing that the amount of calories I was eating may have mattered less than whether those calories were worth eating.
 
What I mean by that is that as I make better, more sensible food choices, it is becoming clearer to me that "real food" is much more satisfying than the alternatives. "Real food" is a hot topic these days. You can find whole books about it in your local bookstore, whole pages of books on the topic, if you cruise through Amazon. For my purposes, though, when I talk about real food, I'm referring to anything that isn't processed or prepackaged. Things like eggs (pasture raised, please), meat (ditto), milk (three for three), vegetables (organic, please), fruits (yuppers), and grains (certainly in the "o" column). To many, my obsession with organics and pasture-raised animals may make me a snob or a hippie, but I'm okay with that. Even before banding, I preferred to choose those foods when possible, but now I'm realizing that the alternatives aren't worth it.
 
I try to keep my calories at somewhere around 1000/day. I say around, because there are days I eat 850 and days I eat 1400. Mostly, I average between 1000 and 1100. Before banding, I could get 1000 calories having coffee, a piece of toast, and a single fast food sandwich, and then everything else I ate that day would be those excess calories that made me fat. Theoretically, even with the band, I could still make those food choices, but now they're just not worth it to me. Today, I would say that most of that food isn't real food, and therefore, I'd rather not eat it.
 
This morning, I had toast and coffee for breakfast. Not the bandster's first choice, perhaps, but I find I can't eat anything too rich or too heavy in the morning without severe nausea and potential for vomiting (I've always been that way, even before banding). The difference here is that the coffee was made with real raw sugar (half a teaspoon) and organic, pasture raised half-and-half. One tablespoon of that. For a total of 37 calories. The toast was a thin slice of home-baked bread (made last night from organic flour and natural ingredients) with a teaspoon of pasture raised butter. Low in protein, but I'll have meat for lunch and dinner, so I'll have no trouble meeting my protein goal for the day. So far for the day, I've had 137 calories, less than 15% of my allowance for the day, and every single one of those calories was totally worth it. They all tasted good, none of them cost the environment more than necessary, and all of them allowed me to live with my band while feeling content and satisfied. If I'd tweaked that just a little, gotten a small nonfat latte and a bagel with non-fat cream cheese from Starbucks, for example, I'd have eaten 500 calories of food that wasn't really worth it to me. Even if the band had stopped me at half the bagel, that would still have been 250 calories (113 more than I actually ate). It would have contained less fat, but also less satisfaction and it wouldn't have tasted as good. To me, the unprocessed "real food" I ate at home was a better, healthier choice and worked with my band.
 
True, a lot of bandsters would tell me I should have had Greek yogurt instead. Or maybe a scrambled egg. There are days when I do that, but here's my confession: I love bread. Love it. It is my favorite of all foods. I adore it more than ice cream (meh) or potato chips (one of my trigger foods and a life-long addiction for me). Give me a choice between a handful of chocolate and a piece of fresh baked bread (home-made or from a real bakery) and I will go for the bread 9-1/2 times out of 10. My brother and sister-in-law are gluten intolerant, and have cut all products containing wheat out of their diets. I'd rather cut off my own arm. Seriously, I can't live without bread. Which could be a problem for a bandster, both because of the low protein/high carb nature of bread, and because the texture of bread can have trouble passing through the band. But here's the thing. "Real" bread (the kind from the bakery or from my very own oven) passes through the band pretty well. It has fiber and texture and it tastes so good, that it's worth it to me to take small bites, chew slowly, and get it through the band. Pre-sliced generic white sandwich bread? Not real food and definitely not worth it. Also lower in fiber, higher in sugar, stickier in texture, full of chemicals, AND higher in calories. Clearly the unhealthy choice. As a bandster, I have had to reshape my priorities. Homemade bread is a priority; processed, pre-sliced bread is not.
 
It's all about priorities.
 
And balance. For breakfast today, I had a carb-heavy, protein-light meal. For lunch, I will have a couple of slices of roast chicken (heritage breed, pasture raised) and some veggies. Or maybe a small serving a chili with pastured ground beef. The meat cost a lot more than the supermarket alternatives, but it was locally and sustainable raised and frankly, it tastes so much better that I don't feel deprived from eating only 2-3oz of it as a time. It's so full of flavor that 2oz feels more like a meal than 6oz or the alternative. For dinner, there's either the chicken or some leftovers from an organic rabbit I stewed over the weekend in red wine and prunes. And more veggies. So worth every single calorie and so, soooooooooo satisfying.
 
One of the reasons I got the band and not another procedure like bypass was because I wanted to be able to eat and enjoy real food, I just wanted to eat less of it. I didn't want to give up my bread (obviously) or my chocolate or my steak. I wanted a smaller slice, nibble, or cut. I'm doing that with the help of the band, and because I'm choosing real food, I'm doing it with happy tastebuds and a smile on my face.
 
 
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I hope no one interprets this as a lecture, or me claiming to be better than anyone else. My priorities are my own. I happen to live in an area where organic, pasture raised foods are easily accessible. They're sold at my local groceries and at the weekend farmer's market in my town, less than 5 miles from my house. I also only have myself to feed and worry about. I'm not trying to budget to feed myself, a husband and three kids, let alone saving for college, paying for daycare, or providing clothes to cover bodies that seem to double in size every few months. My animals and myself are the only things I have to spend my money on, so it's easy for me to justify funding my environmental and health agenda. Everyone has to do the best they can with what they have, and no one--least of all me--should fault them for it. Make your own priorities, and then live by them. I hope it brings you the same satisfaction it brings me.