Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!
$99 Yearly Supply Alert! 🌈 "1 per Day!" Bariatric Multivitamins

cludgie

LAP-BAND Patients
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Content Count

    635

  • Joined

  • Last visited

Blog Entries posted by cludgie

  1. cludgie
    So I'm 12 days post op, and I've just re-read how totally unhappy I was in my 1st blog. Don't get me wrong, my new stomach has not been a cure all, I'm still clinically depressed, and have to be on meds for anxiety but I know that food was something I've buried my problems under for years, and just because I coated them and myself in fat, I ddn't solve any of them (well not just yet anyway).
     
    HOWEVER I'm starting to feel good about me!
     
    I am losing weight more slowly than a lot of people, but 4 days ago my jeans started to fit me again, and today when I wore them they started falling down a little, and what if my weight creeps down, its taken me a lifetime to get this big, and my sleeve is forever its going nowhere, so whats the rush??
     
    It has really started to hit me that every pound I have lost, I have lost for the very last time.
     
    I love my sleeve!!!!
     

  2. cludgie
    Hi,
     
    Well I finally decided to start charting this crazy rollercoaster ride to a new and (hopefully) improved me, so here goes;
     
    I am 30, I am a professional person, I have an astoundingly wonderful family including two beautiful children aged 6 and 2, and my husband really is my best firend and soul mate. I should be happy! In fact I should be ecstatic, skipping along with a song in my heart - I AM NOT!
     
    I am truly thankful for all of the blessings in my life, but despite all that the biggest part of every day is painful for me, it usually goes like this;
     
    When I wake up in the morning, just before my husband gets up to go to work I make sure we get to hug, but before I do that I have to make sure I am lying a certain way, that my body is covered, and that he doesn't accidentally brush past a body part I am not happy with.
     
    When I get up shortly after him I agonise over the days clothing choice (nothing fits, nothing looks right etc etc etc). I weigh myself, I wee, and I weigh myself again shortly before kicking the scales hard and swearing loudly. I then try all of my clothes on again, and usually end up in the least revealing and most shapeless garment I can find, by which stage I feel humilliated and tearful.
     
    I will eat something in secret even if it is just a few crumbs of something, and then I'll have a healthy and modest breakfast with my family to keep them happy.
     
    By the time the kids are dropped off and I get to work I am always paranoid about my outfit choice, and will spend hours obsessing about how i look from each angle, and how much worse I will look if i actually breathe out, and what on earth people must think about me.
     
    Lunch is an hour of trying not to eat in front of people, but usually failing. Sometimes I settle with just a coffee, and sometimes I go for as much crap as a human body can hold, either results in paranoia and a few odd looks!
     
    The afternoon is just like the morning, and is followed by an evening of more secret emotional eating and snacking to "cheer myself up".
     
    At night I undress and get into bed in stages intended to avoid unflattering angles, and if all else fails make my husband look away! I then spend 8 hours intermittently waking and re-positioning myself to avoid accidental touching of wobbly bits.
     
    I know how repressed and tragic that all sounds, but thats my starting point, I have 66lb to lose to be a "normal" healthy weight, and have never come close to that through other conventional methods, so the sleeve it is.
     
    Thanks for listening.
     
    Cx

PatchAid Vitamin Patches

Bariatric Forums

For Patients

Health Professionals

Search Surgeons

Bariatric Surgeons: Want to research a weight loss surgery surgeon? Enter their last name below to start!

×