First Fill - did I do the right thing?
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So I finally scheduled my first fill, one week ago on Wed. I'd gained 5lbs in the past month b/c I truly could eat anything and did. I think I was mourning food - so afraid I'd never be able to enjoy eating again.
The fill was very easy, I'm using fill center usa and used the same weight loss doctor that I've been going to for years. She used a needle to numb the area up and after a few misses (you could feel and her slipping off the plastic side of the port a few times) she hit it. I was relieved only b/c I really and truly thought I had flipped my port (see episode of a pop and burning sensation about 6 weeks after surgery that must have turned out to be scar tissure after all!) Anyway, she would put a little liquid in, pull some out. When she put too much in, I could feel my throat closing. It was like that feeling you get when something gets stuck. Its kind of a panic filled feeling b/c when you get something stuck you know the misery that comes next. She would barely pull a tiny bit of fluid out and it would go away. All the while I was drinking a cold, cold bottle of water so I could tell if the water rushed down or not. Well, in the end I ended up with 1.8 cc in my 4cc capacity band. I thought that was a lot! She said everyone is just different and that testing using the water is the best indicator. Great experience at the dr, no problems, etc.
Well, I followed instructions, drank protien shakes the first day, mushy food the next. WELL, when I tried to eat solids that's when I got scared. I ate some salsa and one bite of fajita chicken on the 3rd day at lunch and it was horrible. I had to ask the friend who drove me twice to pull over on the way back to the office b/c I was salivating so badly and had to spit. I actually threw up once on the side of the road. I felt like such an idiot - they don't know I had the band and they MUST have thought I had the swine flu! Anyway - I couldn't swallow, foam-like spit came up and it felt like I had to burp but couldn't burp or swallow. And that Pain in my throat -UGH! THAT's precisely when I thought - did I do the right thing? Is this what its going to be like for the rest of my life? Is this what it feels like to be too tight?
I was really questioning myself - I WANT to eat, enjoy, savor, cook, experience food - I just want to eat LESS! NOT feel like this!! I thought to myself - I PAID for this myself - what did I DO??
Well, I had to tell myself that I'm learning. I probably ate something too soon, didn't chew enough and I need let my body calm down from the fill - just like I had to allow it to settle in and calm down after the band itself. What I AM learning about this whole process is that I have to be kind to my body - allow it to heal and accept these changes at a slow pace. My job and my personality means I rush, rush, rush! Well, when I rush through eating - eat a large mouthfull and don't concentrate on really chewing the food. I'm going to pay the price. And THAT IS what I paid for. It is at just those times, that I overeat, eat too fast, eat the wrong things.
So, I've had a few more similar episodes since - from eating one too many sweedish meatballs at IKEA to going to a mongolian grill with my husband and eating one piece of pinapple and excusing myself to the restroom to spit up foamy spit for 30 mins.
I know that's my body trying to get that food un-stuck!
I'm learning - I'm learning! And I've lost 3 lbs in the week since the fill! Finally the scale is moving again!
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