Fear Factor

I have been freaking out about the fact that it appears that my insurance may require that I have meet the BMI qualifications for 2 years. I have not been at 40BMI before this. I was at 35 -39 but without comorbidities, but it dawned on me this morning--the insurance has only asked for 5 years worth of weight records. Nothing has been said about asking for the full records to show if I had those comorbidities or not. Hopefully they will look at the weights and not ask!

So after we went to bed last night I filled DH in on what exactly the podiatrist had to say. Then I told him "You know that I have made my mind up on this, right?" He just chuckled and said, "I have known for awhile now."

Funny, that is what my good friends that I have been sharing this journey also said! They could tell I knew from the beginning, despite the fact that I kept saying "But I haven't made a decision yet."

I do have a ton of concerns and fears. There are always fears about how something like this will go. Of course anytime you undergo a major medical procedure/anesthesia you are at risk of the worst. But I am also probably at that same risk getting in my car and driving on some of the roads around here!

I keep reading about port pain--especially if significant amounts of weight are lost. I don't like pain. The idea of it being up near the skin and palpable kind of skeeves me out.

What if I end up not able to eat anything?

What if it doesn't work and I never get restriction?

What if it slips?

What if I decide that I hate it?

What if I just decide that I am sick of eating healthy and go back to my old habits?

What if I do this and it doesn't help my feet at all and I am still in constant pain and stuck in the wheelchair?

How will I live without soda?

I tend to have scaring issues. I don't heal very fast. My scars tend to be large, hard and take a very long time to heal. How is this going to affect my stomach when they stitch it? What about the port? What if the scarring really messes me up?