Cash, Cathartics and Compensation

Hello,

As noted before, I will have to self pay for the LB. I had been trying to figure out what combination of funds to jungle to make this happen and we figured that out last night. I find myself wanting to go in now and get this thing moving. I want to start and keep my motivation high.

Second, despite not feeling the feeling a loss for foods I won’t be eating going forward I seem to be doing a final rush of eating in anticipation of the stringent changes to occur. The competitive side of me wants to peak my pre-op weight to set a “bigger loss” number. Intellectually, I recognize this behavior as childish and detrimental, but I have been thinking that way. In a twisted way, part of it is my competitive nature and part of it is the self destructive tendencies that got me in this whole in the first place. Go figure…

Third, I think reading and car modification will become my new rewards system to celebrate vs. meals.

That’s all for today.