Dear Santa:

Let me start off by saying; I have tried really hard to be good all year long.

That whole debacle with the circus midget thing was really NOT my fault.

I didn't know pythons could do that. I really thought he would work better hungry.

Any way RIP Tiny Tommy.

But you do have to admit, about that whole incident with the nine iron and the peanut butter; she had it coming.

Well I am getting off track. The reason for this letter being overnighted and sent priority mail really is quite funny.

If you receive a package from my PO Box marked attention Santa you may just want to throw it away.

No since opening it; and you may not want to expose it to any high temperatures.

It was all a big mix up and I was kind of upset when I sent it.

Well now I'm taking my medication and I don't want any one else to get hurt.

Remember last year when I asked for the remote control Tank man car and all I got was a football?

You know I got to thinking about that and just got a little upset.

So how is everyone? Are you and Mrs. Claus doing alright? Tell Rudolph I said hi.

I bet it gets really cold at the North Pole. It is sure cold here.

Almost like last year when I lost my job and had to live in a V.W. bus for six months. WOW boy did it ever snow.

The snow was so high it was over my windows.

Yup I remember it well. I was very cold last year. And for Christmas I asked for a new winter coat, an electric blanket and the remote control Tank Man car.

Don't get me wrong I am thankful for the foot ball.

P.S. Maybe you should go ahead and open the other package after all! Merry Christmas…