Finding me agian

I'm not sure where to start.

What exactly got me to this point?

Pictures/Mirrors.

Looking at myself in pictures/mirrors was always a suprise - pretty soon it wasn't such a suprise anymore.

Pain and Depression.

I don't think I've been depressed as much as I've been lately. I hurt all the time and I'm having issues with my knees. To carry anything heavy up a step is almost impossible - sometimes it's all I can do to get groceries up two little steps from my garage to my house. I don't want my kids to grow up overweight. They have no idea what this feels like -physically and mentally.

My husband is very vocally supportive but I'm afraid his actions are going to sabotage me. He is 110% pro-active with anything new but the newness wears off fast. I can't resist bad things if the're in the house. How am I going to resist bad things if there staring at me all the time? I'm not a candy eater but I pick at it at times - what if it becomes something easily accessable and I start to be a candy eater????

Here's the run down of dates/appointments etc..

Talked about WLS with my doctor - May 07

Attended a seminar in T.C. - May 07

Attended support group meeting - June 07

Attended support group meeting - July 07

Attended Surgeon consultation - Sept. 07

Attended Nutritionist consult - Sept. 07

Attended Psych. Evaluation - Sept. 07

Weights and Blood Pressure done in:

May, June, July went to Dr. but not recorded, August, Sept., Oct., Nov., December

January will be my 6 month straight weight monitoring. It would've been October if the doctor's office would have recorded it in July!! Yes, I was mad but what could I do?? I really like my doctor and nurse - everyone makes mistakes. :cursing:

I hope to get in all the paperwork in the begining of January. I'm very anxious over the BC/BS determination - I can't sleep because of it and I don't even have my paperwork in yet!

I'm hoping for my surgery in Feruary or March - this would work out with both my jobs. It gives me enough time to recover.

All for now - MA