7-31-07

I just don't understand why I feel I must eat, when I know there is junk in the house. I have the most uncontrolable feeling that I must eat it till its gone. I have been fighting it all day. I know that I don't need that junk, but I can't seem to help myself. I really thought that the desire to eat would go away, but it hasn't. I could just be bored, but don't think so. I could just be lazy, but not all the time. What is with the desire to eat and eat and eat. I know I must be trying to fill up a hole that is empty in my life, but what is that hole. That hole is big enough to suck in the whole ocean if I got close enough. Why is it when I can't sleep I think that eating something is going to put me sleep. Is that left over from being a child when you parents would feed you and put to bed. I really have to get serious about this I need figure all this out. I need to lose more weight so I feel better. I know that I'm already feeling better, but I want to feel great. I'm going to go to Texas in October and I would love to be at least 20lb smaller. It would make the air plane ride so much better. I guess that is my goal for now is to lose 20 lbs by October 17. That a good 10 weeks and thats only 2 lbs a week, thats not that much to ask for is it. I must excercise more, I did the peddle thing last nite for 10 minutes, I will try to work up to at least 30 minutes per day in the next two weeks. I need some good arm excersise also, maybe my bat wings will go away some. I just hate the big bump at the top of my elbows that seem to just hang out there. I will have to work hard to have them disappear.

Oh well today has been pretty good. I just have to write more here to keep my mood upbeat. I have to remember my goals for the next couple of months.