The long and winding road...

Physically, I'm feeling great (only three days out from surgery) but mentally, I had a hard time last night. I started doubting again. I wondered if I rushed into this decision. My hubby valiantly tried to reassure me but honestly, I was scared. Scared of what, I really can't say. I guess I was afraid that I would have a bunch of complications and need surgery again. Or that I would be some kind of freak, having to eat jello the rest of my life. I know none of this is likely but Fear and I have a long standing relationship. I worry - a lot. I sweat the big stuff, the small stuff and the impossible stuff. I'm the kind of worry wart that won't touch egg salad at a picnic for fear of food poisoning from the heat. So take someone with major anxiety and plop them into the situation where they now have a device inside them and a whole new way of living to learn. I guess it is no wonder I kinda freaked out.

Strangely, this morning, I felt calm. I made a cup of tea, and really didn't think about the band. I guess each day will be unknown for awhile, until I settle into this new lifestyle. Some days I will be feeling great - both mentally and physically - and some days my old friend Fear will pop up for a visit. I guess this is all part of the journey. I will know I have turned the corner on my new life when Fear no longer factors into my thoughts.

"A life lived in fear is a life half lived"

I know how you feel, but it does get easier. I had mine done on 03/05/08. It is still in the back of my mind all the time. Praying I don't eat the wrong thing or do something really stupid!!! Hopefully soon it will just be natural and I won't even think about it anymore.