Struggles!

The countdown is at 19 days now. In my last post, I was kind of numb to what I felt about things. Not long after I wrote that post, things turned upside down for me and I've been tested and tried for the past week. I've been dealing with the loss of a grandparent and burying him on my birthday. I'm not sure about you guys, but when there's a death around here, everyone and their brother brings food for the family. My mother (who lives with us) has had some sort of episode that almost took her life. Amid those happenings, were my birthday on Monday and my daughter's yesterday. I'm so tired at this point, I don't know what to do with myself. With everything going on, I have failed my eating plan. My choices haven't been terrible except a few small slips here and there, but it's not structured and I have not been logging anything. I wouldn't even have my step counts if it weren't for my fit bit logging automatically. I feel like I've lost control of it all. I hope that things will settle down soon. I don't have much time left for this havoc!

I have my pre-op appointment this afternoon. I'm nervous and don't know what to expect. I know I've lost a few pounds, but I'm worried that it's not as much as I'd like. I'm worried about talking about my shortcomings in the last couple of weeks. I really am motivated to have this surgery and change my life. I know I have to work extra hard in the coming weeks and months. I know I have to be normal to have these set backs, but I do NOT want to have this jeopardize my surgery. I know the surgeon can change his mind. While I know that the only reason he would is if he truly believed that I was not ready for this, but I am SO SO SO ready! I may not have the passion that I felt when this was all so new, but I still have the need and desire to be healthy. And I want to get started on that as soon as possible.

Maybe a visit with Doc will give me the boost I need to get through the next 19 days and give me that drive back. I always go in worried and stressed and come out with a totally different outlook. SO wish me luck guys...my time is drawing near.