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Are My Fat Friends Threatened?



I wasn't going to go here.


I really wasn't.


But I can't seem to shake it and when I can't shake something I usually have to write it out.


I know that everyone will have opinions of weight loss surgery and I'm finding out that I really don't want to hear it. I know that I've failed in the past, I know that surgery can be dangerous, I know that life is going to change considerably for me, and I know that it's a completely different life than the life that I've led. I also know that most of the people who are concerned are coming from a loving place, no matter what the conversation makes me feel like when it's happening.


But if it's one thing that I've noticed it's that the most challenging conversation and the biggest naysayers are my friends that are overweight... and it' hurts.


I've tried to place myself in their shoes. I remember when I knew nothing of weight loss surgery and I considered it to be a "cop out." I even thought it was the "easy way out." One thing I never thought was that it was an opinion that I would share with someone who was having the surgery! Now that I've spent the last year reading everything I can, working on my food addiction, and learning about the procedure I understand just how wrong I was... but at least I was wrong to myself.


In the meeting with my nutritionist the other day we were talking about what's been the hardest thing for me at this time and it was (overwhelmingly) dealing with the people who have negative opinions about this. As I was speaking the images of the people I was talking about kept running through my mind and I noticed the theme. They were all of my friend's that are overweight/obese.


Of all of my friend's I'm quite possibly the biggest. Some are close to my 320 lbs but most are hovering around 250. Are they threatened by my potentially weighing less than them in the future? Are they concerned about my passing the "fat torch" to someone else? Will my loss make them feel worse about themselves?


I did Ideal Protein last year and I lost 75 lbs and I had to go over in my mind how our relationships were affected by that loss. I guess I was so busy just trying to make it through that I didn't realize how little I saw of them during that time. I think it was self-imposed because I didn't want to subject people to my diet or make them feel badly about eating in front of me. Maybe they thought I became distant as I was losing weight.


Has anyone gone through this?

Were your heavy friends supportive or missing through your process?

How do I maintain friendships but work on my health?


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I was very fortunate. I chose to tell only a few family members and close friends, but each and every one of them were very supportive. I deliberately chose not to tell the people who I knew would be negative.

I have one friend, in particular, who was heavier than I was and after hearing me talk about my upcoming surgery and the reasons I chose to have WLS, she even had surgery herself, five weeks after I did. So, now, we walk together and support each other like only someone who has gone through this process can.

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Not to be rude but who cares what they think?

Your motive for having WLS is not to make your friends feel bad about themselves. It is for you to become healthier and happier.

What kind of friend is discouraged by another friends happiness? If they truly are your friends they will be happy for you and supportive. If not, then they are not worth your time.

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If they are truly your friends they will be happy for you. so, if your decision to get healthy and happy threatens them somehow you shouldn't feel bad. Everyone has to make up their own mind about health issues. No one can make your friends realize that they need to lose weight, hopefully they will see your success and follow your lead. Concentrate on yourself and make new friends at the gym or at your support group. Best of luck.

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I do have another friend who is sad due to the loss of friends that she is now thinner than they are. She is the same warm caring person, but because some of their activities and social events surrounded food and drink, they no longer include her.

Sharpie, I know you are right, I think it helps us greatly that we have equine friends and horses, we tend to be an independent lot to begin with, but I know my friend is hurting, and it makes me sad and a little angry how superficial people can and always will be.

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