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Warning: Female Stuff

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Lyra

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I cried today.

 

To be honest, I'm still kinda shocked about the above statement. I can count on one hand the number of times I've cried in the last decade. I've personally never thought tears fixed anything and am a 'going in guns blazing' instead of 'delicate weeping beauty' sort of lady. Steel southern magnolia, anyone?

 

So there I was, looking forward to my day off and realized that something had happened that hasn't in a number of years. Ever since I gained that last big amount of weight I developed pcos and my period stopped. I never told anyone, but I felt so cut off from my sexuality and from being a woman when that happened. I also worried that maybe my uterus was broken and I would never be able to have kids. I think I submerged those feelings of inadequacy/guilt/anger/despair so deeply that it wasn't until I dropped 65 pounds and get my period back that they just overtook me. It definitely rocked my world and I can't believe how happy I am with bloating, back pains, and food cravings again. *shakes head*

 

It's been several weeks since I've updated and I apologize, yet again. So much is going on and life is good, if confusing. My weight loss has been slow and steady and I'm 14.4 pounds away from Onderland. I sometimes get caught up in the mental belief that I am still 280 and then I realize that I can mostly shop in the regular clothes section now. My grandparents saw me for the first time in 3 months (since surgery) and my grandpa got all chocked up and teary eyed. They've been so worried about me. People keep telling me how pretty I am and I hope that I can soon start to believe them without doing the automatic 'big girl humor' to laugh off something that I don't believe. It's nice to not feel like people are looking at me and judging me all the time. I actually flirted with a guy the other day and didn't feel like said guy was only being polite back. I don't feel as invisible anymore and it's taking time to get used to that.

 

Another thing that has surprised me is the change in my personality. I've always been somewhat hyper and 'artistic' (read: eccentric) and people have said that while I am still funny that I've calmed down a lot. I think I subconsciously felt like I had to be overly amusing to overcome my weight. As if I somehow had to justify my existence in a group of prettier/skinnier people. Which is a load of crap, but apparently my subconscious is an idiot.

 

So many changes and every day I thank god that I did this surgery. I sometimes feel whistful about what my life would have been like if I had been skinny from the beginning, but you can't change the past. You can't change the hand that life has dealt you....although you can definitely throw in a couple of cards and pull new from the deck! Life changes so quickly, and I must say that I will deeply enjoy what is to come as I continue to lose more weight and find out who I really am.

 

Well, I'll enjoy everything except the hair loss. I've resigned myself to shedding more than Chewbacca the Wookie, but damn, it sucks. If anybody is looking for an amazing hair gel that helps give curl, definition, and body to whatever hair you have left look up Herbal Essences Curl Control Gel. It's new and worth every single penny!

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I was just thinking of you this morning and am so happy to know that your world is just getting better and better! Yay YOU!

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I was just thinking of you this morning and am so happy to know that your world is just getting better and better! Yay YOU!

Thank you! I still can't believe how much time has gone by since I last updated. Part of the problem is my computer, and the other part is life just being crazy busy!! I think I just need to make sure to schedule blog time on my phone calendar!

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That's amazing!!! I have PCOS as well and although I actually never wanted a period I do understand how you feel. My main concern was whether or not I could have children when that time came. I am praying that the terrible side effects from my PCOS become more controlled as the weight melts off. My endocrinologist told me I would see a huge difference in the symptoms once I reached 50lb WL I'm at 49LB and have not see any difference. Prayerfully I will see a difference once I reach 65lb as well. This is so inspirational. Thank You!!

P.S. Have you ever taken any supplements to try and regulate your periods (birth control, metformin, glumetza etc...)?

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I just joined this site. I had surgery 4 months ago and am losing my hair like crazy....just started taking more vitamins to try to help. Hoping it works...Biotin, zinc, B12(more of it) Lysine, Flax Seed oil....any other suggestions? I am sure I am getting enough protein and before surgery my hair was twice as thick as normal due to all the vitamins I started taking.I don't want to be bald.

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That is so awesome! I'm 18, but I was 16 when I found out that I had PCOS. I never thought I would miss having a period, but when you don't you feel like you are missing part of being a "woman". I started taking Metformin, but I was still having problems. I am so happy to know that the weightloss is helping your PCOS symptoms! Thank you for posting this!

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