I've never done a blog before, but I really need to get this all out.

I've had back issues all my life. They were pretty much manageable until about 5 years ago when I got pregnant with my daughter. After her birth, I had five spinals to get through the pain, then another surprise birth of my son followed by six more spinals. I'm terrified to have back surgery and my doctor mentioned that my weight might be the problem since I've always been a little heavy, but the steroids & pregnancies had ballooned me over 80 pounds above my "normal" chubby" weight. I was now an embarassing 286 pounds. I followed the plan, found a weight loss doctor I loved and was approved.

My wonderful husband did the 10 day fast prior to surgery with me to help support me. I actually didn't mind it. We found the Jay Robb shakes and I think I lost 8 pounds during that time. Surgery day came - I cried being wheeled back. I'd never been put out before and the really nice doctor gave me a hug and said I've got something for these, as he wiped my tears away. I remember waking up in a lot of pain, but they were able to get it under control pretty quickly. I slept most of that day. It was hard to keep my eyes open enough to give my kids & husband kisses goodnight.

My doc doesn't do caths. And as luck would have it my "Aunt Flo" was kind enough to visit me that morning too, so it was delightfully embarassing to have to explain to every nurse - that I'm not dying - it's just my period. Now I'm not a good fluid intaker in general, so when it came time to suck on the ice chips -ugh. Pretty puky, but in two days - I was able to come home.

My kids & husband as well as myself were pretty grossed out by the drain. It was my nemisis for the next week. Always getting in the way, not really knowing if it was going to get pulled on something and send that lovely reminder pain that it was still there. Emptying it was a joy as well. How can you even think of eatting or drinking after seeing that. The first week I didn't really eat anything and struggled to drink. I remember being so thirsty that I could drink a pool, but getting so frustrated that I could only get a sip here & there. Sleeping was a struggle too as I am a side sleeper and can't sleep on my back because of my back issues. All in all - I really questioned if I made the best decsision that week several times, but what could I do - you can't change time.

By my post op visit to get my drain & staples out, I almost belted the nurse removing the drain. I think I actually had a melt down in the office too. No sleep, disgusting liquid pain meds & dehydration had won. Even though I had gone down to 269 by then, I wasn't happy. I was lucky enough to have to return to work a week out, the next day in fact after my drains were removed. I was so tired. I remember them telling me that I wouldn't feel hunger - they were absolutely right. I didn't want to eat anything. I sipped my water and silently killed my co-workers in my head for tempting me with the smells of their lovely coffee. I don't have a hard job, so actually it was nice to not just be sitting on my couch feeling sorry for myself.

Two weeks out, my lack of eatting gave me new symptions - constant burping & wonderfully horrible breathe. Even the strongest of listerine shots or sprays couldn't get me out of me. I was sleeping better, but my husband was constantly asking me to spray in the night. I was still tired all the time. I decided that I needed to try & eat something. I tried my much adored shakes and quickly found that anything fruit flavored sent me right over the edge. I moved to cream soup. Gag too. The Saturday before Christmas I spent in the hospital getting 3 bags of fluids. Felt so much better after that. They encouraged me to try and eat something to get my energy back. The week after Christmas, I found that runny mash potatoes with a sprinkle of cheddar cheese were my friend. A bit or two here and there made me feel a little more normal. I also had found that plain milk was easy on me too.

By the weekend of New Year's, my drain site had finally stopped hurting so I could sleep well & I was up to 3/4 c milk for breakfast, 1/4 c diced peach cup in juice for am snack, small piece of cheese for pm snack & a tablespoon of guacamole for dinner. My breathe was much better too and I was finally feeling myself. I was also overjoyed to have lost 36 pounds by now. My post-pregnancy clothes fit again (I know that typically isn't something you celebrate - but I had long outgrown my post pregnancy clothes about 2 steriod back shots ago). I could watch my kids again on my own and pick up my newly 2 year old, kiss him and lay him in his crib for the night.

I must have thought a little too much of myself because on the 9th, my company had their christmas dinner at a fancy resteraunt with cocktails. I wasn't stupid with drinking - I chose a martini with blue cheese stuffed olives for my beverage (my favorite). Clearly - that went over like a led balloon. One microsip and I felt as if I had just sanitized every inner stable & stitch inside of me. I pretended to drink it the rest of the night. Carefully removing the olives to my napkin to give the illusion of drinking more.

I only ate about a bite here and there - one of them was filet and the other a piece of shirimp. What the hell was I thinking? Even with all that chewing - I've been cursed with gas & what feels like a completely full stomach ever since. I've not really eatten anything since then except for my tried & true mashed potatoes once in a while to keep the dreaded dragon breathe at bay. I wonder if anyone else has this meat problem. I tried my old shakes again, but getting protein is so hard for me.

I'm looking forward to my next post op visit with my doctor this wednesday. I don't take the pepcid he gave me originally anymore, so looking into taking something like that again. I'm also going to try those gas strips that people keep talking about on here. I'm hoping that soon, the meat & piece of shrimp will finally go out of my stomach and I'll feel normal once again.

I'm down to 240 now and it seems that I've been that for about a week now. I'm loving how all my shirts feel loose and I actually found a shirt in a normal store in size "XL" that fit my for my company party. As an added bonus, my back has been much better too. I've not had to even ask for pain meds or muscle relaxers (can't take anything I used to take anymore) for any issues.

I can honestly say I thought everyone who said to "press on" in these things was full of crap. I'd rather say that this has been some roller coaster ride. Good then bad, Bad then good. But I'm looking forward to more of the good to come. No back surgery & a healthier life so I can be around for all three of my kids & husband for a long time.