This coming Monday won't be a typical one. I am a willingly driving myself to a hospital and paying someone thousands of dollars to staple off and remove 85% of my stomach.

How did I get to this place? What made me so unable to control what I put in my mouth that I have to take such drastic measures?

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not unsure about my decision. Not even scared, really. Just perplexed by how I became a person who needs to go this far to fix myself. I’m not an emotional eater. I’m not a bored eater. I just like to eat. I eat the wrong things and too much of them. I love fried food and pizza and ice cream more than I like carrots and rice cakes. I can modify my diet for a while…3 months or 1 year or 4 years. But I ALWAYS go back.

No more. It ends in 36 hours. I may not understand it and probably never will…but the step I’m taking in 36 hours will help alter my behavior forever. I have high hopes that it will, anyway. Best case scenario would be that I lose my craving for those old favorites that got me to 300#, and/or have repercussions for eating them. Even if I don’t, having a restrictive tool which forces me to eat smaller amounts will be a blessing. Cause I’ve proved time and again that the solution is beyond me.

I'm excited! Ready! Next time I blog I’ll be on the other side