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Struggling emotionally

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Tiffykins

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John has been home for a couple of months, and I'm struggling emotionally. Not because of my husband, but because of my son, Caysen. It makes my heart hurt, and in turn, my stomach can't handle food very well. I'm a complete emotional mess.

 

Caysen is acting out in school. He's defiant with me, and completely ignores my discipline. He back talks, and "huffs" every time I ask him to do anything. Last weekend, John removed everything from his room with the exception of his bed, dresser, and book case. No toys, no movies, no dvd player, nothing "fun". Caysen doesn't seem to care. He has been grounded from video games, and spending time with friends for 6 weeks now because of his grades. He just isn't turning in assignments even though I help with homework, and do everything I can to help him. I'm at my wit's end. Caysen is extremely jealous of John. It's worse than when we first moved in together, and started the blending family process.

 

I have made contact with a counselor on base, and we're working on getting Caysen in to talk to someone. I can't do it anymore. It hurts because Caysen puts me in the middle. He says "you love daddy more" which is not true. I do all kinds of wonderful things with Caysen, I make special trips with him, I make special dinner requests for just him, I spend more time with now than I have ever been able to because John works, and wants me to stay home. It's gotten so difficult that I've turned over all disciplinary stuff to John because when I do or say anything, Caysen just blows me off.

 

We've set up a chore/reward chart, we've set a schedule. I am just at the end of the rope. I've tied a knot and hanging with everything I have, but I am emotionally just drained.

 

I know that us talking about having a baby has spurred some of this behavior. Caysen has been an only child for 11.5 years, and for 9 of those years, it was just me and him. He's scared, and worried, we're going to love that child more than him, and he'll be forgotten.

 

I've suggested, and it will happen, that John and Caysen spend some time together, just for "boy time". I hope this helps because I can't keep doing this anymore.

 

This isn't really WLS related, but it's what's going on in my life, and I needed a place to vent. Caysen has always been a wonderful, pleasant, and well-behaved, well-mannered child. These last 2 weeks, have been so hellacious, and painful. I have examples, but y'all probably are tired of hearing me whine. If you made it through all of that, thank you for listening.

 

I just needed to vent it, and get it off my chest.

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My heart goes out to you. You are doing EVERYTHING you should be AND are a terrific mother! It's a great idea to get him into counseling. This is the age group I've worked with for the last 8 years and over that time I've heard similar stories, even from coworkers with their own children. I'm thinking of one teacher particularly and after her son got the proper help he soared through high school and became that happy-go-lucky, pleasant kid again, but it was a hard couple of years (but she also didn't have a wonderful John in her life). Good luck and vent away!

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I don't have anything in the way of advice, just to say that you are such a loving mom and I know you will get through this!

As a youngest child, I can tell you those resentments run deep if you don't head them off. My sisters still have resentment of me sometimes - they'll tell a story about me as a baby or something and you can just see it. Better to nip it in the bud now!

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Tiffy, I don't have anything to suggest except to stop beating yourself up over this. I think he needs counseling also. I know you want that sweet boy back and he is still in there, he's at a tough age also. Hormones starting in, peer pressure, girls coming along. My daughter was 13 when I divorced and my heart hurt for her, I could not reach her but did have many counselors working with her and somehow we got through it. She is 33 now and I sometimes wonder how this could be the same person. I marvel at her maturity and is so smart, directed, I feel blessed. I know how it hurts tho and sometimes you cry in the shower. Vent away tho and have faith in yourself and your husband, it will get better.

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