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The Food Blues & Why I'm Not Crying Over It

More2Love

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Well, I can honestly say that I've been much more irratible these last couple of months. No, I take that back. I was great for the first 3 weeks and then something changed in me that made me become the way that I am now. I think that the realization of the fact that I can't eat is getting to me. Oh, I can eat just fine (trust me) but I can't eat whenever and whatever I want to. I never realized just how much I truly crave food. And I'm not talking about that fuit nonsense. I'm talking about FOOD! Driving past a Chinese restaurant just about kills me. And then even looking at a Pizza Hut...well, you better start digging my grave now! Then again, before I had this surgery I had no self control. On my drive home on Saturday nights (about 12am) I would stop in at Pizza Hut, get a large stuffed crust pizza and eat *almost* the whole thing in one sitting. I used to go get chinese takeout almost every single day off that I had because it made me feel good... I had extremely poor eating habit before May 18, 2011. No wonder I was 316 lbs when I got this surgery done. And now (July 8, 2011) I can proudly say that I'm 262 lbs. I mean, for most people that's still a lot of weight. Sure, I know that. But I've got to remember where I started from. I started over 300 lbs and that was less than 2 months ago. And now I'm almost in the 50's. It still blows me away.

 

Sometimes, when I'm driving alone at night, I just want to pull over and eat. I've been feeling a bit depressed about it because I can't do that. I can't just pull into a McDonald's and have a large Reese's McFlurry (Extra Reese's of course!). Or my parents have a friend that loves to cook. Sometimes he comes over and makes the best smelling and tasting food you could ever imagine. Just staring at the rice and the curried chicken makes my mouth water right now. And I find it funny that my parents ask me what's wrong while they are eating dinner. Yes, my attitude changes, but mostly because I'm trying not to listen to them rave about how good their meal is while I'm eating boiled veggies.

 

But then there are days like today that I feel great. Honestly, I was so proud of myself when I stepped onto that scale this morning. I wasn't quite sure what it was going to read because I did splurge and have a little extra yesterday, but the scale stayed steady. So far, a lot of this work has been because of me. I've only had 1 fill so far and I didn't feel much of a difference. I'm hungry all the time and know that I can eat alot still. However, the band has given me something that I haven't ever had before: will power. The band is the only thing that makes me want to stay focused. Without it, I would have never gotten this far. I'm a size 18 - coming from a tight 22. This band is giving me the confidence that I never knew existed before.

 

So yes, sometimes being banded can feel like the heaviest burden a person can have. There are so many restrictions - and a lot of it revolves around the only thing that I know/ do best: eating. I can't eat when I'm sad. I can't eat when I'm angry. And that's usuallly when I want to eat the most!

 

But the true question is here: Do I regret my decision of getting it done? And my answer is a big, fat: NO! I will never regret that I got it done!! No matter how much I complain, and complain, and complain...this band had changed my life for the better. I'm walking out of the house and not looking at my shoes. I'm feeling better about myself as I'm walking through the mall. I'm shopping at places that I'd never even considered before. I'm feeling great when going to the gym. I'm the happiest that I've been in probably my whole life. I will BEAT this disease! I will be the one to bury it, not the other way around.

 

So here's my question to you::::: Do YOU regret having it done?



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:) You are doing AMAZING!!!! It is hard, but you will get used to it, and everytime you see pics of yourself it will get better and better

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There are days when I regret it because of the sliming and getting stuck episodes which aren't often, but they are def there. Ya never know when they are gonna show their ugly face. But I def am proud of the 50 lbs. that I lost. I am at a stall now but I have not been exercising much due to some pain from my fibromyalgia which has returned to cause me much frustration. But like everyone else has pretty much stated, you reap what you sew, so if you put alot of effort into losing the wt. - it will def come off. Good luck to you on your journey. I wish you well. :)

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Great blog! Do I regret it NO, do I have times when I would love to eat what I want YES. What stops me, the 70 lbs I have already lost and looking back at what I used to look like in 2009. I never want to be that person again, if that means I fight the demons inside of my head on a daily basis. So be it. If I stop losing than I need to get off my butt and try harder. I did this for me, my health and just plain damn sick and tired of being FAT! I feel your pain about wanting to eat, because food was my way of coping, it gave me comfort and never talked back. Today, I have to deal with my feelings. And as we all know that is hard and we all struggle with it just some of us are willing to admit it's not the bands fault we fail, it is us and the fat person inside fighting to stay alive. I agree, we will beat this diease and we will be healthy and learn to cope with all the things that make us want to eat. Food is no longer our refuse, food now is just a requirement to maintain a healthy body. We will get there, we will have good days, we will have great days and we will have days when we struggle every minute of the day not to eat. But we won't eat unhealthy and we will make healthy choices for the person we all deserve to be. Keep up the good work, you have made a great start and remember, YOU ARE WORTH IT!

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I love to read LovetheNewMe's comments because she writes about the same thing I would say. So.... great blog and think thin. Your doing good. 60 lbs for me and holding but working at it to make it 61 lbs. Each day is a new day.

Judy

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Very inspiring! We had our surgery on the same day! You are doing fantastic, and all of us who has commented share your exact sentiments. It's very difficult to face the realization that food WAS a way of life for so many of us; but the fun part is replacing it with things that will actually fulfill our lives instead of FILLING our bellies! Adventure and true happiness awaits! :D

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I am 4 days post op. On the preop diet after the 3rd day I was good. The first 3 days all I could think about was food! Cheeseburgers, pizza, hot dogs you name it. I became obsessed for 3 days. Then something changed on the 4th day. I felt the power to overcome the head hunger because the physical hunger was not there anymore. In the 10 days pre op I lost 19 lbs. Now here I sit bored. My husband and kids are at a baseball game having hot dogs. I didn't feel up to going. I know I can resist the temptation, but today I am feeling a little sad and I have absolutely no reason to. I look at my 4 ounces of liquid meals and think, is this it forever? I hope not. I do at times wonder if this was a mistake. I have to keep telling myself it isn't. I am sure I am right. I am just really struggling right now as well.

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I wish I had more honesty when I was going through the process, I was not told about the "stuck", "sliming", "dumping" and how often they really do occur, I do follow the rules, I am down 65 pounds and I am active I swim in the morning every day and I take spin 2-3 times a week and I also hit the gym everynight after work...So yes I regret it due to not feeling informed......and not being able to get a handle on my band, i swear it has a mind of its own, one day I can eat a egg the next day, nope......same way it was cooked the day before.......its annoying and frustrating.....

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