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Post Op 11 Months and I am Still Failing..

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StacyMainePink

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It will be exactly a year in less than a month... My Starting weight was 394.6 in May of 09.. I went to my first surgery information conference and decided that the lap band was what I wanted. My mom had the bypass about 8 years earlier and even though she had great success with the Weight loss, She had so many health problems along the way. It scared me.. and My insurance only covered the band which made the decision between the two that much easier. In order to have the Band I had to lose about 55-60lbs on my own to reach the required BMI in order to have the surgery. So from May-Jan I worked my butt off and now that i looked at it.. it really didn't seem that hard.. I lost exactly that.. I lost 60 lbs.. ALL on my own.. hard work.. i felt amazing and all i kept thinking was just wait until the surgery.. i will put everything i have already done and learned and work with the band.. and everything will be amazing i will be a NEW person.. Imagining where and who i would be a year from them... and here i am a year later and i am at the same weight.. feeling like a failure... How did i do this to myself..

 

The Past year i started off by playing by the rules.. and lost weight the first few weeks a a nice pace.. and then... it started slowing down as i realized i could still eat foods i wanted depending if i ate the slow enough... and sometimes i would over eat.. feel the pain.. and then just wait and eat more later.. i did get down to 312.. but didn't stay there long.. I mantained in the 318-320's for about 7-8 months.. i just didn't seem to care enough.. or what.. something was so wrong with me.. i was always so stressed about when the next time i was going to go to the doctors to be judged ...(they were the nicest group of drs and nurses..No judging was going on at all) but that what i couldn't get out of my head. I starting gaining instead of loosing and I felt like i not only failed myself.. But i failed them.

 

My place of employment has been going through a hard time and has cut back on hours which resulted in me not getting the hrs i needed to have insurance, and So now its the beginning of a new year i am exactly where i was when this began at 336 and i am no longer getting fills because i cannot afford it. I feel So lost.. and I feel like i am a failure.. i feel like i know what the right things to do are.. and I am completely missing so many steps.. like why is my will not as strong as others.. how are my Dreams to look beautiful in a wedding dress, HAVE a baby... Hike a mountain, ride rides at an amusement park and so many other things over take this addiction with food i have? How come i do not think i am important enough? I can blame it on the fact my mom relapsed into alcoholism, and started having seizures after her rehab.. or how my dads life feel apart and between the both they ended up in and out of the hospital one after another month s after months.. or that my boyfriend is the same size as me.. and has no ambition to better himself.. But really None of these things should have held me back or will hold me back... I have it in me.. i DID loose 60 lbs before the band.. and I can do it... I need to do it.. and I will do it...

 

So me and one of my close friends have started back at the gym he is a great motivator.. and i am starting to feel good... now to follow the food rules and I will be back on track.. what a crazy ride this is.. I want to be a recovering Food addict... I no longer want to be a lost soul in the depths of the sick addiction of Food!

 

Well ... here i go..

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I mean this with all my heart, i hope that you find your way to your happy place. I know money might be tight and not having insurance is just another stresser in your life but have you ever thought of counseling? You have proven that you have the want and the will power to loose 60 ON YOUR OWN which in itself is AMAZING! Were you given a post op diet? if so try following that again, portion control, etc. I know you have heard it all and believe me if it were that easy no one would be overweight. Have you thought about loosing another 300+ lbs by getting rid of your boyfriend? lol I tell people step back and look at your life, what is causing you stress and what can you get rid it. You need to take care of YOU first!! I hope that everything turns out for you, I wish you the best of luck.

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You either want to lose the weight or you don't. A lot of people want to stop smoking or kick any other habit you can think of, but are just not ready to make the sacrafices necessary to do so. It doesn't make you a faillure - it just means you are not ready.You have to weigh, no pun intended, the differences between staying heavy or actually putting you mind to losing weight and doing it. Do you see yourself as a loser? Not good enough? Low self-esteem? If this is the case, you need to speak with someone to find out why and take care of that problem before concentrating on the weight loss. Did you see a psychologist prior to the surgery? Perhaps you need to visit them again.

I truly wish you the best of luck and hope you can figure out what will be best for you.

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Remember this is a journey. There are bumps in the road. I wrote down some quotes at the beginning of the year. One of my favorite quotes is..."You don't drown by falling in the water, you drown by staying there." You are ready to get yourself back up out of the water. Take time each day to focus on your journey. Try to go back for one more visit with your doctor to talk with the nutritionous and get a fill if needed. You can do it! :rolleyes:

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STACEY. I KNOW THIS THE HARDEST THING EVER. LOSING WEIGHT IS A BITCH!!!!! IF YOU DRINK YOU CAN THROW AWAY THE BOOZE. WHEN YOU SMOKE TOU CAN THROW THEM AWAY. BUT, WE ALWAYS HAVE FOOD IN OUR HOME. MY BEST ADVICE IS TO ASK YOU BOYFRIEND TO SUPPORT YOUR DECSION TO LOSE AT ANY COST. IF HE CANNOT SUPPORT YOU 100% THEN KICK HIM TO THE CURB. THIS IS HARD ENOUGH TO DO WITHOUT SUPPORT. THEN GO TO YOUR KITCHEN AND PRETEND YOU ARE ON THE BIGGEST LOSER AND START OPENING CUPBOARDS AND PITCHING EVERYTHING YOU KNOW IN YOU HEART YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE. IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER, TAKE IT ALL TO THE FOOD BANK.

TRY TO TAKE AS MUCH TEPTATION AWAY AS YOU CAN. WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE YOU NEED TO EAT SOMETHING, WAIT FOR 15MIN. HAVE A BIG GLASS OF WATER ,EVAN GO FOR A WALK. I SAY THIS AS I AM IN THE SAME BOAT AS YOU. WE ARE NOT REALLY HUNGRY, WE ARE HEAD HUNGRY. IT'S NOT WHAT WE ARE EATING, IT'S WHAT IS EATING US!!!!!.

I HEAR YOU AND I WILL SUPPORT YOU. WILL YOU SUPPORT ME?

STAY IN TOUCH AND TRY TO DOWNSIZE YOU PAIN IN THE ASS THINGS IN YOUR LIFE.

GOOD LUCK DEBI

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