It is Sunday, my surgery is Wednesday. This is the last Sunday I will be at this weight. My heaviest. I'm not nervous, I am excited. There are not many friends I have told about this surgery because when I was thinking about doing this, one friend put me down and begged me not to do it. Well, guess what? That friend is 8 years older than me and thin. She hasn't had this weight battle her entire adult life. I look back over the years at my pictures and I look good and back then I thought I was a cow! Will I think the same as I lose weight? Will I ever see myself as anything but a cow? You see me from the shoulders up and I look normal but look below and all I see is big. Big boobs, big stomach, big butt, big hips, big legs, big calves. But I am proportionally big. I'm going through my second divorce and all that rings in my ears is my STBX texting me over and over that I am a FAT A**. I know he was trying to hurt me and he did. I know he was abusive, which is why I kicked him out of the house. But he didn't go without a HUGE fight. That was March. During that time my first ex husband and father to my children, we got closer. Even though he still did things that got on my nerves, we were talking and working together for the betterment of our children. Then WHAM!!!! I got a call August 10th from the coroner. My kids dad was killed in an automobile accident. He was the passenger, the driver lost control and the truck flipped. Neither one of them had on a seatbelt. They were both ejected from the car and the truck landed on top of both of them, killing them instantly. The hardest thing in my life was telling my 11 and 14 year old that their dad was dead. My mom almost died in April and I had to call 911 and rush her to the hospital. My dad was helpless, my kids were there, my nephew was there but there is something in me that just kicks in and I am calm, take control, make decisions and calm everyone down. My mom is so much better now after 2 surgeries this summer. Can you say stressful???? I tell all this because it is time I start taking care of myself and be there for my kids. Who knows when is the right time to have this surgery? With all the negative things that have happened to me and my kids this year, this was just easy.

My doctor said it would be good for me, my surgeon said I was a perfect candidate for it. I was nervous about the psych evaluation given all that I have been through this year. But once I passed that it has been easy. When things go this easy and you don't have to put any effort into being approved, setting up the surgery and you aren't nervous? Well, it is a sign it is a good decision for me. I look forward to my journey to be healthier, feeling better and being able to run and play again with my kids.

You have been through so much!!! My prayers are with you always. I had surgery 3 weeks ago, and it was the best decision ever. I know you will do well, and the journey will be the best thing for you. may god always bless you! message me anytime with questions or anything. Leslie