Invisable

I am almost 4 mos. out from surgery. I have lost 31 lbs This picture was taken today.

This morning I was thinking about being obese and how it felt. Do any of you feel like you are just a shadow figure to the world? People do not look at me, they do not see me and they do not want to see me. All they see is a large shadow to be avoided. Only my family sees the person under the fat. But when they look at other obese people what do they see?

When I lose all the weight, what will I see?

And how about all of us, the obese people? Don't we want to just blend in to a point that no one sees us? I think I do. I don't want to be noticed.

I can tell you I didn't (don't?) want to be noticed which is a complete joke if you met me in person. I'm the person who everyone in the room knows eventually, because of my sense of humor and my "presence" (as one friend called it). But yeah - after many years of therapy I found the REAL reason I was overweight and it was because I didn't want to be noticed by MEN (history of abuse).

I never thought about just being noticed by men. I am sure that is very true in abuse situations. My sister was raped at 13 yrs old. It effected the whole family in so many ways. I have never wanted to be the center of attention.