loneliness came knocking on the door and like a dumbass I opened it.......

ok..this blog may be somewhat disjointed but stuff i just want to offload somewhere.........so clearly this evening is not finding me in a happy state.

I find myself feeling lonely and sad this evening. I would like to blame this on anything other than what it is.....

Who among us has felt at one time or another:

1. third wheel

2. the "pretty" fat girl with the great personality

3. last single one of your friends

4. etc. etc.

Now, I do know (but apparently have a hard time believing) that I am a wonderful smart, successful woman, who is beautiful and who has a lot to offer- recently been told by a few people and one bandster friend- things of the sort. I look in the mirror and see who I want to be,who I can be, but why can't I see that I am me no matter what. -there is just a better/healthier me hiding in all this somewhere. It's amazing what doing all of this stuff for preperation for surgery will do to your mind too.....I think about they why's of my weight gain, why I am not in a relationship currently, - and how I blame a statement made long ago by my dad(who said it because he cares...?? misguided as it was and hurtful all the same) "no one will want to be with you if you don't lose some weight"......digging deep here/unload,unload unload....did i say this would be disjointed? (great news though- my dad is very supportive of me through all of this and I have told him how hurtful that statement was. )

Anyway- what I look forward to most is this journey, despite the things that it may dredge up, may make me acknowledge and ultimately bring me to the point of fabulousness that is truly me.

I am inspired and so glad to have this forum to just share....and hopefully soon I will be able to share weight loss with you all.

Ok...new day tomorrow. Going to Yoga this week, going to move ever forward.

Thanks all! my rant is done

OK - first of all, you are a beautiful woman. You have everything to look forward to with your surgery. It will not change who you are, but it will change how you feel about yourself. Any relationship worth having is worth being based upon you as a person - as you said - you are wonderful, successful, smart, and quite a catch. This whole lap band thing can mess with our minds and make us second guess all we know. We have all been the fun fat girls and the third wheels. It's YOUR time now to do this for yourself. You will be successful in every way, and men will swoon. Keep trying; don't surrender to those crappy feelings. It will get better, and we are all here to help each other. Tomorrow is a new day. - laura

Do not question yourself. Laura is well spoken. It is all in your attitude. The LB is life changing. Best wishes and keep blogging we are all friends here. Thanks for sharing. imaluckydog Kathy

Wow i think your inside my head. i had a horrible weekend just because of the feeling you described. All my friends a re married or in commited relationships. I'm wondering what wrong with me why can't i be so lucky. i took the day yesterday to reflect on everything in my life and asked God to give me the strength i need to move forward.

I'm also struggling because i have to loose 20 lbs before my surgery can even be scheduled i've lost 13 but then this weekend being in the house depressed i've gained 3 back. ugh. I have to pick myself up and know there is a light at the end of this long dark tunnel. Thanks for posting this and giving me the feeling of knowing i'm not alone.

Thank you all!!

Laura- I really appreciate your kind words. I hope things are going well for you today. God bless.

luckydog-I am glad to have friends on here that all of the highs and lows can be shared with. keep up the good work.

Heyred1- you are not alone!!!! We will all pick ourselves up and forge ahead towards that light! message me any time!!!!!