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Hurry Up and Wait

A blog by RahRahRah

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About this blog

RahRahRah's blog about her rush to lose what probably took her 18 years to gain. Read and learn from her mistakes.

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104Lbs? You Should Be Losing That In Like 4 Months.

Im so mad- I wrote this whole emotional explanation about what was going on and during preview a virus notification came up and I lost the whole darn thing!!!! I will have to sum up my emotions briefly here. Husband met me when I weighed 212. I gained weight as our relationship grew. Then our sex life got crappy because of my body issues and no stamina, aka cardio ability to participate. well.. Basically I had become a starfish! Did the LBS, he was supportive despite admitting to sabotaging me in a previous diet. He lamented in the beginning that he would die and I would look awesome and someone else would get to benefit from my hard work. When Ive mentioned the 2lb a week weight loss- nothing- dont expect a parade , but geez, no atta girl?? then I mentioned from another weight loss area this woman that lost 104 in a year! and his respnose was, 104, you should lose that in 4 months with this surgery because if not then why did you even get it. I told him 2lbs a week is good to which he replied, you could have done that on your own without the surgery, aka not spending the money... He has commented several times about my portion control and bought stuff for me that I cannot and should not eat, like ice cream and muffin cookies. I love him, but I now keep my daily struggle to stay on track to myself. I had hoped for a more supportive partner, but thats what Lap Band Talk is for. Sorry- I just wanted to vent and now that I lost my original post I am livid.

August 8, 2012

23

Food Police!!

I have been lucky enough to work for a company that helps their employees with health checks made available on site, comprehensive and affordable health insurance plans to chose from and healthy meal choices available on site. My employer even make the healthier meal choices more affordable! Well today I had a yogurt for breakfast and when I went to get lunch they were already breaking down the salad bar and all their prepackaged salads were gone. I had gone to get some soup (always two choices, the regular stuff and a "your health your way" soup choice)and that was gone too. I could have waited and left site but that would have led to some bad choices so I opted for chicken fingers. Ok and there were some fries on there too. Took my meal upstairs to my cubicle and start reading some online stuff. So the chicken breading is thick enough to peel off which I do because OMG its as heavy as cement when I hear a voice behind me say, " Do you really think you should be eating that?". Its my boss and I am mostly irritated than embarrassed (although some of that feeling is there too). I stammer an expanation about removing the breading on the chicken and I cant believe that I was explaining my meal choices to him and then found some other subject to bring up. I am annoyed. Mostly because he knows that I had this surgery because I needed to get the time off and he wasnt going to give it to me. He said that it wasnt for emergency or medical reasons, and that the surgery was cosmetic, which in hindsight is wrong since our insurance would have never covered it unless there was a medical reason for it. Im annoyed because this is like the second or third time that he has scrutinized my meals. My boss is a very healthy man that eats like a bird , for health reasons, I have assumed, and maybe he means well but even my SO has never made a comment like that to me!! And maybe my SO should be making those kind of comments to me to help me stay on the straight and narrow, but what it comes down to is that the whole point of me not trying to tell the world I did this (WLS) was to not give everyone an instant opportunity to turn into the food police! This lapband is supposed to be my food police, not the casual observer that has no input and nothing to gain from my success or failure. I can understand why some people are hesitant to tell their families, friends or coworkers about their new life, because some people think that knowing it gives them a right to comment on your actions! For some, being overweight is already enough of a judgement that is being passed on to you. Someone knowing and watching your every move (or lack of movement, lol) can feel like you are under observation, because like it or not folks, watching people fail seems to be an entertaining pastime for many in our country. If it wasnt, reality shows wouldnt be so successful. Anyway- done with my rant. I know I have met my calorie quota for the day (and then some) but Im not beating myself up because I know my exercise level and how much fuel I needed to burn to make my day a successful day. Comment if you have experienced food police since you made the decision for WLS.

July 13, 2012

3

Microwave Mentality

Im here. And nothing is happening. Ok, thats not COMPLETELY true. Who am I today and how did I get here...here goes... Im 39 and will be 40 next month. Wow, as if that isnt something breathing down my neck in regards to pressure! I work in a financial call center and spend most of my day sitting on my rear. I am engaged to be married for the THIRD time, they say that it will be the charm, I hope so because at this point im concerned my family will refer to me as Liz (that would be JLO to all your younger gals, for a point of reference). I am a mom in a blended family, DH has two sons, one who lives with us and I have a 16yo DS and 13yo twins, boy and girl. So how did I expand to my maximum density? Slow but steady like the turtle. I think back to Jr High weighing 115 and thinking, I need to lose 10lbs! I could really smack myself now in retrospect. But puberty got to me VERY early and that started the hips and booty expansion, but the serious weight gain happened after my first marriage because we loved to eat and I ballooned from 145 to 190. Then I lost weight after the divorce 3 years later and HAHA looked good enough to get pregnant and went up to 215 delivering a 10lb child! Marriage number 2 and the twins came along but I was careful to only gain 25lbs with those kiddos but my husband owned a pizza place and that was good for 3 years then he sold to my parents so it stayed in the family. I went down to 190, then back up. I tried Weight Watchers (lost 15lbs gained it back). Did the Cabbage Soup diet, Atkins and the 30 Day Body Makeover (I did lose 32 lbs but gained it and then some with current DH). When I met current DH I was feeling good about weighing 207. Thats right, 207lbs. Did I mention im only 5'2"? People have told me that I carry my weight well and I dont look as big as I say I am. Well I may not look it but I feel it. And thats what got me here. I met DH and worked on maintaining. But I ate just like he ate, the same trap that got me eating like my male coworkers ate 8 years earlier. I was eating like a 6ft early 20's guy and I was a mid 30's hispanic woman! We moved to Dallas last year and I gained 20 more pounds from just wanting to leave work. I was eating the way I said I never would, going through drive throughs and eating in my car in the parking lot. I was embarrassed because I was getting winded just going upstairs in our home. Our kids could get away with not doing their chores upstairs because they knew Mom wasnt getting her rear up off the couch to check. What finally did it was when we went to Ross for who knows what and I stepped on the scale and it read 250. I almost cried. I was embarrassed and asked DH to step on it to test how accurate it was. It was accurate alright. So I called the WLS center and started my journey. So where does the Microwave Mentality come in? Well, as a kid I really loved Joan Rivers. I just thought she was hilarious. She had this joke that Elizabeth Taylor was so fat that she would stand in front of a microwave and yell "HURRY!". Well that was me when I was reheating a meal and thats sometimes how impatient I feel about the weight loss process. I want it done in a hurry. And im learning it doesnt work that way. Normally when I am interested in something I research the heck out of it. I went though the WLS center and read all my stuff and had the surgery on May 1, 2012. However, 2 days after my surgery did I notice the line on my Doctors list of do's and don'ts that state I will not get a fill until 3 months after my surgery. WHAT??!!?? 3 months? I check other's blogs and their posts and see some people who got some of a fill at their surgery and others about a month later. I am almost 2 months out and I feel I havent even arrived to the race. WTH??!! I lost 15lbs in the first week and kept it off until 2 days ago where I have gained about 4lbs back. Because it feels like nothiing has ever changed and it feels like I have no restriction. Because I went back to my old eating ways. I did quit soda altogether. I do make better food choices. I started working out, walk/jogging on a treadmill and did Zumba on Monday. But at the same time, even though its early days, I feel a little cheated. And this is where the Microwave Mentality creeps in. So im rising to the challenge another lap band blogger threw out to the lurkers. BLOG- hold yourself accountable. Make goals and track accomplishments. My body, my health, needs this to work. Starting weight 262 on surgery date 5/1/12 247lbs 5/16/2012 251 lbs 6/27/2012

June 28, 2012

0

Second Weigh In And My First Fill!!!! Yay!!!

Had my first follow up appointment today since my surgery on May 1st. First, my weigh in. 243. Not bad.. Its ok. Then I was whisked off to another room where I was getting a FILL!!! Yay. I asked the PA about my band size and he said it was a 10cc band. Then they did a fluro test with the yucky white stuff to see how the band was doing and I got my fill. It felt weird havng my DR knead under my rib section to get to my port. I guess he filled to 5cc first then watched the fluroscope thing and thought it was moving too slow so he aspirated out about 1 cc and watched it again. He mentioned that he thought there might be a kink in the tubing and checked that out too, He asked me about my calorie intake and I said I was doing ok but that I thought this fill was going to make a big difference now. I also mentioned working out, and he said that working out was important but right now the calorie intake was crucial. He wants me to stay between 1000 and 1200 calories. So now Im supposed to be on liquids for 24 hours and then regular foods after. Not sure how quickly I can get back to regular foods, I think I have to slowly work back into that. The Dr said my fill would be tight and to follow up if I began to vomit everything back. So I go back in a month. Im excited all over again. A little nervous too. Im ready, and after the convo I had with DH Sunday morning (another blog, another time) I am re-dedicated to eating the way Im SUPPOSED to eat!

July 16, 2012

3

Yesterdays Weight....

I weighed in at 226.6 yesterday. I am ok with that amount although I wish I was losing more weight. I go over my eating habits everyday, I know what Ive eaten and I stick to the same things each day. Im thinking that I need to increase my water and my protein. Although my scale is slow in moving, I must say that I am pleased with how I feel in my clothes as I am more aware that they are looser on me. Another cool thing that I have noticed is that I used to get winded walking from the parking lot to get inside the building at work and that doesnt happen anymore. That part really feels good because it was embarrassing to be panting behind coworkers as you start off the day, lol. Ive been having some slight aches in my abdomen and im wondering what I can attribute it to. I have been working on my off days at the state fair thanks to my ever so thoughtful husband at his company's display. The coolest part besides him visiting me every night I work is that I met a lady who is working there too and she got the lapband about two years ago and she has lost 150lbs!!! Very cool. She showed me her before pic and said she couldnt believe how big she used to be. We have the same food issues and experiences, so it was a very relatable conversation. She stressed how important it was to get the water and protein in and to exercize or even just start walking. Making my adjustments soon, the colder weather has arrived and I need to get some new cold weather clothing to wrap myself up in.

October 4, 2012

3

Snap, Crackle And Pop

Some of you might remember a previous post where I mentioned making plans to work out and sleeping through the alarms. Well, today I made myself get up, completed packing my gym bag to catch the 8:30am Zumba class and then off to work! DH was annoyed as I hurried out the door (thats another blog) and made it to my Zumba class about 3 minutes late, but I stepped right into a jampacked classroom and started shimmying like ya do. This was a new instructor to me and her music choices were so much fun! I could see how the class would be packed in there like that and thats when I got the snap in my calf! OUCH!!! I wasnt even doing anything strenuous. I was unbending a leg to step down when I felt a SNAP and then a bunching up of my calf muscles and I was hobbled. I made my way to the back of the class and gripped my leg, doing my best impression of the hunchback of Notre Dame. I knew this hurt, I had it before when I was doing another jump up during a country dance for a historical re enactment group I used to be part of. Again, not doing anything seriously bad just moving my leg wrong. As I left the gym, I felt tears of pain and rage flow down my checks as I called DH to tell him I was hurt and I was on my way home. I was angry because I was really getting excited about being back into the swing of things and I felt that I had made a step (hahahaha) in the right direction. Being hurt like this would put me out of working out again probably for about 2 weeks. And I WANT to work out. It makes me feel like im really doing something this time. I also completely missed the weigh in part. As you might now, Im having trouble with the food part because I know I have no restriction right now. I have to GET OVER IT, I know that. And I will. I was just really wanting to contribute more to my weight loss life changes by staying committed to regular exercise. Sigh. hmm.... I wonder if I can do water Zumba now?

July 14, 2012

2

Fill # 2 And....confusion???

I had my second fill yesterday. Pretty much quick in and out. I weighed in at 240 (WAH!! ) and the assistent said that they tell their agents that losing 1lb a week was normal. Uhhhh..what? SO then I go and see my Dr and he asks how things are going. He and his other assistent look at the band through the machine thing-pretty cool and I drink the gross stuff. He adds a fill and looks at a suspicious red spot I had near one of the laparoscopic sites (its nothing, apparently). He aspirates the needle and then refills with whatever he took out. Drink the white yuck again and then a jaunty "see you next month"..as I walk down the hallway I remember to ask, ok so what am I up to on my fills? And he says, 4cc. Umm again, what? I was already out of there so I didnt stop to question, but I thought thats what I left at last time. I thought in July for my first fill that I was filled to 4. Anyway- I most certainly have a feeling of faster restriction on this one. Pretty excited about it too. When I got in the car I looked in the mirror and the inside of my lips were outlined in the white chalky stuff. Yuck.

August 15, 2012

2

Fill #3 And No Loss, My Loss

I have not been on the website for awhile. I also have not been eating right. Like I had said before, I had found that I could eat chips and I had been eating chips and guacamole for lunch almost every day at work. My weight hasnt really moved and there is no one else to find fault with than me. I went to the doctor today and got my third fill. My weight was 230. The assistant adjusts for clothes. Im pretty sure my clothes and sandals do not weigh two pounds so its probably really closer to 231 or 232. However, its still 10lbs lost since my last fill on August 15th. Not feeling up to writing anything else, cant really explain why. Maybe its my Zoloft. I dont know. Starting to be really annoyed about work too. Eh.

September 19, 2012

1

New Scale Third Weigh In

I got a new scale yesterday because I wanted to see the numbers instead of squinting down at little hashmarks. I now weight 241. I am somewhat pleased. I guess about 2lbs a week is ok. I would rather that it was 3lbs a week, but its better than gaining. I had to try on clothes this weekend. Shopping for a very important event. I realized that in the past I never liked to try stuff on because I hated knowing that the size didnt fit me. But I had to try on the dress this time because I wanted to see which one looked better on me. Neither did. I looked pregnant and not in a beautiful glowy way either. I think this is why women can become obsessive over shoes and purses. Those are two fashion items that you really dont have to worry about size wise, other than the shoes. My birthday was this weekend, too. The big 4-0. Yay me. Kevan (my SO) made a comment about how he hated not being able to enjoy meals with me anymore since I got my surgery. I really hate hearing that. I WAS enjoying my meal. I love him but he had been really give me conflicting statements. Theres a history there about the support/no support with him. But I will leave that for another blog. I added some pics of me that I could find. Further proof that I avoided the camera like the plague. Time to go have my first mini meal of the day!!

July 24, 2012

1

Just Get Up And Do It

I have scheduled and dismissed about 10 workout classes these last two weeks. I keep researching times and locations close to either work or home to make a class, but when the alarm goes off, I just ignore it. Classes are so much better for me than treadmill. I know it doesnt look like it but it keep me interested. Last night I packed my gym bag and had planned to go straight to work after cleaning up post work out. But I didnt do it. I weigh in weekly at the gym and I missed my weigh in for yesterday. Im tempted to stop in to weigh but I just want to go home especially since I volunteered to work an extra hour to help out the department. The eating has improved, AND I called and scheduled to see my lap band surgeon on Monday. Maybe he will give in and give me a fill 3 weeks early. I have to continue and not give up. Im so tired right now....

July 13, 2012

3

Every Step I Take...

3 years ago I noticed a slight pain in the sole of my right foot. Later that week, almost as if overnight, my shoes felt different, like someone went and messed up the area where the arch is in the foot. My shoes felt like they had been turned out on their sides. Every single pair. From that point on the pain in my feet started everyday, through the night and affecting my sleep. Sometimes the pain reached up my calves and I slept many nights stretching out my legs, flexing and pronating my feet. I went to the DR, and she didnt know what was going on. Then I figured it out. Im too heavy. I went on another crash diet, HCG this time and the pain went away for about 6 months. But its back now, and I feel it in both feet, just stronger on the right heel. Ive been lucky medically so far even with the weight. No diabetes, cholesteral not elevated and no heart issues. But the gall bladder is out and this pain, which I think is Plantar Fascitis is a daily reminder that my health issues can worsen so quickly. I went to Zumba for the first time on Monday, yay, but as I started into it, the pain in my feet was becoming unbearable. But I went on and finished the class. Reason #10 for getting healthier starting with my weight, is make the pain of walking go away, because its a reminder every step I take, that no matter how good that donut or slice of pizza tasted, being able to walk or dance or skip without pain gives me greater satisfaction.

June 29, 2012

2

4Th Weigh In & Our Special Day

Sorry for the delay!!! I weighed 239 and change this last time... I have to weigh in again on Monday! Im excited about the loss but I wish it was more like 3lbs a week instead... So funny because every time I think about updating my blog because I know im behind on tracking my weight I keep saying 139, hahahaha...I havent been that low since I was about 19! Anyway...I was trying on clothes last weekend because we ELOPED!!! YAY!!! We ran away and I wore a dress similar to what I wanted. It was more about the moment, the meaning of the ceremony...and then I saw my pics!! WTH, I look like I need to be making tortillas in a mexican kitchen, lol (I am Mexican, BTW) hahaha.. I will post my most heinous pics when I am at home since I am doing this from work (oh oh) :ph34r: So I keep saying that I have some nagging little support issues from my partner... I will post about it on my next weigh in on Monday. I promise. Also feeling fuller this last week. Ive had some serious stuck issues twice in the last two days when I was eating my protein. Once with chicken breast yesterday at lunch and this morning with my eggs and sausage at breakfast. It might have happened some other times but I cannot remember past these last two. It was pretty painful. Trying to avoid mushy slider protein like the tuna w/mayo and melted cheese that I have been eating in a pinch. Getting too long- let me start another blog entry!

August 4, 2012

0

Weigh In #7 And #8 And Food Hangover

Ok first I weighed 233 and this morning it was 231. I am so-so about the weight loss because I feel (fear) that its starting to slow down. DH and I are BIG TIME football fans and we participate in a Fantasy Football league on competing teams. We hosted the live draft in our home on the 19th and it was a food smorgasboard. There wasnt that much that I could eat but I DID discover that chips - especially tortilla chips- are my cheating foods. I can eat chips and dip all day long, which I practically did that afternoon. Big regret because I experienced what I could only call a "food hangover" that night as I lay in bed. I had a difficult time falling asleep, I was queasy and just felt like throwing up. It was absolutely not worth it. I also went back to Zumba with me daughter and I had no issues with the calf, yay!! But I did realize something that I meant to blog about last week but I got behind on other things so I owe a blog about my a realization about my dear daughter and my weight. I started up on anxiety/depression meds again and im feeling some weirdness because of it. Im going to go to the boards to see if anyone else has experienced it too. It is my first time on Zoloft although I experienced success with the other meds I have taken, I feel that this time, maybe because im eating less, that the medicine is coming across too strong, Im even only taking half a pill. Anyway!!! Back to work- on my new schedule- and I have to work out how to get back to working out regularly!! Toodle- loo!!!

September 6, 2012

0

Weigh In #6 Or # 7- Lol Ok I Pick Six ...

I went back home this weekend to see if anyone could tell that I lost weight. Sadness. My Mom said I looked the same but my daughter was shocked/surprised at how I looked! She hadnt seen me since the end of May so im glad that she could see it. I also believe she was being honest even though I know she might try to say it to be nice. Awwwwww.. So my weigh in......234!!!! Tada!!!!! Yay me!! Also- while I was on my little trip, had a bit of a food trip up. I had trouble eating scrambled eggs and sausage. Major stuck pain each time. I think I was able to eat about 2-3 tablespoons of well chewed egg. So sad. The last attempt I ended up sliming for the first time ever. OMG I never want to experience that again. My mom and dad have a swimming pool so I knew I would need to get a new swimsuit. Sigh...my choices were Matron or 15yr old Lolita. I can assure you I do not have the body to carry the Lolita look at this stage, . So I got an "ok" Matron style tankini/halter top and boy shorts. hahahaha those boy shorts were turned into bikinis because my thighs fought the hems and guess who won??? Anyway I vowed as I was buying that swimsuit that this would be the last time I buy a swimsuit that has an X in the size! I vow that next year I will either have low double digits or even GASP single digit swimsuit sizes!!! The DH loved my look and he said he was very proud of me. :wub: Now- back to staying on my food track and since the babies start school next week and my new shift does too, I need to get back to Zumba and get ready for that 5k in October.

August 24, 2012

0

They Cancel Each Other Out!!!!!

I'm going to Zumba every other day this last week. But I've noticed that later that night, I usually end up eating too much or something I shouldnt be having at all! Hey! That cancels out the sweating and movement I had that day! UGGGGGGG!!!! Today I also wore a more form fitting shirt to work out that didnt necessarily cover my rear like I usually wear. It was flattering and not flattering at the same time. The color and cut looked awesome on me but yuck, my stomach and mommy apron as well as my rear were very visible. Even the instructor during Zumba pointed at me to "suck in" my stomach more during an exercise move. Sigh. I must say that I am proud of me for getting to the workout class and completing it each time I go. Im looking forward to having better cardio and losing some more weight so I can do a little more of the jumping and quick movements that they do in this class. ok talk to you later, weighing in and posting official weight for the week tommorow.

July 3, 2012

1

1St Official Blog Weigh In

Ok, sorry one day late, but I was BEAT yesterday!! There was a special workout class for Zumba yesterday as in we were supposed to all wear red, white and blue. AHA...ok. I wore my Texas Rangers t shirt. But I was mistaken for the time and got there an hour early so I was convinced by an older woman to join in on the class that was going on- a Nike Fit boot camp!!!! That class killed me more than Zumba, but I went forward. It was the same instructor who kept mentioning that Zumba followed the boot camp and she challenged/invited people to do both. So I did. I was only able to do 23 minutes of Zumba before I cut out. I just couldnt lift my legs or arms for it. I felt like a rag doll. But I weighed before I left and it was 245. So Ive recovered some of the ground I had lost last week, yay! Afterwards we spent the 4th of July at Six Flags over Texas. Walked the whole park from 4-9pm and then we went to a firework festival in Bedford, more walking. Probably another mile or so. Now this morning I can barely walk, hahaha.

July 5, 2012

0

5Th Weigh In And App To Try-

I weighed in 2 days ago and Im at a high 237.8. Just barely made it to 237. I really need to get better at changing my portion size. Ive even experianced some stuck food several times and it hasnt stopped me from changing my portion size. I will say, though, that I found this app where you take a picture of your food and it logs it for you so that you can be realistic about what and how much you eat. Its called the Slow Carb Diet app and its available for Android and Iphones. You can type in a description as well. Its not magically going to calculate calories, carbs or portion size, so you have to be honest in the description box. Its easy for me because I do carry my phone everywhere I go and It has helped me be honest with what ive been eating. I noticed it has helped me cut out my snacking (almonds) especially at work. Im struggling to make it to 2lbs a week. I have a fill appointment next Tuesday and Im hoping to jump off from that fill again. I would love to see 230 by Labor Day! Also bought a kettleball to work out with and I am AMAZED at the heart rate you get going when swinging that around! I still have the pain in my calf from my Zumba debacle. It was a little stronger yesterday for some weird reason. I start a new shift for the next 6 months on September 6th. Its still 4 10 hour shifts, my days off are different and I will be starting work 1 hour later and leaving later. The good news is that it will allow me to have more time to take classes before work without taking time away from my family. Already scheduling those days. Stay motivated- see you soon!!!

August 11, 2012

1

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