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5 more days...

It is so close...I cannot wait. At least tomorrow is Friday and then I get the weekend to enjoy. I wish I had more leave though cause then I could take off monday too. Going to work for one day before my surgery is gonna suck. I am gonna be so anxious to leave. I will have a lot to prepare though before I take off four days from work. I have never taken that many in a row before so my customers will go crazy. They are the type of people that want things here and now since they think they are so important. (Doesn't mean I give it to them) So when they show up as a walk-in instead of making an appointment with me they will get my "Out of Office" sign. Unfortunately that will only mean lots of stickies and requests on my desk when I get back. Taking just one day off backs up my schedule a lot so I cannot imagine a week.
ShellShock

ShellShock

1
 

Need an unfill

Ugh! I am in pain. I had an unfill two days ago and they took out .4 but now I wish they took out more. I cannot even drink water right now and have so much acid.   With this last fill I did notice that I wasn't able to eat much solid food. I was having a lot of chili and soup, which they say is bad. But anything else would come right back up and I would be stuck for hours and not even be able to drink water. Well last week I got stuck and that seemed to push me over the edge and must have gotten super swollen. I wasn't even able to drink water for two days. I got the unfill and was in heaven drinking as much water as I wanted that night. I had broth and was so happy.   The next morning I made my protein shake since I wasn't able to for a few days and on the first sip I was in super pain. I waited and it seemed to go down but it hurt. I took another sip and that was all I could take. I was throwing it up all morning. I was able to get some warm soup down but that night I tried soup again and it all came right back up. since then nothing has stayed down.   My head hurts and I have so much acid it is not even funny. I cannot take any medicine or it will come back up. Today is Sunday so I can either go to the emergency room or wait until tomorrow. I think I will wait but I really don't want to take more time off from work. I was hoping on Friday that they would have done the unfill under floroscopy so that they could see if something was wrong, but he didn't. And since I was able to drink the water in their office they thought they were good only taking out .4cc.   I am worried that something is wrong. I think I am going to ask them to take a lot out this time so that I can heal.
ShellShock

ShellShock

1
 

Two days Post-op

It is hard to believe it is over. I am doing well but before I get into that I want to try to recap before I forget everything.   The night before the surgery I decided to go to bed early since I had to be at the hospital so early the next morning. I was required to be there by 5:30 AM which was riddiculous. I arrived on time with both of my parents and checked in. We waited until they called my name and they took us to a waiting room. One by one people were called back. Hours went by and my name wasn't called. I of course couldn't eat anything, but I felt bad because my parents weren't eating because they didn't want to eat in front of me. I forced them to eat at lunchtime. Yeah... I said lunchtime. I wasn't called back until 11:00 AM.   When I got called back they weighed me. I was excited to hear her say that I was 297!!! I had started my pre-op diet at 316 so that meant that I lost 19 pounds. She then took me to a small room with instead of a door there was a curtain. There was a whole line of them down the hall. I was to take everything off and put on the gown and robe. There was also a haircap and socks with skid resistant rubber on the bottom. A nurse came in to start my IV and I was happy that she decided not to do it in my wrist but higher up my forearm. She then asked me lots of questions that I had been asked a bunch of times already. Once she left they let my parents in. An hour had already passed. My poor parents were so tired. I stayed there another two hours and then they came to get me. I had say goodbye to my parents and I walked to another room where they made me lay in a bed. More people came and asked me questions then I got to close my eyes and wait some more. When they came to get me they pushed the entire bed down the hall to the operating room. Once I was there I had to slide over to another bed. They gave me the anesthesia and I was out quickly. I only remember them asking me to take deep breaths once in a while.   When I was all done they pushed me to another room to recover. It was similar to the first one that I was in earlier. They put my bed in an almost verticle position and it made me slide down to the rail. I was so uncomfortable. Luckily a nurse later helped me fix it, I just couldn't change the angle at the top of the bed but I at least got to change the ange at the bottom so that I didn't slide out.   I really didn't get any rest that night. They were doing my vitals every three hours and I had to walk at those times too. I didn't mind the walking, I just minded the getting up part. My port site hurt when I had to get up and sit back down again.   The next morning they had me change clothes and hang out until they were ready to do my upper gi. I got discharged about 9:00 AM. I asked for more pain meds before I left since I was starting to hurt again and I had an hour ride home.   Luckily I found a comfortable recliner at Goodwill last week and that is what I have been sitting in since I got home. I was even able to get a good night's sleep last night. I just have to force myself to get up and walk so that I don't get a blood clot. My cats have been great. My little girl kitty really wants to sit on my lap and I have place a pillow on my stomach so that she doesn't jump on me and hurt me. I have to guide her to my shoulder so that she doesn't hurt me.   My incisions look pretty good. The port incision is really indented and hurts a lot. The nurse said it was normal. I do feel better than yesterday. I just have to keep drinking water and broth.   I would write more but I am now feeling sick. My head is starting to hurt so more later...
ShellShock

ShellShock

1
 

Skinny

I have never been skinny. I cannot even imagine what it would be like. Ever since I was a child I was big. So now to think that I might actually be a weight that I haven't been since I was a child is amazing. I would love to be able to wear smaller sizes. I would love to go into any store and try on something that I like. I am scared though. I was on Jenny Craig two years ago and was doing great and was on the message boards everyday and thought to myself "this is it, I am going to do it this time". But only to gain all of the weight back a few months later when I couldn't afford it anymore. At least that is one thing going for me this time, it will actually cost less.   I wonder what I will look like. What if I don't like the way I look. I will probably look weird to myself. You know when celebrities lose a lot of weight and you think to yourself "they looked better heavier". I hope that doesn't happen. I also wonder if I will look anything like my sister who has been skinny her whole life.   My whole family is mismatched. If you get us all in the same room you probably wouldn't guess that we are all related. It is kind of funny. Though I look just like my dad when he was young. I saw a picture of him when he was in the navy and I thought to myself "wow that is me". My dad is a big guy. I wish he would do this too. He wouldn't ever do it though. I know some of his co-workers have had the bypass. Don't know about the band. But I don't think he would do whatever it took to get approval. It makes me sad because I want him to be healthy.   My sister is overweight too. Only since she had children though. She was super small when she was younger. She isn't big enough to get approved through insurance and she can't pay for it. She is super jealous of me but I am also way heavier than her. I hope she can still be happy for me when I reach my goals.
ShellShock

ShellShock

1
 

Diet

Today, I had my annual physical with my PCP. She doesn't like weight loss surgeries but she said she would provide the 5 year weight history. She recommended I try Weight Watchers. I had brought up a surgery a few years ago and she said the same thing then and I let her persuade me away from it. I am not backing down this time though. I have tried so many diets that I am not going down that road again.   Afterward I was going to go to work late but considering how long my commute is I decided to take the enitre day off. I went down to the Jenny Craig center to pick up a copy of my file. I was sooooo pissed. The lady said it was ready last Thursday but I didn't make it in. So was it correct of me to assume that it would be ready for me to pick it up today... I guess not. There was nothing waiting for me and they asked me to come back later when the lady arrived. I was frustrated and asked them to look for it. They called the lady that supposedly put it aside for me and still no one could find it. This was at 10:30 AM. They said she would arrive at 11 o'clock and I could get it then. I left and came back and took a seat since she saw me walk in. I saw her get the file but didn't motion for me. I waited since they were busy. The lady said she couldn't find it so she had to make another copy. I waited another 40 minutes before I got the copy. I was polite but really wanted to yell.   I took the copies and the medical history with me to the surgeon's office to turn in since it wasn't that far. I opened the envelope with the JC file in it and it was incomplete. Seriously, how stupid can you be to not copy every page. I was missing an entire month of paperwork. I was already at the surgeon's office so I handed it in anyway. When I was looking at it though it was jibberish. I really don't think that the insurance will take it alone. So I went to the nutritionist's office and spoke to them.   Last week I called and gave them my info and they said that they would contact me after they spoke with my insurance. Apparently they don't do that until the referral arrives from the surgeon, which never arrived. So I had to go back and get the referral and bring that back to them. So now I have to wait another week before I can even make that appointment and she said they are already looking at February appointments. The recepionist there was really nice though. She gave me some good advice, like to keep a copy of everything. She said to make sure that everything is documented when I see my doctor, like my vitals, weight, and what we talk about.   So I now plan on doing their 6 month diet and at the same time I will see my doctor each month to document it. From what I am reading online Jenny Craig alone won't work since I wasn't going to my doctor at the same time.   So the current time frame looks like: January - 14th Pychological Evaluation February -7th - 1st Appointment with Dr. Srikanth February -? - First appointment with nutritionist and start supervised diet. August - Turn in paperwork to insurance September - Get approval October - Surgery   Well, I don't want to wait that long... Who knows maybe I will get lucky and get approved really quick.
ShellShock

ShellShock

3
 

Five more months to go...

One month down for my 6 month supervised diet. It is very exciting to get closer to approval. I say approval because I know it will happen. You have to be positive. Well for my first month it was kind of crazy. I went back and forth for what I was supposed to do since I was getting info from different people. The first nutritionist gave me one diet then the surgeon didn’t want me to see her and gave me a different diet and a different nutritionist to go to. So I tried his diet then saw the other nutritionist and she gave me a different diet again. I like her diet though. It was easy the first two weeks and now it is more difficult because I am poor. I have to drink three protein shakes a day along with some eggs as a snack and a regular dinner as long as I eat soup, salad, and beans before anything else. The shakes are confusing because I have to add a bunch of things to it and make enough to take to work for all three servings. It is just hard to do that because I commute an hour to work and have to do it the night before. I have gotten lazy and now just mix it with a spoon at work but it isn’t as good and I am omitting some things because I am not blending it. I have also gone through like five canisters in three weeks because my boyfriend wants to try it too. So that is the expensive part. Some of the powders are just gross tasting too. At one point I need to switch from milk to water and that won’t taste good with the stuff I have now. I need to experiment more. The shakes do fill me up though. I actually like not eating and just drinking. At dinner though, I have been failing lately. I have been tempted by other things than I should and have been eating them. I had lost 10 pounds when I went to my doctor last week and I need to shape up to not gain anything. I don’t care if I don’t lose but I sure don’t want to gain. I should also be exercising more but I have only started to walk a little more in the afternoon instead of taking the bus a few blocks. I know a lot of people on the forum say not to do the diet but I can’t just not do it. Besides I am learning how to make the shakes and I like the approach the nutritionist is giving me. She is making sure I am as healthy as can be before the surgery. She has put me on fish oil to get my omega 3 up. She has been looking at my lab work and wants me to use specific products in my shakes to add the right vitamins and minerals. That part just makes me feel better and I have been in a great mood. Going to a nutritionist is something that I have never done but have always wanted to do.
ShellShock

ShellShock

1
 

First Entry

Today is my first journal entry. I have been wanting to start one up but hadn't really looked into it. Well anyway, today is Friday, December 28, 2007. Only three more days til the new year and my new insurance will kick in. I have been very impatient because I just want to get the process started. I want a confirmation whether I can get banded or not. I have always been impatient but that is another story. Let me go back a few weeks to the seminar that I went to. On December 17th I went to a weight loss seminar at St. Francis Hospital in Federal Way. I wanted to get the seminar over with since it was kind of inconvienent. I was very happy that I went though. It really made me see what the potential can be if I do things properly. I teared up when a lady pulled out her pants from her highest weight. It was a dramatic change. There were three people, one from three different surgeries. It was cool to see the before and after photos. I liked to hear their stories and hear what they went through. One lady said that she went onto forums and went to some support groups a long time before her surgery. I think that is a great idea and want to do the same. I really liked the surgeon, Dr. Srikanth. I think that is how it is spelled. Anyway, he was really funny. He kept joking around but you could tell that he liked what he does. He was really knowledgable too. From reading the forums he does sound strict when it comes to diet, but I like that he seems to really care about how you are doing and wants to see you a lot after surgery. The seminar really started a fire in me to get this going. I have all the paperwork filled out and plan on sending it in on Jan. 2nd. I can't do it before since my insurance company changed and I don't technically have a account number until the first. I know that I am covered though. It still depends on them approving it but I am definately at an appropriate BMI and am starting to have some health issues. I had some chest pains a few weeks ago and the doctors are still baffled why but they are ruling things out. We now know it wasn't my heart but it may mean stomache problems. I hope that doesn't complicate my surgery. Boy do I need to cut my nails... It is hard to type... I today with end my current weight. At the doctor's office on Wednesday I was 310 lbs.
ShellShock

ShellShock

1
 

Liquid Diet

Last Thursday I saw Dr. Srikanth for my pre-surgery consultation. I went ahead and started my liquid diet on that day which made it a 12 day pre-op diet instead of 10. I haven't cheated except for having some caffeine which I am not supposed to have and yesterday and the day before I had a piece of fish. I wasn't feeling good and really wanted something. Unless I am desperate I hope not to actually eat anything else. But the caffeine has been warding off my headaches.   I have been having protein shakes and clear chicken or beef broth. I haven't been getting all the water in though because I am trying to not drink 30 minutes before anything and 30 minutes after and have been forgetting to drink it. I can also have sugar free Jello and sugar free juice popsicles.   I am really amazed that my date is getting so close. It is now 9 days away. I just cannot believe it is going to happen. Everyone is asking if I am anxious or nervous. I don't know how to answer that. I am kind of worried about the pain because I have never had any surgeries before. I pretty confident that it will all be okay though.
ShellShock

ShellShock

1
 

Approved!!!

I used to come to this forum and read for hours. Things have just gotten so busy. With the last five months of my diet I have gone up and down. Oh the stress… In the middle of it all I had to worry about moving and for some reason I thought we should buy a house. What a silly idea that seems to me now. I am no where near financially stable for that. But we will get there. Anyway… my diet was rocky. I didn’t have a structured… eat this and don’t eat that kind of diet. I was given suggestions by my nutritionist and was supposed to have my protein shakes three times a day. Every time I weighed in at my doctors office I pigged out the next day. Don’t do this! It just made me want to cheat more then soon I gained at the next weigh in and wasn’t able to get back on track. The big thing was that I wasn’t exercising. I can make excuses since I worked an hour away and there really wasn’t enough time in the day, but I could have made time. Eventually I got really tired of the protein shakes. I just really hate making them. I have the magic bullet, tons of shaker cups and a battery operated stir cup. They don’t help me want to do it. I would primarily do it at work and having to wash the dishes immediately afterward just deters me from doing it at all. Yes, I am lazy. July was my 6th month of the diet and didn’t lose any weight. I had my last doctor’s appointment and asked them to submit the paperwork. It took a week and three phone calls for them to actually fax it all in, the same with my nutritionist. Luckily they all got it in and the surgeon’s office faxed it in to the insurance company on August 14, 2008. Exactly one week later on August 21, 2008 I got a call from the surgeon’s office. The lady said I was denied but only because they were missing some paperwork and I should not freak out when I got my letter in the mail. She faxed the missing stuff that day. Then on Monday, August 25, 2008 I called the insurance myself to see if they got everything they needed to make their determination. The lady said I was approved. I was so excited!!! I called the surgeon’s office and scheduled my surgery date for September 30, 2008. I cannot wait even though there is such a big change ahead of me. I have to get back into the right mind frame. I have just been so lazy and gluttonous. Today at the department BBQ, I had two desserts then just a little while ago I went back to the kitchen and stole some cookies. Ugh! I feel so blah…. I know when I shouldn’t eat certain things or at least a lot of it and I do anyway. My boyfriend doesn’t understand this. I have tried to explain it before but he just doesn’t know because he isn’t overweight like me. I know the band is a tool and I really do want to use it properly. I do believe that when I am banded I won’t waste this opportunity. I know I can be serious and lose weight. It will happen. I just believe the band is how I am going to keep the weight off.
ShellShock

ShellShock

1
 

Insurance

Tomorrow is the 1st day of September and that means 30 days till surgery!!!   I am a bit worried though. Not because of the surgery but because I got a letter from my insurance yesterday that said that I was approved but through "Out-of Network" since the Center for Weight Loss Surgery was not in Network. This is crazy! The surgeon is one of only three on their list of approved surgeons for bariatric surgery in Washington state and the hospital is on their list. How the heck could the surgeon's office not be on the list??? And why didn't the insurance lady at their office tell me this when she called me. Today is Sunday and tomorrow is a holiday so I have to wait till Tuesday to call anyone. It might be a mistake. I have gotten two letters that said denied but I was warned by the center that I would get those and not to worry about them.   I have to check my insurance but Out of Network won't be that bad I suppose. I don't remember what percentage I would have to pay but it will just cost me more. I actually met my In-Network out of pocket already this year so everything is getting paid 100%. I was just hoping I wouldn't have to pay anything.   Another thing that was mentioned on the letter was that I was pre-authorized for September 15 and 16th. I don't have surgery till the 30th. What happened is that when my paperwork was submitted the weight loss center put in a surgery date of september 15th so that it would get approved faster but now I have to explain to my insurance that it is not on that date. Hopefully that is just a quick fix of telling them and that is that. I just don't want my surgery to be jepordized because of this.
ShellShock

ShellShock

1
 

Psych Eval

Yesterday I left work early to go to my Psych Eval. I was about 45 minutes away from my work but I left earlier to beat the traffic. I got there 30 minutes early and sat in the waiting room. A lady had two bratty kids with her that were making so much noise. It was unbearable. I almost went outside to wait but it was raining. You could tell that the children didn't listen to her at all...ever.   When I was called into the doctor's office the guy was super nice. It was hard to understand him though because he had a cold and he was slurring his words. I was kind of nervous but I got over it. I had to do some tests like repeat words he said and draw a picture. Then he asked me some personal questions. I had seen a therapist for a while the last year and he asked about that. He really didn't go into great detail though I guess since it was for testing and not to cure my problems. I thought it was funny when he asked me what year, day, month, etc that it was.   After the initial interview and verbal testing, I had to do some written tests. There were three of them and boy were they long. The first had over 500 questions but luckily he only had me do about 400. Then 200 on the next and 80 on the third. They were all true or false and were questions like "I feel comfortable in large groups of people." or "I hear things that other people don't hear." Some of them were kind of funny to "normal" people like "Sometimes my soul leaves my body." He made a joke about that one.... He said that if that happend to be true, I should know that the surgeon's don't like to hear that and I should answer it false no matter what....   When I left I had a really bad headache. I got there about 4PM and left just after 6PM but I had to drive across town to pick up my boyfriend. So I didn't get to eat anything until after 7PM. I ended up having a migrane and it was aweful. I was up all night and didn't get any rest. So today I stayed home from work. I should actually eat something now because I am getting a headache again.   That is something that I am wondering.... I get migranes and headaches often. Will they be worse when I have the lapband. I know that some are sparked by not eating. Not all of them but some. I know that I should cut back on caffene or at least soda's and carbs now so that I am not in withdrawl later. That is something that I read on the message boards.   So I called the nutritionist's office again yesterday and they still don't have an answer yet. It is pissing me off I want to get started on the diet immediately. I will also go to my doctor each month to be official but I need to see the nutritionist.
ShellShock

ShellShock

2
 

In Network or Out of Network?

So I checked my insurance company website and confirmed that my surgeon and the hospital I am going through are both in-network. When I called they explained that according to the paperwork that they received it was listed as my going to the Center for Weight Loss Surgery and that it was out of network. I talked to Kay the billing person at the surgeon’s office and she said they pulled this information from an old record and didn’t bother to change the information to St. Francis Hospital which was written on the form. So they are supposed to change it and send me another letter in the mail. She also straightened out the authorization dates to the correct surgery date. Kay thanked me for keeping such a good eye on my paperwork. I have to say that everyone needs to read the invoices and all letters when it comes to insurance or bills from the doctor. I always pay attention to what I get because there are always mistakes. I have had to call and fix things more than once and the end result meant I didn’t have to pay the amount that I was billed for. Kay has so many people to do this for that I am sure she can’t catch all the mistakes. The out of network percentage that I would have to pay would have been 30% and the out of pocket year maximum is $2000. So I would have had to pay a lot more considering I have already met the in network out of pocket maximum of $500.
ShellShock

ShellShock

1
 

Jumping Through The Hoops

Yesterday as soon as I got to work I faxed in my insurance verification form to the surgeon's office. I got a call back during my lunch time but had to wait to call them back until they got back from their hour lunch break. I spoke to the woman and she told me what I already knew and that was that I was covered but needed to do the 6 month supervised diet. I told her that I had spoken with someone at my insurance and they said that Jenny Craig was fine so I wanted to submit that and see if it get's approved. She went ahead and scheduled me for my first visit with Dr. Srikanth and that will be one Feb. 7, 2008. I wanted one sooner but I guess it is fine since I will need to get the approval process started anyway.   After work I went to the Jenny Craig office and asked them to make a copy of my file for my insurance. The manager wasn't in so the lady wanted to wait for permission first. I said that would be fine and she called me back today to let me know I could pick it up tonight if I signed their release form. So I will do that and mail it off tomorrow.   Today I also got the referral for the Phych Eval and made my appointment. I could not believe it when she said I would be there for two hours. What the heck do they need me for that long????... Anyway, I called the nutritionist and she took my info and said she had to verify insurance before scheduling an appointment. I may start a supervised diet now and if the Jenny Craig stuff doesn't work I will have that to fall back on. Besides, I feel pretty miserable lately. I have been down on myself because I have gained so much weight back. I am having a hard time in the morning walking to the ferry. It just isn't as easy. Days when I have to rush because I am running late I am completely out of breath when I arrive. When i had lost weight walking was easy but I was also going to the gym a few times a week.   So yeah, I might just start that supervised diet anyway. I sure hope that I get approved with the other stuff though because I hate waiting and I really want to get the surgery done. I want to feel better.
ShellShock

ShellShock

1
 

47 Days Post Op

Well for the past two weeks I have been on mushies. I was so looking forward to it. I had things picked out that I was going to eat. It went okay, but I have to say my will power was awful. I didn’t have a problem with being hungry when I was on liquids. But as I moved on to the mushies I was hungry all the time. I would go out with my boyfriend and eat things that weren’t really mushy. I would say to myself…if I chew it really well…. Now I am on soft foods and was surprised that my nutritionist wanted me to put everything I eat into a blender still. I am definitely not doing that but I am trying to do better with my choices. I have found that V8 soup is really good and it totally mushy. I was told that tuna was okay and other soft meats. Yesterday though I had to go back on a liquid diet for my first fill. First fill… I had such a bad experience I don’t ever want to get one again. I know I will but it was so bad. First off I had to wait a really long time in the waiting room before they called my name. They were running behind but didn’t tell me. I went to the back and lost another six pounds since my last visit so that is 31 pounds since my first visit with them, but only 29 since surgery. After I got weighed I had to wait some more in the little room. The nurse set up the fill stuff then the doctor came in. He had me lay on the table and hold two bottles straight up as he felt for the port. It hurt really bad as he pushed on my stomach. He said that he couldn’t find the port easily and kept pushing. I was on the verge of crying it hurt so badly. Then he made me do a crunch forward and kept feeling around for the port. He also tried having me hold my breath as he felt around. This went on for what seemed like forever but was probably 15 minutes. I was really scared that he wasn’t going to be able to find it but he did. He numbed it and the actual needle didn’t hurt but it was a weird feeling. I had to sit up and was surprised to see the needle was still stuck in my stomach. He gave me three Dixie cups of water that he told me to sip. I had no problem at all sipping it. He left for about ten minutes and I finished the water. When he came back he said that he put in 5cc but about half of it was in the tube. Then he let me go. I am supposed be on warm liquids for two days. I now have a huge bruise and my stomach is swollen. It is about the size of a baseball and is super sore. Tonight I have a work party. It is our holiday party and will be really fancy. We are going, but I will feel really silly not eating anything. I may try something if they have anything mushy. Though if I get stuck I am screwed. I haven’t noticed anything different. I don’t have any problem drinking or with my broth. I am curious if I have restriction. I hope so but I am also nervous.
ShellShock

ShellShock

1
 

8 weeks post op

Today is my eight week bandaversary. I cannot believe it has been eight weeks. Today I am allowed to start eating normal foods. To tell the truth I have been on normal foods pretty much the entire soft food phase. My restrictions is very little. There are some nights where dinner is much less than I thought I could eat but that is the only meal. I will take a bite and get a pain in my chest and know that I shouldn't eat anymore. It will hurt really bad for a few minutes and I only hope that it will go away. I haven't PB'd but the last time I did notice that I was salivating a lot.   I have been struggling with my food choices. I was on the liquid diet for so long and then mushies etc. My brain keeps telling me to eat all these things that I couldn’t because I was healing and didn’t want to hurt myself. But now that I am better it won’t hurt if I eat these things. It was just like everytime I dieted and then stopped, I would eat bad things and know that I shouldn’t eat them but I would anyway because it had been so long since I had had it. I have to get over this bad thinking. I make excuses that since we are living with my parents right now we cannot cook healthy, which is partly true. We cannot keep food without people eating it before we get to it. It is really awkward living there and we really want to move but cannot right now. We would rather eat out for dinner than be in the kitchen trying to cook and store leftovers. There are other things that we can eat that aren’t so bad. This is what I have to mentally deal with. Making the right choices and then eating smaller quantities. I know I can do it because I have before. I think that because I am doing it on my own rather than a diet program I don’t feel as accountable. Once I have more restriction I will have consequences for not eating right. I just shouldn’t have to rely on consequences.
ShellShock

ShellShock

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New Year

Yay!!!! Happy New Year!!! I already have my new insurance card and I am so excited. The first thing that I did this morning was start filling in the insurance blanks on my paperwork. So now it is ready to send in. Unfortunately today is a holiday.:cry   Tomorrow I go back to work and I will fax in the insurance verification paperwork. The last time I did that with my other insurance they called me back the same day with the bad news that it wasn't covered. But this time I know the news will be positive. I already have my ducks in a row and have called Cigna myself. I asked about the specific code and they said yes it is covered at 90%. I just have to worry about the approval. I shouldn't be bad since I did six months on Jenny Craig last summer. I lost 60 lbs. I was so proud of myself. Then my boyfriend got laid off and I had to quit. Boy did the weight pack right back on. I believe I have put 50 pounds back on already. I feel so lame.   My sister was in town for Christmas and she is soooo skinny. When I told her about the Lapband she thought it was great but then every time I ate anything she would look at me and tell me something like about portions or the kind of food I was eating was bad. My other sister who has weight issues also was getting the same thing from her and we both agreed that unless you have had weight problems you just don't know what it is like. Sometimes I eat bad things and I just cannot help myself. It sounds bad and people will say yes I can but no, I cannot. I will eat something and as I am eating it I will tell myself that I need to stop or boy will I never do that again but I always do.   If I could help myself, don't you think I would be skinny just like my sister. There are times when I have control and times that I don't. When I was on Jenny Craig I was so strict. But when I stopped, my body or well mind said hey you haven't had that in a while just try some. Then it is telling you, you will go back on that diet as soon as you have more money but for now go ahead an splurge. It is so frustrating. I feel like the Lapband is the only way I can control myself. For something else to do that control.   Enough of that.... My goal is to be banded by my birthday in March. I really don't know how realistic that is. I have to get a bunch of files copied and sent in to the surgeon's office. I have to mail those off tomorrow also. I hope they mail those to them quickly. I know that you cannot submit partial information in to the insurance. You have to have everything they ask for sent in all at once. I have looked at the message boards and Cigna seems to be pretty good about approving people. The ones that didn't get approved had really low BMI's or didn't do any diet. So I am crossing my fingers...
ShellShock

ShellShock

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27 days post op

It has been a while since I last posted. I tried to post on day 5 but the site was down and I couldn’t save anything on the computer that I was on. So now it is day 27. Tomorrow will be four weeks from my surgery date. That means that I can have mushies tomorrow. But before I get to that I want to recap a little. I was in pain for the first two weeks post op. It was mainly directly in the middle of my stomach and at my port site. I couldn’t understand how some people say that they don’t have any pain at all. My suggestion would be to take at least ten days straight to rest and get better. I only had five, which was okay but I definitely shouldn’t have gone to work day 6 and 7. I was so tired and just sitting at my desk was painful. At week 3, I was able to sleep normal in my bed except for on my stomach. I tried earlier but I was uncomfortable and chose to stay in the recliner longer. So that brings me back to now. I have been on clear liquids up to now and it has been okay. It definitely has helped with weight loss. I have lost 26 pounds post op so far. I have been surprisingly okay with the liquids keeping me full too. I am not struggling with insane hunger or cravings. There are times that I wish I could eat but I have been okay. I did slip up two days ago when I though “I am only four days from mushies, I should just start now”… Well I had clam chowder and the next day I had the worst migrane in a long time that I thought I was being punished. I threw up five times and my stomach was completely empty when I was better. So I guess I am back to the straight and narrow now. Tomorrow though I cannot wait to have beans and cheese or maybe some yogurt. I hope my stomach doesn’t retaliate. I also hope that I still lose weight steadily. It doesn’t have to be a pound a day but at least 1-2 a week. I am scheduled to have my first fill on November 14th. I wonder what it will be like. I cannot find my port so I hope they can find it well.
ShellShock

ShellShock

1
 

Almost one month down...

:party:   On Thursday I get weighed. It will be second doctor's visit and one month done with my diet. This month has been difficult. I was so confused as to what I should be eating. I went to the nutritionist on Jan 31 like I was supposed to. She wanted me to do 1500 calories and try a gluten free diet (because of my headaches). The gluten free part was not as bad as I thought but it was causing me to eat more calories and I wasn't able to stay under 1500.   On Feb 7th, I went to see Dr. Srikanth. He was really nice and of course thought I was a perfect candidate. He said he didn't want me to see the nutritionist that I saw and wanted me to see a different one. So then I got more confused because they gave me a different diet to follow which was basically the atkins diet. I ended up cheating because I couldn't stand guessing what to do.   I made the appointment for the other nutritionist and I actually really liked her. I decided to change over to her. I liked that she wanted me to start the protein shakes and looked at my lab work to add the right things to my diet to make sure I was going to get healthy before the surgery.   I don't know if I will have lost any weight before my weigh in thursday though. Since I was up and down with what to eat I and ended up cheating I may have actually gained. I know some people say they don't even try the diet but I can't do that. I might as well get some weight off now and it will be easier
ShellShock

ShellShock

1
 

27 more days?

I am so anxious. As I have said before, I hate waiting. At least this week is going by quick since we had the holiday. This weekend I will get a major thing out of the way and that is the internist surgery clearance. I will also get my last bit of labs done. I should probably call the nurse to see if they want me to do any other labs because I have a feeling that I will have low Iron and Vitamin D still. I have been taking pills but they will probably want me to get an iron infusion. I hear those are dreadful.   I want to go buy cookies downstairs right now. I smelled them baking during lunch. I have resisted only because I don’t have very much money. I hate that I want them so much. I hope I have the resistance to not buy them post op. I know I won’t cheat during the liquid or mushy stages because I know how important it is for my body to heal. But later when I am healed and can eat solids I really hope that I am committed. I think that if I see results that I will be. What worries me is that my co-workers that got the band aren’t doing so great. They drink high calorie drinks and eat cookies. So they are both at a plateau. I am just stuck in the mindset of… I can’t have it anymore in a month so I might as well eat it now. I know that “can’t” isn’t true but hopefully I just won’t eat those bad things.   It is kind of weird that people may read this. I used to journal a lot when I was younger. I wrote everything going on in my mind and didn’t leave anything out so I was very protective of it. I would have died if anyone read it. Maybe I am more open since this is sort of anonymous. I suppose I also won’t write too much about my personal life or depressing things. I am so random though that I know I have written about the same things a few times. I probably sound like a broken record. I try to stick to weight loss stuff and the lapbandtalk website since that is where this blog is. Right now though I am jabbering on because I am at work and kind of bored.
ShellShock

ShellShock

1
 

Hoops

Well, yesterday I didn’t make it to JC to pick up my file. When I get off the ferry each evening I have to walk ten to fifteen minutes to get to my car and it was raining sooooo hard. It was the kind of rain that soaks you through and through and hurts when it hits you. Hopefully tonight it won’t be as bad but I didn’t realize that they close by 6PM on Fridays so it may not be until tomorrow. I posted a question on the lap band forum yesterday asking opinions about the 6 month diet. Only two people have responded but the answers were not helpful. They doubted whether JC would be accepted and they said that since I lost so much weight I would probably be denied. I hope that someone with more knowledge responds so that I can get a better idea. I wish I knew about the supervised diet sooner and I could have done that instead of JC. Like I mentioned yesterday, I am going to start it anyway. That way if I am not approved I will have it to fall back on. I just don’t understand why there are so many hoops to jump through. I know that some people really don’t need the Lap band but there are others that really do. If your BMI is over whatever then you should be automatically approved.
ShellShock

ShellShock

1
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