Building Your WLS Support System

Social support matters for weight loss after bariatric surgery. Your network might include family and friends, but it gets stronger when it includes other bariatric patients. Hospital and clinic support groups let you meet people who have had surgery, people considering it, and people preparing for it. Many surgeons will only agree to operate after a patient commits to attending support group meetings regularly for months or years afterward — sometimes for life — because the evidence is clear: patients who attend bariatric support group meetings are more likely to hit their goal weights and maintain those results long-term.

Support groups work because you see people like you tackling the same obstacles. Each meeting is a reminder that your daily choices add up. There is accountability to the group, which pushes you to follow through. And you get to ask questions and learn from healthcare providers and from other patients' experiences. Support groups can be fun, informational, and motivational. They are for patients, and our input on what works — topics, structure, leadership — matters.

Online Support Can Improve Patient Outcomes

Online support groups can play a real role in recovery after weight loss surgery. They give you many of the same benefits as in-person groups, plus some extras.

They are convenient. You can access them through a computer or smartphone. No rearranging your schedule, no driving long distances after work when you are tired, no sitting in traffic or bad weather. You log in whenever you want, from wherever you have an internet connection.

They are always available. In-person groups and doctor appointments only happen at set times during business hours or at a weekly meeting. But what about when you are at a restaurant and need to know what to order, or when you are feeling down and just need a couple of encouraging words? Pull out your phone and ask your online peers.

They can let you be more open. In-person groups can feel overwhelming if you are shy or have trouble opening up about your surgery. Some people do not mind talking about dumping syndrome and diarrhea in a room full of strangers, but many do. These are important things to discuss so you can learn to prevent or manage them. Online, people often find it easier to talk about the hard stuff.

Your support group can become part of your life. Some online support sites also offer weight tracking, measurement logs, and diet diaries. Tracking is a big part of weight loss success. When the tracking tools live on the same site as your support group, you develop both habits together.

You can find out as much as you want. In a one-hour support group or a fifteen-minute doctor appointment, you cannot ask everything. Online communities let you dig through old conversations or start your own thread. No time limit.

Choosing an Online Support System That Works for You

With so many online support options available, how do you pick one? The community should be friendly, with clear policies against rudeness — nobody should make you feel attacked or vulnerable. It should be large enough that someone has already been through what you are going through, so you get answers and encouragement when you need them. There should be ways to get to know members personally — small groups, private messages, live chats — because these build real friendships and keep you committed. It should let you customize your experience with a personal profile, progress tracking, or a blog, and it should have mobile apps so you can access it anywhere.

Trust your instincts when choosing. Pick what feels welcoming, even if it is just a gut feeling. You are not limited to one community — you might use two or three. What works for you might not work for someone else. The point is that you like it.

Some communities bring together patients across all surgery types. BariatricPal, for example, started as four separate forums — LapBandTalk, VerticalSleeveTalk, RNYTalk, and SleevePlicationTalk — each focused on one surgery. They merged into a single community because all types of weight loss surgery share common ground: post-surgery diet progression, choosing a surgeon, getting enough protein, managing head hunger. A unified community also carries more weight as a voice for bariatric patients. Surgery-specific topics like lap-band fills or dumping syndrome still belong in dedicated subforums.

Building Each Other Up

Not everyone has had a good experience in online communities. Some members have felt attacked or belittled by others who disagree with their choices — surgery type, food choices, or lifestyle decisions. Rude behavior is always unacceptable, and it is especially damaging here: it weakens the collective voice of the community, it keeps patients from getting the information they need, and it discourages people from pursuing a healthy lifestyle.

Most community members are polite, helpful, and encouraging. But sometimes someone posts something hurtful — putting down a type of surgery or another person's choice. A bad post is one that makes someone feel bad without offering anything useful. It is okay to offer your opinion, but do it kindly. Not sure if your post is okay? Imagine you are face-to-face with a good friend who disagrees with you. You would listen, acknowledge their reasoning, then state your own position and explain why you hold it. Written words lose tone — gentle advice can read as harsh, so keep that in mind.

When we support each other regardless of surgery type, we all gain: a positive atmosphere where everyone feels welcome asking questions, an incredible pool of experience shared by people who want to help, a place where open discussion generates ideas and strategies for success, and a sense of being here together working toward the same goals. When rudeness takes over, we lose all of that.

How Your Social Network Affects Your Weight

Take a look at the people around you. If they are overweight, they might be getting in the way of your own weight loss — without meaning to. Part of it is genetic: according to the December 2011 Harvard Men's Health Watch, if one sibling gains weight, the other is 40 percent more likely to gain weight too. Spouses are 37 percent more likely to become obese if their spouse does — live together, eat together, gain or lose together.

Here is the surprising part: your friends' weight is a better predictor of your own than your siblings' or spouse's weight. If a close friend becomes obese, your risk of obesity goes up 57 percent. And if your friends want to lose weight, you are more likely to want to lose it too.

How Your Friends Affect Your Weight

You do not live with your friends or share their genes, so why does their weight affect yours? Part of it is just being a good friend. A friend's job is to cheer you up and accept you. That is great in most situations, but it works against you when you tell a friend you ate half a pizza because you had a bad day, and she tells you that you deserved it — or worse, invites you out to split another one.

Your sense of what is normal shifts toward the people around you. If your friends are overweight, you may not see yourself as unhealthy even if you are. If they share doughnuts every Sunday, those extra calories blend into the background. But following their habits can keep you from your goals.

Make New Friends…and Keep the Old

When you start focusing on your health, think about making new friends who support that commitment. Other weight loss surgery patients are going through the same things you are. Exercise buddies can be found at the gym, in the park, or through meetup.com. If one person says no, ask someone else — you might end up with friends you hang out with outside of workouts too.

You do not have to ditch your old friends or avoid your family if they are overweight. Ideally, be honest with them. Tell them how hard you are working to get healthy and ask for their help. If you are lucky, they will be willing to change some habits to support you — and get healthier themselves. Meet to go shopping or walk in the park instead of eating at a restaurant. Order an egg white omelet instead of pancakes when you go out for breakfast. Meet friends to do crafts or pack lunches for a shelter instead of baking cookies.

If they are not willing to change, you do not need to avoid them. Just being aware of how friends and family can affect you is often enough to protect yourself. Skip the table appetizers and drink your ice water. Order chicken or fish and vegetables while everyone else orders pasta. Sip coffee while others eat dessert. Lean on them for sympathy when you are struggling, but stop treating them as eating buddies. Eventually, they might see how happy and successful you are and ask for your help losing weight.

Your friends and family want to support you, but sometimes their love does not help your weight loss. Ask them to set a good example. And when you know they are eating badly, do not follow their lead.

Going Deeper: Coaching and Accountability

Beyond general support groups, some patients benefit from structured coaching groups where a Weight Loss Surgery Coach moderates and guides discussion — inviting self-inquiry in a safe environment with a small group. These groups gently examine the beliefs we have built around food and our bodies: Which of our beliefs are actually true? Where did they come from, and what unhealthy behaviors do they trigger? How do they serve us, and how do they hold us back? What beliefs could we create that are truer, kinder, and better for our health?

In a coaching support group, participants meet weekly to work through stressful beliefs about food and their bodies, and to shift how they think and act. One or two participants are coached each session on a common issue, and between sessions, participants pair up to coach each other using a simple framework. Past groups have built support networks that lasted well beyond the class itself. Participants gain greater awareness of the beliefs that trigger unhealthy eating, develop healthier beliefs that support better eating and body image, create a plan for changing unhealthy patterns, and find ways to nourish themselves that do not involve food — needing food less for comfort and more for fuel.

Online Support Systems Can Help You Lose Weight, Eat Better, and Stay Healthy

Used as part of your overall recovery plan, online support can improve your outcome — and it can be enjoyable, too. Whether you find your community on a large unified forum, a surgery-specific subforum, a structured coaching group, or an in-person hospital support group meeting, the key is to show up, participate, and let the people around you help you succeed. The bariatric community is an incredible pool of experience and knowledge, shared by people who want to help. When we support each other, we all gain.