I have been researching the lapband for months now and this is really something I want to do. I have had my 1st consult and know what has to be done before my insurance will pay. The only problem is that I have not breathed a word of this to my husband, and I don't know how to tell him. I know this sounds crazy. I don't know if I am ashamed or scared of what he will think. We have been married for 25 years so you would think I could read him like a book. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I am 5'4 and weigh 250 my bmi is 43, and several health issues.

If you're husband is generally supportive of you through past diets and in other areas of your life, expect him to be concerned that you're contemplating surgery but to be ready to listen to why you think this is the best option. This is not an overnight whim for either us or the people who love us, so he may need a little time to digest it all.

If he's the kind of guy that brings home you're favorite brand of _________(whatever you crave most when you're dieting), be ready for him to tell you a 101 reasons why band surgery is a foolish decision and you're going to fail anyway.

I hope you find that you're husband is fully supportive of your decision once he gets all the facts. Is there a reason who've not talked to him about it?

I have been researching the LAP-BAND® for months now and this is really something I want to do. I have had my 1st consult and know what has to be done before my insurance will pay. The only problem is that I have not breathed a word of this to my husband, and I don't know how to tell him. I know this sounds crazy. I don't know if I am ashamed or scared of what he will think. We have been married for 25 years so you would think I could read him like a book. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I am 5'4 and weigh 250 my bmi is 43, and several health issues.

I was in the same situation as you, went to several meetings, went on several sites talk to several doctors, went to dietician class, seen psychologist, and have been given a date for surgery before I told my husband, I just came out and said I am scheduled for weight loss surgery on this day, I gave him the information concerning the surgery, he read over all the information and said Why are you haveing this surgery, I explained to him what I been trying to tell him for over 20 years how fustrated I am trying to lose weight, He tried to tell me again you dont need to have this surgery I stated I already have a date so please just understand my feelings. At first he did not want to talk about it and after about five days he was ok.

We are almost the same except I have been married for 29 years and am 48. But our height and weight is my starting weight. I am 10 weeks post op and down 25 lbs.

I was scared to tell my husband too, but he was fine with it but worried about the surgery part of course. I also suffer from depression and he was concerned about that since food is my friend. But in the end he is very supportive and helpful in everyway. But I think even if he said he did not want me to do it I would have done it anyway. I wanted to do this really bad and he has never had a weight problem ever and I have struggle my whole life. Twice I have lost 100 lbs only to gain it back over a 5 year period each time.

Talk to him about it. He will come around maybe he will just need some time. Take him to a seminar that will help, I took my husband with me and to my first Dr. visit.

I did not want to tell my husband. If i could have done it with out him knowing I would have done. At first he was a bit (not sure) shall we say. But today he has been with me for my appointment and sat in with me and was very supportive, apart from him making the odd wise crack (through nerves)

My op is this saturday and I just can not wait for it. If you tell him our important it is for you and he sees how the op is performed he will probably be fine. I bet his concerns will be that as long as you are safe and well.

Good luck,

I did all the research first and am self-pay...so I had two hurdles to cross! But I just told him at dinner one night..I did not ask permission...I just said I was going to do this and I know "you will be supportive". It worked.

He did not speak much about it..but over the last few weeks he could see changes in me and how I am eating..changing habits, etc. Now he is asking questions and appears interested. I will be done on the 13th.

He is giving up some of our social eating and drinking out weekends...until I am ready to cope with this...so we have to appreciate their changes too.

I was also pretty nervous about telling my husband that I wanted to do this....I knew his view on wls (and it's not good). I told him I wanted to do the lap because I felt it's less of a risk than than bypass - I got the whole - "no, you aren't doing it, not an option"....let's just say it got very tense for a bit. He still thinks that I should just be able to diet/exercise and will get the desired result - clearly I can lose weight, but I can't keep it off without some "help".....he has slowly come around - I'm scheduled for surgery on 10/22 and I think he's going to be supportive - he's seen that I have changed my eating habits and am losing weight and making needed changes, so maybe that's helped? I don't know....it still is a bit of an uncomfortable topic for me to discuss with him since I know what his real opinion of it is...but in the end, I know this is right for ME - and for once in my life I'm doing something that is in MY best interest and I hope, in the end, he is supportive. Best of luck to you.

I too was afraid to tell my hubby. I just knew he would think I thought this was the easy way out. I told him I needed to do this for me, for us, and to live. He was the one person that knew how much my weight held back our fun on vacation etc. Before I told him I made a mental list of reasons that he could understand because he lived them with me. He is supportive and now he asks questions which is great. He brings up my surgery and not just me now. Good luck to you, but remember this is your life and who wants it to end because of food.

Diana

Interesting topic.

I just flat out told my husband I am doing this. I have spent soooo many years worrying and catering to my entire family, I decided this is my time. I only wish I came to this point 10 years earlier.

Don't get me wrong I love my family unconditionally. But the kids are out of the house, my husband is consumed with keeping his job and I work too. This is my time.

I have heard so much about women not putting themselves first. But not this mama ... she is going to the top of the list this time.

My wife was banded almost 2yrs ago Oct. so when she first mentioned it I was very concerned. for one I was ignorant of what it was but at the same time I knew she hadn't been the same since she gave birth to 7 of my children! I did worry, alot but after 2 yrs she is a different person. she much more out going, she is more active with the kids and over all she is just way more happy!!!!! Honestly I didn't think she would do good after I learned of what the band would do but She was determined and exercised like crazy and lost 130lbs in a short time. I have new found respected for her. She is much more fun to be around. the only problem is while she was losing, I was gaining!! I don't know why but I find myself now going through with the steps to be banded. Hopefully we will both support eachother in living with the band!!! I didn't get to go with my wife to any of her appt's or support groups but I stayed home to watch the kids for her..... wish we had good sitters so I could of went but didn't............

awww, Big Ed, you sound like a sweetheart of a husband. Good luck on your band!

P.S. My husband has the good skinny genes (thank goodness our kids inherited them as well), but I'm even starting to tax his weight control. I push my extra food onto his plate when we're eating out, when I know we can't have a to-go bag or something hi-cal comes with the order. The other day, I even had a dream he was going in for band surgery..lol

Hey girl

i think you need to tell him the truth, i can only say u need him as a support to lose weight,i told my wife and she is my support line hope u do the right think larry

Did you tell him? What was his reaction?

Did you tell him? What was his reaction?

i told my other half i was interested in lap band,and she has attended few support meetings with me,i need all support i can get :seeya:

When I told my husband I was shocked by his responce. I expected him to try to talk me out of it. Surprise - he was all for it. He even went to the seminar with me. :seeya:

Wow I don't feel so weird now. I haven't told my wife yet either. I can't explain it but I am in the preparation phases now. When I get a date, I will explain it to her. I have to tell her so she can take the time off to travel the 16 hours to Texas then drive me from the hospital. I really love this woman but she is a big blabber mouth. Telling her something is like a Super Bowl commercial. She means no harm but I have learned she can't help herself. Her network of secret divulging messengers are the same way. The whole state would know. Strangers would approach me in the street “Say, your THAT guy who…” In balance I have not told anyone else outside of the doc's office. I don't plan to. It is personal with me. I don't need opinions or advice from others. What I need is that support you get from those who have walked in the same shoes.