I will eventually air my dirty laundry in my blog, but I wanted others to be able to really vent their own fustrations to be read by many, so I posted this conversation here.

For me, I have SO many self-esteem, and confidence issues that stem from childhood, my teenage years, and young adulthood. For the most part, I have always been able to keep my weight under control until I joined the Air Force at 19. I did not realize how much of an emphasis the military puts on weight until I joined., the Air Force particularlly. The other branches seem to be more lax. To join I had to lose 10 pounds, which was a piece of cake. I was 170lbs and 5' 9". However, little did I know that little 10 pounds would be catapult me into obesity.

I say that because the first week of basic training, I gained those 10 lbs back, thru Water weight. I looked puffy and weighed in heavy during our weekly mandatory weigh in. Because I was overweight, I was assigned a position within my flight (team of women) that was assigned to "fatties" (I kid you not, they said those exact words to me) My self esteem took a dive. Everytime I performed this duty, I, and everyone around me was reminded of how fat the military thought I and the women who performed it with me, were. In any case, I lost the weight over the next 5 weeks, graduated from basic training, completed technical school and was assigned my first military assignment.

Here, I felt thin and strong and wonderful. I had muscles and for the first time ever, I had the confidence like that of a Roman Gladiator! :thumbup:I did not realize that my primary job would be so stationary. I also did not realize that the 3 men I worked with, were racist and sexist pigs. I ate to deal with my job experience and after about 6 months, I had gained 20 lbs and was put on what the military calls, "the fat boy list". I had to lose weight monthly and get up everyday at 5 AM to run with other "fatties" who were also on the list or be reprimanded. They do not care how you lose the weight, as long as its LOST. The military had absolutely no sympathy. I hated the people I worked with, and HAD to get away. So, I married someone I was not inlove with, just to get orders somewhere else.

Fast forward, I'm married and got orders to another station. I was not happy in the marriage and felt completely stuck. We had a baby, (was not planned) and I suffered from post partum depression, plus I was never able to loose the baby weight, I just continued to gain and gain. I was so unhappy:crying:

I will eventually put more in my blog, but this is quintesentially where I feel my excess weight came from and then excallated. Feelings of never feeling good enough, and I also think a part of it was me rebelling mentally against all entities who felt like they had control over my weight.

Please share your sorrows and experiences. I feel that only people who have been overweight can ever really truely understand someone who is or has been overweight.

I was overweight since I was a small child. I learned to use food when I was stressed. Mom and Dad had a really bad abusive marriage and finally divorced when I was seven. Plus being overweight I was always tormented and teased in school. Then mom remarried another abusive man. When I left home at 17 my life improved and I was able to lose weight but never able to keep it off for good.

WOW I had no idea the military was so hard on their people. I knew there were weight guidelines but my goodness that is borderline abuse!!! I think that is grat that you have taken the time to gain insight into your issues that cause your weight gain! That is wonderful b/c for a lot fo people that can't see that far into the process! Looking forward to your blog!

Congrats on your progress Jodi!!!

I can say I was always a little heavy just not the biggest person around. I was always very confident and smart and out going had a great social life, lots of boyfriends etc. Never felt like the 'fat friend' b/c there was always someone bigger I guess. I think things changed when my parents started going thru a bad divorce. I was in my 20s but it was still hard on me. I started dating a guy I dated briefly while in high school after breaking up with one of the best boyfriends I had and it was a rocky relationship. He was liar and a cheater. It was so bad HIS mother told me I was too good for her son. Note to self if a woman ever says that to be again (lol) anyway I got wrapped up in the drama of the relationship and it was bad and really affected my self esteem I eventually transferred to another school in another state and I wish I had the foresight to have looked in counseling when i got to Maryland...A/w I ate a lot to deal with my depression and gained easily 40 pounds between Aug and Dec. I was unrecognizable to my friends and family but I was so nasty no one said anything.. Well the ex boyfriend did and that really hurt. It was a downward spiral from there. I just used food when I was lonely, sad, depressed, angry, etc and never dealt with my emotions. As I got focused on work and school I was a classic over achiever in every way except diet and exercise. It was and is the one place I have blinders on; it’s my escape. I have been working on that in therapy for about 2 years and learning how to really deal with my emotions in a healthy way. So in a nutshell that’s my story!

.I just learned to like to eat. I was always thin until I got pregnant. Everything in my life revolved around food. This was my life. Celebrations, funerals, good days, and bad... we ate. At first I didn't really gain weight, but slowly after the birth of my son... it just ballooned. I would gain and then lose. Food became my friend. Food was always there. Food never let me down. Add PCOS to the mix and I gained to my highest weight this year of 254. That was it. I couldn't do it anymore.

Well for me is simple. During my sophomore year of high school I became depressed due to bad family situations and rape. The depression turned in to a food obsession. Ice cream never felt so sweet! Once I entered college it was all down hill from there, the drinking and eating was horrible for me. I also binged on food, kept a secret. I would eat two whole boxes of thin crust pizza and 20 buffalo wings :hurray: ouch! I also stopped exercising and that of course added to the weight gain!

I can sum it up by saying I married Fear at a young age. The twin brothers, Procrastination and Anxiety, became constant companions. They were egged on by Cousins Insecurity and Doubt. My daily life was dominated by my in-laws, What others think about me and What others say about me. I thought Food would protect me from the family's abuse but the more I ate, the worse the abuse became. I divorced Fear and am now married to Trust in God. My wedding band is too large for my finger but fits nicely around the top part of my stomach.

I can sum it up by saying I married Fear at a young age. The twin brothers, Procrastination and Anxiety, became constant companions. They were egged on by Cousins Insecurity and Doubt. My daily life was dominated by my in-laws, What others think about me and What others say about me. I thought food would protect me from the family's abuse but the more I ate, the worse the abuse became. I divorced Fear and am now married to Trust in God. My wedding band is too large for my finger but fits nicely around the top part of my stomach.

Beautiful!

Maybe I'm kidding myself, but I dont think so. I just dont really have "issues".

Oh, I tend to eat inappropriately, boredom being a main factor and I love those sweet carbs. But what person DOESNT have some bad eating habits?

I truly believe I was fat because I simply cannot eat as much as the next person without gaining weight. I *only* moderately obese at a BMI of 35 as I simply never did the sort of eating that would take me further. I ate basically healthy foods, with too many extras, simply because it was an enjoyable thing to do when I went out, when I went to the shops, when I was with friends. What I ate made me fat, but it didnt make many of my friends fat. The higher alcohol intake you tend to have when you're young and and at uni and first working made me fat, it didnt make others fat.

I gained appropriate weight in pregnancy and lost it so i cant blame that, but after the babies were born and I spent long hours at home, I ate more Snacks and did less exercise, so I gained a bit. I also believe that breastfeeding (which I did for six years in total) caused me to gain a fair bit, it never worked as a weight loss tool for me.

That's all there is to it, I simply needed to eat less. I really havent had to change a long with the band, I just eat less than I did but basically in the same way. I had no trouble adjusting to that. I have managed to break a few bad habits and increase my exercise.

I'm very lucky really. There simply has been nothing to really deal with. I have a childhood, adolescence and early adulthood as being "heavy" but not obese, and I tended to diet a lot to try to get skinnier, and I think that was detrimental as well but I dont really have self esteem issues, bad memories of my youth, traumatic experiences related to my weight other than just not feeling attractive.

Well for me is simple. During my sophomore year of high school I became depressed due to bad family situations and rape. The depression turned in to a food obsession. Ice cream never felt so sweet! Once I entered college it was all down hill from there, the drinking and eating was horrible for me. I also binged on food, kept a secret. I would eat two whole boxes of thin crust pizza and 20 buffalo wings :frown: ouch! I also stopped exercising and that of course added to the weight gain!

Wow, I never thought I would tell my business on the web, but LoveIsLovely it seems like I wrote this myself...a childhood of sexual abuse, followed by a teenage sexual assault. Toss in a tense, broken family situation and here I am. When I went away to college I went wild with the food and I swore exercise was something only "white folks" did. And then the drinking began and I would find myself coming home from class or work every night with a 15 piece order of wings, a large order of cheese wedges, and a bottle of Paul Masson brandy. And I'd top it all off with a Black and Mild cigar. Real classy, huh? By my final year of school, I had gained 60 lbs.

I never thought (and still don't think) I had a food obsession. It just tasted damn good, and I had nothing better to do. But I have since acknowledged my issues with alcohol and the underlying esteem issue. When I had my pre-op psych consult, I planned to breeze through with a pasted smile and a story about portion control. But I found myself spilling my guts to the doc, and I realized just how much my past has contributed to self-desctructive behavior. It's been a tough ride, but with God on my side, and the band in my belly, I'm working toward a truly healthy life.

I can sum it up by saying I married Fear at a young age. The twin brothers, Procrastination and Anxiety, became constant companions. They were egged on by Cousins Insecurity and Doubt. My daily life was dominated by my in-laws, What others think about me and What others say about me. I thought food would protect me from the family's abuse but the more I ate, the worse the abuse became. I divorced Fear and am now married to Trust in God. My wedding band is too large for my finger but fits nicely around the top part of my stomach.

This is a great post.

As for me, I had a great life when I was young and great parents. Food was just always a big part of all celebrations and holidays. I was a little heavy in High school but was a dancer so it was easier to keep it under control, but in college first time eating all the wrong things(fast food had just became a big deal) and too little excercise caused my weight to go out of control. I always had so many friends with an active social life, I also had a longtime marriage and my health was still good,so my extra weight was not a problem.

I worked in the airline business and they paid for me to go to a 6week program in the 80's, I call it a food rehab, we had psych appointments, did excercise and learned to eat better. I lost weight but at the end even the psychologist said my weight issues didn't seem to be psychological related. Of course I tried to tell them that in the beginning and through out my stay.

In my 50's I was laid off from my job and I found it very hard to get another one (I feel it was due to my age and weight), I also started taking care of my Mom and my health has gone down hill. This has caused me to start feeling really depressed and my weight ballooned to over 300 and I just couldn't get it off.

It's so great to be below 300 again. :tongue2::cursing:

Edited January 3, 200917 yr by TravelLady48

Simply put: I thought food was my friend... it was there for me when times were good and bad. When I stopped smoking it became my BEST friend. I used it for any emotion.... now I see food as nourishment for my body and not for my soul.

Curves

This is a great forum for women who have underlying issues that contributed to weight gain. I didnt have emotional related weight gain, so like myself I leaned toward thinking all overweight people were similar to me just fat and lazy, but I thank you women for sharing your stories, I think it will open a lot of our eyes(especially me), as well as encourage other women to evaluate themselves and grow.

Good morning - I haven't been in the forums in a while but this is a good one to start back with.

I was never small...always felt fat in my head. Family history of women being overweight, plus I was always a picky and non-healthy eater. Mom and Dad divorced when I was 8 and they never had a good relationship. Every boy/man I have ever dated or been with has cheated on me...including my current husband of 3 1/2 years. In school everyone else was always 'prettier' or 'smaller' or more popular. I never did anything to control my weight, and I gained a significant amount every year. When I was 14 I was sexually assaulted by a school "friend". When I was 16 I got pregnant from my boyfriend at the time and wanted to keep the baby, although I hadn't told my mother yet. After 2 months he "questioned his paternity" like an a$$hole. I didn't believe in abortion, but I wanted one so I didn't disappoint my mother. But that was they year they changed the law from age 16 to 18 so I had to tell her....and she made me have an abortion (didn't give me other options although I don't know if I would have decided different) on December 30, 2000 12 weeks and 2 days pregnant. I believe I was going to have a girl, and I named her and Celebrate what would have been her birthday every year.

Graduated, went to college, did great, got married after I graduated, and then was the victim of adultery. I am still recovering, but know that anything is possible with God's help. My life hasn't been the worst, but by far not the best. I am glad to have a place like this to unravel the crazy thoughts in my mind. Thank you all for your support and I hope I can support you all the same.