We are going to the in laws for Thanksgiving. I haven't told them about surgery, and my dh thinks I should. I don't know how they would react and don't necessarily want to tell them. Last time we visited, my mother in law made a comment about eating everything on our plates (she gave me a TON of food). I slipped a lot to my husband, but there was still stuff leftover that had to be thrown away. I don't know how to handle this. I don't want to offend her by not eating much, but I don't know how, where, or when to tell them. Thoughts?

Hi There

When people pressure me to eat, (my band is a secret). I used to say "look at me, do you really think I dont eat enough ?" That usually shut them up quick!

Wierd thing is now that I am close to goal, hardlyanyone notices what I eat or dont eat !

Good luck with the family

i too am going to my inlaws on thankgiving, they don't know i'm banded or their son for that matter. they just think we have been dieting & exercising (which is the truth). they are not the type to be supportive in any way - so it's our secret (except my family - they get it).

i plan to have a little bite of everything; fill my plate up with spoon size amounts of her dishes & if she says anything - i'll just let her know that we also have my brothers house to attend to later in the day & saving room.

this is so personal - i only told my family when i was 6 months out. you shouldn't feel pressured to tell anyone that you don't want to.... happy turkey day!

You could just tell them you are "watching what you eat because you are having issues with your stomach" (which you will have if you eat all that food).

Far to often we worry about what others think. Eat what you can and If they say anything tell them you are full and if they get upset then they get upset. You only have to worry about you and what you put into your body. Have fun on Thanksgiving and I hope all goes well. :smile2:

I am getting banded two days before Thanksgiving and getting out of the hospital the day before. We usually eat at my mom's and then eat an entire Thanksgiving dinner AGAIN at my wife's mom's the same day! I am not going to even go. My mom will worry. I probably will tell her cause she can always tell when I am lying anyway. As long as I don't end up on the prayer chain at church.

My mother in law can just think I have "stomach issues" which is kinda true.

Our daughter came home from college last weekend to cook me a whole Thankgiving dinner with everything before the pre op diet began. What a last meal!

Keep the conversation going around the table and nobody will notice what you are eating. And if they do tell them that you aren't that hungry and they should understand.

Maggies:shades_smile:

These were all good tips. It's true, I shouldn't be so worried what other people think... it's a nasty habit!

Just playing devil's advocate ... but are you sure you don't want to tell them? I know this is a very personal decision. I am very open about my surgery b/c I want as much help as I can get from everyone I know. But that's just my way of approaching the lap band.

I'm just suggesting it b/c you might be surprised at how open and supportive people are. Before I came to this decision I was trying to come up with a "story" to tell my sister-in-law why I didn't want to drive 7 hours to Ohio for the holidays (barely a week after surgery). In the end I just decided to say "Hey, I'm having surgery and I can't come to your house this year. But I'll be fine at home and my husband will be on his way Wednesday night).

Just an opinion.

I figure once I tell people I can't untell them and I have no control over who THEY tell. The last thing I want is the pros and cons of this surgury to be the topic of Thanksgiving dinner conversation lol.

Because I will have just gotten out of ICU the day before (they are keeping me in there because of my heart) I will stay home on Thanksgiving but my DW and kids will go. I will watch the Detroit Lions get beat on TV.

xtight, that's my theory as well. I told my mom and dad and two sisters, plus one good friend. My mom told her sister and the next thing you know, it's spreading like wild fire... my extended family is VERY against surgery. They're all do it yourselfers, and if you can't you're weak type people. I guess their opinions have made me scared to tell my in laws. Although, I started to think how this is going to be an issue at EVERY gathering. When my husband and I start having kids, it's going to be a big thing too...

So trayrenee, I mean, you're right in that I don't know how they'd react. I guess I just don't want to talk about how fat I was/am. Sometimes I know we feel if we don't say anything, it's not there. Perhaps if they mention something about how I'm not eating a lot, I can just say it then. It'll probably come down to how I feel at that moment. It's really the fear of the unknown...

This whole journey has been about conquering fear for me. Fear of surgery, fear of not having the comfort of food, fear of the unknown thinner world, fear of my parent's reactions and what not... I have another fear that maybe a year down the line I'll have the guts to tell my in laws I had surgery and they'll be offended I didn't tell them sooner. Maybe I should conquer that now and just tell 'em.