Sad but true - friends that are jealous!

[Christina40 0]

Hey All!

I got to get this off my chest - I was banded on 5/27/08 and lost 36lbs so far - doing well after my recent fill!

But.....I have a long time girlfriend that I decided to share this journey with who is behaving very badly! She has asked how much I have lost and I told her and I advised I have 54 more pounds to go. Her reaction was terrible - she told me I was crazy (nuts - was her term) that I would look awful - etc etc.

I am 5'2" - before banding I weighed 215 lbs - my goal is 125 lbs - which puts me at a normal BMI and it was my previous weight 8 years ago and I looked good with an average build. I am not quite understanding why she is reacting so badly......I thought of all my friends she would be happy for me. She too has been challenged with weight issues and lost a ton of weight 2 years ago and looks beautiful - why doesn't she want the same for me?

This makes me sad - not sure if our friendship will survive....

Thanks for letting me vent!

Christina

[prettylilpumpkin 1]

How big of a band to you have? And if you don't mind me asking how many cc's was your first fill?

[Christina40 0]

How big of a band to you have? And if you don't mind me asking how many cc's was your first fill?

I have the Allergan band - it's the 4cc band - I currently have 2cc of saline solution on my first fill 7/14 - next fill scheduled for 8/15.

[Brandy~ 2]

I know what you mean Christina. I have seen similar situations.. Mine specifically is having a friend that seems so uninterested in my whole lap band journey that it drives me nuts. I like to announce my victories and share my stories with her... since she is my best friend. But as I am talking she is looking everywhere but at me and has 0 motivational comments. So I have just put the conversation on the back burner when this should be a great conversation

[futurbander2007 24]

It is a sad but real thing that happens as we lose weight. Friends tend to become very jealous and try to sabotage our efforts. I was banded on 1/30/08 and sad to say but I have lost my best friend over it. I never thought I would have lost her over this, but I did have to say good-bye to the friendship. My health and well being are more important to me than an angry bitter friend. She had gastric bypass in 2004 and lost 145 lbs. She didn't take care of herself and has since regained all the weight. She ate fast food daily and never made the commitment to overcome food. So when I decided to get the lap-band she made fun of me and basically said I would fail. Well since I have done extremely well she became really nasty to me. So I have prepared myself to get rid of any nasty negative people in my life who cannot be supportive. I need to be healthy for myself and my family. Good luck to all of you:biggrin2:

[Missprdiva 0]

Sweetie! Your "friend" is obviously intimidated on how pretty you are now, and just the fact that you want to lose more weight.. (congrats by the way) for you, she is afraid that all of the attention will go to you and not her. It seems as if she is trying to get you to feel bad about yourself OR get you to think you are okay with the weight you are currently at... ( You are very pretty... no matter how big or small you are)... It seems as if she thinks she tells you this... you will listen and will not try to lose weight, so she will not be in "competition" with you...

She is what we call a "hater" LOL.... Let her hate.. and you continue to motivate yourself... keep up the great work... you look Fantastic!

[judeloren 0]

I have a friend that sounds very much like your friend... I knew it would happen so i just didn't even tell her that i was having the surgery. I don't know why some people are that way but i do use it to my advantage when i need a good challange i think of those negative coments and push myself farther to prove her wrong.

[MissMom24 2]

I have also been in a similar situation and it very hard. This happened my first time I lost weight, so based on that, I decided not to tell anyone but immediate family about my band.

You nailed it...jealousy.

[Christina40 0]

It is a sad but real thing that happens as we lose weight. Friends tend to become very jealous and try to sabotage our efforts. I was banded on 1/30/08 and sad to say but I have lost my best friend over it. I never thought I would have lost her over this, but I did have to say good-bye to the friendship. My health and well being are more important to me than an angry bitter friend. She had gastric bypass in 2004 and lost 145 lbs. She didn't take care of herself and has since regained all the weight. She ate fast food daily and never made the commitment to overcome food. So when I decided to get the lap-band she made fun of me and basically said I would fail. Well since I have done extremely well she became really nasty to me. So I have prepared myself to get rid of any nasty negative people in my life who cannot be supportive. I need to be healthy for myself and my family. Good luck to all of you:biggrin2:

Sweetie! Your "friend" is obviously intimidated on how pretty you are now, and just the fact that you want to lose more weight.. (congrats by the way) for you, she is afraid that all of the attention will go to you and not her. It seems as if she is trying to get you to feel bad about yourself OR get you to think you are okay with the weight you are currently at... ( You are very pretty... no matter how big or small you are)... It seems as if she thinks she tells you this... you will listen and will not try to lose weight, so she will not be in "competition" with you...

She is what we call a "hater" LOL.... Let her hate.. and you continue to motivate yourself... keep up the great work... you look Fantastic!

Thank you all!

I think people in general have the wrong impression about making the choice to have gastric surgery - it's deeply personal and it connected to who we are and what we want for ourselves (good health, confidence, energy - the list is long!) - when your "friends" stomp all over it - it hurts your feelings!

I really appreciate the support and motivation!

Hugs,

Christina

[auntlucy 22]

It happened to me when I lost a lot of weight in high school 20 years ago (wow, was it really 20 years ago?). You expect it from high school kids, but as adults we really should be able to expect more from our "friends". For those of you who have made the difficult decision to move on from those friendships, I applaud you! That is certainly the healthiest approach, assuming the situation couldn't be resolved. Hang in there Christina!

[areellady 1]

Maybe she wants all the attention. Maybe she is afraid you will look better than her. Maybe she is afraid you will move on to other friends, who might be nicer. I don't know, but I sure wish people could be happy for other people who want to be healthy!!!

[Mom2_4 0]

My mother actually acts this way. I think that deep down she wants me to succeed but she can't take it that I have passed her by. I don't understand why people act that way. Just keep doing what you are doing and don't worry about what others say or do!!

[lessme 0]

Hi Christina I too have experienced the angry friend or should I say the friend who pointedly ignores the fact that I have had this surgery. She is what I call a begrudger. She is especially angry that my insurance has covered a good deal of the surgery and she continually asks exactly how much I had to pay and then smirks. She never asks supportive questions and just basically ignores the giant elephant in the room. You are gorgeous and I am sure she is JEALOUS that you have finally found something that works. Most of us have tried everything from Weight Watchers, Atkins, South Beach, Slim for Life and Nutri system and maybe out friends just think this is another attempt that will probably fail. I wish you all the success--especially hard when a friend can't or won't be there for you. We are all here for you because we can so relate to what you are going through.

[Christina40 0]

Hi Christina I too have experienced the angry friend or should I say the friend who pointedly ignores the fact that I have had this surgery. She is what I call a begrudger. She is especially angry that my insurance has covered a good deal of the surgery and she continually asks exactly how much I had to pay and then smirks. She never asks supportive questions and just basically ignores the giant elephant in the room. You are gorgeous and I am sure she is JEALOUS that you have finally found something that works. Most of us have tried everything from Weight Watchers, Atkins, South Beach, Slim for Life and Nutri system and maybe out friends just think this is another attempt that will probably fail. I wish you all the success--especially hard when a friend can't or won't be there for you. We are all here for you because we can so relate to what you are going through.

Thank you - I really appreciate the support! It means a great deal - I learn something new everyday on this forum - we are all blessed that we have a place to go for help & support!

[lauralee08 0]

Sad to say, but this happens to way too many of us that decide to take control of our lives and get back on track. Well, it's her loss! She is losing out on a great friend, and that is a shame. Know that you only have to come here to find someone to talk to that understands and cares about you and your situation.

Keep on Truckin' Baby!!!