I am so frustrated at my mother right now. She truly thinks that if you drink alcohol you will go to hell. She thinks it is the worst thing ever BUT she smokes like a chimney!!! I tell her that drinking is no different than smoking and if you ask me smoking is worse. She gets all offended and says that smoking is nothing like drinking and getting drunk. I know this sounds all silly but it is driving me crazy. Now before you all get me wrong, I am not a drunk. I may have a margarita a couple times of year. We were talking about friends of me and my hubs and that my mom said they were alcoholics. I guess she thinks people that drink a couple times a month are alcoholics. I don't know I am jsut ranting because I am tired of her being soooo judgemental when in retrospect she is no different. I am sorry if I have offended any smokers but I AM RANTING!! What would you say to her, mind you she is very sensitive (cries at a drop of a hat), if you were me. I am tired of always defending my friends.

I wouldn't say anything. What's the point? :thumbup: She's entitled to her opinion and you are entitled to disagree. I might tell her that slagging on my friends in my presence was unacceptable, but I wouldn't waste energy trying to get her to change her mind.

A study was just released that showed that alcohol drinkers are less likely to have Rheumatoid Arthritis. Tell her your friends drink to help their health, unlike smokers, who smoke to kill themselves.

Nahh, just ignore her. She'll never change her opinion, or admit that she has a vice.

I wouldn't worry about it to much, just try to get her to accept the fact you don't want to here it anymore.

Let her know that you are willing to accept you two will never agree on the subject and that it just shouldn't be discussed anymore. If she starts to bring it up, change the subject. If she continues remind her you two had an agreement to not discuss it any longer and change the subject to something you know will peak her interest.

And I suppose she's one of those that thinks Jesus didn't drink alcohol?? Yea, like there was anything else in those days to drink but BEER!!

We had a neighbor that used to come into our house, talk our wine and hollar that we were going to hell for drink it!!

I told her too late... we're already there and she's the antichrist....

Ahhhhh. Mother issues. Gotta love 'em!

My mother was extremely judgmental as well. It didn't matter what I did, my mother found a way to degrade me. And my friends as well. It would upset me to no end. I would always go crying to my best friend over the latest drama she'd put me through.

One day he said to me "Why do you give her the power to upset you?" At first I was angry. "Didn't you hear what she said about me?!?! :cursing:" He said "Of course I did. She says the same kind of thing about everything you do. Even when you do something great she can find a negative in there." He was right. She upset me because I let her upset me.

Having a couple of drinks a month doesn't make you an alcoholic. Even if your mother says it does. From the time of my enlightenment I played into my mother's negativity and learned to turn it around. Like this for example:

"Your friend is an alcoholic."

"Yeah, but she knows all the best places to buy cheap booze!"

"You'll end up just like her!"

"I hope so. She's really popular and knows had to throw a great party."

"Too many wild parties will get you in trouble with the police."

"Not if you're good friends with them and invite them to the parties. They know how to avoid getting in trouble with the law because they are the law."

"She's still an alcoholic."

"Yeah I know, we already agreed on that."

After a few conversations like this, it will be your mother who will end up being frustrated and wanting to rant about everything. If you continue to agree with everything she says and add your own spin on it, she can't continue to argue against you. After all, you're not disagreeing with her. You agree with everything she says.

After a while I used to enjoy "arguing" with my mother. If she complained about what a horrible child I was, I always brought out the standard "I blame the parents." excuse. :thumbup:

my MIL Used to be this way. Never seemed to have anything nice to say to anyone. Except her oldest daughter who was perfect. I put up with it for like 6 years till I finally just lost my temper with her and actually called her names. Which as soon as I calmed down I REALLY regreted calling her a bitter old shrew. lol

But I swallowed my pride and went back to her 2-3 days later and told her that I was only gonna to discuss the matter this once. I did not apoligize and I told her I wasn't going to apoligize for blowing up but I was sorry for calling her names. But I was really tired of her passing judgement on people she really didn't even know. It wasn't right and made her really look bad. Not the people she was putting down. And told her that from now on when she started getting all negative I would either ignore it or leave. And that I really didn't think she would want us to stop visiting as often since she truely loved spending time with her grandchildren. But I had to put my foot down.

She never totally stoped her negative attitude, but she did make efforts to improve it and stoped trashing our friends in front of us. It made spending time with her MUCH more plesant.

If I was to do it over again I would have had a MUCH calmer heart to heart talk with her and let her know how much it bugged me. But be firm in saying that didn't want it to affect the ammount of time we spent together. But that I would ignore the comments or just not come over as much if she didn't calm down.

Thing is you CAN'T make her change her opinions. Even if she got to know the people and realized they weren't bad, she would just pick something else to gripe about it. Most likely. You also might find if you talk about it. She might have a reason for being so negative about alcohol in her past that has lead her to be so unreasonable in her thinking. You never know..

I think its similar to what we tell our kids about bullies. She's after a response. For whatever reason she feels she has to provoke a emotional response from you with her comments. If you take that away she will either realize its not working and stop/work on it. Or change to another method of getting the response.

Thanks all for all your incite. It really does help to get an outsiders opinion. I went over to my parents house tonight and they had just gotten home from Wal Mart. She had bought some plastic Margarita cups for the grandkids for ice cream sundae cups. They were really cute. ANyways, she told me that when she got to the check out she told the cashier that she doesn't drink but thought that the cups were cute for ice cream.. She said she went on to tell the guy that she was a Christian and she does not condone drinking. I mean I am a Christian too but PAAALEASE!!!!!!!!!! Let it rest already!! I swear I think she is loosing her mind. So I just rolled my eyes and said nothing. I figured she was just trying to get to me. Whatever!! I am done talking about this subject and as soon as we are by ourselves I will tell her that. Pick my battle, that is what I am going to do and I am not going to pick this one.

Your maw sounds like she would be much improved if she had a couple of drinks under her belt.

Frustrated- that sounds HILARIOUS!

Hey, if it wasn't drinking it would be something else. I don't drink, but believe me, my mom finds something to complain about every once in awhile. Let's see, before I was married, she would....yes.... pray that would find someone and pray that he would accept me. I'm not talking in her private prayers, no no no... we're talking in front of the family or extended family. Then I GOT married and now she makes comments about my weight, me having kids... whatever. So, maybe it's good she's hung up on one issue... she doesn't have time to think of other ones! :thumbup:

Good luck.

I feel your pain.....my MIL is the same way.....with her, if you toast in the New Year....you are an alcoholic! It is only one of many of her judgemental ways----and she is a strict Church of Christ member who berates my family for attending a Methodist church with a woman pastor.

My DH and I got into a huge fight last week, and part of it was me unloading about things that had been said to me when we were helping his parents the week before. He thought it over, and agreed with me amazingly!!!

So the last couple of times we have been at their house, we can be sitting and visiting happily, and the second she says something negative in regards to our kids, or my family, he pops up from his seat and says to me "time to go" and we are outta there like a shot. We always hug them and tell them we love them and just leave!

I know we should tell them why rather than hope they would figure it out.....but he is quick to react---------by leaving!

I think I would just tell your Mom "I've heard this before, we will never agree, so I guess it is time for me to leave" and leave. If she sniffles and cries, she will get over it, it isn't as it what you said to her was mean. Then go back to see her soon, so she can see it is not HER as a whole you are avoiding, but her unwanted critisism of your friends....and stay until she says something again, repeat and leave. Soon if she really wants time with you she will reign in her opinions, I would think!

I was shocked, yet pleased at my DH's response to his mother. She is extremely opinionated and unfair. She dogs on everyone except her perfect few, and even they get it on occasion, she come loose on his sister with us a few days ago, and cracked us up!!! That was before we began taking our leave when she went on a tear!

Good Luck!

Kat