Fat Girl thoughts

[Gone4Now 4]

I love my band, let me just say that. I've lost 70 pounds so far, but got an unfill 4 weeks ago due to being too tight. I was going to go back after a couple of weeks, but I got sidetracked with some personal issues that took all my free time.

Now I'm free to go back but I've fallen into the basic fat person's mentality. My birthday is soon and we're planning a trip to Dave and Buster's and I'm not getting a fill because I want to eat and drink that night without pb'ing or restricting my intake.

And, God. I hate how that looks as I write it down.

I feel like I have the angel on one shoulder saying, "Go get the fill...you've had plenty of birthdays" and the devil on the other going, "It's just another week...what's a week?"

I'm doing WW with my daughter and I keep creeping up in weight. I've gained one pound every week since going, but I wasn't worried because I'll be getting a fill soon.

But I feel like a fake, and on top of that, I feel like a failure.

And, THOSE feelings propel me further into eating! I can't win when I'm fighting me.

Help!? Fill NOW (Okay, Monday since Doc doesn't do fills on Fridays or weekends.) Or wait until after the 18th?

[Jachut 487]

I'd get the fill. How much do you have? I dont know about you, I've stayed pretty loose by comparison to a lot of bandsters but at no point since I've been banded could I eat or drink with complete abandon, I've always had to eat slowly and carefully. So I'd figure I may as well be filled and eat less too.

[TulipStar 2]

Hey Gloucester!

I was in a similar situation a couple weeks ago. My birthday was coming up...I planned my fills months in advance up to my birthday so that I would make sure that my birthday was at least 2 weeks after my last fill. Sick, huh?

Well, something happened and my fill schedule got messed up (I had to go out of town for work) and so I ended up getting a fill a week before my birthday. On top of that, I was super tight, even after a week. I knew that I wouldn't be able to *gorge* on anything for my birthday.

However, the day before my birthday I hit a milestone weight loss for me of 75 lbs. This feeling was the best feeling that I had in a long time. The feeling had me floating and the feeling was BETTER than anything tastes.

I went out with friends for my bday and drank many many drinks. I danced (which I hadn't done in years) and my birthday was not focused around food. But it was the best birthday that I have had in years! Why? Because I felt good about ME.

So, I say do what make you feel good about you. I think you know. :thumbup:

[moonandstarzz 0]

I say fill now, because if u keep putting it off then in a week u will find another reason to put it off and then again and again till u gain that 70 lbs back and will be back where u started. so go get the fill asap.you can still enjoy your birthday just limit the intake, nothing wrong with that.

[mceni 0]

Hi There, I think you should get the fill, I haven't written a reply in a long time, but this time I feel compelled to ask you a question, Why do you think you are avoiding the fill, or slowing down your own progress?

The reason I ask is this: I was banded August 23 2007 and I hit the same 70 pounds you did, but the first 50 flew off, then I started sabotaging myself, eating a little of this, some of that, I have had fills and honestly, If I do not stop the sabotoging, I will not loose more, and there is much more to loose! So I was reading your post and it occurs to me, Why do we do this to ourselves? I want the success, but there is a part of me, I think, that makes me believe, sometimes, alone in the dark, back in the corner of my head that thinks I can not be successful, and that is crap because I have been successful at many things, but yet, I could exercise more, eat the right things, You could get the fill, and yet we don't do the thing that would make all the difference in the world.

It's a sad mind game that we have to Win! And so to you I wish/Pray for Winning, you can win and I can win! It's right there to reach out for, Do the right thing, Get your head where your Body is! and I will work on the exact same thing!

Win Win Win you can do IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow I'm tired now that was way too emotional and way over due, Glad to be back on the site, maybe this will be the difference I need!

[StartinOver 0]

Gloucester, I say you need to get the fill. Don't get trapped! You need to get back on track. BUT, it is a scary thought that we think completely differently when we don't have the band working, even if a short while. So this is my question. Will we ever be able to lose the weight and then give up the band to live a "thinner" life? I'm scared. I've never had the will power before to eat right. Will I ever? Do you think you will have a day were you finally say "I can do it on my own!"? I love the band but in the back of my mind I know that it is the band restricting what I eat, not so much me. :thumbup:

[KelinTx 1]

Id head right in for a fill. We all know only to well that 2 pounds turns into 4 then 4 all of a sudden is 10. Much easier to nip it in the bud before it gets out of control.

[tapshoes 2]

Get the fill; enjoy your birthday as a celebration of a good life with the knowledge that you will enjoy many many more by doing this.

The birthday doesn't have to be all about the food; the birthday should be about you, and you are more than the food you eat.

I find it easier to gain than to lose, so gaining 1 lb a week would take me 2 times as long to lose it - and I want to make this part of the journey (the weight loss) as short as is healthily possible. Stop the cycle now.

[Bergdorfblonde 3]

I hate to say this to you because I know I am encouraging you in the wrong direction. But it is your birthday. One night is not going to kill your diet. Just put the fill off till the day after your birthday and have a good time. Dont overeat just to eat, but eat small portions of junky food because it is your b-day and then the next day go back on plan. We are not perfect people and honestly, we all fall off the wagon once in a while. When I do eat a lot, I dont regret it, cuz I am dieting 80% of the time and when I do that, I keep trending down. Celebrate on your b-day and have a good time (not because you are gorging yourself, but because you are eating small portions of exactly what you want) and focus on the fun and being with friends and family and the games and let the food be an afterthought. Enjoy life;) :thumbup:

I love my band, let me just say that. I've lost 70 pounds so far, but got an unfill 4 weeks ago due to being too tight. I was going to go back after a couple of weeks, but I got sidetracked with some personal issues that took all my free time.

Now I'm free to go back but I've fallen into the basic fat person's mentality. My birthday is soon and we're planning a trip to Dave and Buster's and I'm not getting a fill because I want to eat and drink that night without pb'ing or restricting my intake.

And, God. I hate how that looks as I write it down.

I feel like I have the angel on one shoulder saying, "Go get the fill...you've had plenty of birthdays" and the devil on the other going, "It's just another week...what's a week?"

I'm doing WW with my daughter and I keep creeping up in weight. I've gained one pound every week since going, but I wasn't worried because I'll be getting a fill soon.

But I feel like a fake, and on top of that, I feel like a failure.

And, THOSE feelings propel me further into eating! I can't win when I'm fighting me.

Help!? Fill NOW (Okay, Monday since Doc doesn't do fills on Fridays or weekends.) Or wait until after the 18th?

[Gone4Now 4]

Thank you all so much! I think the 70 pounds lost is a great reason to Celebrate, not the cake!

Berg - I know what you're saying...It's just one day. My issue is that it's been a few weeks getting there, and my one day has turned into 4 weeks of bad choices.

I'm calling the doctor today and making the appointment for Monday. I haven't come this far to slip back into it.

I am still scared that my reaction was so strong. As soon as I could, I was eating like my old self. Why did I sabatoge it? Why did I lose site of 70 pounds lost????

Will that ever change?

[luvinke 0]

I'm proud of you Gloucester for making what I consider the right decision. We have to keep in mind that we got the band for a reason and that we have to learn to live with it. When my birthday comes I like to drink and party and dance all around so food is usually the last thing on my mind. Just like at our Mother's Day dinner we are going to have on Sunday, I am going to eat my normal small 3 to 4 ounce meal wait an hour and then have me a couple of cocktails (I know that's where most of my calories are going to come from) and then I'm going to dance like never before (dancing is a great form of exercise so I will need to do a lot of it to burn those calories from my drinks).

I can see that you are well on your way to making the right decisions when it comes to life and your band and I'm so proud of you for that! It takes a lot to overcome old bad habits and you are doing great. Keep up the good work. This will truly turn out to be the best birthday you've had in a long time, I'm sure of it. Party like you've never partied before because this birthday is going to be extra special because you are also able to Celebrate a new you.:thumbup:

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,280]

Thank you all so much! I think the 70 pounds lost is a great reason to Celebrate, not the cake!

Berg - I know what you're saying...It's just one day. My issue is that it's been a few weeks getting there, and my one day has turned into 4 weeks of bad choices.

I'm calling the doctor today and making the appointment for Monday. I haven't come this far to slip back into it.

I am still scared that my reaction was so strong. As soon as I could, I was eating like my old self. Why did I sabatoge it? Why did I lose site of 70 pounds lost????

Will that ever change?

Good for you gloucester, you are doing the right thing. I would have agreed with bergdorfblond had it really only been one day. I am totally in agreement with living your life like a normal person, and normal people do enjoy a nice meal on their birthdays. However, you have been doing this for a month or more. Time to get back on track, and that time is now.

Best wishes!

[MissCT234 0]

"So I was reading your post and it occurs to me, Why do we do this to ourselves? I want the success, but there is a part of me, I think, that makes me believe, sometimes, alone in the dark, back in the corner of my head that thinks I can not be successful..."

I lost 90 pounds on my own a few years ago because I wanted to avoid the surgery...but after 90 pounds...and feeling great and getting compliments...I started sabotaging myself. FOR ME...I think I have used my weight as an excuse..the reason I am not________is because I am fat....the reason I don't have _______is because of my weight,...

And so if I lost all the weight I would no longer have any excuses..now none of this is concious...but I think it is legit...also, I am single and I think sometimes I keep men at bay by being overweight..I get in relationships..but can use weight as the reason they do not succeed.

Just some thoughts

Cindi

[ivyrose325 0]

I would go for the fill

On March 25th, my 26th birthday I woke up weighed myself and I was officially down 100 lbs 8 months after surgery. When I went out with dh that night I really couldn't eat much of my food, but I enjoyed being with him and felt so damn good about taking all that weight off that I didn't focus on the food aspect KWIM? Plus I had left overs for a few days

Good luck to you and happy birthday

[juliegeraci 7]

4 lbs in 4 weeks is very good. I gained 8 in 2 weeks when I had a slight unfill. I would make your appointment for the day after your birthday.