Ouch! Hurt feelings!

mamato3 · May 6, 2008

I just have to get this out....

In the last few days, I have reached what I think is a significant weight loss goal. I have lost my first 50 pounds! How exciting! Right?

Well, I was quite excited... texting and calling family and friends. I called my mother in law... and instead of her congratulating me and telling me she was happy or proud or any such positive thing... the first thing out of her mouth.... "well good, now you can start working on the next 50". WTF?!?!?! Nothing like bursting my bubble! Sheesh! Made me want to go gorge on some donuts! Then today I was at the bank and I hadn't been in there in awhile because I ususally just use the drive through (it is easier then getting my kids out of carseats and trying to keep them from running around in the bank) Deep down, I hoped the ladies at the bank might notice my weight loss. Then, as I am heading out the door... one of the ladies asked me when my baby was due? WHAT?!?! Are you kdding me? This is the smallest I have been in 10 years! I went back to my car in tears. I'm glad my husband was with me and I didn't have to drive.

Tonight I don't know how to feel. I am quite proud of my accomplishments so far. However, I feel hurt that I received what I felt to be negative feedback during a time that I was trying to Celebrate my success.

Does it make any sense to have hurt feelings? Probably not. But I just can't seem to get over it. Maybe I need to keep my celebrations to myself in the future? Maybe I need to learn to not rely on others for positive feedback? Maybe I need to go get the damn donuts and get it over with and then just move on?? hahaha

holly11 · May 6, 2008

You should be VERY proud of yourself. Losing 50lbs is not easy for anyone to lose banded or not. Don't let negitive remarks get you down. Be happy and gloat in your glory....you are 50lbs lighter!!!!

brandyII · May 6, 2008

Congrats on the 50 lb loss!!!! That's why you're here isn't it? Support! The only thing my mother-in-law ever seems to notice is weight gain not loss so there must be two really good ones out there, brandyII.

AZChick289 · May 6, 2008

OH Mama don't you dare get discouraged ..50 lbs is absolutely wonderful .. We have all learned people can be so mean and as for your Mother in law (what a piece of you know what) I have one of those too .Don't dare let her have control of your feelings ..You take control.. You are doing awesome and 50 lbs you should be so proud.. Keep going and forgive but it is so hard to forget ..Make them give you more strength and be so greatful you don't have to live with them ..

You have us all here and we totally know how you feel .. Donuts won't help but for the moment but the road you are on is going to get even better .. Those babies are what counts and you and your husband the rest well let it go ...

So so proud of you and take it one day at a time and no more ...

Turler · May 6, 2008

Oh sweetie! I'm so sorry about all that! I feel so bad that you got those kind of responses.

First of all, your mother-in-law was just being hurtful She knew that what she was saying was a 'dig' at you and there was nothing productive about it. She's probably just jealous. You know how there are people out there that need to tear someone down in order to make themselves feel better? Maybe she is one of them.

The bank lady...well, sadly it can be an honest mistake. Maybe now that you've lost so much, you may be carrying the remainder of your weight in your belly. I'm sure she meant no harm and since she hasn't seen you in a long while she may have mistaken your smile and happiness for one of an expectant mother!

Your feelings are valid. One thing...you said you texted and called your friends and family members. What did THEY have to say? I'm guessing your MIL was the only negative feedback you got from them. Try to focus on the positive remarks you got, she's not worth your tears!

Oh, and step away from the donuts!

~C

Lottie · May 6, 2008

You know, people can be so cruel. I feel your pain. I am right the opposite. I don't rely on people giving me positive feedback to feel good about myself. I don't say anything. I have a journal that I write in everyday and when I reach a personal goal I write it in the journal and experss my feelings that way. I have pictures of myself before I was band and pictures at present. I put them in my journal and Celebrate my weight loss with ME. My husband, son and nieces are really proud of me and they always tell me that I look good and I thank them very much. This lady I work with has no idea I've been band, asked me how much weight I had loss. She asked me in front of several other people that probably had been discussing my weight loss. I looked at her and told her I really didn't know and kept on walking. I knew this lady did not have my interest at heart and I was not going to discuss my personal weight loss with her. One other time, another lady was sitting in the present of several people called my name and asked me to come there. I made a motion with my hand telling her to wait. I went in the office then got the receptionist to page her to the office. When she came in I asked her what did she want and she said, OH I don't want to say it in front of the reception. I asked what's the difference in saying it in front of the reception and the other 10 people she was sitting with.

She said, I wanted to ask you what you were doing to lose weight.

I said, eating less and exercising 5 days a week. I then said, you should try it, it works. She weighs 300 plus pounds her self.

Well having said all this, I've shut both these ladies up and I know I am looking good and trust me, I wouldn' take ANYTHING for my band.

Forget those donuts because they are not worth sabotaging the success you've had. Keep up the good work. Remember you are doing this for your health and for YOU. You do not need your mother in law's approval.

I am proud of you. You will have a successful journey. That's what's important.

socalgal3 · May 6, 2008

Definitely DON'T get the donuts! It is hard not to rely on others for positive feedback and even harder not to have hurt feelings when people say less than nice things. I agree with others that is why you come here! We know your struggles and what a BIG accomplishment 50 pounds is! You are awesome and already half way to your goal! Keep up the good work!

brandyII · May 6, 2008

Mamato3,

Just one more note, my MIL is coming up in about 10 days for a week and I had my surgery 8/07 and gained back all my weight and now I'm only down two since gaining. I can't wait to see what she's going to say about that! I'll make sure the whole forum hears it, LOL. brandyII

massa36 · May 6, 2008

Make your haters your motivators!

CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR 50 LB LOSS! You are a big loser!

brandyII · May 6, 2008

Make your haters your motivators!
CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR 50 LB LOSS! You are a big loser! :thumbup:

I like that!!

Hippiemama · May 6, 2008

I'm so sorry

50lbs is AWESOME!!!!!! You are doing so great.

Coco6399 · May 6, 2008

50 pounds lost???!!!! Are you kidding me? You are a person to be looked up to. I think you have done outstanding. I have not had my surgery yet, but I can't wait to have 50 pounds lost. You motivate me and I applaud you. Forget the naysayers and their nasty comments. Girl, you Rock!!!!! keep up the good work and lots of hugs to you.

mcottrillcpa · May 6, 2008

Congrats!!!!!! Unfortunately some people are just plain mean. I think 50 pounds is definitely something to be very proud of. The biggest question is, how do you feel about it?! Don't let negative people bring you down. Be thrilled with your new body. I am down 26 pounds, and I feel like Cinderella. The negative people are the same people who have made us feel bad about being overweight the entire time, and it is doubtful that any of these people will be happy for us ever, but who cares! Great progess.

Laurinda · May 6, 2008

I am so sorry this happened to you. People don't think before they speak. When I got on the scale and learned I had lost 49.5 pounds I jumped for joy! When I told my husband he said it's not 50..your mini goal was 50....yeah.....

rosforme · May 6, 2008

How dare you .....how dare you change........how dare you take care of you.... You are changing your role in your mother-in-laws story, you are refusing to remain the person she would prefer you to be and she has to say something nasty to try to put you back in your place.....the place she needs you to be in....like another poster said.....some people need to hurt or keep others down to feel better about themselves. Be proud of yourself 50 pounds is a Big lose for crying out loud.....I'd kill for 50 less pounds......50 less pounds would make sitting in a plane seat easier, you probably needed to move your seat in the car up ...and your undies are probably feeling different......celebrate your little victories with yourself and if necessary keep them to yourself ..I know it sucks not to shout but not everyone is in your corner......so keep it to yourself until the Haters fall away and the REAL friends rise to the top!:biggrin2: and the donuts are not the enemy but they aren't your friends either!!:thumbup: