And my husband is being an idiot. Why? Because he's a man!

For like a year now he was wanted to buy me something (we'll call it "the thing") that I don't really want. Well - it's one of those "would be nice to have" kinds of things that I would want if I had the time to use it, but I simply don't, and won't until I'm done with my graduate program (end of this year). And it's not a cheap thing, so in the meantime it would just be sitting there collecting dust. He has used every single holiday, any type of occasion, etc. to try and justify buying me "the thing". For some reason he really wants me to have it. That is probably a combination of trying to encourage my interests and support me, and him wanting it too. He tried to buy it for me for xmas, he tried to buy it for me because I got an "A" in a class, he tried to buy it for me because I was having a bad week, etc.

My husband asked me what I want for my bday and I told him, and I think it went in one ear and out the other because he has been hinting that I'm getting "the thing". Two days ago he was hinting about it and I said, "I don't want it right now, I won't have the time to use it" and he says "Well I'll use it..." Men!

And - my husband really isn't a clever guy. He's exceptionally intelligent, don't get me wrong, but he is not witty/crafty in the way it takes to deceive someone, so I doubt he's focusing his efforts on "the thing" to try and lead me away from what he's really getting me. He's really not even the type to think about doing something like that, let alone be able to pull it off.

And my husband does not have a romantic bone in his body. The most romantic thing he has done was plan a dinner for our 10th anniversary, it was a "package" deal that he made some adjustments to so kudos on the adjustments, but -- really? And I truly think that he got the "bragging rights" from that more than pleasure at having done a good job. His friends knew about it way before I did - "Oh yeah, he's been talking about it non-stop... about how good of a job he did."

Here's an example of my husband's "romance." Because of the happenstance of my birthday, we're somehow limited to flowers, candy and jewelry as potential gifts. Well, I don't like getting flowers. I'm way too practical for that. They're expensive, roses in particular are (IMO) not that pretty, I don't care for their scent, and they all just die (yet somehow they're supposed to be a symbol of our LOVE?), so don't waste your money. And I'm not a big candy eater, especially now, and have never been a fan of chocolate. So he usually goes with jewelry, which is ok, but I'm not a big jewelry person. I always wear the same things - same hoops, same studs, same rings. My husband's idea of a "romatic" gift is to drive me to the jewelry store (always the stupid chain store at the mall, to boot) and say "pick something." Umm... what? What am I going to pick? I already have what I want, and even if I did want something else, I would want you to be at least a little bit involved, but this crap -- is no different than me just going somewhere and getting it on my own.

Now, because he has been (I'm sure) planning on buying me "the thing" and I've hopefully made it abundantly clear that I don't want it right now, I will probably either:

1) be guilt-tripped into letting him buy it for me

2) give up and tell him I want it because that's easier than dealing with man pout

2) get nothing because he's not the type to have a plan B

Getting nothing wouldn't bother me, except for the fact that it would be because he's a dill head.

I think our husbands are brothers!! I know how you feel....mine does the same things and it would be nice if they could "think outside of the box" and be a little creative. With that said, try to remember his good qualities and I do believe they do the best they can do. Hope your birthday was a happy one!!

Wheets, I was talking to my best friend over the weekend, and she was telling me that her sister was majorly pissed at her husband, which is nothing new----so she told me the story....

Apparently Linda (sister) had a birthday ----and her DH bought her a set of those balls you see hanging off of trucks etc. (Here is redneck country---you see them on everything from little trucks to semi's---they hang from the trailer hitch, and look like a pair of testicles hanging there---you can see them online, I think they are called trucknutz.) And told her he was tired of her trying to take his, so here she could have her own! And that is ALL he gave her!!!

Now her sister is not one of my favorite people anyway, so we rolled in the floor imagining her face when she read the note and saw the balls!!!

So.....your birthday could have taken a whole new twist!!!

Kat

Wheets, I was talking to my best friend over the weekend, and she was telling me that her sister was majorly pissed at her husband, which is nothing new----so she told me the story....

Apparently Linda (sister) had a birthday ----and her DH bought her a set of those balls you see hanging off of trucks etc. (Here is redneck country---you see them on everything from little trucks to semi's---they hang from the trailer hitch, and look like a pair of testicles hanging there---you can see them online, I think they are called trucknutz.) And told her he was tired of her trying to take his, so here she could have her own! And that is ALL he gave her!!!

Now her sister is not one of my favorite people anyway, so we rolled in the floor imagining her face when she read the note and saw the balls!!!

So.....your birthday could have taken a whole new twist!!!

Kat

OMG! If my DF gave me trucknutz (yup, that's what they are called) he'd be needing them as replacements for his own. Granted, this isn't "redneck country" and I guess the fact that she took his in the first place (:wub:) maybe makes it an "okay" present for her but... WOW.

Wheets, sorry that you got chocolates and a book but at least it wasn't "the thing" when you had specifically said no to that. Hope you had a good birthday regardless :tt2:

I know that it is difficult for us to understand why men don't have a clue as to what we want or need.

I am married to an unromantic man, he has no clue..

he is a good man, he works hard, he is a great dad, treats me well and is a great lover, but when it comes to romance.. zip, nada.

It is very disappointing to me, but I'm learning to live with it. You see he was not brought up that way. His parents don't show affection between them and he plain just wasn't taught how to be romantic or considerate that way.

And to some men's defense, women can be that way too. My mother is that way.. takes after her mom.. So I can't blame them.

I am mother to 3 and I teach them to be considerate, to take time to tell and show people you love them. I teach my kids to write appreciation notes to their teachers and friends. I make sure I give them little gifts (not only on special occassions).. but just because. So they are learning to care about loved ones and appreciate those around them.

So I'm hoping that when they are grown, they will continue what they were taught. When my son gets older, you bet your little booty, that I will teach him to send his wife flowers, to buy her a card.. To draw a bath for her.. cook her a surprise dinner. As little or simple as it maybe, to show her he cares, and I'm doing the same for my girls.

It works, I always see proof of how well this is working for them. This past V-day my kids made surprise cards for my husband and I. So sweet. I got their teacher's some small inexpensive flower bouquets and my 6 yr old daughter asked if I could also please get one for Sabrina the lady that cleans her school. When she got out of my car that morning, Mrs. Sabrina happened to be there and she said no baby those flowers are for your teacher and my daughter said no they are for you. It truly surprised her, then I explained that my daughter really appreciated her cleaning her class and school. She was so pleasantly surprised with my daughter's gesture, it brought her to tears. Never had any child taken the time to show their appreciation for her. So you see, because I am teaching my kids to be caring and thoughtful, just maybe when they become adults they will continue what they were taught.

Sorry for this long post, but your husband did remember your birthday which is great. Learn to love and appreciate who you are with even if they don't have a romantic bone in their body, like my husband.

Mariposa, it sounds like you are doing a wonderful job raising your children.

The truck nutz story was hilarious.

Wheetsin, hopefully you had a good birthday (and didn't eat too many Reeses pieces).

My husband tries sometimes, but usually he wants me to pick my gift. My birthday is in March, but my family was already bugging me for a list, so I sent one, and he's asked what I want from HIM separate from my list. That list was a pain in the ass, and it's full of little trinkety things because I can't think of anything major I want! Blarg.

Wheetsin-

I feel absolutely horrible. Here you were, on your birthday, answering my post about my PB and I didn't even say "Happy Birthday". I didn't know...I am so sorry. I hope that you had a wonderful birthday.

On another note, I think we are married to the same man. My husband doesn't "get it" either. He has no clue. I blame his parents. I am one of those people who go all out on holidays. I absolutely LOVE to give. Well... he is always bitching about how much money I spend, how many people I buy for, etc. So...for the past couple of Christmas' I have really paid attention to his parent's gift giving. Don't you know that they have not given him a gift in several years for Christmas? They make it a point to come out our home, give our children gifts (not much), give me a gift and nothing for him. I don't get it, but it answers lots of questions in my mind. My husband is a kind person and good provider, but like yours, not a romantic bone in his body. He always wants a "list" of things that I want. I used to give him a list but he would go down the list, buy everything, nothing more, nothing less. I finally got to the point where I said, I can just go out and buy what I want. I want you to go into a store and say, I really think she'll like that. So...this past Christmas, he did rather well. However, this past Valentine's Day...not so good...a pack of roses off of the street vendor. So...he NEEDS lots of work.

Anyway...hope that you had a great birthday and thinks for your help regarding my PB. Have a great day.

I read in a magazine that one of the biggest Valentines mistakes a man could make was buying Supermarket roses for his sweetie.

Why?

What is the difference? I ask because Tina you mentioned your DH got them from a street vendor. I am not being malicious here-I seriously don't "get" the difference. Is it the lack of delivery? A rose is a rose otherwise I would think.

Now I am beginning to think I am the half of our pair without the romance bone!!!!!

Kat

Oh no...don't get me wrong...I think that the delivery charge for Valentine's Day is crazy. So...I don't mind not receiving flowers on Valentine's Day because of course they jack up the price. However...the street vendors here in DC...not so good flowers. They don't even fit in any of my vases. I hate to sound like this, like I'm ungrateful or something, but I would have much rather liked the Starbucks card that Short1 got. At least at the grocery store, they are a much prettier arrangement (OK...I think that I'm sounding a little high maintenance and ungrateful here). I'm really grateful for anything, I just thought that he would put more thought into it. So... to make up for it...I went shopping on Friday...got great deals on clothes and got a new Coach bag. I feel much better. LOL

OK---so if the quality is bad, and they are in general bad--I get it, I just went to the store the other day---must have been the 13th, and they had table after table after table set up full of arrangements!! Beautiful arrangements. So I was having a hard time figuring out the article.

Now if you are in an office setting and everyone around you is getting deliveries, I could see wanting one, but for someone like myself at home, I could not see why him bringing me that would mean less than him ordering some sight unseen.....

I am not the worlds biggest girly girl, but I am not totally out of touch I didn't think - so I was just wondering!!

Personally many years ago we give up the whole cut flowers thing, and for Valentines Day each year we pick out a new Jackson Perkins rose bush for the yard, or something else if I want it. When I order it, they send it when it is safe to plant in our zone!

Other than that we shop for something together, more often than not for V-day we take a weekend trip.....easier than coming up with a gift for someone who just goes and buys what they want when they want it--which describes both of us!!! LOL

Kat

I think any other day of the year the street vendor flowers would be sweet. It would show he was thinking of you for no particular reason. But on V-Day it seems more likely that he actually forgot and it wasn't until he saw the street vendor that it finally hit him that he needed to do something for me and just grabbed the quickest and most convenient bunch of flowers, no matter what they looked like.

My beef with flowers from my DH has actually been more pathetic (on my part) I'm always pointing out to him the various frequent flyer mile specials that we get in the mail around V-Day for flowers, but he can never be bothered to figure out how to do it. Even though it is dead easy, just call the 800 # on the post card and give them the promo code. For some reason it drives me nuts that he can't take the couple extra minutes to figure it out when I've gone to great lengths to tell him I'd rather he spend half the money on a small boquet with FF miles than to spend twice as much for a large boquet and no bonus miles. (OK I'm a little flyer mile crazy but we are working to get enough miles to go on a first class trip to Europe and are soooo close)

I think any other day of the year the street vendor flowers would be sweet. It would show he was thinking of you for no particular reason. But on V-Day it seems more likely that he actually forgot and it wasn't until he saw the street vendor that it finally hit him that he needed to do something for me and just grabbed the quickest and most convenient bunch of flowers, no matter what they looked like.

That makes sense to me! It truly does! I just kept thinking of the ones I saw in the store, where he could choose the bow and the card etc. as opposed to the florist picking---but this instance I GET IT!! Yea!!!!!

Kat

Happy Birthday Wheetin! I hope you had a great birthday, even though your hubby isn't creatively thinking of something that would make you really happy.

Maybe you have to do all the romantic planning yourself. Hey I have an idea! Since you birthday is close to the Seattle Lap Band Bash, lets all start planning a party for Wheets next year!

When I was living in France I knew a guy who was straight and who made a point of buying himself cut flowers every Saturday. He would do this while he was shopping at the open air produce market.

I thought this was an excellent thing to do and I have carried on the tradition until fairly recently. It is surprising what a difference a few fresh flowers make to the ambiance of your home, especially during the winter months! The only reason that I have let this practice slide recently is that there is no longer anyone who sells flowers in my neighbourhood. *sigh*