been havin such a hard time with my boss lately. she used to be a friend, but she just never was good to me and i had enough. so for about a yr now i've disstanced myself from her. she's my boss so i have to talk to her, but my jobs pretty free where i can go a few days without having to see or talk to her. she's delusional and still calls me a friend. well, with that being said, she thinks she can put inputs about my decisions on a personal level. i informed her last month that i would be getting lap band in february and will need to take a week off. she then said something so shocking that i wanted to clock her...

..she told me i was going to die from the surgery. now it didnt scare me. but i was shocked that any kind of person would tell someone before surgery that. she then proceeded to call it the "death surgery". i was annoyed, but not scared. she's crazy. and i've never hated somebody so much before in my life.

..then today, she said it to me again, told me i was going to die and she would not be attending my funeral. i just lost it, i let her break me. i burst into tears because of fustration and shock that someone would say these things. i dont know if she just doesnt want me to get it, or she's trying to make me break down. either way..she's really low. now dont get me wrong. im not scared by any means, i know things can go wrong, but im pretty confident and am not worried or scared. my question is, she is a personnel manager, so shes in human resources..now i dont think this is right to talk to people like this being in human resources. is anyone out here in human resources? if so, or if anyone has any knowledge about it, is there something or anything i could do? she needs to know she cant talk to people like that, but i just dont know if theres any rules. any help would be appreciated. and thanks for listening to my rant.

Does she have any experience with any .... surgery and death, in her personal life? That may have sparked the unexplained crazy talk. Maybe she is speaking out of concern.. but in a weird way?

Not the best way to say I still care.. but it could be "her" way?

no. shes about 5'5 and rail thin. shes got her issues. but no deaths or weight problems. she's just a little bitter i think bc im not close with her anymore. she still thinks she can talk to me like that. i've had problems with her cursing at me and i reported that. we're always fighting because she takes it beyond that professional level.

I'd go to HER boss and let them know what is going on . . . that is totally unacceptable. No one should have to work in a hostile environment. And you should tell her boss that too.

I say go to her boss and let them know whats going on ... who in the hell is she to try and talk down to you for the choices you want to make for YOUR LIFE! F*U*C*K HER!!!!! And tell her boss that if she says something out of the way to you again that you will respond. But you did mess up when you let her see you break don't give that bitch the pleasure to let her see that she is getting to you! And she's just mad cause you will look wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy bettter than her ass anyway way!! And probably steal her man ... LOL sorry I am hostile I just hate when people pick on people that are way sensitive. Cause if it was me I would've cursed her the hell out and told her where to put it at.

I think you have to really cut the ties with this person.

Learn what your rights are as an employee. Educate yourself. Find out what the employment standards are for your area. That way you will know when she crosses a line, and will have the accurate terms by which to make a formal complaint.

You were under no obligation to tell her that you were having lapband surgery. You could have just requested the vacation time, or if you are using sick time, supply a doctors note that simply says " this person is my patient, and they will not be able to return to work until such and such date"

She does not have the right to ask what the medical condition is that is requiring time away from work. You volunteered the information, so she felt it was her right to provide her opinion.

Hopefully you will be job hunting after your surgery and can get away from this situation

Good luck

Tell her that her having opnions about your medical health is inappropriate and you will thank her to keep them to herself. Only when you pay her for her professional medical advice can she give it and since she's not a doctor it's not going to happen.

Then go to her supervisor and say she's off the mark and you're going to pursue legal action if you don't get an apology. She's creating a hostile work environment and that's not acceptable. It's discriminatory to boot.

Honestly. The things that come out of some people's mouths. I would really go talk to her manager, and see what you can do about getting her to stop. It is true that you volunteered the information when you didn't need to though. If only we could take back our words sometimes!! You might have to live with that though, in that she might not change her ways no matter what her supervisor or you ask her to do. I'd really try to get out of that job if I were you. IF she keeps harassing you maybe her manager can help you find another job with a reccomendation or something? But that is unfair. SHE IS THE ONE WHO SHOULD LEAVE. I told someone at work too, and instantly regretted it. The people who havent had this struggle just don't understand. Good luck hun!

You have the right to a non-hostile work environment. If you haven't, you need to ask her not to say things like that anymore, whether she's for "friend" or your "boss". It doesn't matter what the relationship she thinks she has with you, if you're in the work place, she's your boss and she needs to behave as such. Then, if she says anything else, go to her boss, explain what happened, and explain that you asked her to stop and asked her to be professional. You should also document everything, maybe even make your complaints via email, or letter. This allows you to get all of your thoughts down without missing anything, in an appropriate way. You should follow up with a conversation, but it's good to get it all down so you don't get flustered.

Well, I did a little research and found this site that might help you decide what to do.. (click on the link and it should take you there) your rights: I am being harassed by my manager. What can I do? - from workSMART.org.uk

Also obesity is considered a disability which is covered by the Americans with disabilities Act of 1990.

The best thing to do is document in a diary when it occured, where, and what was said. I would go to your boss's supervisor and let them know what is going on and tell them if they don't do anything about it...since your situation is covered under the ADA that you will be forced to lodge a complaint with the EEOC and have them come in and investigate why this is being allowed to continue. Which might result in you having to get an attorney and going forward with a lawsuit. That, I bet, will stir the pot enough to get some action. Hope this helps. You could also google "Harassment in the work place" and find some great stuff there. I'd also check you company's handbook and see if they have any rules on harassment in the workplace. Remember when looking that obesity is covered under disabilities.

Go to Human Resources if you have that department. And deal with them when it comes to time off, and medical issues. Its a bit formal but they can put in your vacation requests too.

I am a "jerk of all trades". I work for a small company and my hats change every minute. My "title" is Accounting Manager. I also handle all Personnel and Human Resourses. I have been doing this for many many years. Your boss is so out of line. I have plenty of employees coming to me for numerous reasons, they are sick, some with cancer, some with issues not so serious. My point is, I would NEVER EVER give advise on their situations. I try to help when asked, but I never give my personal opinion (and believe me, I have plenty!) Go to someone over her head and discuss the situation. Or confront her directly, she is violating your rights!

sounds like grounds for a harrassment lawsuit, verbal abuse!

That is if you plan on getting another job. Sorry to hear your dilemma, people can be SO ignorant, misery loves company, don't give her the satisfaction.

I hate this woman for doing that to you. I have learned a hard lesson so I wil pass on some words of wisdom. I was so excited to be having surgery that I told most of my friends and family. Big mistake:frown:. My husband and my mother are very supportive, but the rest call me a cheater and act like I have no self control. I only told one person at work beside the HR director that I was having the surgery. If I could I would some how erase the HR director's memory. She wanted me to tell my boss, but I knew better. My boss can be vengeful and would have held it against me. I took one week off of work and ever since have claimed to have Gall Bladder problems. Maybe you should tell her you changed your mind and have the surgery without her knowledge. By law you do not have to tell her.

I have had so much negative feedback from people who know about the surgery, that if I had it to do over again, I would have only told my husband and Mother. Getting the band was the best thing I have done in a long time despite negative small minded people. If need be you may have to go over her head and file a grievance. Hang in there and keep posting. You will find many allies here.

JP